Nothing Happens in a Vacuum

2017 marked a huge year for transgender candidate's nationwide. Most of those victories just didn't happen in a vacuum.

Here is more from The Advocate:

"In the wake of the 2016 elections — and subsequent attacks on transgender rights — a group of pioneering trans activists decided that getting more trans candidates on the ballot would be more impactful than checking one off. Together they formed the Trans United Fund, the first and only national political advocacy group focused on empowering trans and gender expansive people. Its Breakthrough Fund is the first bipartisan transgender political action committee (PAC) and was designed to help a handful of key political candidates by providing funding or other resources — sometimes both.

In the 2017 elections, TUF won big: Virginia’s Danica Roem became the first transgender woman in the United States to win a seat in a state legislature, and two trans candidates were elected to the Minneapolis City Council. Andrea Jenkins became the first out trans black woman, and Phillipe Cunningham became the first out trans black man elected to public office.

If it weren’t for the money TUF raised, the connections and resources it provided, or the voter mobilization it spearheaded, it’s quite likely these trans candidates would not have won"

For more, go here.

Such a Week!

It was quite a week for the  LGBT community. In all, eight transgender candidates were elected including trans man Phillipe Cunningham in Minneapolis. Plus, in Canada a trans woman was elected mayor of a town.

Also, Frump's ban on transgender troops was shot down in another court.

In the past though, for every step forward we take, seemingly something else comes along to push back on us.

Jenner showing off her baby? bump?

As long as we keep taking giant steps though, the push back gets weaker and weaker.

Perhaps all the news about cis women everywhere being molested has helped push us to the back of t the headlines. Something trans women know all too well.

Supposedly, even
Caitlyn Jenner has finally renounced her support for Frump (the lead molester) as I imagine almost all transgender women will!

LGBT Transgender Astronomy

If women are from Venus and men from Mars, where are transgender women and trans men from?
Perhaps we are the "earthlings"? Think of the possibilities and the challenges.

No matter if you put a dress on once a week or you've fully transitioned, we earthlings are a unique tribe. We suffer the same problems as Venus and Mars, and quarrel about them in similar ways. After all, the gravitational pulls of the other two
planets tug on us daily.

We are uniquely flamboyant or conservative in our dress and mannerisms as we struggle on our planet. The problem with our planet is that we have opened "Pandora's Box" and we can't close it. All the different glittering gifts in the box fascinate! Those gifts send us down different paths we don't understand our self.

Imagine what that must be like for the inhabitants of the other two planets? From downright hatred and violence to curiosity and acceptance-we get it all!
What's an "earthling" to do?

We hash and rehash our lives here to each other. In many cases we are all we have to communicate the pain and the joy of our planet. All of this it's helps us to become stronger.

We need to believe in our tribe and embrace it's diversity! We have lived in the other two camps. If in the smallest way you can use that knowledge, you are one of God's chosen creatures. What ever God you believe in.

Communicating with the two other genders is a rare gift. Learning it and using it is the challenge. Accepting the challenge and being successful will make our planet a much better place to live!!!!

A Cyrsti's Condo "archive post!"

Old Friends Are Hard to Find!

As with so many other transgender women and trans men, when I transitioned I gave up contact with several old friends who I thought refused to accept me. One it turns out was too quick.

I came out to her and her comment was she was shocked, "I was the most macho man she had ever known." Guess I played the part well. At any rate we went our separate ways in separate cities. She craves very rural areas with no neighbors while I have always liked medium sized big cities such as Cincinnati or Columbus.

As days stretched into weeks, months and years, I just figured she had refused to accept me and moved on like a few of my other friends.

I was wrong. Saturday night out of the clear blue sky I received a text which merely asked was this (my old male name.) Understandably I proceeded slowly since I didn't recognize the number. We exchanged a few more texts before she finally gave herself away and told me who it was and...

Told me she didn't abandon me, she lost me. 

It turns out all this time, she did accept my Mtf gender transition and had lost my phone number information. Plus, I didn't have hers so there was no way we could connect. Plus, ironically, it turns out she is originally from the area of Cincinnati Liz is from and they knew some of the same people growing up. It is truly a small world!

We ended up calling each other and chatting for over an hour when she told me she had even talked to my daughter about my transition and I was obviously the last to know.

She lives about a hour or so east of us near the Ohio River, so getting together in person is very feasible.

I can't wait and it does my heart good to know and old dear friend didn't desert me!

Hostility

I am normally a fairly easy going person, until recently it seems. As a matter of fact, since the election. What really fires me up is a self professed transgender woman, trans man or ally who voted for "45" (Trumper) in the election.  I for one, wasn't one to vote away my hard earned LGBT rights.

For those who thought they wouldn't get taken away, it is already happening under Trumps appointee to the Attorney General position. That's right-already. If you are in the latter category and don't care what's happening, that's your business, but if you do, there are places to resist and protest all this craziness. (Don't think the Russians weren't the smart ones in directing the election towards "45"?)

I hope there is more than one spot to register your resistance, but this is the one I just received in my email.

"I just signed this petition telling Congress to push back against the First Amendment Defense Act, legislation to codify discrimination against LGBTQ people into federal law. I think you should too. Will you sign too? https://act.credoaction.com/sign/FADA?referring_akid=a257598056.5201849.mWNnNI&source=conf_email Thanks."

Act NOW!

 

It's How you Carry Yourself that Counts!

I know a ton of transgender and even cis women who would die to look like many of the gorgeous trans women or even drag queens they see, but for most of us, it just won't be in the cards-in this life anyway.

In the meantime, a great alternative to being presentation obsessed is being attitude  obsessed. Not that you shouldn't always try to put your best foot forward as a trans woman (even if in heels or tennis shoes), the proper attitude can take you a long way. Let's check in with Connie:

(Recently) " I was approached, separately, by a trans man and a trans woman. Both of them were just beginning their respective transitions, and I can only guess that they felt the need to approach me because I looked as though I could be some sort of mentor to them. Although I was dressed for the work I was doing (jeans and T shirt), I do think I was presenting well. More than that, though, I think my confidence level just shows (maybe even via an aura?). Whatever it is, it has to be the same thing that either draws someone in or leads to the "scowl". 

As I've said many times before, my FFS is a Fast & Friendly Smile, and I will give one to anyone who makes eye contact with me. If I get a scowl in return, it's not my problem, but their's. In the two cases mentioned above, had I been dressed up in a dress and heels, I may not have seemed so approachable, but I still would have smiled!

No matter how dressed up a trans woman is, the one thing she should not forget to wear is a smile on her face! :-)"

The "smile" accessory was one of the earliest additions to presenting I learned when I started to navigate the feminine world. I faced (no pun intended) the fact that most of the world would "read" me but I was able to "disarm" them with a smile of my own.

If a person is predetermined not to like a transgender women, be a bitchy one to make sure they never will!

And So It Is Christmas!

My fondest desire for all of you is you have an accepting family this Holiday. Too many transgender women and trans men just don't.

Even after I was old enough to understand completely why I would rather have a doll for Christmas rather than the BB Gun I got, I still took years to understand the complete ramifications for coming out of the closet as transgender.

After I did a couple of years ago, I was lucky and only lost half of of family. My brother would not stand up to his in laws. Ironically, I gained two sets of family with my partner Liz and my daughter and her in laws. Turns out change was good after all.

As I said, Best Wishes during this Yule Holiday Season!

Jessie

JJ's Sunday Edition

Ker Plunk! Another Sunday edition is hitting your virtual front porch! First the weather,a cup o joe and we will get started. First of it is beautiful here in Southwestern Ohio. Nothing but blue sky, low heat and humidity. After some powerful stormin' it seems "Momma Nature" may be settling into a fall pattern...finally!
Page One-the Week that Was-or Wasn't: I am working with a "Day of Transgender Remembrance" committee and this week  the Cincinnati Children's Hospital's  role was briefly discussed. Cincinnati Children's has a very good transgender treatment program for ages up to 24. As you can imagine, the program is very full. In fact patients come from as far as South Carolina. The whole subject brought home to me the number of transgender women and trans guys (of all ages) struggling to find health care of any kind.  Also the number of trans people who don't get counted in any census.

I saw two this week walking by which always makes me feel so much better and not alone. Although neither spoke (or vice versa). I saw one in a very difficult scenario for a chat and the other just glared. More the likely she hasn't caught up with the idea a male face somehow is made to scowl and one of the easier ways to present female is to soften your expression.

Page Two- Yesterday's Coffee- Opinion: On this anniversary of the tragic terrorist attracts on the World Trade Center/Pentagon/and Pennsylvania, I would be terribly remiss not to take a moment to remember those lost, including the first responders still struggling with severe health issues today. May we always remember that even though we are not perfect, the right to not stand during the national anthem was earned in blood. Freedom of speech is earned too.

Page Three: Well kids, time to go and enjoy this wonderful day. I hope it is for you too! Love you all!
Jessie

We Got Mail

Thanks to you all for sending in your input to "JJ's House"! Yes I finally added a new picture and decided to add a new title at the same time. Thanks for your patience!!!

Now on to the input:
First from Paula in Great Britain. For me this puts the USA on a similar footing to Russia and Uganda as travel destinations, it is all so sad.

Sad is correct Paula but this is yet another mini revolution. This one though is fueled by the fact that we transgender people have been tossed under the bus by a group of radical right wingers. Spare me the rant! Plus, what has exasperated the whole situation is the trans population's potential power, exposure and even popularity.

The only thing the right wing has found to fire up a largely backwards group of the country is the restroom non issue. Also it is a proven fact most of the largest religions are losing their memberships slowly.

Finally, you have to keep in mind we are a big nation, so many areas simply are and will be easier to move around in as LGBTQ peeps. An example is I can move around easily where I live on the East side of Cincinnati but a little over 50 miles East of us are where the eight people were killed in the rumored drug cartel murders. Rural and mean.

Then there is Donald Trump, Paula, as far as trans people go, I think we barely show up on his radar. After all, he told Caitlin Jenner to use what ever restroom she wanted in the Trump Tower.

It's going to be a down and dirty time between now and fall elections in America with a lot at stake for all transgender women and trans men.  

The Disappearing CrossDresser?

Saturday I was supposed to meet another of the 'family' for lunch. To be fair, I don't how she identifies; crossdresser, transgender, or "gurl". We were to meet in a very well known coffee and sandwich shop (not called Starbucks)  but for whatever reason, coffee with her never happened.

Since I had arranged my day to meet her, yes I was more disturbed than I normally am. If you are backing off-tell me. Won't be the first time. Saturday's deal is not the point of this post though.

I began to wonder how many under the LGBT - CD umbrella over the years I have met (even if on Facebook or comments to Cyrsti's Condo) who have faded away. Or abruptly disappeared. 

Of course I have several ideas like:

1. Ill health or death
2. The wife or family found out
3. They grew tired of the fantasy of being the second coming of Marilyn Monroe
4. The sheer amount of work to make a transition got to be too much
5. Financial resources

I could probably go on, but you get the point. Plus, I need to say I only really know in person a couple trans people-one woman-one man. Then, here on line, I can claim several more like Connie, Shelle, and Stana (who I have met once) and Paula. Then, there are the transgender veterans like Carla Lewis who I share an extra bit of history. (Shelle again too.)

I guess I should look at the point of this blog as a positive influence on potential LGBTQ family members. If I can shed any light on the process, my work is complete. 

Just one thing, if you want to meet me for coffee-don't stand me up-please. 

Trans Week?

Last night I went with Liz out with a group of friends.  It's normally always a great time. 

I'm always dazzled though how many people who are coming forward these days saying they know a transgender person. Every time, it makes me feel as if we aren't as rare as everyone thinks. The person last night said a 20 something person in her office just came out as a transgender man and (naturally) was confused and scared to death.

I passed along my knowledge of community resources.

Also last night (in a group of approx twenty) I met up with a very gender fluid trans guy. I have to be very careful  on my pronoun use with him. (I do know he was going by he last night.)

Our group is struggling mightily to put together a Halloween Ball this year and everyone was given a chance to "volunteer" for the area they are interested in. My trans guy friend was thinking of security and a "Joker" costume out of the Batman films. Of course he asked me in essence would I do something with him? Although a couple really off the wall "Joketress" ideas flew through my noggin-he was hinting more of a Batman and I thought "Hell No!" politely of course.

So the real learning experience from last night was, I need get finally get my personal cards updated to pass along info. 

It won't be hard now since I won a personal photo session at a local photographers salon. Part of the package is a digital image I could use in all my social media. (So I can tell her what I need.)

Plus I have to update all kinds of other particulars as my life changes to pass along a card to anyone who needs it!

The "Ego" of Gender

Tyson

As I am truly blessed to be riding my little dosage into estrogen land again-I am going to channel one of my hero's- Neil deGrasse Tyson into another post. If you remember, I recently ran a review of his "Star Talk Show"  (on the 'Nat Geo' network) 

On the recent show, he mentioned his chair was a transgender woman: Rebecca Oppenheimer and he said ,I paraphrase 'what if there was no gender at all?'

Oppenheimer

I think eventually Neil deGrasse Tyson will be right, there will be no evident genders if the human race lasts that long. But, in the meantime, I am over thinking an idea about gender ego's. We all know men are considered to have to carry around the majority of the poundage where ego is concerned,,,,but-

When I set down with pen and paper and began to write what ego was gender specific, much was the same. The tough part was throwing out the old stereotypes like "What came first, the chrome Harley or the blonde on the back,"  Perhaps less emphatic though is what a woman thinks when she is "picking out" a mate. What are her friends going to think?  Or,her parents if she brings "Joe the Scud" home? 

Then what happens if life goes on all goes to hell and you did bring Joe home and married him? Well then it is time to take a seat at the foot of the "Victim Goddess."

Don't worry and grab a number though - by that time a substantial group of women and men will be right there with you. And, worse yet have no idea why.

As transgender women and men though (if we find our voices and are allowed to speak) should be allowed to whisper a couple hints into the Goddess' ears of how it really is to dwell on both sides of the gender fence!

A Day in the Lifer?

When I was in the Army long ago, a military member who was planning to make it a "career" was called a "lifer." As I was writing this title, it occurred to me, most transgender women or trans men are "lifers" too-if we know it, fight it, live it-or not.  Actually, I screwed up -the title was supposed to be "A Day in the Life."

Today was mammogram day anyhow, so I knew from my last "mammy gram" the afternoon would provide it's own unique set of challenges. None particularly bad, just different. 

Since I am still operating under my male credentials, I raised a couple of eyebrows when I walked in-regardless of appearance.

To my surprise though, the receptionist didn't miss a beat and said she has a transgender woman friend who came out years ago. We had a brief conversation about how many trans folk there really are still in the closet. 

From then on, the visit went real smooth-from the technician and doctor to check out. Most importantly though, I was given a clean bill of health. I have written here in Cyrsti's Condo that my maternal grandmother passed from breast cancer in the 1950's, so there is an increased risk in the family.

Even the trip home was pretty uneventful as I was running slightly ahead of Cincinnati rush hour traffic. Once I got home Liz and I decided this gray, damp Monday night was prime for ordering in Asian.

So, I was closest to the door when the driver got there looking rather androgynous (at the best) and really confused the delivery driver. 

The tip I gave him though solved everything and he was on his way. My point is when you consider a Mtf 24/7 transition-consider this girl thing totally. Even if you are just meeting the delivery driver.  

Hey! I Know Him!!

With all that has been happening in my life recently, what went for a routine has been dumped into my "porcelain receptacle" (toilet.)

Imagine my surprise though the other day when I was exploring my main email account and I saw a post about Ohio. After I opened it, the story was a feature about an old friend of mine. 

To the left is "Drake" who is one of the few transgender men I have ever known and in fact even bitched about the same endocrinologist together years ago.

Here is a just a touch of his story from the Piqua (Ohio) Daily Call:  Draco said he was always a tomboy growing up, palling around with his dad, going fishing, and tinkering with cars.

“Looking back, my father always treated me more like my brothers than he ever did my sister,” he said. “Growing up, I had the GI Joes, the Evil Knievel with the motorcycle and all that stuff. I tended to gravitate more toward traditional boy toys, but I never really thought about it.”

Draco said for his parent’s 25th wedding anniversary, at age 9, he remembers being dressed in an ugly, uncomfortable, royal blue polyester dress for the occasion. His cousin’s husband told him he looked pretty.

“And I said, ‘Yeah, but I’m actually a boy,” he said. “My mother brought that up later on. But I didn’t remember it until that time. Now I remember it clearly.”

Unfortunately, over the recent years, increasing distances and other factors have kept us apart. I remember him looking at me more than once like I had three eyes - after one of my clueless trans man ideas.

I'm sure he knew though, I had a hard time finding glasses for three eyed peeps! Follow the link for more.

"Cyrsti's Condo" Cleaning

Today, I have many comments to get to! 

The first couple come from the "Installing Windows in your Closet" post.

NatashaApril 30, 2015 at 5:33 AM

"In my experience many of the "out and proud" trans people about the place are actually a whole lot more closeted than they let on. They socialize exclusively within the trans support group community and online, and have few or no friends in the actual world."

Right on Natasha! Actually coming to the realization you are a transgender woman or trans man is one thing-coming out another and carving out a life in the "actual" world-another.

Then, there was my co-blogger Connie! 

"I'd like to know if you can even install Windows in that old computer of yours.:-)  (Ha Ha! My Windows 1949 still works!)" Seriously, here are a couple excerpts or (extracts) from her comment: 

"Windows can be seen through from both sides, but they still don't necessarily make things clear. I know a person (a fellow musician) who is our age, and has been a cross dresser since childhood. She (because that is how I know her) has told me stories of how she would, as a child, get all dressed up and stand at the picture window of her home, waiting for someone to notice her. She actually continues to do it today. Now, this is someone who has been on HRT for at least 10 years, but still considers herself a cross dresser because of fear to let go of her male (privileged?) life completely."

"She does venture outside the window often, but I don't believe she does so with a different mindset than if she were exhibiting herself from the inside. She has complained to me so often about being alone, lonely, and lonesome that I finally stopped seeing her altogether. I mean, what am I, chopped liver? With some people it is just an exercise in futility to try to understand, let alone help."

More to come in our next post!

Cyrsti's Condo "T-Shirt of the Day"

Saturday, as I was helping my former sister in law with her yard sale (selling her stuff!) I was butching it up and was wearing an old Cincinnati Bengals T Shirt which did a reasonable job of covering the girls.  I'm almost to the point of asking my trans man friend who just underwent "top surgery" for some "tips for tits"- sorry!

As we were going through the house looking for "treasures" to sell, I ran across her Dad's "ball hat" collection and found one which matched my T-shirt kind of. At the least, I wanted to be color coordinated!   He has been deceased for years and years and I don't think minded that I wore one. (Can't take it with you.)

In addition, my partner Liz and her 16 year old son were helping and I told them to don't worry about mis pronouncing me as he and call me Cyrsti- even in front of the crazy stoned old lady from across the street.

After a while...I told Liz, I need a T-Shirt for times such as Saturday which simply says..."In Drag!"

Curves Ahead!

No real secret the HRT feminization process adds curves and the Ftm transition adds angles.

I have been mentioning my trans man friend who just went through long awaited top surgery (well I understand!!!!) and how dramatically angular he is becoming.

The other day, I happened to find some ancient pictures of me which were actually proofs taken at one of those "specialty" photo places in a mall.    The paper and proofs quite naturally were in less than stellar condition, but the one thing which did stand out to me was how angular my face was then.

Just another example of how you have to look behind you to see how far you have come!

On Line Dating and the Trans Girl (or Man)!

Years ago as I was seriously coming out at transgender, I explored the world of on-line dating sites fairly heavily.  The places I didn't go were the ones who "specialized" in cross dresser, transgender or transsexual dating for fairly obvious reasons.

(Photo, Alessia  Cross/Flickr)

Other than that, I did actually pay a monthly amount of money for a couple sites and a couple others were free. I found out quickly though, I got what I paid for.  In fact, I found my partner Liz and my trans man friend on the same site - one I paid for. I put myself in the woman seeking woman category and then in the first sentence, I said I was transgender. Then I was amazed how many didn't ready the profile anyhow.

Regardless, back in those days though, it was exceedingly difficult for a transgender person to even start the process of finding another person on any site.  You were forced into the binaries of men seeking women, women seeking women, men seeking men, etc.

Recently one of the sites I was on -  OK Cupid has been in the news after cofounder Christian Rudder announced that developers secretly changed some people's compatibility ratings and removed profile photos to learn more about behavior on the site. While some have criticized OKCupid for showing people false or manipulated content as an experiment, the site's failure to accommodate transgender users may be a larger and more long-standing ethical dilemma.  I do wonder though if I just happened to be part of that "experiment" as I had been off the site for years until several months ago I mysteriously reappeared on it and just as quick- gone again.

The dilemma is real as we know as transgender women or men attempting to pursue on line dating, which basically lost most of it's negative stigma years ago.

The good news?  There is a free on line dating site called Mesh now for the trans community too.  The bad news is? It's in the NYC area only so far, but with plans on spreading out soon.

If you went through (or are going through) the pain of being hammered into a binary gender hole not of your liking, you may want to check out the link above!  Maybe help is on the way!

Draco and the "Girls"

To clarify, the Draco in this post is my trans man friend and "the girls" are my breasts.

The reason I'm bringing Draco up again is he is having his FtM top surgery in a couple days.  For those of you who do not know what that is- he is surgically having his breasts removed.  At the same time of course that I am celebrating mine.  I wish him all the best of course and marvel at all he has taught me- if he knows it or not.  To catch all you newer Cyrsti's Condo visitors up, Draco and I go way back and essentially started to transition at the same time- although he has gone way past where I am. (Damn testosterone! :) )

From the first time I met Draco, he just didn't register female at all although I think he was struggling in the lesbian gray area sometimes called "Super Butches". Now his face is squaring off, his voice is going through puberty and if he isn't shaving yet...it's coming soon.  Good for him!

Being the gentleman that he has always been, he did offer to let me have his breasts.  But somehow, medical science hasn't caught up with that yet!  I do marvel though, at how breasts go so far in defining a gender.  He needs his gone to define him as a man and of course when I wake up in the morning with the girls, my mind thinks this is the way I was always supposed to be. And, how are the girls?  Since my two mammograms, much has happened. The first is my girls seem to be less dense and  filling out more in all directions. I'm noticing more development under my arms and in the area between the girls primarily.

So thanks anyhow Draco for your offer to share - you know I appreciate it!

I will be thinking of you the next couple days and wishing you a speedy recovery!!!! I know you have waited a long time!!!

Back in my Mama's Underwear Drawer

Hows that for a title?

The reason I pulled it out of the archives here in "Cyrsti's Condo", is I sent away to the Ohio BMV for the ":Declaration of Gender Change Form."  Just having it "in the mail" was a huge move as I began to consider the ramifications of it all.

The path to transgender self discovery and self fulfillment indeed is a marathon -and a rocky one.  Once you are fairly comfortable "existing" in your chosen gender, then it's time to legally begin a sex change.  I'm fortunate in that (although he doesn't know it yet), I will be knocking on the door of my trans man friend for guidance.  By the way, he is less than a week away from his long awaited "top surgery" and I wish him the best.  In many ways, we started down out gender transition paths about the same time but he has changed all his gender markers already.

As it turns out, the latest family person I have come out to is actually my former sister in law.  Meaning, she is the sister of my deceased wife.  Occupying that lofty position (she believes) gives her more input into my MTF transition.  Like my daughter, they sort of recoil at my name.  In my true form though, I tell them, I really don't care what they think, plus I'm changing it again for my gender markers anyway. Freedom, right? Let me point out, both have been exceedingly supportive of me.

How does Mom's underwear drawer fit into all of this you may ask?

I believe if you live long enough, life becomes a series of interlocking circles which hook up to your basic birth to death circle.  If you are going to be born-at some point you are going to die.  We could compare it too, to a charm bracelet which the circle is simply around your wrist. I guess you could say my first "charm" was Mom's undie drawer.

Then, I thought back to the days when I "found" the drawer of Mom's undies and what was really going on in my noggin. Before you jump off the bridge and want to toss me into the fetish cross dresser niche, this phase for me was all too short and unfulfilling. Surely, I felt some of the "fetish" pull but deep down inside, but a predetermined switch was surely thrown. Unfortunately, I spent 50+ years of my life trying to turn it back off- to no avail.

For any number of reasons, my Mom chose to turn a blind eye to my excursions and of course never talked to me about it.  She probably hoped it was all a phase and would disappear-which it did, for her.  I began to save my paper route money, combined it with my allowance and found ways to build my own "stash" of clothes, make up, etc.

After I finished my phone call to the BMV, for the briefest second, I was that little boy fascinated with my Mom's undies. I realized this part of my circle had closed.  The mystery is gone and reality is here.  At that point I realized how far that I have come and how far I still have to go.