What's The Wife Going to Say???

Been there-done it. I was a married cross dresser through two marriages. I can only say for me it was "cruel and unusual" punishment and especially to my second wife who passed on nearly eight years ago. Perhaps she was right. I would drive her to an early grave.

From what I read from most of you and others around the web, I was different in that I told both of them I was a transvestite or cross dresser before we were married.

Of course I'm always on the look for ideas on the subject-especially from the generics who were or are married to cross dressers such as Maria (see blog link) to the right and this latest link from Tasi Zuriak who recently announced Sister House newest writer, Terri Lee Ryan, ex-wife of a crossdresser, and her expose on the 10 Reasons Cross-Dressers’ Wives Divorce Them | Family Room .

You Cyrsti's Condo regulars probably tire of me repeating of my second wife totally supported my cross dressing while at the same time was just as adamant about not accepting me as a transgender woman .Her reason was sound, a cross dresser was a man in a dress a trans woman was that-a woman.


Yes, at one time I even attempted to set up a generic "acceptance scale" in my Stilettos On Thin Ice Book. Basically, there are number one spouses like my partner Liz, who has never seen any male in me after four plus years. Then on the other end there are the number ten spouses who wouldn't wait to put a divorce lawyers number on a speed dial at the same time she heads out to her "snake worshiping" bible thumper. Obviously, the numbers in between represent snowflakes. None are the same.

If I have enough time, I am going to go back to the Sister House site and pose the question about how many cross dressers told their spouses up front. Then, assuming they didn't how many tried to hide the fact until they were caught or actually waited to "come out." How much does "honesty" really matter?

I'm thinking there are too many still in the closet to come up with a representative number. After all, I know there are so few cross dressers who can actually come out at work or on the evening news. Not a good way for "the wife" to find out.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Kerplunk! Another Sunday edition from "The Condo" has hit your virtual front porch. It's a beautiful Spring day around here but still prime time for a simmering hot cup o joe! Lets get started.

Page One-The Week That Was or Wasn't:  During the week, the spirit of Leelah Alcorn was honored when President Obama made a public statement against transgender or gay conversion therapy. The announcement was even made there would be a "gender friendly" restroom in the White House. Yes, I instantaneous came up with plenty of cheap shots but "bottom" line is, the largely symbolic move was welcome-when I make my next trip to the White House.

Page Two-Tears Fall Again:  Taylor Alesana (left), a 16-year-old transgender girl in Fallbrook, Calif., who faced "constant" bullying online and in school, died by suicide April 2, reports San Diego TV station KGTV. Once again, ignorance equals bullying, equals death and tragedy-again.

Page Three - Army Strong? 

The Army is now leading the charge to change the U.S. military's long-standing ban on openly transgender troops by seeking guidance about whether it can allow a transgender sergeant to continue serving as the man he is. 

Army Sgt. Shane Ortega (right) served three combat tours, according to a Thursday profile in The Washington Post: "Two in Iraq, one in Afghanistan. Two as a Marine and one in the Army. Two as a woman and one as a man."

Unless you served in a different branch of the US Army at a different time than I did, nothing is as simple or easy as it seems-such as letting Shane KEEP serving.

Page Four-The Back Page: It's been a busy week around here with a potential overload of potential posts for all of you! So in the mean time, I hope you dodged the big time storms in the middle of the country this week and have a good week to come! Hugs to all!

Cyrsti's Condo "What If?"

Unidentified Pinterest crossdresser

OK honey, you came home early and caught me in your clothes and  oh yeah, I cleaned the kitchen! Now you see why I was really dieting for this summer!

Hell No on the Status Quo?

On the good side yesterday, Ohio governor John Kasich announced he wasn't considering another "Religious Freedom Law" debacle similar to Indiana's mess.

 Essentially he said everything was OK with the balance we maintain in Ohio although he still doesn't support same gender marriage. Before I broke into my happy dance. I thought of the big bulge under the carpet in the Ohio State House. It's where all the sweeping of state laws protecting the LGBT community-particularly transgender women and men are hidden.

 Kasich proved we MIGHT be a little more civilized than Indiana but here in Ohio (like most any other state) we too have our share of far right wing politicians in office lurking and plotting to take away rights we deserve.

 

It's NOT That Difficult

I am in Cincinnati, Ohio. Today, on the heels of yesterday's mega coverage of  Prez Obama coming out against gay/transgender conversion therapy-the local tragic(local) Leelah Alcorn suicide story was featured. Then today, yet another story of a teen trans suicide went public.
It occurred to me (again) we are missing something here (other than the obvious). Maybe missing the forest for the trees. If I was writing my own version of "Parenting a Transgender Child for Dummies", here are my basics:

1. You face a Very REAL 41% chance of your child committing suicide.  COUNT on it.
2. YOUR Child will be bullied- COUNT on it. Remember too-bullying is a multi generational institution. Others kids learn it.
3. Monitor your child's social media. Bully's live like cock roaches on social media and often are just as intelligent.
4. Religion may help YOU-but not your child. Jesus is not walking down the hall at school with your child. 
5. Each case/child is different but you and your child are NOT alone-increasingly so.
6. Remember the "P" words. This is not a phase but then again your child can grow into the many different layers of growth. If protected and nurtured.
7. Understand you are raising a very unique and special child.
8. There is NO luck to this. It's what you make of it.
9. The chance of you mourning a child you never really knew is VERY real. 
10. You CAN help.

Rest assured I am not qualified to write a book such as this. On the other hand if we are ever going to stop this insanity, we are going to have to go to the parents with grass roots efforts. - and make the parents of bully's criminally liable.  

What's Wrong with those "Aussie's?"

Catherine McGregor transitioned from male to female in 2012. (Photo: Lisa Maree Williams/Getty Images)

"Australian military officer Catherine McGregor, considered the most prominent transgender woman in Australia, functioned as a male until just after her 56th birthday, she shared in a speech at a National Press Club event in Canberra, Australia this week.

“I choose the term ‘functioned’ advisedly, because my relationship to my birth gender was fraught from a very young age,” McGregor, who is a group captain in the RAAF Reserve, said during her speech, reported Buzzfeed.

For people who are transgender, there is a difference between that person’s physical gender and the gender he or she actually identifies with. Gender dysphoria is a diagnosis included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which says, “for a person to be diagnosed with gender dysphoria, there must be a marked difference between the individual’s expressed/experienced gender and the gender others would assign him or her, and it must continue for at least six months.” 

It can be hard to describe what it’s like to actually live with gender dysphoria (“Grammar fails to express" what it’s like to live with it, McGregor said). The writer of the Tarnished Sophia blog, who says in her “About Me” section that she has gender dysphoria, explains that it’s like being ready and comfortable with playing Romeo, and then on opening night being told you must play Juliet. “You haven’t played this part before, you don’t know the lines, the costume doesn’t fit at all, and you feel no connection to this character whatsoever. You don’t understand what her motivations are, and the director can’t explain them in a way that makes any sense to you.”

McGregor said in her speech that before she transitioned from male to female in 2012, her inner conflict was unbearable. “I suffered from it acutely and consciously at intervals over the course of my entire life,” she said in her speech. “I now believe my entire life was spent repressing and compensating for my gender variance.” '

Go here for more! 

Don't the Australian's know how damaging an active transgender military person can be? 

Of course you Cyrsti's Condo regulars know I am a trans vet and I feel the continuing discrimination against trans military members is the height of hypocrisy.

WGAL - Lancaster/Harrisburg

What is gender dysphoria?

What is gender dysphoria?

J Edgar and the White House Potty?

Quite the amount of activity going on to write about here in Cyrsti's Condo-much different than not so long ago when I used to primarily write about what I was wearing or how much passing privilege I thought I had.

First, there is the deal about the Prez coming out against gay and,or transgender conversion therapy and the announcement trans visitors to the White House would no longer have to pee in the bushes outside. (Wouldn't have to worry about the Secret Service these days.) Of course, the "more mature" (Connie) among us sent in a comment about former FBI Director (heavily rumored to be gay and even managed to toss a heel at Zoey Tur:

"The FBI building used to have a transgender-friendly restroom, but it was only for J. Edgar's use. 

I think that conversion therapy is, as you say, a brain washing technique - based on creating guilt. For many of us, guilt has done more to mess us up than any closet-full of ladies clothing ever did. I do subscribe to a 12-step therapy, however, where I believe a transgender woman should have to be able to walk, in a decidedly feminine manner, for a minimum of 12 steps in 4" heels before going out in public. Unfortunately, Zoey Tur did not get my memo."

Speaking of the media crowd, the upcoming barrage of television programming led by B. Jenner should be interesting. Not so sure if any of it will do the average transgender person just trying to get by in society any good. I want to see all of the shows address the issue of restrooms in our society. The one spot where society most wants to try to draw a line in the sand against the transgender community? Being the Biblical scholar I am not-I am still fairly sure restroom usage was not a priority for the Apostles. Then again, they weren't from Florida?

At the least though, we won't be  bored and was TMZ right when they speculated Bruce Jenner had a boob job under that big hot hoodie?  I am sure Zoey Tur needs something else to miss-speculate about.

Girls Night Out on Steriods

OK, I wanted to use the word "hormones" (or even Estrogen) but didn't. Last night, Liz and I went to a small dinner I could not even imagined going to a few years ago. We are members of a professional women's networking group I have mentioned here in Cyrsti's Condo before.

Each time I learn a little more about how generics interact without men around. Some still seem to define themselves through their husbands but in this group many are there to network their business. A varied group to say the least. In case you are interested, I just quit outing myself as a transgender woman to this group after the first meeting we went to.

What I found most interesting last night though were several 20 or 30 something women who were talking about not wanting kids.  Plus, there were several others who supported their right to not birth children.  I had several ideas (of course).

I thought most likely I had the easiest route to having my daughter of anyone and it was cool to add my grandparent experiences. A Much better-time-believe me!

More importantly though, I thought of one of the not so venerable arguments that trans women can't be women because we can't birth a child. So I guess, those three or four generics last night without birthing experiences can't be women?

I just smirked to myself and ate my dinner secure in the fact there are still people who still mistake females for women and males for men. Somehow I think I wouldn't use the "W" word for the local woman here who starved her 8th child to death.

One thing is for sure, "girls night out on steriods" never disappoints as a learning experience.

Pounding Square Pegs into Round Holes

I'm sure you remember the tragic story of young transgender girl Leelah Alcorn. It turns out White House senior adviser Valerie Jarrett said President Barack Obama was moved by her story of and has called for the end of conversion therapies — the type of therapy that triggered the suicide of Leelah.

In a statement posted along side a 120,000-signature petition to end conversion- on a White House website, Jarrett wrote:

“We share your concern about its potentially devastating effects on the lives of transgender as well as gay, lesbian, bisexual and queer youth. As part of our dedication to protecting America’s youth, this administration supports efforts to ban the use of conversion therapy for minors.”

In addition, when you visit the White House now, there will be a transgender friendly bathroom for you too. At least until the next Prez takes over.  

By the way:  Conversion” or “reparative” therapy lacks solid scientific backing, but is the therapy of choice by conservative leaders. (brain washing)

You can read more on this story here and as Momma Karma would have it, yesterday was another day when another person showed their support for the Leelah Alcorn "Fix Society" bumper sticker on my car.