Vanity?

 On occasion I am incredibly surprised about how much more vane I am as my transgender woman self than I ever was as a guy. Of course it is easy to point out all the gender differences there are in fashion possibilities, even though even that seems to be in flux these days. 

With me, from the earliest days of viewing my cross dressed self in the mirror, I dedicated myself to improving my "look" as much as possible. In fact, anytime I had the chance, I was practicing. It sure beat the time I had to spend in my boring boy clothes and crew cut haircuts. I couldn't wait for the day I could purchase my own wig and better yet, grow my own hair out.

Of course, as the years advanced I grew "into" my feminine vanity and it became part of my existence. I guess more than a few feminists could say the whole process is part of societies' method of subjugating women as a whole to unfair standards of beauty.

Since to a large part, I got such a late start to living a full time existence as a trans woman, I still feel the newness of the whole process.

In many ways, my bodily changes due to hormone replacement therapy have helped increase my vanity to new heights. For example, after I pulled my leggings on this morning, I noticed my thighs were increasing in size due to the redistribution of fat in my body. By now, I know you are thinking wow how mundane is that but it gets worse. With all the problems in the world, I notices one of my thighs seems to be bigger than the other. Of course I have heard of the relatively common occurrence of women's breasts being different sizes, which is a problem I don't have. 

I wonder now, as I approach another appointment with my endo doc in the middle of this month, I am going to discuss with her the possibility of me moving my Estradiol transmission method from patches to injections. The injections I have heard are the most effective way of achieving the best femininizing results. Realistically, I am not expecting much more in my breast development but would like to see more in my hips.

Even though I have not decided which direction I will take (depending on what she says) I am leaning towards the injections.  

I guess vanity will probably get the best of me again.   

Charmed is Trans

 On the CW television network, the "Charmed" show has added another transgender character.

From the "Deadline" site:

"Actress Mareya Salazar is about to bring some of her magic to Charmed. The trans actress is set to join The CW series in a recurring role for the reboot of the spellbinding series. The timing of the news couldn’t be any more perfect considering its Transgender Day of Visibility — and we love to see Salazar join the cast.

The casting marks the second transgender actor to join this season. In November, Deadline exclusively broke the news that JJ Hawkins joined the cast in the recurring role of Kevin, a transgender male college student who inspires one of the Charmed Ones to take on a very formidable opponent. With Salazar and Hawkins, Charmed continues to move the needle when it comes to bolstering authentic representation of the trans community."

Perhaps the day is coming we won't  have to mention an actress is transgender at all. They will  just become actors or actresses.

The Battle Continues

 A reminder for a former president outside his Mar--a-Lago  home:

And, on the bright side, reversing Trump, the Pentagon has issued new policies for transgender troops. Policies which largely banned transgender people from serving in the military were reversed and new rules were given which will broaden trans troops access to medical care and gender transition. 

I will be interested to see what if any actions the Veteran's Administration will take now. Currently, the VA mostly covers only hormone replacement therapy and some essentials such as wigs and prosthetic breasts. To my knowledge, still no serious surgery. 

How Much Visibility is Good?

 Another "Transgender Day of Visibility" has come and gone. In fact, a few organizations such as Trans Ohio made it a month long look into various aspects of transgender life.  

With all the positive push to let the public know we are here and really aren't all that different from everyone else comes many other issues. 

Of course the main one is how hard we work to assimilate ourselves into the world of cis women as a whole. Once we have accomplished moving around in the feminine world, do we want to give it all up? I imagine most of us dread the Hey! that is a man in a dress syndrome. 

Then there is the security problem we face as trans women. It remains a tragic statistic how many transgender women are attacked and even killed in the world today. If we are not a part of the fortunate few who have natural passing privilege, are we subjecting ourselves to violence?  Conversely, if you are a young and pretty trans girl and don't let your potential boyfriends know of your gender past, again do you open yourself open to violence.

All questions which are not easily answered every year when we come to the Transgender Day of Visibility. 

On the other hand, being visible can be as simple as going out in public as your authentic self. Of course, even that has been curtailed due to the effects of the pandemic. Everything helps! I remember receiving a comment here in Cyrsti's Condo from a reader who occasionally journeyed out to a venue as a woman and was accepted as such.  As I said, pre pandemic of course. 

Recently though, I have been impressed with the young transgender and/or gender fluid folk I have been able to interact with. During the recent visit with the university class and recent transgender - crossdresser meetings I have attended, easily  three fourths of the participants have been in their 20's or 30's. To a person, they have been wonderful ambassadors for our culture. 

The future lies with our youth of course and the Transgender Day of Visibility should be dedicated to all of them. In many ways, a few of us opened a few doors for them and now are along for the ride. 

It's an exciting one. 

So Close yet So Far

 Every morning when I wake up, after I figure out which part of my old body hurts me the worst, I begin to think about what I will write about here in Cyrsti's Condo, 

After more than six thousand posts over the years, often it's not the easiest process. 

This morning, the idea didn't come until I was talking to Liz about our past experience with Ohio University (not Ohio State) OU is a medium sized school in Southern Ohio which happens to have a well respected communication school. 

It was of interest to me because at the time, I had over five years experience in the radio business as an announcer (DJ), was just out of the Army and had a couple years of GI Bill money I could use on education. Since I already possessed a bachelors degree, the natural move would have been to work on my Masters in Communication. 

To make a long story short, I didn't do it. I used all my usual excuses such as having a new daughter and not really wanting to uproot my little party world by moving to another. Looking back on it now, the real reason I was afraid of moving myself ahead was rooted in my gender dysphoria. When times became real tough mentally, I could always fall back on wearing a dress and makeup. I just bought into the fake reality that women somehow had an easier life.

The more accomplished I became with my feminine appearance, I became so close to actually finding out what women went through but remained so far away. Worse yet, I used the process to become very self destructive in my life. Too much angst led to too much alcohol as I tried to self medicate my bi polar tendencies away. All mixed in with a very strong gender dysphoria. 

The end result is I am surprised I happened along several women who loved me over the years and I was able to survive and actually thrive on occasion.

Until I was actually able to fully complete my Mtf gender transition though, I finally was able to put my so close yet so far reality in the rear view mirror. 

Living my authentic life still seems like a dream after all these years.

Pantene Transgender Ad

Transgender girl and two Moms.

The next time you consider buying shampoo or other hair care products, you may want to look at using the Pantene line. Here is why:

"A new Pantene ad celebrates LGBTQ families by featuring a transgender girl with her two lesbian mothers, MetroWeekly reports.

The ad tells the story of Sawyer, her mothers, and their family motto, "Everybody loves everybody, no matter what path you follow."

Ashley, one of Sawyer's mothers, described the significance of her daughter's hair in the process of transitioning. "Once she told us that she identified as a girl, she immediately wanted to grow her hair out," she says in the ad.

"I remember the first time she was out in the community wearing the clothing she wanted and her hair," Ashley continues. "And she kind of was herself. And that was the first day where I saw her."

For Sawyer, growing her hair out made her "feel good and confident, and it made my insides match my outsides."

The ad is another recent example of corporate framings of the LGBTQ community in a positive light, which is especially significant given the spate of anti-transgender bills working their way through states such as Arkansas, West Virginia, Tennessee, and South Dakota, among others.

Pantene posted a message about the ad to Twitter, writing, "Hair is a large part of our identity. And for LGBTQ+ youth like Sawyer, who choose to express themselves, their style, and their creativity through their hair style, it can help them feel seen."

Fortunately I already have a bottle of Pantene shampoo in my shower. 

Rose Montoya

 Rosalynne Montoya — who goes by Rose — is an Arizona-based, Hispanic, bisexual, non-binary transgender woman. 

Did Gender Fluidity Nearly Kill Me?

 It seems to me the term "gender fluid" has just become popularized by the younger generation of queer women and men everywhere.  My idea was reinforced recently when I attended  a transgender - crossdresser meeting. Several of the participants were 20 to early 30 somethings  Along  the way, they mentioned the idea of being gender fluid.  Or how they wished somedays they could work as a guy and the next as a girl. 

Oldest known picture

At the time, I wondered  if being gender would have worked for me, or was I at all? 

Then I realized I tried being gender fluid and it led me to a suicide attempt. I was trying to live part time in my old male life while at the same time attempting to learn to live as a transgender woman. 

Hormone replacement therapy came along and forced my hand. If I was going to choose a gender, it would have to be the higher maintenance feminine one. When I started HRT, it seemed all too quickly I was growing breasts, my skin was softening and my hair was becoming long enough to tie it back into a pony tail.

At the time, I wasn't planning on the process happening so fast. So, very quickly any thoughts of being gender fluid left my mind. Even though the term itself was probably a decade away from being used at all.

 

As I proceeded on my journey, it was increasingly evident I was home. I had discovered what deep down I always knew...I was born to be a girl/woman. 

In conclusion,  I wish anyone trying to pursue a gender fluid life the best of luck. It nearly killed me.

Thanks

 I would like to take a second and thank the professor and nearly twenty students who joined in for a virtual class I recently participated in.

At he last minute the other day I was asked to step in with a couple younger transgender women and men to share our life experiences including dealing with trans discrimination.

I found the class from Mt. Saint Joseph's College here in Cincinnati to be attentive and curious with good questions.  

Most of the questions revolved on how the proper way transgender people should be approached and treated. 

For my input on discrimination, I recounted my rest room experiences back in the day when I had the police called me, when I was called a pervert to my face and finally was asked to leave a couple venues. 

The professor then asked me if I thought times had changed for the better as far as the transgender community is concerned. 

I answered yes. Regardless of the previous administration in Washington, we have made strides to fight forward. After all, I remember back in the 1950's in Dayton. Ohio when men were rounded up and arrested for simply cross dressing up as women.

Now I have another university class coming up in April virtually at the Miami University in Oxford, Ohio which I am really looking forward to.