What Now?

Here in Cyrsti's Condo, we have been discussing earlier times when passing successfully was a goal and often the only one.  I know I totally was  missing the essence of being myself on the days I blissfully was able to spend a day shopping in the mall.  I looked like a woman sure, but there was always a missing piece to the puzzle somehow.

Have have mentioned several times about that time I actually knew three or four transsexual women.  I was fortunate enough to have an up close and personal look at why someone would desire to undergo SRS or not.

One of the trans women was a married engineer and was easily one of the most feminine women I had ever met- a natural, you might say. Her wife knew all of what was to happen, they had an amicable divorce and after the operation, the person actually continued her engineering career out West and got remarried to a man.
Another had already gone through all the operations and was leading a successful life as a woman but for some reason, was just "passing through" and I knew her for the briefest time. But, speaking of passing, she would visit me at my restaurant in Columbus at the time and my crew wondered who the tall woman was I "might" be cheating on my wife with.

Another was also a very feminine cross dresser when I met her, a low key attractive classy cross dresser who did decide to opt for SRS.  Never knew much about her.
Finally there was the worst example of all.

Out of the four, I knew her the longest and had watch her go through the stages of cross dresser, HRT, electrolysis, etc.  She was always the one in the room who had every feminine detail covered, even down to a set of false feminine teeth she wore over her real teeth.  Always, every inch the society woman but never quite the "woman" at all.  She never quite seemed to get the essence of the gender as the other three did. She rushed ahead though and bought her new car (vagina) and seemed to tire of it real quickly.  At that point, what was next? She was now a middle aged woman loosing her looks and struggling to decide which gender she would live with.  Although, she only lives 50 some miles away, I have never attempted to make contact and I do hope she is happy!

"Andrea" Housewives of Melbourne-drag queen?

My point is, back in the day when passing was everything, seemingly the best shortcut to achieving one's dream was SRS.  The fact remained though that no amount of surgery could help some of the trans women who went through the process.  I briefly chatted a couple of times with a person not so far away who had went through SRS, facial feminization I think twice and then just had to have butt implants.  Really?

Maybe that's why so many of these women on all the "Housewives's Of---" Shows do look like drag queens? (In fact "Andrea" of the Housewives of Melbourne looks a lot like my final example.) Think of it this way. We are fairly sure all of these women have had their "cars" for awhile but now need constant exterior upgrades. My cross dressing friend extraordinaire  always had an easy time of being the best of the CD's in room-but I always wondered if she tried to ever really play in the big girls sandbox.  Hell, Andrea could be her!

So when I get blasted by a bitter "true transsexual" or whatever she happens to be calling herself at the time, I just hope she didn't just get caught up in all her own ideas or rhetoric and  "jumped too fast."

The world has changed - she can't and it's sad.

"Stealth" in the Day

Paula Goodwin commented about our Cyrsti's Condo "Stealth in the Day" discussion recently:

Accepting the risk of upsetting a least somebody.... surely going stealth in the 60s, 70s and 80s was very much a feminist issue, if somebody was to be accepted as a woman then there were very few opportunities to be any type of woman other than the "little woman", the house wife / mother type. We now are developing fresh ideas of what it can mean to be a woman, and being trans is one of those types f woman it is increasingly acceptable to be.

Having said all that I am not a great fan of tee shirts with slogans on the so I will not be buying one that says "HEY I'M TRANS" if asked I will now always admit to who and what I am, after all I now accept that there is nothing wrong with who and what I am, but I see no reason why I should shout it from the roof tops.

I agree Paula about the "Hey I'm Trans Shirt." The closest I came is the transgender vet shirt I wore to Pride this summer in Columbus which said "I fought for the rights you deny me."  And I do have a neat Trans necklace!

and Pat:

Even though the jargon of our times during the 60s was about tolerance and acceptance (If it feels good, do it...Whatever floats your boat...Let it all hang out...etc) the idea of acceptance of T folks back then was miles away from where it is today. Back then passing was primary and going stealth was as much a matter of survival as choice. We've come a long way baby.

Unnamed Cross Dresser Bringking Back Memories of Ruining Hose!

Paula, I know you know by now the idea of "tip toeing" around all the various "special interest" groups in our community is impossible. In fact, in the past I have been criticized for even using the word community or "culture" to describe say, transgender women and cross dressers.  I'm in  a good mood, so I'm not going to even mention the so called true transsexuals, who anoint themselves with that label and SHOULD go stealth.  

Indeed, back in those days, passing in society was almost the only was to survive and yes SRS was the quickest route to it. (If it worked) Yes, we have come a long long way- which we will discuss more in depth in a later post!

"Momma" in the Kitchen!

My mother fit the stereotype of long dresses and high heels all the time, back when I was a kid...I can remember helping in the kitchen on the holidays, and her heels clicked as she walked back and forth... Now that she's in a nursing home, no more heels, and no more dresses. In fact, the only one she has there, is the hot pink number I posted about earlier...that I probably could borrow if I lost some weight.

I remember reading articles in some mainstream magazines about Dr. Biber, but from the 80's, not the 70's. Wish I had kept the magazines...but they went away, for obvious reasons. Nowadays, every time I go through Trinidad, CO on the train, my thoughts turn to him...and the new girls he "minted", many of whom traveled on the Amtrak train, due to its convenience (no other public transportation nearby.) Kinda distracts me for a while.

And lastly...it's a good thing we bought our new Ford a year ago...because for some odd reason, in the future, I won't be able to "un-learn" Oprah's comment about "buying a new car." Never heard it before...and it's unforgettable. Not gonna happen! LMAO!

Cheers!

Mandy

Ok Mandy, I have to ask- can you buy used parts?  :)

(Unnamed cross dresser in picture!)

Hmmmn, I don't think this was exactly what I ordered for my car in the mail?

The Week That Is!!!

I just wanted to pass along, I have a tremendously wonderful backlog of ideas from several of you here in Cyrsti's Condo I need to respond to.

This week though, I have one very demanding event this weekend I do with my family which is what I call a "time sucker." If you are quiet, you will hear it!

So, if I haven't been able to respond to your comments, it's not because I don't 'luv ya', it's just because I am going to need a few  48 hr days this week!

I found a picture (not of me thank the Goddess) of how I will feel by Monday...I call it "I've fallen and I can't get up!"

I am definitely not as young as the cross dresser in this pose and if it was me, I would have an embarrassing trip to the emergency room!

It Is a Woman's World

This post is actually just a compilation of thoughts. First of all, an extension of the woman in the bright yellow Camaro convertible, with the matching hat driving past me with the top down (not hers) Saturday. The differing gender reactions to her presented a classic look at how the male/female binaries work.

First of all, I'm going to assume the couples I saw were men and women not just males and females.

Many of the first lessons I learned in the girl's sandbox came on how you had to learn to relay on your senses to survive and even thrive.  Communication was the biggest change for me.  My entire life, I knew what a woman wasn't telling me, carried the most weight and I had to learn now a new world of glances, innuendos and body language.

Quickly I put together a checklist of how women were viewing me in my the early days out of the closet  as a cross dresser.  You may remember them from here in Cyrsti's Condo, or Stilettos on Thin Ice.  Here are the basics of what I looked for:

1. No look at all, or looked right through me.  I figured I passed as feminine because women don't miss much from other women.
2. The "head to toe" look.  The "other woman" made no secret of checking every inch of me out.  She knew something might be amiss with the gender picture she was seeing.  But she didn't seem to be sure, and most of the time, I was satisfied with that!
3. The little "smile".  This was a tough one for me because to many women, this is an accepted "inter-gender" greeting and not nasty.
4. The little smirk.  She thought she was cool because she was in on my "secret".
5. The "slut" look.  I knew I had gone way over the top in the outfit I was trying to pull off, and so did all the other women.  There are a group of women though who live in this group who have very few female friends and need men to compliment their ego. (another post)
6. The run, whisper and point female.  She just had to get to her nearest companion, point at me, whisper in a ear and laugh. UGLY!

Like I said, I knew if I was going to be able to succeed in this feminine world, I had to learn to cohabitate with the ones who run it-women.

As far as our girl in the yellow convertible, I'm pretty sure all the women I saw glaring at her first and then their male companions, but her in #5. I'm also pretty sure the woman didn't really care!

Just A Girl and Her Car?

I received several thought provoking comments about the Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day" post about the woman I saw in a bright yellow Camaro convertible heading down the the street with her matching visor cap. One from Pat:  I think that in many ways men and women relate to their cars differently. For my wife she needs a car that provides a sense of comfort and security. Good old reliable, never fail, transportation. 

Plus a couple others I agreed with- mentioned she probably had her matching tennis shoes and bag to complete the outfit also!

Certainly, men and women do relate to their cars different.  Right or wrong, back in the day, most guys of my age were fairly certain a cool car was a necessity for dating a cool girl.  It seemed to work, but since I never achieved the "cool" guy or girl status- who knows.

I am a big believer though since females are the birth gender of the species, they have the opportunity to experience a more layered existence. If and when they grow into women, no - a car, a boat, a jet ski or a yacht is not the center of their universe.  But,  a man with any or all of the toys I mentioned, just may be worth sneaking a peak at.



I am going to assume the person in the car was a woman (not a female) and was doing everything right if she was flipping the courting ritual (and she was.)  First and foremost,  the color of the car and her hair (blond) were attention getters, then add in the make and model of the car and the end result was- men watched and women hated. 

You could just see the "bitch, slut and whore" look of disdain in their eyes, before they turned around and saw their hubbies drooling.

How did I feel? It's cool to be transgender.  I had a fairly decent sense of why each side felt the way they did.  Both genders are hard wired certain ways and women do have more wires-by nature. If a transgender man or woman has spent any length of time as their birth gender, they work long and hard to get a new system of wires connected.

From a simple car quote, I had no idea this idea could go as far as it did-plus it could go so much farther.

I can only say that this girl at this age looks for lots of security and adequate comfort in her car - to go have fun!

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

And.....Hereeeeee we go kids-another glorious Cyrsti's Condo Sunday Edition. Ker Plunk!

Page 1.- The week that was-or wasn't.  Outside the friendly confines of the Condo, the world  went on. Most of it out of our control. Fortunately, the din over Kelli Maloney (the boxing promoter in the UK) coming out as transgender is subsiding and the media awaits the next well known person who opens the door and comes out.  We certainly know they are in the shadows-anymore, it's not if it will happen it's when.   We will have to check the Las Vegas betting lines to see if they have odds on when!

Page 2.- Mama June and TV Land Revisited.  In this case we didn't use the old TV initials yesterday to

The "Anti-June Cleaver?"

discuss transvestites, instead remembering June Clever from the "Leave it to Beaver" sitcom.  The post evolved (or unraveled) into a discussion of stealth, SRS and life back in the day.  Michellewhois was kind enough to fill us in on what the era was like for her.  Before we get to her, just to fill you in, "test driving a new car" was a paraphrased remark I heard Ophra  Winfrey make to a transgender wife who was on a show (long ago) with her original genetic wife.  The trans woman had just gone through SRS and said she had no desire to have sex with a man. Ophra looked at her and said why if you bought a new car,(vagina) why wouldn't you test drive it?

 Cyrsti you said in this article how back then ( the 50's and 60's), we should get the "Car" (I love that metaphor), try it out and go stealth. Back then it was very necessary to do just that for the very few that had the operation. Even back then, gays were treated better than those of us that were transitioning. I remember back then some of the names that even the gay guys used to call us and don't even think that lesbians back then gave us any support. If one didn't disappear, only to become someone new, you took your life in your own hands. If you were lucky you found the underground groups that helped support you. Drag queens were your only friends at times. Today it's a very different world. I wish that back then it would have been at least half as good so I could have been a wife and even a mother.

Thanks Michelle!  I was more than happy to pass along that old horse I have been beating for years about how hard it was to even consider coming out, back in the day.

Page 3.- Checking Gender Levels.  It seems no matter how far I try to run from labels, I get stuck all up in them.  The latest label-rama ruckus here in the Condo involved the relatively new label "gender fluid". I said I think it is a very workable label and semantically very close to transgender.  I translate transgender literally-between genders.  Pat added:The assortment of labels that get attached to us is mind blowing. I would agree that gender fluid can work with your concept of equilibrium.  I agree and like the term.  I think it comes from the younger peeps among us who are trying to find their gender way and is yet another label I would have loved to have embraced in my youth-as I searched.

Page 4.- The Back Page  Semper Fi!   If you haven't had the chance to check out the nothing short of amazing Mtf transformation video here in the Condo yesterday (of the former Marine) be sure to do so! She does an amazing job of describing the trip many of us took to get to where we are and the euphoria we feel.  As I said, I didn't believe the video was real at all until I read the background bio in the latest issue of Frock Magazine.  And YES!  my latest "Frock of Ages" article is on page 50!  

And with that, we are out of here.  The hot humid weather has returned here in Ohio as September approaches and my old dog and I have errands to "walk"  I love you all! Have a good week! 

It's NOT About Passing!

To be quite truthful with you all, I saw this mtf transformation somewhere and dismissed it as a fake-until I saw the article in Frock Magazine!  While you are there..be sure to check out my "Frock of Ages" article on page 50!

Stealth and the "Pink" Pickett Fence?

For those of you of age, you grew up watching the iconic mothers of the 50's and early 60's like June Cleaver.  Mom's were the stay home types who kept the household running and had the dinner ready when hubby came home.  My Mom wasn't like that (school teacher) but almost all my friends mothers were. So the feminine stereotype so aptly pictured by our unnamed cross dresser below was alive and well.

Then Dr. Stanley Biber burst upon the scene as one of the primary sexual reassignment surgeons in the U.S. Biber performed his first sex change operation in 1969 after a transsexual woman asked him if he would be willing and able to do so.  Biber retired in 2003, at age 80, because his malpractice insurance premiums had risen to levels which he could not afford, probably because of his advanced age. Marci Bowers, a gynecologist and transsexual woman herself, took over his SRS practice. Biber was hospitalized in January 2006 with complications from pneumonia, to which he succumbed on January 16 while hospitalized. Biber was 82 at the time of his death.

Deserved or not, one of the basics of going through SRS from the Dr. Biber's era of thinkers was the newly "minted" woman should go forth into the world, find a man, have sex with him and disappear. (stealth) For God Sakes as Ophra used to say "why would you want to buy a new car (vagina) and not drive it?" (At the risk of getting too "X" rated, my lesbian friends tell me they could drive my "new car" better than any man." )  

But the question of even needing a "new car" doesn't define who I am or my life.  I know I can't meet the budgetary constraints of a store bought vagina or want to think of the health considerations at my age.With or without the new car, I have been shown a path to a wonderful life I never dreamed I could have.

So now, do I just walk away and go stealth or is there another road for me? I believe there is and it's in the example I mentioned in an earlier blog post about how I'm beginning to market my Etsy shoppes.

In the beginning of course, I did use my name and my male name only came into play when legally I had to use it behind the scenes because I had not changed my gender markers. (It all made for some interesting calls to Ebay, who were cool.)

Now, as I said, I'm seeking a broader social marketing base and it could be said I am in some sort of stealth mode because I don't say "Hey! this shop is a TRANSGENDER owned business."  But, I don't hide the fact it is either.  My hope is, that again the world sees me as just another person trying to make a go of it.

Maybe I'm naive enough to think how I identify would not make or break the sale of a vintage vase or comic book.  If it did, the person could go to hell, but overall I think of it as my one small Laverne Cox style statement:  Think of me first as a person you respect and oh yeah-I happen to be transgender.