It's NOT That Difficult

I am in Cincinnati, Ohio. Today, on the heels of yesterday's mega coverage of  Prez Obama coming out against gay/transgender conversion therapy-the local tragic(local) Leelah Alcorn suicide story was featured. Then today, yet another story of a teen trans suicide went public.
It occurred to me (again) we are missing something here (other than the obvious). Maybe missing the forest for the trees. If I was writing my own version of "Parenting a Transgender Child for Dummies", here are my basics:

1. You face a Very REAL 41% chance of your child committing suicide.  COUNT on it.
2. YOUR Child will be bullied- COUNT on it. Remember too-bullying is a multi generational institution. Others kids learn it.
3. Monitor your child's social media. Bully's live like cock roaches on social media and often are just as intelligent.
4. Religion may help YOU-but not your child. Jesus is not walking down the hall at school with your child. 
5. Each case/child is different but you and your child are NOT alone-increasingly so.
6. Remember the "P" words. This is not a phase but then again your child can grow into the many different layers of growth. If protected and nurtured.
7. Understand you are raising a very unique and special child.
8. There is NO luck to this. It's what you make of it.
9. The chance of you mourning a child you never really knew is VERY real. 
10. You CAN help.

Rest assured I am not qualified to write a book such as this. On the other hand if we are ever going to stop this insanity, we are going to have to go to the parents with grass roots efforts. - and make the parents of bully's criminally liable.  

What's Wrong with those "Aussie's?"

Catherine McGregor transitioned from male to female in 2012. (Photo: Lisa Maree Williams/Getty Images)

"Australian military officer Catherine McGregor, considered the most prominent transgender woman in Australia, functioned as a male until just after her 56th birthday, she shared in a speech at a National Press Club event in Canberra, Australia this week.

“I choose the term ‘functioned’ advisedly, because my relationship to my birth gender was fraught from a very young age,” McGregor, who is a group captain in the RAAF Reserve, said during her speech, reported Buzzfeed.

For people who are transgender, there is a difference between that person’s physical gender and the gender he or she actually identifies with. Gender dysphoria is a diagnosis included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which says, “for a person to be diagnosed with gender dysphoria, there must be a marked difference between the individual’s expressed/experienced gender and the gender others would assign him or her, and it must continue for at least six months.” 

It can be hard to describe what it’s like to actually live with gender dysphoria (“Grammar fails to express" what it’s like to live with it, McGregor said). The writer of the Tarnished Sophia blog, who says in her “About Me” section that she has gender dysphoria, explains that it’s like being ready and comfortable with playing Romeo, and then on opening night being told you must play Juliet. “You haven’t played this part before, you don’t know the lines, the costume doesn’t fit at all, and you feel no connection to this character whatsoever. You don’t understand what her motivations are, and the director can’t explain them in a way that makes any sense to you.”

McGregor said in her speech that before she transitioned from male to female in 2012, her inner conflict was unbearable. “I suffered from it acutely and consciously at intervals over the course of my entire life,” she said in her speech. “I now believe my entire life was spent repressing and compensating for my gender variance.” '

Go here for more! 

Don't the Australian's know how damaging an active transgender military person can be? 

Of course you Cyrsti's Condo regulars know I am a trans vet and I feel the continuing discrimination against trans military members is the height of hypocrisy.

WGAL - Lancaster/Harrisburg

What is gender dysphoria?

What is gender dysphoria?

J Edgar and the White House Potty?

Quite the amount of activity going on to write about here in Cyrsti's Condo-much different than not so long ago when I used to primarily write about what I was wearing or how much passing privilege I thought I had.

First, there is the deal about the Prez coming out against gay and,or transgender conversion therapy and the announcement trans visitors to the White House would no longer have to pee in the bushes outside. (Wouldn't have to worry about the Secret Service these days.) Of course, the "more mature" (Connie) among us sent in a comment about former FBI Director (heavily rumored to be gay and even managed to toss a heel at Zoey Tur:

"The FBI building used to have a transgender-friendly restroom, but it was only for J. Edgar's use. 

I think that conversion therapy is, as you say, a brain washing technique - based on creating guilt. For many of us, guilt has done more to mess us up than any closet-full of ladies clothing ever did. I do subscribe to a 12-step therapy, however, where I believe a transgender woman should have to be able to walk, in a decidedly feminine manner, for a minimum of 12 steps in 4" heels before going out in public. Unfortunately, Zoey Tur did not get my memo."

Speaking of the media crowd, the upcoming barrage of television programming led by B. Jenner should be interesting. Not so sure if any of it will do the average transgender person just trying to get by in society any good. I want to see all of the shows address the issue of restrooms in our society. The one spot where society most wants to try to draw a line in the sand against the transgender community? Being the Biblical scholar I am not-I am still fairly sure restroom usage was not a priority for the Apostles. Then again, they weren't from Florida?

At the least though, we won't be  bored and was TMZ right when they speculated Bruce Jenner had a boob job under that big hot hoodie?  I am sure Zoey Tur needs something else to miss-speculate about.

Girls Night Out on Steriods

OK, I wanted to use the word "hormones" (or even Estrogen) but didn't. Last night, Liz and I went to a small dinner I could not even imagined going to a few years ago. We are members of a professional women's networking group I have mentioned here in Cyrsti's Condo before.

Each time I learn a little more about how generics interact without men around. Some still seem to define themselves through their husbands but in this group many are there to network their business. A varied group to say the least. In case you are interested, I just quit outing myself as a transgender woman to this group after the first meeting we went to.

What I found most interesting last night though were several 20 or 30 something women who were talking about not wanting kids.  Plus, there were several others who supported their right to not birth children.  I had several ideas (of course).

I thought most likely I had the easiest route to having my daughter of anyone and it was cool to add my grandparent experiences. A Much better-time-believe me!

More importantly though, I thought of one of the not so venerable arguments that trans women can't be women because we can't birth a child. So I guess, those three or four generics last night without birthing experiences can't be women?

I just smirked to myself and ate my dinner secure in the fact there are still people who still mistake females for women and males for men. Somehow I think I wouldn't use the "W" word for the local woman here who starved her 8th child to death.

One thing is for sure, "girls night out on steriods" never disappoints as a learning experience.

Pounding Square Pegs into Round Holes

I'm sure you remember the tragic story of young transgender girl Leelah Alcorn. It turns out White House senior adviser Valerie Jarrett said President Barack Obama was moved by her story of and has called for the end of conversion therapies — the type of therapy that triggered the suicide of Leelah.

In a statement posted along side a 120,000-signature petition to end conversion- on a White House website, Jarrett wrote:

“We share your concern about its potentially devastating effects on the lives of transgender as well as gay, lesbian, bisexual and queer youth. As part of our dedication to protecting America’s youth, this administration supports efforts to ban the use of conversion therapy for minors.”

In addition, when you visit the White House now, there will be a transgender friendly bathroom for you too. At least until the next Prez takes over.  

By the way:  Conversion” or “reparative” therapy lacks solid scientific backing, but is the therapy of choice by conservative leaders. (brain washing)

You can read more on this story here and as Momma Karma would have it, yesterday was another day when another person showed their support for the Leelah Alcorn "Fix Society" bumper sticker on my car.

Fact or Fantasy?

Unidentified couple-Pinterest

As we make our way through life as cross dressers or transgender women, we all know there is a tremendous amount of fact, fiction and fantasy mixed in with our lives. So much in fact, it's impossible to even attempt to cover the topic in one post.

So, in this post, lets talk about the fantasy of having a generic actually dress you up as a woman. Earlier in my life, this seemed like a great idea! Who would know more about dressing me up?

Ironically, the only one that did dumped me later before I went into the Army. As I moved forward and became better at the "science and artistry" of makeup, on occasion I would be the one getting the requests for help. I still do from beginning cross dressers. While I'm flattered, I simply don't labor under the idea I'm qualified to do it.

Although I wouldn't trade that one fantasy night of being cross dressed up by a generic, I necessarily wouldn't recommend it. Now, before your spouse or girlfriend wants to seek me out and "bitch slap" me-hear me out. Many women are good at understanding what looks good on them but maybe not so much on you. My deceased wife of 25 years rarely wore makeup at all and asked me for help when she did. Also I will refer you to Maria's blog "A Cross Dresser's Wife." for a different "look" at this topic.

Then, there are the generics who sell the lines of cosmetics such as Mary Kay.  Again, a little research is in order. For example- in the Dayton, Ohio area there is a representative who has experience up to and including drag queens. Two summers ago, I contacted her about a consultation, explaining quickly I was not a drag queen. I simply wanted her to share her makeup expertise with me-woman to woman. She did, I was quite satisfied and if you are in the Dayton, Ohio area, I can share where you can contact her. Be aware though, the product line is not inexpensive.

So, if you want to dress up or be dressed up as a maid that's all good too. Often a fantasy can be better than the real thing.  And, if your dream is to be like the cross dresser at Halloween above-go for it! Just be aware fact and fiction can be mistaken for each other. Often without the best results.

Mini-Me?

I write often here in Cyrsti's Condo about my "30 something" daughter. As I transition ever further, it turns out now couple of my friends now have met her-with interesting reactions. If you don't know, she has completely supported me as a Mtf trans woman.

The first was short and sweet-literally. "Your daughter is-well-short!" Yep, her Mom and my Mom worked hard to get to that 5'2" mark. My daughter did not escape the height part of genetics.

On another plane, it seems she did.  The other comment was "Don't take this the wrong way but your daughter is so-normal." And no, the person was not equating being transgender with normal in any way. In fact, the commenter was a transgender woman too!

So it seems my daughter is doing a great job in hiding the fact that once you know her and she is not tied down with three kids, there is no mistaking whose kid she is!

Poor kid, the apple didn't fall so far from the tree and no Connie-not because it was rotten!

Busy-Busy-Busy

All kinds of positive things are happening in the transgender community-regardless of what Bruce Jenner's upcoming Diane Sawyer interview turns out to be. Here are a couple to look for:  The first from the Windy City Media Group:

( San Francisco ) - At a time when transgender and gender nonconforming people across the U.S. and around the world have achieved unprecedented visibility in popular culture, but continue to suffer extreme violence, harassment, discrimination, and isolation, Independent Lens presents Kumu Hina,

a moving film from Hawaii that offers a bold new perspective on gender diversity and inclusion through cultural empowerment. Directed and produced by Dean Hamer and Joe Wilson, Kumu Hina premieres on Independent Lens Monday, May 4, 2015, 10:00-11:00 PM ET ( check local listings ) as part of Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month programming on PBS.

Kumu Hina is the inspiring story of Hina Wong-Kalu, a transgender native Hawaiian teacher and cultural icon who brings to life Hawaii's traditional embrace of mahu — those who embody both male and female spirit. The film traces Hina's evolution from a timid high school boy to her position as a married woman and cultural director of a school in one of Honolulu's grittier neighborhoods. As she contemplates who should lead the school's all-male hula troupe in their final performance, a surprising candidate presents herself: Ho'onani, a sixth grader who is proud to be seen as a mixture of boy and girl. As Kumu Hina helps Ho'onani to negotiate the mixed reactions of her classmates and her family, the power of culture to instill a sense of pride and acceptance becomes clear.

Then, there is the Entertainment Weekly piece we mentioned in a previous Cyrsti's Condo post.

And finally, for this post-there is yet another post concerning issues with the Thailand Army draft (left). Check it out here from Rueters. 

Cyrsti's Condo OOOOPPPS!

"Those who protest the loudest are often the most guilty" when it comes to LGBT haters.

In between all of the pictures of squeaky clean white people gleefully pronouncing they won't serve any of us (cause we got cooties.) They will go to any extent possible not to raise diverse kids.

Out of that mess comes this story passed along by Bobbie:  

34-year-old Steve Wiles is a GOP candidate for the North Carolina Senate. He supports Amendment 1, North Carolina’s ban on same-sex marriage. However, there is another side to Mr. Wiles. According Randy Duggins, former owner of the gay bar Club Odyssey, Wiles was a frequent patron of the club in the 1990’s. Further, circa 2001-2002, Wiles began working for the club as the performance booker and show director for drag shows. Wiles emceed the drag shows as a female impersonator named Miss Mona Sinclair, The Raw Story reports. 

Of course, Steve is a great politician and is refusing to come up with rational explanations to why he still has heels in the back of his closet. Plus, he still hangs on to the idea marriage is a religious institution.  The last time I checked Steve, here in Ohio you still have to get a marriage license to get married.  At that point you can go to the faith of your choice and get married under the God or Goddess  of your choice. Here in Ohio of course, we have an ancient Republican Attorney General who is against that idea - except if you talked about taking marriage license fees out of the coffers of Ohio municipalities. 

Hey Steve! You could stick with that political career and move to Indiana! Then again, I'm sure Miss Mona can still make a buck!