Comment

 I received this message from Susan concerning how someone can add a comment to Cyrsti's Condo through my email...cyrstih@yahoo.com: 

"Cyrsti, I noticed that your blog only accepts comments for those people who have a Google account. I don't like giving Google more information about me-perhaps some others feel the same way. I can tell you that even responding "anonymously" requires commenters to jump through some hoops-you have to turn off cross-site blocking, shut you device off and on and then submit your comment. 

All this to say I would like to comment on your blog--like today--that does say it all!"

Thanks Susan for the message. Perhaps one of the other regulars has a better answer to your problem than I would have. Because naturally I don't have any control over Google. 

However, I do welcome any messages from my email and even my Facebook account.  In the meantime, I will check my comment settings to see if I can do anything as I value your input.

However, I think I may have found something in the settings which may have solved the problem.

This Says it All

 On Facebook, my former hairdresser Teresa released this photo. She is also the mother of a transgender son and a fierce ally of the community. Not to mention, just gorgeous too! Thanks for sharing Teresa!

Monday Inspiration

 

Charlie Martin and Connie Malone

 All of a sudden more "Sports and the Transgender Girl" has emerged. The first of which comes from across the pond and involves Charlie Martin (below) a veteran trans endurance racer from the United Kingdom. She uses her platform to promote LGBTQ issues as well as someday racing in the 24 Hours of Le Mans. 

The second part of the post regards a comment from Connie and her experience with her wife and sports:

"My wife has become quite the sports fan over the years. We spend more (quality) time watching sports than most anything else. Years ago, when she had had enough of my not-so-secret girlish ways, she left to stay with her sister for the weekend. Although she knew what I was doing, she had never seen me dressed, and it had gotten to the point where I had to show her my real self. It was a Sunday afternoon in December, and there was an NFL playoff game on TV when she came home. I emerged from the basement, where I had been spending so much time away from her in order to "be myself" - by myself. This was a big deal, I was thinking to myself, but my wife seemed more interested in the game than she was in the "pretty-me." We just sat together and watched the game until halftime before we had any real discussion. I also made a pitcher of Margaritas before halftime, and that helped, too! Oh, I might add that, after that day, I could also admit to her that I enjoyed watching figure skating with her, as well. :-)"

My deceased wife was quite the sports fan. Just not with me being my authentic self. Liz is also quite the sports fan. Of course she also accepts my true self. It all makes life so much easier and fun. I always remember going to a woman's roller derby event with three lesbians drinking dollar beers as one of my highlights in sports. 

Sports and the Transgender Woman

 Years ago, as I started my Mtf gender transition, I was very concerned about how much baggage I could bring with me from my intense male past. No matter how painful it was, I hid my feminine self well from family and friends. In fact, one of the few cis female friends I told about being transgender said I was the most unlikely person she knew to attempt a gender change. 

Of course, back in my "formative" years, gender norms were more rigidly structured. In the conservative rural Midwest I grew up in, the only real "sports" girls could participate in were cheerleading. Because I could not make it on the sidelines of a football game, I had to participate. I was a very mediocre defensive end and ended my high school "career" prematurely due to a couple broken bones. But, no one suspected I really wanted to be a cheerleader.

Perhaps it was all worth it to hide my gender misgivings. These days though, I find my love of sports has been a lifelong pursuit for me, no matter what gender I was living as. As I did transition, I found three close cis women friends who shared my fondness for sports. All three could sit at a bar drinking beer and watching sports as well as any man. 

So you could guess how great I felt when last night my childhood favorite baseball team finally clinched a spot in the Major League Baseball playoffs. In fact I cried tears of joy... *damn hormones"! And of course I am overjoyed The Ohio State Buckeyes" are due to start playing in a couple weeks. 

Once I got past the worn out gender stereotypes of women and sports, I was able to carry forward a great portion of my previous life. I did find out the hard way to never talk to a man about sports.

Gender Bake

 Most of us if we like it or not, are born into strict gender rules. Those of us who are transgender just happen to not fit into those gender norms. Of course, that is where our problems begin. If we are very lucky, we have accepting parents and we are able to communicate what the situation is.  Unfortunately, the vast majority of us transgender women and trans men never had a chance for acceptance until we finally decided to seize the moment later in life. The internet and social media has helped to educate the population but of course serious transgender problems still exist on so many levels of society.  Specifically within the trans women of color community with their extremely high and tragic murder rate. Plus I won't even get into employment issues.

In our own lives, we all decide to choose the path best suited to our needs. Two prime examples would be not being allowed to pursue hormone replacement therapy due to health concerns or deciding not to live a fulltime feminine existence because of a spouse or family. 

Per norm, Connie came up with an expanded comment on the Cyrsti's Condo "Shake and Bake" post:

 "Shake and Bake can mean so many different things. I like to play with words, and I like to play with you, too (word-wise, that is).

Actually, what I meant by "shake" was the acquired male persona that I needed to shake off to reveal my feminine-self. If you're familiar with baking - say, a cake - you know that using the right ingredients in their proper proportions is critical. Then, there is the temperature of the oven and the baking time.

Shaking the male facade was the difficult part for me. I had worked so hard to construct it: athlete, rock drummer, husband, father, grandfather. Over time, the athletic and rock drummer parts became less masculine-identified (although, both require a lot of sweating, which I'm not so fond of anymore). Changing from husband to spouse, and father and grandfather to parent and grandparent was still not without its own sweat.

I always possessed ingredients for a transition to womanhood. I can't say they were all "sugar and spice, and everything nice," but they have always been there. There was some experimentation necessary, in order to come up with the right recipe for me, but trial and error is how any of us must find ourselves. With the climate (temperature) just right, I was able to rise and "bake" into the woman I am today."

Although there are still some physical changes I'd like to see for myself, they would be but icing on the cake at this point. 

Thanks for the comment! In our house though, "Shake and Bake" normally meant chicken. Not a cake. To add insult to injury, my Mom was a high school home economics teacher and she rarely baked.

Shake and Bake

 Connie referred to the previous post here in Cyrsti's Condo called "Faking it till you make it." as "Shake and bake." 

The reference aptly describes many of my early attempts into the feminine world which were mostly unsuccessful. My wife was convinced I dressed too slutty and she was right. I was stuck in the concept that revealing clothes validated my femininity when truthfully my choice of outfits was doing exactly the opposite. 

In essence my skirts were too short or tight and I was having a difficult time adjusting to what my feminine image should be. Looking back now, I feel as if I could come up with a reasonable fashion statement if I stayed in the professional fashion image. I owned a black jump suit I loved and wore repeatedly to upscale shopping malls in the area complete with my black heels and long honey blond wig. The problem I began to run into was when I began to encounter the same people over and over again, I needed other outfits to wear. I remember vividly several outfits I managed to come up despite rigid budget constraints which fit the late 1980's and 1990's fashion scene. Since for the most part, big hair was in, my wigs fit right in as did my shorter skirts if I wore them with flats or low heels. Also there was quite a bit of Demin and Boho influence in the 1990's which I loved. Check out the picture below.

With all of that, I still couldn't fulfill my wife's standards of how she thought I should look. In my defense, she was a very natural person and didn't wear much make up at all. Every now and then though she would still consent to going to a nearby town to go out and eat. To dress to her standards would have been difficult for me. So being the determined person I was (and am) I did the best I could to wear what I wanted. So in her eye's I was still a "shake and bake" person.

As with any transgender woman or man and/or cross dresser, we are all survivors. So if we are faking it or baking it, we find a way to get by.

  

Fake It till You Make It

 I saw this quote on a another blog I follow and it started my thought processes on my gender transition. The other blog is written by a cis woman who was detailing how to feel better concerning her/your appearance. 

The post brought back to me in a much clearer sense how all women (transgender or not) carry the social stigmas of how they look. A good example is my partner Liz who lost nearly one hundred pounds and still has a hard time escaping ideas of how she appears to the public. There have been several times when other people may be staring at me and she never notices and I am astounded. 

I think much of my remaining paranoia with the public goes back decades ago when I was faking it to making it as a woman. Or, my old cross dressing days before I finally admitted to myself I felt so much more natural in a feminine world. I have detailed several times here in Cyrsti's Condo the first night I decided to go out and try to exist as a woman and not someone who was dressing up to fool the world. There was a huge difference for me and I was terrified yet excited. 

This is the point I always have to add my disclaimer...being a cross dresser is quite fine. It just wasn't good enough for me. It was immensely difficult to do but I found myself more and more faking being a man in my life.  

Then again, you have to do what you need to get by. Faking it or not.

Twizzler Candy Commercial

 Twizzler is a candy which as far as I know comes in licorice and strawberry flavors. Recently, where I live here in Cincinnati, Ohio Twizzler has been re-running a 2019 commercial which really hits home for me. In the commercial the spouse is driving and the guy is off deep in thought. Finally she asks him what is he thinking about. As he eats a Twizzler, he wonders if it is all right at his age to start skate boarding.

 

During a vacation my wife and I took one year, the same thing happened to me. The only difference was I had a much more serious problem to ponder. Could I ever become a transgender woman. My life at the time was in very good shape. My wife and I loved each other deeply and my job was riding a pinnacle of success. Yet, here I was lost in thought pondering my future. 

Perhaps the worst part about the whole thing was I don't remember telling my wife what was really bothering me. I was still trying to out run my gender dysphoria which was slowly but surely tearing me apart. 

Sadly, my thoughts ruined much of the fun of the vacation. Maybe a Twizzler would have helped?

Another Summer

 Another summer has come and gone, way too quickly. Even though summer is not my favorite season, it's almost time to consider putting all my seasonal sleeveless tank tops away and taking stock of my sweaters which are still wearable from my wardrobe. I say "about" time because here in Ohio we always have what we call an Indian summer when temperatures hit normally summer like temperatures. In the meantime, we have been enjoying rare wonderful fall weather away from all the fires and hurricanes plaquing the country. Where ever you are, I hope you are staying safe. Of course too, we have the continuing tragic problems with the Covid virus.

I keep thinking as bad as the year 2020 has been, I ought to try to slow down the march of time as much as I can, because as I near 71 years of age, realistically, I don't know how many summers I have left. But that is a whole other subject. On a lighter note, I did take advantage of the good weekend weather to finally start to clean out my old car which is probably heading for the junk yard. Being the procrastinator that I am, I still have a couple weeks before the license tags expire and I have to get it off the street. Interestingly, none of the neighborhood kids I encountered yesterday paid me any mind whatsoever. 

On another level, the car represents one of the few remaining ties I have with my old pre transition self. Cutting ties all the way with it would provide me yet another way to cut ties with the past. 

Later on today, I hope to take advantage of the weather and do a little more work on the car. When the rains come later on in the week, I plan on going through all my clothes. I did find a The Ohio State hoodie in the back of the car I can wear on my walks when the weather cools off again. And I'm excited the Buckeyes (OSU) are going to start playing football again in about a month. 

Go Bucks!

Hot Flash?

 If you have never experienced a hormonal hot flash, it's quite the experience. 

I remember vividly my first real "flash" as I was sitting at a favorite sports bar (of course) of mine enjoying a drink and watching the big screen television. All of the sudden, I felt like I was internally combusting. I wondered if the whole world would notice. They didn't seem to and fairly quickly I returned to normal (?) and began to realize I had just experienced my first hot flash. No wonder all the cis woman of middle age I knew talked about their overheating. 

All of a sudden, this morning, I experienced another hot flash and I am not completely sure why. I have not changed any of my HRT meds I have been on for many months now, so meds should not be an issue. Similar to my first case of heat, the whole episode probably only lasted an hour or so. 

I will have to see if it happens again as I have another visit coming up in October with my endocrinologist so I am sure she will check my hormonal levels again anyway. 

As with mammograms, I see hot flashes as a rite of passage into being a more physical transgender woman. I say physical because I feel mentally I have always been trans. Plus, all of this temperature issue leads me to point out the changes I went through in relating to the weather as I hormonally transitioned. I found I became colder quicker and stayed that way.

I also recognize though that hot flashes could be an issue with my HRT meds. An issue I will have to discuss with my Doc if it happens again.

A Real Loss

 The passing of "Ruth Bader Ginsburg" creates a massive hole in the US Supreme Court. One I fear will be impossible to fill with a qualified candidate. Here was one of the news releases: "Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the demure firebrand who in her 80s became a legal, cultural and feminist icon, died Friday. The Supreme Court announced her death, saying the cause was complications from metastatic cancer of the pancreas."

Seemingly, before the body even had a chance to cool off, "Moscow Mitch" McConnell in the Senate was starting the fight to replace Justice Ginsburg who had also voted to help gender causes. 

For all of you who didn't vote for Hillary and identify as transgender and/or crossdresser, your desire to have all of your gender rights taken away could become a reality.

In the meantime, Rest in Power Justice Ginsburg. You will be missed. 

Go Sarah Go!

 From CNN: Transgender activist and political candidate "Sarah McBride" on Tuesday won her parties' (Democratic) in Delaware for a state senate seat. Which puts her solidly on the path to be the first person  out transgender person in the country to be elected to a similar position!

Hopefully Sarah (pictured below) will be the first of many. Thanks to Bobbie for the heads up!

So...You Want to be Pregnant?

 Along the path of my transgender journey, being pregnant in reality or by using aids to appear with child never really appealed to me but I know it certainly does to others. Plus, I can think of no other way to "pass" as a woman than to be pregnant. Although, if you happen to see the same people more than once, it would difficult explaining what exactly happened with your pregnancy. 

Moving all of the intro aside, I read a delightful experience this morning from sister blogger Mandy Sherman. The post's title is "It's a Girl" and here is a short excerpt:  

"Since not much has been going on lately, I’ve been thinking back about my fun makeover a number of years ago, it reminded me of a special adventure, which took place courtesy of my supportive seamstress from the other side of the bay (who had been altering my clothes for a long time). I asked whether she could come up with a pretty “just-above-the-knee” lightweight summer dress that fit me properly. She thought for a few seconds, smiled devilishly (that should have been my first clue), and said “Yes indeed, sweetie…and it’ll be one which really flatters your figure.”

Easy request. Sounds simple, right? Ummm…Perhaps not so much…

It took a while for everything to come together (think in terms of months). When she had everything ready, she made sure I would be wearing needed underthings (a second clue?), and a date was set for my unveiling.  On the appointed day (with wife out west, visiting her sister), she ushered me into her dressing room. Then she handed me a very pretty blue polka-dot, lace-trimmed, sleeveless short dress, which I casually mentioned looked much too big for me.  She gave me that silly grin (third clue??), said “you know me better than that,” left the room, and and came back with a large package. “Congratulations, sweetie. You’re now 8 months pregnant…and it’s a girl, confirmed by an ultrasound two months ago.”  I opened it and OMG – it contained a big and very realistic silicone pregnancy belly. 

I decided on the spur of the moment that “In for a penny, in for a pound.” It’s a new experience. Why not try it? She helped me fasten it on, and “now let’s get you into your pretty new dress.”  I had wondered about the measurements she took during prior visits – but as it turned out, instead of sewing it herself, she simply altered an abandoned maternity dress to fit me, to keep the cost down. Estimating what my size would be with the belly in place was her challenge, and she added an inch of pretty lace around the hem to give the illusion of more length…which could be removed quickly if necessary to shorten it. The result was amazing. It fit perfectly, and she described how she did it, while I stared at the pregnant girl (me) in the mirror. "

There is more to this story if you follow the link above!

Non Binary Discussion

 This comment on considering yourself "non binary" or not, comes from Connie:

"I know that I am not non-binary, and never have been. I have purposely lived toward either end of the gender spectrum for nearly seventy years, but never felt comfortable anywhere in-between. For those who are wanting to find comfort there, I can only imagine how difficult that might be. Of course, I absolutely know how difficult it has been for me to live as either a man or a woman, but I have always tried to be as unambiguous about it as I could be; people can usually conclude my gender by my presentation (whether they accept it, or not, is a different subject). To be non-binary in one's gender (or genderless) identity, though, can only be made known to others by declaration.

Non-binary people don't necessarily present themselves ambiguously or as androgynous. Some can be easily perceived by the average person as decidedly binary. As difficult as it may sometimes be for a binary trans person to project their true gender identity, non-binary people cannot rely on their presentation for others to see them as they see themselves to be. Mis-gendering must be a constant problem for those who see themselves as neither he/him/his or she/her/hers. They/them/theirs would have to be conveyed in some way other than physical presentation, anyway.

Somewhere between gender binary and gender non-binary, there are those who consider themselves to be bi-gender, or even pan-gender. Others may still be gender questioning. The only thing we can be sure about, then, comes from the adage: If you've met one trans person, you have met one trans person."

Perhaps the difference comes with the younger generation. Several of the ones I have met recently have steered clear of the "transgender" label.  But as I said, a label is just a label. 

A Day at the BMV

 To begin with, the BMV stands for "Bureau of Motor Vehicles" here in Ohio. Because of social distancing and other factors, the fun filled wait to renew any number of personal or motor vehicle licenses can be completed at the "BMV." 

Because I wasn't really pressed for time, I decided to wait for the middle of the month and go early in the morning. Unfortunately there were many other people thinking the same way. Of course I was optimistic and didn't use the call ahead option either, so I spent nearly two hours of my life I will never get back waiting for my turn. 

Through the whole experience I couldn't help but feel the same gender dysphoric feelings I have felt in the past. Would I get called "sir" or asked any other inappropriate questions. As it turned out, my anxiety was wasted. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. I had my vision checked, answered a few questions and was soon seated for my lovely drivers license picture, which I won't get to see for at least two weeks. 

As I sat and waited, I remembered back four years ago when I got my first license which said female on it and how proud I was when I got to use it to vote. Since normally I can't remember what happened last week, my license will always be a way to remember when I changed my legal gender markers.

Maybe it was all worth the wait at the "BMV". A couple hours was sure starting to feel like a whole day.

Non Binary Fun

 These days I have seen the term "non binary" used in place of transgender in many instances. I find it interesting yet another term is finding it's way into the LGBTQ vocabulary. I'm sure many of you remember how prevalent the transvestite term was before transgender came along. 

I would imagine non binary maybe a more appropriate term to use with younger people who still might be on the gender fence. Would it replace androgyny as a major used term eventually? Or are we dealing in too many terms again in our culture. In which case who cares? I am sure especially the newer people dealing with gender change do. Imagine again having a very androgynous child who is still working their way through gender. In her/his case I think non binary works. 

I wonder too if the world will ever come to the point where acquaintances we transgender people run into over the years will ever come to think of us as non binary? My own personal example is the cis woman I met years ago in an art gallery who chose me for a woman's photo shoot which featured women of different backgrounds. Of all the people who lives I have crossed, I think she is the one who would embrace the non binary term.

Plus, since I have decided hormone replacement therapy would be as far as I will go to further my Mtf gender transition, maybe non binary describes me more accurately too. 

As a matter of fact though, I don't really care, I just wanted to try to write a fun post on the subject for all of you to consider.       

I'm not Brave

 I find it generally humorous when someone describes me or any other transgender women or men as brave. 

In my case I had to move forward to live as my authentic self as a transgender woman before it was too late and I was successful in committing suicide. I then embarked on a gender journey which at some points was down right scary and at other times completely wonderful. In other words, I learned I wasn't so brave as much as I never had a choice and was beginning to live a life I was always destined to live.

Of course at times, my transition was less than fun. I can't begin to tell you the number of times I was driven to tears by very rude people. I don't believe it was being brave to keep subjecting myself to abuse, it was beginning to feel more and more natural and the abuse faded away. 

It's always a debate too about how much different the situation has changed over the years and decades. When I came out, it was primarily a solitary time for novice cross dressers or transgender women. There was no social media and very few groups who would hold monthly "mixers". The times were so solitary, trans individuals who went the distance all the way to genital realignment surgery were expected to go stealth by moving away and completely starting a new life. In many ways, I felt they were the brave ones.

Currently, in many parts of the country there are LGBTQ groups which a person can reach out to for support. The group I am part of locally has helped many trans people come out of the closet and a place for cross dressers to explore more fully where they want to go. Small groups are able to go shopping and socialize in socially distanced situations. In fact, there was a virtual social this weekend. 

I am fairly sure most of the girls/guys don't consider themselves brave. It is something they just had to do.

Sneaking Out

 These days, thanks to the continuing affects of Covid 19, it seems every night Liz and I decide to go out, it is an adventure. First, we don't get to do it very often and second, we have to make sure we can do it as safely as possible. For example, I can count on one hand the number of times we have been out in the past several months. 

Last night we returned to our favorite Mexican Restaurant for a pitcher of margaritas and a bite to eat. We like the venue too because it has a nice sized patio we can eat on and stay more socially distanced. We managed to stay reasonably away from everyone except the pesky owner who kept drifting past our table.

For the evening which was slightly warm and humid, I chose a black pair of my favorite leggings along with a white tank top along with my lightweight black and white patterned blouse which comes down to my hips. Finishing off the outfit were my black flats. What I am most proud of is being able to go without foundation these days. The most recent picture I have shown you all here in Cyrsti's Condo, is an attempt to show the natural me. With no fancy photo filters and wearing just eye makeup along with lip gloss. Of course, most of the time, I am wearing a face mask so no one would notice anyhow. Back to the evening... 

I was comfortable,  accepted and as always, immensely enjoyed the food and my night out with Liz. 

Rumor has it I might have a birthday coming up relatively soon and Liz along with my daughter may be coming up with a surprise. So who knows? Maybe another evening to sneak out.  

Hard Core?

 Until today, I have heard my Mtf gender transition described many ways. Now I have another. 

On Facebook, I posted this picture.

You may remember it was taken at Liz and I's ninth anniversary dinner. 

Ironically, I had only met this person once last summer. At the time she seemed to be a LGBTQ ally and we had several good conversations. 

Shortly after that, she moved away and the only way I ever saw her was on Facebook. Interestingly, after she saw the picture this morning, she remarked I had a gone through a "hardcore" feminine transformation since she had seen me a year ago. Even during my days in the Army, I never earned the hardcore distinction from anyone. It was in the military when I first had heard the term.

I thanked her profusely but didn't give credit where it was due, I believe the increased dosage of Estradiol I have been on for the past year have finally produced the desired results I was looking for. 

Plus a compliment is a compliment...right? 

9-11

 It's September 11th. A day which was seared into the reality of most American's who were alive at that time. 

I still remember vividly I was getting ready for work and I happened to be watching television. My wife at the time worked at a bookstore very close to a major air force base so I called her with the news. At the same time the second plane hit the other tower. Life changed forever in that instant. 

Let's take this moment to remember all of those lives lost and affected. 

Liz's Turn

 I recently completed my colonoscopy at the Veterans Administration Hospital here in Cincinnati, Ohio. During my visit I was treated with respect for the most part, except for one nurse who disappeared suddenly and  promptly sent another nurse in to finish the prep work. I don't really know or care what she thought. 

Liz was scheduled for her colonoscopy this morning. Since Liz is a cis gender woman, she had all the usual worries. She did really well though, as she emerged with no problems. 

So, the only people I came into contact with was the nurse who wheeled Liz to the car when she was done and of course I had my mask on and a very lethargic drive thru clerk at a nearby Starbucks who didn't really seem to know what day it was, let alone worry about dealing with a transgender woman. 

Since Liz had the first appointment this morning, sleep last night was hard to come by. So I need to wrap this up and get my nap in.

Stay safe!!

Transgender Thesis

 From Temple University, comes the true experience of a young adult's experience coming out as their authentic self, transgender. It is called "Halloween 1987".  This comes to us from "The Temple News."

“Halloween 1987” tells the story of Cory, a teenage boy whose girlfriend wants them to wear a couple’s costume to a Halloween party. She comes up with the idea that she dresses as Cory, and Cory dresses as her. Cory, although hesitant, agrees, and the night changes Cory’s life.

The premise is based on the real-life experience of Jenny Jae Cory, a transgender woman from Towanda, a small, rural town in Appalachian Pennsylvania. Bursic met Jenny Jae Cory while working as the lead media coordinator for the Pennsylvania Youth Congress, the state’s sole LGBTQ youth advocacy organization, according to its website. 

Bursic, a 2020 film and media arts alumnus, was in Towanda to film the LGBTQ pride parade Jenny Jae Cory had organized. As they talked, Jenny Jae Cory shared her draft of her autobiography, which included the story about her epiphany during that fateful Halloween night.

Jenny Jae Cory remembered that, at that time, it was hard for her to figure out that she was transgender because of a lack of information. Back in the 1980s, her main resources for information were her grandmother’s encyclopedia, her local library, and her peers.

“The only information you got was from your friends, and it was that you’re weird and you’re a freak,” Jenny Jae Cory said.

Although the film’s initial screening could not be done in person, Kenagh Babcock, the film’s producer and a senior film major, is working with the rest of the Halloween 1987 team to raise funds so the film can be shown at festivals in 2021.

“I think the world needs films like this so people feel seen, or can be educated about the experience,” Babcock said."

For more, go here.

Do You Pass?

 Recently, "passing" seemed to be a term which may be finding it's way out of our main vocabulary as transgender folk or cross dressers. Then again, maybe not. These days, if you can afford it, or your health allows it, you now have several different avenues to achieve passing privilege. There is surgery including facial feminization, breast augmentation all the way to genital realignment available for those who can afford it or have access to good insurance. Plus, let's not forget electrolysis to get rid of those pesky facial beards. It seems to me, after you go through all of that, you damn well better "pass". 

Personally, I feel hormone replacement therapy has helped me to present favorably in a feminine world. But that is just me.

Sadly, though, just passing doesn't bring happiness to many. A transgender friend of mine years ago once told me I passed on sheer willpower. Which I took to mean if someone had a problem with me, they could go to hell. While that was true in many instances, I still suffered the same paranoia other novice cross dressers or trans women felt as they began their journey into the feminine world. I could fill several blog posts alone with my adventures waiting for a stall in women's bathrooms. 

During my endless searches for quality posts to share with you, I found this one about a transgender woman in the UK who ran into problems just trying to try clothes on in a store. It;s called "Joni's Story" and you can find it here. Joni is below.  A brief synopsis of the lengthy post looks into how Joni was rejected from a women's fitting room and how the episode led her to an unwanted public life and a search to fit in with the butch lesbian culture. 

The end result of passing of course is how you feel about yourself. Sadly, no matter how much work some people have done on themselves, they still have difficulty finding a gender piece within.  

I "Doesn't" Know It Part Two

 Michelle sent a comment in checking up on Liz and I, making sure everything was okay. She hadn't seen a post for two weeks. Thanks for asking, but we are fine and now I am wondering what happened since it has been so long since she has seen a post. I am fairly sure I only missed a day or two posting over that period.

The only real change on my end was a big one. Google, the giant who runs the platform Cyrsti's Condo runs on has decided to change the whole system.  The same Google whose "Adsense" format controls running ads on blogs. You may, or may not have noticed the pesky ads disappeared from the blog too...with no warning.  

Google also makes it nearly impossible to interact with anyone with concerns you may have. 

The problems must be more than just minor since Connie has had problems too and visits to the blog have dropped drastically. 

Hopefully, all of this will be settled soon.

A Day Away

 Yesterday, my partner Liz had one of her group meetings at a small nearby local park. The day turned out to be a wonderful harbinger of what is to come as far as fall weather around here. Sunshine, blue skies and mellow temperatures made it the perfect day for me to go along, wait in the car and relax. It's always very difficult for me to relax, so yesterday was a very rare day. 

As my mind wandered, I thought of the two main things I have coming up before my birthday in early October. I need to get my driver's license renewed, putting up with a probable insane socially distanced date at the Department of Motor Vehicles and I have decided to get rid of my old car. In my mind it has become nothing more than a tie in to a past I'm trying to forget. Liz wants me to try to sell it but I just want to junk it as it barely runs and is ancient. One way or another I have to do it before the license plates expire in October/ 

Finally, I put all of those thoughts out of my mind and started concentrating on something important, like a fall wardrobe. Even though I will overwhelmingly be staying in and not seeing anyone, I still need to break down and get my hair done. It is getting so long, even Liz is threatening to cut it for me. In partner speak, she is telling me nicely the hair is out of control. I have someone in mind to attack the beast, if she is accepting new patients :). She is the former wife of a transgender woman acquaintance of mine.  

I also began to think of what portion of my fall wardrobe still existed and was wearable. I figured I will need a new sweater or two plus maybe a pair of leather look leggings I saw on Fabulous AFTER 40. For some reason I am craving them! I have added a picture below. 

All to soon, my morning shifted back to reality as Liz finished her get together and my day away from life was over.

 

Another Transgender First

 I remember :back in the day" going to Pride carried with it a sense of frustration. Normally the first thing you saw was a group of garish drag queens waving from the back of a decorated truck or convertible. It was all well and good for them but had very little to do with me as a transgender woman. The "T" in LGBT Pride was definitely silent. I didn't let any of that stop me though. I figured at the least I could represent a portion of the transgender community who were just trying to lead an authentic life while at the same time having fun.  

As time went on, more and more trans women and trans men began to attend Pride (at least here locally) and one year recently, a trans woman was selected to lead the Cincinnati Pride Parade. In a few other major locations, such as Los Angeles now the celebration has gone full circle as transgender woman Sharon-Franklin Brown (below) has been named president of the sizable operation.

We have come along way...with such a long way yet to go.

 

Just Another Meeting

 Last night was the monthly get together of the Rainbow Aging Alliance which was completed virtually of course. Nothing really unexpected happened except I was "volunteered" for a virtual Veterans outreach meeting in November. It was fine of course since I am a veteran myself. November is also the month for an "aging summit" hosted by the group which I am also very interested in. There is no word yet on how I could be involved. 

Speaking of being involved, I am going to add in a comment from Connie on the "What Would the Neighbor's Say" Cyrsti's Condo post:

" I remember, all too well, the days (usually nights, under the cover of darkness) I'd have to plan some Mission Impossible episode just to not be detected by neighbors. For a while, that game was as much a part of my gender identity as the clothes I wore. There was some thrill to it, anyway. At some point, though, it became tiresome and felt dirty and dishonest to me. Shortly after my wife and I had come to our "great understanding," I stopped hiding altogether. I even did some major work on the front of our house, exposing my feminine-self to anyone who walked by. One day, as my wife was walking down the stairs from our house, the neighbor across the street shouted out, asking her if it had been her sister working on the house! She replied that it was (deadname) he had seen, and told him my new name. He has called me Connie ever since.

What a relief and a great improvement to my mental health it was to come clean in my coming out. Caring too much about what others may have been thinking of me was definitely not taking too much care of myself."

I can only say Wow! My wife would have divorced me before something similar  to that would have happened. Looking back on it, it could have been the best thing for both of us. Which in all fairness to her, she said. 

Thanks for the comment. 

What Will the Neighbors Say?

 One of the most common problems many transgender - cross dressers face as we begin to explore a feminine world is how to actually leave your door to do it. Unless you are fortunate enough to live in a secluded area, it's quite the problem to just get in your car and go/ Back in the day, during my formative cross dressing years I lived in a highly populated area in a medium sized town where I was quite visible in my male job. 

For all the right reasons, I ended up doing the wrong thing and slowly became recognized as who was to become the true me years later. It finally got so bad, one night when my deceased wife and I went to a party, the DJ who knew me played "Dude Looks Like a Lady." It wasn't too long after that my wife passed away and I was able to live an authentic life. 

These days of course times have changed and I live full time as a trans woman but every now and then I meet a new neighbor during one of my walks. And actually I am on speaking terms with most of them. Except yesterday. New neighbors moved in fairly close down the street and the person I assumed to be the wife decided yesterday would be a good day to stare at me walking down the sidewalk. I figured it was all I needed to have a "Karen" across the street have a problem with me. 

Yesterday was trash pickup day and after she watched me take our containers backup to the house, she decided her curiosity was satisfied. I indeed wasn't trying to steal our trash cans.

It will be interesting if we have any other interactions in the future. 

For you Novice Transgender Women

 This quote fits all of you trying to find your way out of the closet: