Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk! Another virtual issue of our Sunday edition is hitting your front porch! It's a damp cool Sunday morning here in Cincinnati, Ohio-but for the first time in days I can see a bit of sun! So the "joe" (coffee) is going to be warm this morning-not iced. Let's get started.

Page One-The Week That Was-or Wasn't: This is as easy as the seismic week when Caitlin Jenner came out. Friday, SCOTUS (Supreme Court of US) approved same sex marriages.
If you listen closely, the rumbling noises you hear in the distance are all the bible thumping ministers pounding away this morning. Of course what you also may hear is all the grumblings from the transgender community. I too understand this decision benefits the gay and lesbians far more than us and many fear they will kick us to the curb again. How I see it is, same sex marriage was simply the right thing to do. To complain about any pro or con effects to the trans community is simply sour grapes. Ultimately our fate lies in our hands.

NOT singing in the rain!

Page Two-Party in the Rain!: Timing is everything after all and Friday night was the kick off of two weekend party days at Cincinnati LGBT Pride.  I thought about labeling the picture of me with a phrase I am using a lot recently: "Rode hard and put away wet!" This was taken waiting for the pub crawl shuttle bus at the end of the evening. Lesson learned to take a "before" picture too! As always, Liz (Liz T Designs) and I always seem to have an innate luck to be at the right time in the right place to to enjoy ourselves. 
The pub crawl actually had three different "legs" of approximately 20 bars. We were able to comfortably get into the ones we wanted (visit some new ones) and get out while the getting was good. Also, at my old age, I do like to talk while I am in an establishment while the entertainment is going on. Did that too!
It was fun!



Page Three- Flying the Flag: One of the nicer parts of the evening was when a young woman came up and said how much she liked my barrette. It was in an earlier part of the evening before the rain had wrecked any semblance of how I wanted my hair to look. You Cyrsti's Condo regulars may remember this hand beaded trans themed barrette Liz made me some time ago. I was proud to be trans this weekend for anyone who noticed at Pride!!

Page Four-The Back Page: Well kids, it's time to get going and wrap this edition up. Thanks for stopping by the Condo and I hope to see you again soon!!!!

It's Not Over Till It's Over

A couple transgender moments the other night caught my attention. One very positive and one exactly the polar opposite.

First I caught an episode of a show I wouldn't normally watch because of it's first transgender participant. I am talking about Big Brother and Audrey Middleton. She was as advertised: positively gorgeous and probably just as nervous. The good news is she arguably is one of the most attractive women on the show. The bad news is she is arguably one of the best looking women on the show. Why it is bad? People within and out of our transgender community think passing privilege is everything - it's not.

Take last night's incredibly tragic news that Jess Shipps a 31 year old transgender military activist had committed suicide for example. 

One of the gender transition problems is the frustrating fact you never seem to reach the "other side" in your mind. Assuming you have reached a certain level of "passing privilege" - then you have to face the daunting tasks of finding a mate, a job and all the other tasks of building a life. 

Then, what kind of life do you want?  The days of strutting yourself in front of your home mirrors, in the mall or at a gay venue are gone. Are you a "tom boy" or a "girly girl" and don't know it?

The problem also is-there is no right answer. The person you perceived you to be before transition maybe totally different than the one you become. 

Just don't put all your eggs into the "passing privilege" basket and know the transition process can be a life long process. Your rewards can be more than you ever imagined.  

Supreme Court Affirms Gay Marriage!!!!

From my Yahoo News Feed: VICTORY!!!!

"The Supreme Court has found a constitutional right to same-sex marriage, striking down bans in 14 states and handing a historic victory to the gay rights movement that would have been unthinkable just 10 years ago.

Anthony Kennedy, a conservative justice who has broken with his ideological colleagues to author several decisions expanding rights for LGBT people, again sided with the court’s four liberals to strike down the state bans. The 5-4 majority ruled that preventing same-sex people from marrying violated their constitutional right to equal protection under the law and that the states were unable to put forth a compelling reason to withhold that right from people."

Wow. 

Plan Part Two

Picking up where we left off here in Cyrsti's Condo, let's chat for a second time of the struggle to present admirably as a woman in public. As with anything else in life some of us begin with more to work with than others- but I am more than a little humored when some think they can ignore the basics when they cross dress.  My examples have always been skin care and weight control. (Ever wonder why generics obsess about these?) 

In our last post I mentioned the incredible difficulties I had when I was cross dressing a couple days a week. Rarely did I put the "whole package" together. Of course now, HRT and simple experiences in the public eye have made this "presentation" thing easier-sort of.

For me, the effects of HRT had the most affect on my skin and hair.  Skin because of it's size and hair because of society. 

Hair I discuss quite a bit here in the Condo-lately it has cycled through to a combination of needing a color update to resembling an out take from the Aflac Duck Hair Salon commercial.

While I make fun of all of this "process", the fact remains if we as transgender women or cross dressers expect to be accepted by society-it takes effort. 

Example? Because of the first diet I have ever undertaken (not undertaker) I have taken off 35 pounds and all of the sudden can wear some of my clothes which were too small. Mainly, a couple long skirts and a denim skirt which comes a couple inches above my knees. I decided l would get brave and wear the denim skirt with a pair of flip flops and simple white top earlier this week when I went to the VA, my kid's house and out with my friend. 

The problem was getting my legs and feet up to "code" for public presentation. Remember I, like most of the other women around here do not wear panty hose in the summer. First of all I had to get rid of the "stubble" on my legs, then put another "coat" of "natural color in a tube" on my legs. (I have to be real careful of not screwing that up!!!) Then I moved on down to my feet and made sure all the old skin was off my heels and my self applied toe color was again presentable. On the plus side, HRT has given me the extra layer of fat women have under their skin to look smoother, so my legs are more presentable and I don't have any vein problems generics my age have.

Bottom line (for this post) was not how I thought the outfit came together and worked the way it did. It was how long it took me to get here. All day, through all sorts of situations, I was comfortable, natural and presentable. 

I had no idea I was this patient!!!

A Break Through?

Here in Cyrsti's Condo I have written about the difficulty my former Sister in Law (from my deceased wife) has had understanding my transgender status. It's not surprising in many ways because I wonder if she understands why the sun comes up in the morning. 

For some reason, today we were discussing my day yesterday. The topic bounced from yet another trip to the VA hospital, a stop by my daughter's and meeting up last night for adult beverages with one of my long time girl friends - all the way to gender markers. (For all you new visitors here to the Condo, I am a US Army trans vet and the VA is the Veteran's Administration where I get my heath care.)

For once I was patient with her and forgot about the fact she is actually 55 and not the mental age of my grandkids. I started with a slow explanation of what gender markers are, what they do and how difficult they are to change. Amazingly, she was following along. Until tomorrow when she has forgotten half of what I told her. 

I did stir the subject up a bit by explaining how natural it was yesterday to live my life in all those various spots as me. No looks or stares from the world. In fact the only hell I caught was from the VA nurse who seemingly is stuck with taking my blood lately. She rode me hard and put me away wet for still not changing my VA gender marker. Of course she is right and this time after I go through these tests to see what is wrong with me-I will get the process rolling. Enough already with the procrastination.

I have all the info stashed away on how to do the gender marker work. I do know I will need documentation from a psychiatrist/therapist type peep. So, I hope my original "shrink" at the VA who approved me for HRT is still there. We got along so well. If not, it will be interesting because almost everyone I encounter in the system now hammers me for my ID.

I should get more news next week.

In the meantime, my sister in law today said "Oh! It's not how you perceive yourself-it's how the world perceives you. And that's why yesterday was so natural for you. The world finally perceived you how you wanted." 

Wow  

Yet Another Suicide

Jess Shipps

Just when you think everything is warm and fuzzy in the transgender community, a touch of reality comes crashing through.

For some reason, I missed this story. It did not come through my emails and I happened to pick it up because of Jeni's message through my Google + comments. But-all of the sudden, all of those comments are being sent to my Yahoo Spam mail account-which I rarely read.

So thanks to Jeni for alerting me to the tragic story about Transgender Military Advocate Jess Shipps committing suicide. 

 From the Advocate.Com: The transgender military community is in mourning after learning of the suicide of Jess Shipps, a 31-year-old Air Force veteran.

ADVERTISING

Shipps, who served 11 years before leaving service nine months ago to pursue her gender transition, was an active member of SPARTA, an advocacy and support group for trans members of the military.

The story is very sad and intensive but relates the all too familiar story of transgender suicide. A friend said her (Jess Shipps) "pretty sad, pretty difficult" final message reflected struggles experienced by many trans women and trans army veterans, that can take a toll on mental health. The pair had been friends for two years after Shipps had left the Air Force; although she was not discharged. The friend said he believes she chose to leave because "she had a fear of transitioning while on active duty." 

Check out the links for more and thanks again Jeni!

More Than Coffee with Mick Dodge?

All this time my friend Connie who lives in Seattle has represented the city and the Pacific Northwest as more as survivalists living in the woods (Mick Dodge) and a convenience store coffee stop at every corner!!! Turns out she may be right.

Aneesh Sheth

From the Seattle Globalist: Seattle webseries aims for depth in transgender story lines. -and why:

"With the positive reception of Laverne Cox’s breakout role in “Orange is the New Black” and Jill Soloway’s “Transparent,” scripted television shows are increasingly featuring transgender characters. But for Seattle-based trans activist, producer, and artist Aneesh Sheth, rarely do these representations dare to be different."

Sheth says her webseries “CRAVE” will bring a depth to stories about transgender characters that she’s been hoping to see.

“I definitely find my ethnicity and stories like mine absent from the latest trends of trans stories out there,” Sheth said. “Trans visibility to me is exactly what ‘CRAVE’ is hoping to do; get more stories out there that don’t rely on sensationalizing trans people and their lives. Yes, the main character is trans, and yes it is important to point that out- but only to show people, ‘Hey! Look! Here’s a trans person too and they’re just living their lives like everyone else!’”

Sheth has launched a Kickstarter to get her project off the ground. The campaign is active until July 6."

Here is a link to the campaign. 

Don't You Love it When a Plan Comes Together?

When I have the time, I browse other blogs I have linked up here with. Recently Mandy Sherman and Paula Goodwin wrote about experiences which jogged my noggin. Specifically, Paula was writing about an experience she had with a "leaking boob" and Mandy about her experiences traveling as a woman on vacation. Of course, like many of you-been there-done it. Some of the experiences were extremely humorous-some close to tragic.

Bottom line is presenting as a woman is a labor intensive activity. I clearly remember the days when I was cross dressing a couple days a week. It seemed each time I would almost put the whole deal together until I was out for awhile and my panty hose started to slide down my hips, my heels became instruments of torture, my bra hurt too and I am not going to even mention my wig and makeup!

Slowly and all too surely I learned the basics of blending, comfort and style. I was mostly too stubborn with blending as I thought it was some sort of "right of passage" to wear a dress and heels where I was the only woman doing so. Of course, dressing for comfort such as women do brought me a much better enjoyment in the clothes I was wearing. (And not be a slob!) Ironically style has always seemed to come to me easily. Perhaps it's because of all the years I spent observing women of all shapes, ages and sizes.

Then, the more I transitioned and began HRT, a whole new plan emerged. One which involved attitude over appearance as a major factor. More on all of that coming up in a later Cyrsti's Condo post...stay tuned kids!

What Does "Pride" REALLY Mean To You?

Rapidly another LGBT Pride month is rushing by. As it does, it's time to pause and ask ourselves what it really means to each of us. In years past, Pride was clearly a time for gays and lesbian's to celebrate their visibility and gains in society. (Well deserved)

We Transgender folk were pretty much along for the ride. We were the younger siblings who were really not invited to the party-but came anyhow.

Then the ultimate hurt came when we did go and were firmly included with the drag queens. 

Now of course 'times are a changin' -rather quickly. 

I began to attend Pride events only three years ago. In addition to the overall party aspects of the events I went to, there were pockets of information. Normally none of which directed to trans women or men. Yes, the "T" was invisible. It seemed I wasn't invisible though with the other attendee's. Many were very visible (to the point of being rude) with their reactions of me. I thought really? Did I have to put up with the "whip-lash" head looks and even a smirk or two? (Mainly from lesbians) I thought this party was mine too???

Back to my point. Pride to me means taking a look at where we as transgender women and transgender men have come. And, more importantly we are we are going. "Going" just could be the most important message for all of you still firmly in the closet and questioning. Regardless of what some say, coming out at any certain age does not determine your transness. What's between your ears does. So Pride is for all of you too.

I'm going to Cincinnati Pride this weekend. Yet other time to gauge how far we have come in what maybe the toughest crowd of all-our own. By the way-Cincinnati's parade marshal this year is not a cis gay man, not a lesbian but a real live out and proud transgender woman! She is  Erika Ervin, known professionally as Amazon Eve,  an American transgender model, fitness trainer, and actress.