I wish I had the time and the patience to write a book on this subject. Since I don't, I decided to steal an idea from a Word Press blog I follow by Clare Flourish on emotions, which would be one chapter. I read the post with interest since lately I have been over emotional and afterwards put myself firmly in the "dummy" category.
Why? Because I have been on HRT for about five years now and have more than a little idea how they effect ones existence. In fact, I think outside a a few physical changes, emotions are your biggest change, Like any woman, your emotions can be happy or sad, or a curious combination of both.
An example for me came this weekend when Liz and I went to a well known German Restaurant here in Cincinnati after the Transgender Day of Visibility. Since I served for a year and a half in the Army for AFN in Germany, I still love the atmosphere, food and of course the beer of Germany.
As we were led to our seats, I felt this overbearing sense of sadness mixed with anticipation. Fortunately we made it to our seats before I started to tear up. I was just so happy to have a chance to relive the past. Hell, I even teared up this year during the Cincinnati Reds opening day baseball ceremony. Some would say I should because of the teams they have put on the field lately but my emotional outbreak had more to do with the baseball fun I had as a guy...which was so bittersweet.
The hardest part I have with emotions is the desire to hold them in as I always did (of course) as a guy. Once again, I am being the dummy and Liz always notices me tearing up anyhow. So, why bother?
I know also, in today's complex male/female gender interactions, women too are coming to view crying as a sign of weakness. I don't know how they do it. Once I feel a wave of emotions coming over me, there is not much I can do about it.
Back in the day as I was first coming out in the world as a trans woman, my cis female friends always took delight in telling me "Welcome to our world." It's taken me years to understand the layers and richness emotions (among other things) have added to my life.
I was always "the dummy."