Showing posts with label HRT. Show all posts
Showing posts with label HRT. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 24, 2019

Vacay Post Three

This is a Cyrsti's Condo post from 2015. It is a very weak attempt to explain a few of my early changes when I restarted hormone replacement therapy:

"More great news yesterday! My estrogen was found not to be the basis of my liver problems this summer...and I am allowed to resume my dosage ASAP. 

Estrogen is like a snowflake, for the most part  the hormone effects each trans person different. 

Yes there is the breast development-which is tied in with your feminine family genetics and normally never up to the expectations of the person on HRT. (Many cis women aren't satisfied with their breasts, so we are in good company.)

Yes there is the emotional aspect-which I think is the biggest part. You do get "weepy"and experience "hot flashes" -which are different animals unto themselves. As close as I can come explaining one is during my first one, I thought I was internally combusting!

The part of Estrogen effects (so far) I have never been able to explain to anyone (man or woman) is how my world softened internally. Somehow I was more perceptive to the world around me. Cis men don't experience it and cis women are born with it-so they don't understand. That's OK!

Finally, I look forward to a couple exterior changes. My hair will thicken again and my skin will soften-bringing out curves.

Poor Liz (my partner) she gets to live through another MtF gender puberty of sorts. She wasn't around for my first. She was with me as I started HRT the first time and a form of transgender menopause when I stopped. 

And now, here we go again!!! YAY!!!"

Four years later and it's way past time to write an update to this post. I will when I start to go "live" again with my posts next week.

Thursday, July 18, 2019

Action Day

It's finally here, the day before we depart on vacation.  Now, the fun starts. I am doing a final load of clothes, so I will have what I hope is a good selection of clothes to take. Of course, now, outfits are just the beginning of my packing needs.

I have a separate small bag I will take for my make up. Fortunately, thanks in a great part to changes in my skin and face from HRT, my make up needs are a lot less. Plus, I want to attempt to blend in the best I can with the rest of the women on the tour, who usually are even older than me. So, the emphasis will be on simplicity with touches of emphasis on contour, eyes and lips. Nothing dramatic.  So the make up and toiletry part of packing is just about ready.

Unfortunately, most of my packing will have to wait till the last moment when I pack my CPAP breathing machine. I plan on taking (depending upon room) four tops and three sets of different bottoms, including one set of leggings. We are only allowed one suitcase, so that is going to have to make it.

Of course in the middle of a day when we have to go the ATM for a little bit of cash and to the store for a few forgotten necessities, we have a social to go to tonight. It's the one which was moved from a small local restaurant/bar to a big corporate one. I can understand the reason...the small venue always wanted to close about an hour after we all got there. On the other hand though, it provided a low key non threatening place for novice cross dressers or transgender women to come to. The bigger place just doesn't offer any of that. We will see what happens with attendance.

While I am gone, I have tried to file an archive post to go live approximately every two days. Hopefully, a dual purpose will be served, some sort of continuity when I am gone. Plus a much needed blog vacation for me.

I hope you enjoy them!

Sunday, June 30, 2019

A Reminder

Last night we went out to dinner at one of our fave spots.

It was a warm, even hot summer evening here in Ohio, an ideal night I thought to wear one of my long slinky maxi dresses.

It was fun to take my shower in anticipation of the evening and washing my hair and letting it dry naturally, bringing out all the curls.

All too quickly it was time to slip into my dress, attach my favorite earrings and slide into my black flats. Even though I spend my whole life in a feminine world, I had an inkling of a thought...all of this was fun and I loved it.

The feeling continued into the evening.  The restaurant wasn't very busy for a change so we didn't have a problem finding the rest of our party.

As I walked in, I was distinctly aware of the changes to my body thanks to HRT. I could feel everything from my hair on my neck all the way to the shoes on my feet. Now I thought, this was what I went through all the changes for.

Ironically, a woman in a black pants suit (and obviously nothing under it) sat down close to us. For a second my mind flashed back to an earlier time when I would have been intensely envious of her. But last night, I didn't have to be.

I was free to finally be myself and it felt great.

The picture on the left is actually the same dress taken last summer. 

Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Group Tears

Last night's transgender - cross dresser support group meeting at times was very intense. For example, we had a first time participant show up who is not transgender but has two trans kids. Ironically, she wants to be able to connect with them but can't seem to. More than likely their is probably another detached spouse pulling the strings. Through her tears she managed to say she "thinks" Cincinnati Children's Hospital is involved , which is the "Gold Standard" for trans care in the area for anyone 24 or younger.

Another interesting attendee was struggling to put into focus who they really were. Even though, they are starting HRT and most of work knows, they still use the terminology "dressing up" as a woman and not dressing as their "true self".

Also in attendance were two totally new peeps, one still dressed as a guy. Neither said a whole lot except one owned a new "old school" board game shop fairly close to our house.

More tears came after the new peeps when one of the trans women who brought her wife to the last meeting read a letter from the wife. The letter delved deeply into the struggle she was having accepting the "death" of her husband and the ability to being able to move on if she had too.

Between her and the woman with the two trans kids, I realized once again the severe distress gender dysphoria can cause.

I hope everyone's time at the meeting was valuable. Even the young trans woman who has a boy friend who knows she is trans. Haven't seen her for a long time but she is transitioning really well.

Balancing her story is a sad one. One of the nicest transgender women I have ever met went through all her gender surgeries with flying colors, found a man who again knew of her past but went ahead with plans to get married anyhow. However, before the date, he backed out saying people in the small Kentucky town he was from were calling him gay. More tears.

Maybe I should check my hormone levels!

Thursday, April 11, 2019

Doctors and More Doctors!

Yesterday I went with Liz to her Doctor's appointment and felt good. The wait is normally short and I fool around on my phone and people watch.

For a change, my Mtf Gender Dysphoria was at a low point, so I felt good about myself presenting as a trans woman in public. One would think, as much and as long I have lived full time, all anxieties would begin to diminish. And, for a change, they have.

For the most part yesterday, my interactions were all with other women since Liz's Doctor is in a University of Cincinnati women's health center. For all I know they could have thought I was there for any number of issues except pregnancy. However,  if I don't continue to walk and control what I eat, I might be looking like I am pregnant anyhow.

Speaking of women's health issues, I better get my mammogram scheduled. My maternal grandmother passed from breast cancer in the 1950's so a precedent has been set in my family to get it done. My latest excuse is we are down to one car and I have to be careful to schedule it around my other medical appointments, as well as Liz's.

Again the whole deal is part of being a woman and I need to get it done.

Finally, I have not heard back from my endocrinologist concerning the possibility of increasing my HRT.  I did how ever, receive an extra dosage of Estrogen (Estrodial)  patches from the VA, so maybe I have been approved but just not told yet.

Saturday, April 6, 2019

Response

In response to my "Transgender for Dummies" post yesterday, Connie had this comment:

"Well, it's for sure that Clare Flourish is not "Transgender for Dummies." I read her blog regularly, and I don't think I've gotten through a single post without having to visit Dictionary.com to find the meaning of a word she has used. She certainly offers something for which I can contemplate in most every post.

Speaking as one who must endure a transition without the "assistance" of HRT, I have only been an interested observer of my trans sisters who have been able to experience the effects of female hormones on their bodies and minds. Having fathered two daughters, and having more than just a passing interest as they have grown through puberty, pregnancies and motherhood, has taught me how I might fit into the world of the feminine mystique as a trans woman, as well. There is much to which I can't directly relate, but I, at least, have been able to create a personal mindfulness.

If I were able to go on HRT, I wonder if my mindfulness would be overcome by emotional mood swings. I have observed trans women who had little mindfulness before HRT, and most of them have shown themselves to be emotional messes at times. Cis girls certainly have little mindfulness as they go through puberty, but they do have their peers (and, if fortunate enough, a caring and wise mother) to help them through the trials and tribulations. Trans women don't usually have that luxury, and learning to deal with the changes brought about by powerful hormones must be daunting. I would like to think that I would be better prepared, myself, but I think that there would be only one way to find out. Still, I have been around trans women who began HRT with the thought that it would be the be-all-end-all of their transitions without much support or education. This is why I've often said that HRT can either fuel you or fool you. That's only from my position as an observer, of course.

For whatever reason, I've always been a pretty sensitive person. Being raised as a male, with the assistance of testosterone, had been enough to keep most public demonstration of my sensitivity to a minimum. When I finally declared that I was going to live the rest of my life as the woman I know I was born to be, I found much relief in being allowed to express my emotions more freely. I tend to shed tears at the, seemingly, most silly little things. The only reason I might try to gain control over them, these days, is to keep from messing up my makeup! :-) "

I would agree Clare Flourish is no dummy! Didn't mean to imply she was. More precisely, I was trying to say I was the dummy. 

My view on HRT is it is a stepping stone. In many instances such as I, it has provided me a much needed edge in be able to to present more favorably as a trans woman. I was far from a "natural."  So, as far as I am concerned, HRT fueled me to where I wanted to go. On the other hand, HRT is far from the miracle worker many perceive it to be. As with any other medical procedure, it all needs to be kept in perspective. 

I know a couple novice transgender women who are so convinced HRT is the magic stepping stone to bottom surgery, they have it all laid out in their minds how quick  it all can happen. Both have barely taken the time to live a feminized existence. 

Needless to say, it is a radically different deal when you start to live full time.

Friday, April 5, 2019

Transgender Guide for Dummies

I wish I had the time and the patience to write a book on this subject. Since I don't, I decided to steal an idea from a Word Press blog I follow by Clare Flourish  on emotions, which would be one chapter. I read the post with interest since lately I have been over emotional and afterwards put myself  firmly in the "dummy" category.

Why? Because I have been on HRT for about five years now and have more than a little idea how they effect ones existence. In fact, I think outside a a few physical changes, emotions are your biggest change, Like any woman, your emotions can be happy or sad, or a curious combination of both.

An example for me came this weekend when Liz and I went to a well known German Restaurant here in Cincinnati after the Transgender Day of Visibility. Since I served for a year and a half in the Army for AFN in Germany, I still love the atmosphere, food and of course the beer of Germany.

As we were led to our seats, I felt this overbearing sense of sadness mixed with anticipation. Fortunately we made it to our seats before I started to tear up. I was just so happy to have a chance to relive the past. Hell, I even teared up this year during the Cincinnati Reds opening day baseball ceremony. Some would say I should because of the teams they have put on the field lately but my emotional outbreak had more to do with the baseball fun I had as a guy...which was so bittersweet.

The hardest part I have with emotions is the desire to hold them in as I always did (of course) as a guy. Once again, I am being the dummy and Liz always notices me tearing up anyhow.  So, why bother?

I know also, in today's complex male/female gender interactions, women too are coming to view crying as a sign of weakness.  I don't know how they do it. Once I feel a wave of emotions coming over me, there is not much I can do about it.

Back in the day as I was first coming out in the world as a trans woman, my cis female friends always took delight in telling me "Welcome to our world." It's taken me years to understand the layers and richness emotions (among other things) have added to my life.

I was always "the dummy."

Saturday, March 30, 2019

Endo Appointment

My endocrinologist appointment is coming up on Monday after Sunday's Transgender Day of Visibility.

Hopefully, I am not expecting a whole lot of drama. I think I might ask to have my estrodial increased a little bit which I don't think she (the nurse practitioner) will do until she sees a new set of blood labs. But I will still try.

I have written before how I think I have pretty much "hit the wall" with my feminization process.  I believe too, with the time I have been on HRT (approx. five years) I could have reached my maximum expectations as far as feminization goes.

It's my personality though to keep asking for more. Primarily in my hips. I also think my overall body hair has made a slight rebound which of course I don't want.

Actually, I am just whining and I think this is all coming along according to plan and I know too the whole process can take up to seven years. I know also, much is dependent on me to lose a few pounds again before summer to give me a better overall figure in a couple of my fave form fitting maxi dresses.

I will let you know how it all goes.

Wednesday, March 27, 2019

Don't be a Heroine

No matter how you figure it, just being a woman and losing your male privilege can bring possible safety problems. I have written a number of times here in Cyrsti's Condo about potential problems I ran (or walked) into as I began to transgender into a more feminine lifestyle. Very quickly, I was corned at a party by huge admirer and had to be bailed out by my deceased wife. The other happened late at night on an urban downtown sidewalk in front of a gay venue. Both were really ill advised but I managed to escape unscathed with a new admiration for what women go through. I hitched up my big girl panties and always asked for help in getting to my car.

How this post came about though mainly comes from my group's moderator calling a bigoted hater an ass when he called her an "it" and a freak. This all came in a bar and very easily could have resulted in creased violence to her (the moderator).  Finally, it all finished up with him being arrested and being barred from the pub. She was lucky and the band even stopped briefly to see if she was alright.

Another person with a background in entertaining the public in a band in bars is Connie. Here is one of her experiences which came in reference to my post "Back in the Day."

"Speaking of "back in the day," I remember one time (mid-seventies) when I observed a disagreement - turned knife fight - in a bar, as I was playing music on the stage. We didn't stop playing, though, even as the EMTs came in to care for the guy lying in a pool of blood. Like with the band on the sinking Titanic, we were urged, by the manager, to keep playing - as if everything were normal. We learned, later, that the stabbing victim had been pronounced DOA. This whole event has been etched into my mind, and, although I keep it in the back, I know that it has come to the front every time I have had to deal with some jerk who has a problem with my gender status. I would never take it for granted that anyone else would step up or step in to protect me, so I do my best to keep negative confrontations from escalating. I want to ensure that my music keep going, after all".

Self preservation should always be our goal! I know in my case, HRT has taken a toll on my old body anyhow and I better be able to get out of situations with my wits not my brawn. Which any woman learns at a young age anyhow. 

As I said earlier, I was fortunate to learn it all tje relatively easy way!

Friday, March 22, 2019

A Quiet Week Turns Busy!

It turns out when I was laying out my week's worth of activities, I left out two important ones.

Thursday night was Liz and I's monthly visit to one of the cross dresser-transgender social club's dinner meetings. It's held in a pleasant little restaurant across the river in Newport, Kentucky which features (among other items) a very good bison burger. What I like about it too is the noise level is low enough you can have conversations with more than one person.

A smaller than average group showed up, normally, it is well over twenty. Last night it down to around twelve. Not much out of the ordinary happened except one cross dresser bragging about a licensed concealed weapon she was carrying. The same cross dresser who managed to mis gender another cross dresser at the end of the table twice.

Mention was made concerning the Cincinnati Transgender Day of Visibility. Which will be here before we know it on March 31st.

This morning was one of my favorite appointments, my hair dresser. As you may or may not remember, she is the one with the teenage transgender son. As always, the time went all too quickly and she made my hair look great.
Necklace by "Liz T Designs"

This is an older picture which closely approximates the way it looks.

Along the way, we chatted about how HRT was effecting me and why I looked better since the last time she saw me. I explained part of it was because I was wearing form fitting leggings and a light weight pastel blue sweater. Both of which are capable of showing off more of a feminine figure without any kind of padding. For whatever reason, I have always preferred a more natural feel and wearing the minimum of under garments. Finally, my hormones are beginning to shape me into having hips of my own.

Unfortunately, she told me the story of how her son (a 14 year old) had his heart broken when he lost his girl friend. Because he was trans and because of her Mother of course. So sad.

The topic led us right into politics and all too soon, the end of a wonderful hour of my life.

Thursday, March 21, 2019

The Moderator

As you regulars may have noticed, I spend a lot of time here in Cyrsti's Condo posting feelings concerning what the "moderator" is up to. I suppose much of it is because I don't fully understand her feelings or I just need something to write about. In the past several months, she has dazzled me with her comments on diverse subjects as gender dysphoria, single handily trying to break the anti LGBTQ sentiment at Chick-Fil-A ...all the way to believing the whole world is a rosy place for transgender women and men to live. Even though, I don't understand or agree with her on occasion, at least she doesn't lack for opinions.

And, speaking of opinions, here is Connie:

"I find it very hard to believe that a trans woman could avoid gender dysphoria and public scrutiny, especially if she's gone so far as to take on the responsibility of being a moderator for a trans support group. She should, at least, know that the vast majority of us have suffered these things. How lucky she had been to never have had any negative experiences until just recently. 

Very few of us have complete passing privilege. I've often thought that those who do pass as a woman, without scrutiny, must have had a tough time presenting as a man. I would think that they probably got picked on and bullied for being perceived as a wimp or gay. 

I remember the ads in the back of comic books, portraying the 96 pound weakling getting sand kicked in his face at the beach. If you bought their product, you'd be all muscles by the end of the summer, and you could get your revenge. At age 11, I was about 96 pounds, but not necessarily a weakling for my age. I was, however, quite adept at transforming myself, with the help of my mother's clothes, wig, and makeup, into a fairly passable young woman (even if not a passable eleven-year-old girl). By the time I was thirteen, though, testosterone had started its evil, and my frame, hands, and musculature began making me less passable as a woman. There was no option available for me in 1962 to suppress the testosterone, let alone access to HRT. I know now that I would have done whatever I had to in order to avail myself of such. Instead, my puberty brought on a giant dose of dysphoria, as I publicly (and "publicly") worked to show myself as the "after photo" in the comic book ad, while still engineering opportunities for allowing my femininity to shine. I recall envying not only the girls, but also the boys who
apparently hadn't yet started puberty. A small number of those boys never really developed a "manly" body, but it's probably about the same chance of one out of 450 that any of them would have been trans. I would estimate, then, that the chance of a trans woman completely passing (naturally) would be no better than one in 50,000. Even though these very few could easily pass as a woman, living as the 96 pound weakling man could be awfully rough.


Being a transgender woman is a no-win proposition. No matter how well you pass as a woman, there's no escaping the fact that you were born biologically male. Even if you manage to avoid "detection" most (or even all) of the time, you will not be able to erase it from your own mind. I have always been my own worst critic, so there's not much anyone else could say to me that I hadn't already considered of myself. With it being such a rarity that a trans woman could have no dysphoria and also avoid even a disparaging word from a transphobic ass in a bar, I would say that the moderator's luck apparently had a much longer run than most of us have had. Rather than adding to the escalation, though, I would suggest only responding by telling the offender that their opinion of me is none of my business, so would they please keep it to themselves"

In all fairness to the "moderator", she took the job when the group was on the verge of collapse. .She also is an upgrade from a couple highly poiitical (amd slightly bigoted) transgender women who ran it in the past. 

Sunday, March 10, 2019

The Skin Game

Yesterday as we were getting ready to head out the door, of course I had just finished my makeup and was waiting for her. As she normally does, she looked at me up and down. What she normally doesn't do is compliment me very much. Yesterday though was much different in that she paused and said what did I do to my skin because it was glowing. Of course I thought about being a smart arse and say I always glowed but merely accepted the compliment.

The reason my skin looked better was the result of a rather long and drawn out process.

I have always said if you want to present more effectively as a transgender woman, you need to put the work into it as any cis woman does, except you have to be be better.

To begin with, my skin has benefited greatly from hormone replacement therapy and age. My skin softened a great deal from the HRT and my beard has continued to "gray" due to my age (69). As it tuned out for me, this was only the beginning of skin care for me.

Since I still shave, I use a Gillette battery powered multi blade system. Since I am always financially challenged and aware, I use a Barbasol shave cream. It works for me and I can go a whole day easy enough without a five o clock shadow.

After I shave, anymore I can proceed with a fairly light coating of Cover Girl + Olay "Simply Ageless"  foundation. Once again, a foundation I can reasonably buy at our local Walgreens store.

I think though my nightly skin regime helps me dramatically too. Every night without fail, I use one or two green tea cleansing cloths I buy from "Big Lots" which is just a slightly upscale dollar discount store. I can buy a pack of thirty for one dollar. After a good cleansing, I finish up with a liberal application of a basic Olay moisturizer called "Olay Complete" It comes in a relatively inexpensive six ounce bottle I buy for about twelve dollars at my local Kroger super grocery/drug store. The moisturizer lasts me for months, so I estimate I spend about five dollars a month on my skin care.

If you are still in the closet, these days you can use the excuse of shaving to buy a man's moisturizer.. In addition to feeling good, you can look better too.

Of course, you can go to one of the fancy makeup specialty stores if you have the money and are out of the closet. In the meantime though, I hope these ideas will help you along.

Sunday, March 3, 2019

Quite the Week

Over the past week here in Cyrsti's Condo, I wrote about how busy the week was.

I believe the only day I didn't write much about was my Doctor's appointment on Tuesday. Since I have attempted suicide in my past and I am Bi-Polar, I have two mental health doctors assigned to me. One actually keeps track of my meds and the other of my life. Tuesday, I saw the meds doctor.

During my visit, I had my annual "update." It was worth noting to my Doc how my moods have been very smooth lately and much of it has to do with my decreasing Mtf gender dysphoria. However, I keep expecting it to start ramping back up any day. Unfortunately, I seem to always be looking over my shoulder. An example of positive reinforcement for me came Wednesday night when I went to Liz's martial arts class to pick her up. For a change, everyone there was nice and smiled and spoke to me. I especially liked it when one of them referred to me as "she."

Instances such as the experience always help my fragile confidence. Which in turn helps me live my overall life.

I know some people claim they don't need their anti depression or anxiety meds after they started hormone replacement therapy (HRT) but I am not one of them. In fact I had to make sure I could separate both sides of myself to the Veteran's Administration when I started my treatment years ago. In other words, I was transgender and Bi-Polar and one didn't equate to the other. So far, it's working.

Also this week, I did submit my proposal for a workshop at this years' Trans Ohio Symposium and I did choose the gender dysphoria subject. So far I have not heard anything back.

So, all in all it was a great week.

Wednesday, February 20, 2019

Just a Little Piece of Plastic

Yesterday when my hematologist was checking me over, he asked me to raise my sweater so he could check my stomach. Along the way, he noticed my two estrodial patches on my sides and asked what they were.

He didn't ask what they were for. If he did, the simplest answer would have been, the patches make me the person I am today. Then I began to think about it on the way home, maybe he didn't realize I was transgender. 

For sure, all the long term positive feminizing effects of the hormones have kicked in, allowing me more gender freedom than I have ever known. Plus, the debilitating effects of my MtF gender dysphoria have decreased. Normally, I thank a higher power for my opportunity to go on HRT (hormone replacement treatment) daily.

Then I began to think of all of those trans people who for whatever reason can't go on the hormonal journey I did. I wanted to write you have all my respect. I know many are restricted medically from taking the HRT route and just as many have potential lifestyle issues with family and employment. Neither a great way to address gender dysphoria.

Now I have to worry about the VA changing my patches to a lesser effective generic brand of patch like they did to the trans woman I had lunch with yesterday. I have heard there was a shortage. I have enough patches to get through the next couple of months, so we shall see!

Tuesday, January 22, 2019

TGIF?

In yesterday's Cyrsti's Condo post concerning what was coming up socially this week, I totally forgot about Friday.

It is Liz's semi-formal martial arts banquet. Basically, I plan on wearing the same outfit I wore to the transgender-cross dresser Christmas party. My red sequined sleeveless top and a pair of silky/slinky black slacks. It should work well with my black flats.

The banquet itself is a mixed bag of good and less than good for me. Nearly everyone who goes gets an award of some sort (which is fine) except quite a few spouses like me.

As we roll through the names, I plan on having a cup of coffee or two to stay in the game!

The best thing about this year is, I am much more confident of myself and really love my new hair which combines to make the whole evening more pleasurable

The picture is from the Christmas Party. This time I plan wearing a "restraining" garment underneath the top to smooth out the whole look. Or, hide the fact I have not lost the "holiday" weight I gained. Of course the hair will be different and the breasts are all mine. Thanks HRT!


.

Wednesday, January 2, 2019

Fashion Plate?

Way back in the day, even before I started HRT, I had a couple of serious relationships to consider. As I thought them through though, I had to consider how the other person would accept me out of cross dressing mode. Remember, I was still wearing wigs back then and still had no hair removal on my face. (Still don't.)  I finally had the courage to choose one of the two possibilities and let the chips fall where they may.

What happened was, of course, is I went with Liz and so far have lived happily ever after. As far as my physical presence is concerned, estrodial/estrogen and spiro lowering my testosterone have helped to feminize  my appearance. Probably the biggest thing was being able to wear my own hair.

Yesterday, I called Connie before the Rose Bowl football game, since the "combatants" were in our backyards (so to speak)...The Ohio State University and Washington. During the conversation, Connie asked if I was decked out in fan wear and/or what was I wearing. Good point!

When I crossed over the gender frontier in my Mtf gender transition, slowly but surely I needed to make decisions on what kind of a woman I was to become. Was I going to be a blend of what I saw in everyday women around me, or a cross dressers dream fashion plate.

Let's say yesterday and most days, my fashion plate is very empty and I hang out in sweats, if I am not going to see anyone. If I am going out, I can dress in anything from jeans to a glittery red holiday top. As I see it, it's one benefit of being a woman. It's also the benefit from being comfortable and I have nothing to prove with Liz who has seen me all ways possible.

One of these nights, when I go to one of the cross dressers - transgender support meetings, I think I am going to wear my old jeans and sweater. Just because I can and I want to hear them gossip about me.

But then again, I probably won't. Like any other woman, I have an image to uphold...in public.

Thursday, November 15, 2018

Feminizing Medications

The last time I went to my therapist, she gave me an article which contained guidelines for the changes you can expect overtime when you decide to take hormones designed to feminize your appearance. They come from a group of Western New York organizations. Including the Gay and Lesbian Medical Alliance, the National Center for Trans Equality and others.

Here are the recommendations for feminizing HRT:

Breast growth - 3 to 6 months
Body fat redistribution - 3 to 6 months
Thinning of body hair - 6 to 12 months
Softening of skin/less oily - 3 to 6 months
Decreased testicular volume - 3-6 months

I would add from my own results, quite a bit of change is determined by how much your dosage is when you start. For example, nearly all of my first year on hormones was at a minimum and then a year later I was taken off my meds totally due to a medical problem. So. all together I have been on HRT for nearly five years. I would also add (for me) my hair growth (on my head) took off and finally after all these years I am starting to see fat distribution to my hips.

Of course emotionally, I began to feel the feminizing effects immediately. I cried more in the first three months or so than I had in my entire life. Finally, I learned how cis women deal with their thermostats. When they say they are cold, believe me, I found out they are and then again there were the vicious hot flashes one can go through.

When I talk about transgender women and HRT though, I always tell you all this disclaimer: Please seek medical attention before you undertake this process.

Additional information from where I received mine (including masculiniizing medications) can be obtained by going here: www.gayalliance.org.

Finally, remember too, HRT is no replacement for the woman you feel in your head. It's only a tool to align yourself, if you can safely do it medically.

Thursday, November 1, 2018

I am Just Dense

I don't know why I always revert back to a narcissistic outlook when I think about my public feminine perception. I suppose it goes back to all of my cross dresser days, when I was trying so hard to learn a feminine lifestyle.

After-all,  the face I see in the mirror every morning is basically the same, except for a few more wrinkles. The big changes are way behind me now under the influences of HRT. Over the years, it has really smoothed out my skin and decreased the angular look of my face. However, it has not decreased my beard growth. My age has given me a gray beard though, so it is easier to cover.

The only thing which changes is the amount of confidence I carry myself with. Now I am not so afraid to "lead" with my voice, instead of hoping my appearance would get me by. I mean, I am trying to speak to the other person first for a change.

My point is, I don't know why it has taken me so long on this transgender path to learn your attitude/confidence just could be one of your most important accessories. Every time it is pounded into my head, I seem to lose it.

Maybe this time, I won't.

FYI, Connie, the guy I mentioned in the last post may have had eye problems, but he wasn't waiting in line for an eye appointment! :) It's in another building.

Thursday, September 27, 2018

You are so Pretty

As I think back over my rather lengthy life, I don't remember many times at all when I have been complimented on my appearance by a spouse. I have had two spouses spanning approximately 35 years of my life and I am not including Liz in this because she will at the least tell me I look "nice." In fairness, I didn't have the extra benefit of HRT "back in the day." Also,  I am the first to admit I didn't look good enough to deserve any kind of a compliment.

Overall though, I have always believed spouses and/or women in general have a difficult time truly complimenting another woman. I'm leaving out the small conversational complements on accessories/ clothes etc. Many times I feel, another woman is just fishing to find out more about me. Or, am I transgender or what. Plus, there is the dreaded "You look good!" not adding out loud...for a man dressed as a woman.

Here is a comment on the subject from Connie:


"However, my wife has never told me that I'm pretty. She'll tell me that I look good in a particular outfit, but almost always after I've fished for it. I know it's because her transition is still a little behind mine, and her memory of the guy she married is not as distant as mine. This is why I say that transition never really ends or comes to some definite conclusion."

Some believe women aren't as competitive as men, which I think is wrong and appearance is one of the top areas of competition.  Never believe women don't dress for other women on the same scale as they dress for men. I know when I am going someplace relatively upscale, I consider what the other women will be wearing.

One way or another, the subject gets very complicated. Not unlike gender interaction itself. 




Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Boogey Down

So far the week has been very predictable, except for a couple exceptions. At Monday night's cross dresser - transgender support group meeting, I met an interesting couple. The transgender woman was a 28 year old natural beauty. She was with an adoring self professed gay man who said he loved her. Plus it seemed they met in a gay situation and fell in love. Then she started to transition and was just starting HRT.  Finally! Someone new and interesting.

For some reason, quite a bit of the discussion centered around finding a significant other for a relationship. Of course someone asked me how Liz and I got together. I said we met on line when she saw my picture and said I had sad eyes. Which back in those days (seven years ago) I most likely did. The fact of the matter is, most of them like Liz more than me!

The rest of the meeting was predictably boring.

Tuesday, my two self improvement appointments weren't so predictable.

More on my vocal and therapist visits later in another post.

What I Really Learned at Halloween

Kenny Eliason image from UnSplash.  Sadly, since I have lived over ten years as a full-time transgender woman, Halloween has become just ano...