Number One Fantasy?

Over the years I have encountered many cross dressers who would have just loved to get all dressed up in a lavish wedding dress for their own big day.  Certainly, it's easy to understand why.  Walking down the aisle as a bride with all eyes on you, on the day you dreamed of since you were a little girl-just has to be one of the pinnacles of femininity.  

Why wouldn't it be?  I would like to take a survey of sorts though to find out which cross dressing fantasy is numero uno?  We could toss in French Maids, Cheerleaders, Sissies and even pregnant women to name a few.

In my not so illustrious past years ago I did get invited by a friend of friend to a bachlorette party, and then univited not so long later.  Sure it would have been fun but with my lack of "experience" back then, I would have been scared to death, plus another problem could have been if one of the other women didn't want me there.  Oh, well, it never happened anyway.

Unknown cross dressed bride

I have never done the cheerleader deal but came relatively close with a short white tennis dress I put together which was quite fun.  Of course I had the white panties, tennis shoes and a long white lightweight jacket to wear over my hairy arms. Then, instead of the courts, I hit the mall.  Like I said it was fun and I got away with it.

The pregnant woman thing, never did appeal to me...seems like pain and suffering anyway you look at it and I suppose like most everyone else in the cross dressing community, I did various versions of a French Maid. 

Finally, I found quickly, I was never a good sissy girl.

So there you go.  I'm sure you all have your own special fantasy outfits!  Just save them for Halloween!

Oh! Carmen

Can't get enough of Carmen Carerra including this latest video from CNN on the  Cyrsti's Condo's big screen:

Are Transgender "Admirer's" Gay?

This is an unintended follow up post to DeAnna's comment about transitioning from a gay man to a transgender woman.
On a different slant, the argument has raged on both sides of the fence about a man's sexuality if indeed he is attracted to you as a trans woman?  Is he indeed gay and if so, who cares?  I guess many do indeed care.
For what it's worth, I have two definitions.  The first is a straight (no pun intended) forward "Yes he is gay, if he is attracted sexually to another man, no matter how he looks."  The second (and the one I believe in), no he is not gay because the transgender women he is with, in no way considers herself male.

Fortunately, for all of you, I have another idea on the matter from this video on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

Loss of Innocence

Over the years I have watched several drag shows where the drag queens came out later, out of drag.  I must say I was sort of disappointed when my illusion was shattered.  I'm the last person you would think who wouldn't know the drag queen was an illusion.  I suppose too I was always on the outlook for a trans person in the show who I could identify with later.  I don't watch many drag shows though and it has been years since I have seen a real live transgender woman who obviously was on HRT, get up on the stage and perform.

The video I'm passing along on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen goes into the same category. Perhaps you have seen Heidi Phox on YouTube or other places on the web.  She is and has always been gorgeous.  I always wondered though in some spots she identifies as a cross dresser and a transgender woman in others.  I understand now after watching this transformation video.  I give her all the credit in the world for doing it!

Gender by Default

Not so long ago here in Cyrsti's Condo, we covered the topic of changing your gender markers.  If you didn't know, gender markers are those all important letters "M" or "F" in your legal existence.

Some documents pack a huge impact (such as social security, driver's license, etc.), others, not so much-or do they?

I began to think about it the other day and here is why:  I applied for one of the gas/convenience store discount cards which are so prevalent and popular in my part of the world.  Essentially the more you spend with them, the less you pay for their gas.

For years I have had a card with a well established gas chain in my hometown under my male name, a couple days ago I applied for another chain's card under my female name.  The gender box of course defaulted me to male or female.  To be clear, these cards are not credit or debit cards of any sort, but these days you know all your info sooner or later is going into big data bases.  I have never doubted Big Brother is watching and if I really had anything to hide, I wouldn't be out here writing a blog.

I just wonder if some day I will be cross referenced by address, age and gender on one of these lower level cards and bounced.  It won't happen I know because all these companies want is my money and all the gender markers which really matter are cross referenced by social security numbers.

It's just my little conspiracy theory but I wonder if sometime in the future, more than a couple of my old male gender markers will make a surprise return to my life.

I know at least two visitors to "theCondo" (Shelle and Drake) who have started down the gender marker trail but as of yet, I haven't. Actually, I see the process as important to me as starting HRT. Obviously, the process separates me further from my male past.  I can rationalize not beginning the process on laziness but my deadlines to sign up for Medicare are rapidly approaching this year and obviously if I can register female then I would save myself headaches later.  Plus, I will have to read up (and get some advice) from a few of my Veteran's Administration friends to get an idea of what I have to do to get my markers changed with the VA as it interfaces with Medicare.

Fortunately, I'm not totally clueless about the strides that have been made with changing gender markers.  It seems on occasion, every time you can cross one huge MtF transition threshold-you are looking square at another.

Cyrsti's Condo "Powerscope"

It's power scope time for those of us born under the sign of the Libra.  You regulars may have noticed I changed the regular name of this Condo weekly feature. Same scopes coming from theFrisky and here is this weeks:


(September 23-October 22): Your spastic side will be in control, so beware of slippery floors and slick roads. There are accidents waiting to happen, but they can be avoided if you stay in firm control of your time and focus. Make lists, set goals and stick to timetables. It’s a bit of a robotic way of life, but this week, putting on those blinders is your safest bet.

Best Day To Get Lucky: Friday, February 14

This is a tough scope for me because some would argue my "spastic side" is always in control. Plus, living a robotic way of life has never been easy for me!  Oh well, I will do my best to get by until next week and I should get lucky on Valentine's Day!  For your scope, go here.

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl" of the Day

Our cover girl today is a bit different (no not like that sillies) I found her picture on Pinterest and loved her edgy look.  If you have ever took a look at Pinterest, the site has a tremendous collection of transitioned women from cross dressers, to androgynous models, to transgender and transsexual porn stars.

The problem I have is, some of the MtF transition pictures look a little too good and many you can't research to see if they are not genetic.  I do my best to find out the background of the women we feature here in the Condo before I present them.

So, I think, today's feature cover girl is a make over project - and a fun one at that!

Certainly, if you have any more info on this, let me know.  I have a friend who is considering going to a "make over" service!

Inter Culture Slurs

Here we go again, today in one of the transgender Google+ groups, someone called me a "gurl". Really? Well, you regulars here in Cyrsti's Condo know how I feel about that...not warm and fuzzy.  Right or wrong I equate the term with a stereotype I have been trying to lose for years. This time though, my rather snarky reply to the person turned out to be a real eye opener for me.  Plus the person gave me my first look into yet another segment of our community I don't think about much-a gay man who transitioned.

Wow, as I thought about the idea and added my somewhat limited knowledge of gay men, I realized how difficult that must be.  Finally just getting to the point of not being discriminated against in gay venues for me was tough enough and that didn't include the time it took me to educate them to the fact I wasn't a fetish CD on the "down low" looking for sex or a queen.

Here's the reply (unedited)

Um ... hm. Good question loaded with a valid point. Perhaps this is a topic for a new thread? Regardless, I will answer your question with complete honesty (as I am so impassioned as of late!). I am still rather new to being openly trans*. I suppose like many others my experience is varied and complex. In short I lived as a gay man for many years. Early in my "coming out" stage I performed drag as a way to express how I truly felt about myself. But, in my experienced, drag queens are acceptable in the gay/lesbian community while trans* is still very much misunderstood. I know many of my past friends (gay men especially) just don't seem to get it. It is still hard for them ... my ex of 6 years couldn't understand why "drag" turned into a lifestyle at home. I never understood why I wasn't attracted to gay men; it seemed I was only attracted to straight men. (An impossible life ... ) I suppose I even went through a few years where a clinician would have called what I was doing as a fetish or that it was more about sex. I have old friends (again, mostly gay men) who think getting dressed up is my way of seducing the straight men I have always been attracted to but could never have while living as a man. So, in the process I have referred to myself as "gurl," "tranny," and "cross-dresser." In many ways those "titles" accurately reflected my knowledge, exposure, and self-awareness.

It has only been by involving myself in trans* communities such as this that I have learned the difference. Whether you are offended or not ... I am a woman who lived as a gay man performing drag, I was a big ole "gurl" for the longest time, and was less offended in times past by the behavior of a "tranny chaser." I use the term "gurl" as a way of differentiating between CIS women and trans* women. Or, maybe I should say, I used to? But, in this age of political correctness at every turn I also think we can get our panties in a bunch rather easily over some of the most innocent of behavior, speech, and action. I mean no offense. It's only an indication of how much room remains to grow and how much more I must learn. Thankfully I remain open-minded and willing. I hope that clarifies the use of "gurl." 

As I said, I was truly impressed by the reply and the thought behind it and couldn't wait to get permission to pass it along to you all here in "theCondo"!

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Our Sunday edition this week is truly special in that you and I went over 1,000,000 hits here in the Condo.  Yes kids, that's one million!!!

First of all, I would like to thank my Mom for recommending electro shock therapy to me 40 years ago when I came out as a transvestite to her and much of the rest of the world who treated me as a freak during my early days.

Seriously, I would love to thank Connie out in the beautiful Pacific Northwest (Seattle) who first suggested I write a blog when I was sharing several of my many coming out stories on the Pink Essence site. Cyrsti's Condo's first post was May 29,2010 after I learned what a blog even was (I couldn't spell it!). I estimate it took me until 2011 to solidify the name and learn the nuances of tags, etc, which pushed "the Condo" out into the vast internet where others could see it.  All you current bloggers who visit here know, just publishing a blog is the easy part. Getting someone to read it is another.

In 2010 my goals were simple.  Hopefully someone would be able to learn from my trial and error transition which seemed to be mostly error. Also, along the way, I hoped to share more than a few of my off the wall experiences which at the least would be entertaining.  From there, I added transgender news and opinion and finally, pictures and videos'.

So, over 2750 published posts later, I thank all of you for stopping by my little blog. At times it's a labor of love and at others, a full time job with very little pay.  Like so many things in our lives, the true joy here does not come from money even though the ad's you see here do provide me with a minimal stipend I can use.  If you don't know, when and if a person see's an ad of interest and clicks on it, I get a very minimal kickback.

Looking back to 2010, I couldn't have even predicted HRT would be in my future, let alone the amount of freedom I have been able to achieve in my chosen gender.  Perhaps not so ironically, you can read more than a tad of my uncertainty in post #1 "You Make a Better Looking Woman"

You've probably heard the comment. Unless you are like the recent "Tyra Show"guests. I'm referring to the 7 and 8 year old transgendered kids who are living in their preferred gender. You've likely agonized over the duality within you. .When I played defensive end, I wanted to be the cheerleader...you know the story. My experimentation with the opposite gender didn't really start until I was about 12. The magic elixir of seeing a girl in the mirror was powerful. I've often wondered if some chemical endorphin in my brain is the catalyst for the creature I am today. And what about the comments that I made a" better looking woman than man"? (Halloween party gossip) Comments such as those used to destroy me! How could I even consider stopping this shameful "hobby"? Where was my "get out of jail free" card to end this madness? Obviously, I didn't stop.

 In my mind there is nothing more powerful than a beautiful woman so I listened to the comments and obsessed to get better. Better I did become. The world knew me as one gender or the other and for the most part I went out of my way to create two existences. Chance encounters with people who knew the male side of me never produced any recognition. Life was balanced. Until New Years day this year. Symbolically, I started the year and decade as Cyrsti for the first time ever. Checked into the hotel as a girl, went to the clubs with friends and left the next morning in girl clothes. On the way home, I changed into my favorite teams jersey (filled it out a little different!) and stopped and watched the first of the bowl games. On the way home, I was totally into girl mode when impulsively I stopped at my regular grocery store to pick up a couple things. On New Years Day I figured none of the regular cashiers would be working. If they were, they wouldn't know me anyhow. Wrong, wrong and WRONG! Both of the regular cashiers were working. Of course one of them picked me out of the crowd immediately. I knew it and she knew it...she thought. I bought my groceries and took off. I went back the next day to see if I was right. It took her about ten seconds to start asking questions since I was alone in line. She said "I know how you will answer" but "do you have an alter ego" or did I lose a bet. I was naturally evasive as I considered "outing" myself and just said I was at my brothers watching football. I did not out myself to her so she got bored and wrapped it all up with "Who ever it was was very attractive and really looked like you". Nearly three days later I ended up in the other cashier's line. Following a similar Q & A, she just said "if you ever had to go that way, you would have no problems, she was beautiful." Not my ideal way to go fishing for compliments. 

Fortunately, my gender balance wasn't too difficult to restore. Many around me know of my duality and I don't care. I did spend some time considering the old questions about how challenging it is to live life this way. But you know I wouldn't miss another shot of that "magical elixir." Life would be soooo much more boring!

That's the past and I wish I had some wonderful plans I have for the future here in the Condo but I don't.  I'm notoriously short term in my thinking! I have felt for the longest time the platform I use is too small for all the things I try to do here but I am quite comfortable with it.  What scares me the most is the real potential I have to screw a new platform up. So, I'm taking the easy way out for a change. I may have to come up with something different when I get my book done and published in May.

Finally, I can't begin to tell you how humbled, flattered and surprised with all of this and I am not blowing hot air up your collective skirts! (No matter how much you would like it!)

Very simply, all I can ever say is thanks to each and everyone of you!

Cyrsti Hart