Another Look

"Lotso" comments (thanks) about my Cyrsti's Condo "Is that all There Is" post.  I really appreciated all of your inputs because I was so torn on the subject myself.

Essentially, the topic was built around the day I had Sunday, doing everyday errands locally in some stores I had received a really poor reception in my past.  I have had days of course when I thought I was very close to achieving "stealth".  Sunday, I felt I was there and when I did-what exactly did that mean to me.

In no particular order, lets take a look at the comments:  (First from Paula)

1. I do wonder about this whole "going stealth" thing, after all I never wanted to be a Trans Woman, I want to be a Woman. If I should ever achieve that then I am not going to wear a badge that says trans, I hope I won't forget how I got there and those who helped me along the way though.
2. On occasion, I get lost in the written word...Paula came very close to saying what I meant to - in at least one forth of the words.  She is British, has very unique interests and you can follow the link above to check out her blog.

Billie commented : One way or another, indeed! I tend to agree, Cyrsti. Thanks Billie, this whole new chapter of my life still has a long way to go!  It's still very exciting and scary too!

Jen added: Sounds like you conquered and overcame your prior bad experiences at those 3 shops - WhoHooo!  I did indeed Jen, and I can't remember another time in my life, I was so euphoric but had to mainly keep it to myself.  I soooo love revenge!

And Pat:  The goal of a comedian is to "Leave them laughing when you go". I suggest that you simply go out and about as who you are and how you are comfortable and you will do well. It is a win/win situation all the way with you either getting along as just another face in the crowd or perhaps you will "Leave them wondering when you go".

I suppose Pat, I'm getting more and more tired of leaving them wondering at all.  I feel that gender is but a mirror anyhow, so if with a lot of help I'm finally achieving the correct reflection, then my final solution is close at hand.

Thanks so much to all of you who cared enough to comment.  I do my best to not deal in what I call trans paranoia and just live my life.  It is tough though to not look over my shoulder to see who or what is chasing me.  I did it for so many years and it's difficult to put an end to.

I Never Met a Toilet I Didn't Like.

If my mind serves me correct (or at all) I have passed along the fact here in Cyrsti's Condo that I was actually taking a half of the dosage prescribed to me of "Spiro" by my endocrinologist.  Spiro is designed for several uses and one of it's by-products is lowering a guys testosterone.

Of course, the idea of "how low can I go" in the "T" department caught my interest.  BUT-let me say over and over again, I am under a doc's supervision- actually two.

Spiro is also designed to lower your blood pressure by getting rid of fluids in your body and I thought I peed a lot before!!  Now I can almost set my clock and my itinerary to finding the nearest restroom.

Perhaps you are wondering, just where has all this medication taken me?  Well, I was too.

I'm always humored by the decreasing number of "Low-T" commercials for men I hear on the radio around here.  After a couple of men who didn't have Low T began to add extra to their bodies and died-now I'm hearing the lawyers commercials wanting to take their lawsuits.

Age	# Subjects	Total Test.	Stand. Dev.	Free Test.	Stand. Dev.	SHBG	Stand. Dev.
25-34	45	617	170	12.3	2.8	35.5	8.8
35-44	22	668	212	10.3	1.2	40.1	7.9
45-54	23	606	213	9.1	2.2	44.6	8.2
55-64	43	562	195	8.3	2.1	45.5	8.8
65-74	47	524	197	6.9	2.3	48.7	14.2
75-84	48	471	169	6.0	2.3	51.0	22.7
85-100	21	376	134	5.4	2.3	65.9	22.8

I'm passing along this chart I found which illustrates the natural decline of "T" as a man ages.  Please be aware I'm notoriously bad at reading charts and won't be a medical person in my life, but it "seems" at my age, I should be at around a 500 T level.

If I attempt to refer this chart to my latest VA blood tests, I can see how much lower my "low T" has become.  In fact, if I'm reading it right, I'm in the sub 100 range.

Before I increased my dosage!

Good news-bad news kids.  Of course the good news are the bodily changes which continue to amaze me. I'm literally euphoric.

The bad news (you know there always is some) is, if you have heard any of the dire prophesies about "low T"-no energy, strength, sex drive etc.  Are all true with me.  Don't pass me the pickle jar to open!  That's as about as bad as calling me sir! Just can't do it!

I'm writing this from an informational viewpoint.  It's written for any of you who are considering HRT.  I know I had a huge amount of questions-many of which went unanswered. On the other hand, those of you who have gone down this path will most likely have your own information to share.

It's such as personal topic with so many twists and turns!  If you have experiences you want to share, by all means send them to me here!

In the meantime, excuse me-have to go potty!

Don't You JUST Hate This?

Your commute is destroyed by...a pissed off rampaging drag queen?  Just imagine what your local traffic reporter would say?  Don't go that way!  Stay back and you don't have to tip the queen to get through!

I'm fairly sure I've seen a few drag queens who looked like they were close to that tall in their heels!

I saw a queen do a back flip in heels one night and about swallowed my beer bottle!

Not real feminine!

Victoria's First?

Cyrsti's Condo "Poll Question of the Day"

Which transgender model will be "Victoria Secret's" first?

Carmen Carerra  left or....


Andreja Pejic 

right:

Transgender Jewelry

In yesterday's Cyrsti's Condo post: Is That All There Is?  I showed this necklace Liz gave to me for Pride (and wherever I wanted to wear it.)

I was asked where she purchased it.

The answer is, she found it on a site called Etsy - no not Ebay.  If you go their home page and type in "transgender"-you will get an option for jewelry.  There are many but this one comes from a place called Beach Side Jewelry Shop.

Liz preferred their work because they use pewter and have different designs for Wiccan's like her!

If it matters, the one I have is about 3/4's of the sample above and inside the inner circle is a stone of some sort. I love it!

Cyrsti's Condo "Star Gazing."

Kids!!! It's time once again to look to the stars for our weekly "horror" scope from theFrisky:

As always,  here is the one for all of us Libra's : "(September 23-October 22): You’re exhausted, but everyone will be calling with plans to go out. Everything will sound so great and you won’t be able to resist being part of the gang. Too bad you might hit a wall and snap. Of course, your unique animal sexuality makes for the perfect excuse to flop back into bed."

Best Lay Day: Sunday, August 10

Well, what can I even attempt to say after the "unique animal sexuality" comment?

The Capricorn's came close this week:   (December 22-January 19): Staying available and optimistic can be a chore unto itself, but this week, you’ll be opening up wider than a hooker on Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras. Yes, that means leaving procrastinating attitudes behind and leaping ahead with rainbows and magic on the mind.

You have to love the "hooker on Bourbon Street" comment!

Don't worry girls, if you aren't a Libra or a Capricorn, follow the link above!

Buh Bye!

This morning I took another largely symbolic step towards severing my past.

Here in town, my deceased wife both went to and my Mom taught at the same high school.  My wife was younger than I and wasn't there at the same time.  The school actually was built and opened in the early 1960's and my Mom began to "collect" the free yearbooks she received back in 1961.  Between the three of us, I ended up with over a decade of highly saleable yearbooks.

I sold them all-except for 1967 when I graduated.  Somehow it was a remaining tenuous thread to who I was.

Today, I put it up for sale too.  Not a tear was shed.

Is That All There Is?

The last couple of days, Liz and I were busy running errands in my hometown for a change. The mere fact of doing just that puts me in direct conflict of where my androgynous self still goes. In rapid fire order, we went to three places and I received no negative attention-none-nada.  My hair was down, I was wearing minimal makeup, a tank top, flip flops and a pair of my distressed jeans rolled up.  No big deal to get ready and go.

Needless to say though, I still felt trepidation.  The places we were going were the spots where I have received "push-back" in the past when I visited as a cross dresser, androgynous or feminizing transgender woman.  Turns out, I was wasting my energy.

When we got back home, I had a chance to talk about it with Liz.  As I have always written here in Cyrsti's Condo, she has taken me for granted as a trans woman from the first time we went out on a date.  Her only drawback is she expects the rest of the world to do the same. This time they did and she said did I hear what the one guy at the store called us- "Ladies."  I laughed and said, I am deaf but not deaf enough to hear that!

Look, I'm not saying my future as a woman in the world is coming full circle but every once in awhile, I get a glimpse that indeed it is.  Then I wonder do I become a victim of my own words and thoughts?  To put in the terms of our culture-if I do begin to present and or pass as whom I always wanted to be, will I become a hypocrite and go stealth?



I'm thinking yes and no. Yes because I conveniently "neglected" to wear my "transgender symbol" necklace. (left)  In my "pea brain" that is a step towards stealth because I didn't want to explain to anyone what the symbol meant.

No, because in reality, I have a whole lot of life to live and a huge amount of "blind curves" ahead. So the incredible freedom and accomplishment of the other day could be as fleeting as the beautiful summer day we are having.

One way or another though,   I'm sure I can still find plenty of transgender issues to be involved with.

We Are NOT Related...But...

Referring back to the recent Cyrsti's Condo post I wrote about my interaction with the young gay boy the other night, I received a quick comment from Paula of Paula's Place  concerning her first visit to a local Pride event and thinking almost the same thing. She said: I was in Brighton for the biggest Pride event in the UK at the weekend, and there were an awful lot of boys there (Gay and Straight) who could do with learning that lesson... (left).

As I always do, after my impulsive outbursts die down along with the emotions and passions- my biggest misconception continues to be that in any way I am "related" to the rest of the gay and lesbian community.  I suppose dots could be connected between how I identify as my  gender and my relationship with a lesbian woman but that's it.

"Back in the day" I'm sure, we as the transgender community had to be lumped into a bigger group for identification and political reasons.  We became the "T" in the LGBT which is populated now with lots of other letters.

I suppose what I don't understand about the human critter and groups in particular is why when the groups become successful,  they forget their origins and become inclusive or even enabled. 

Of course the most "enabled" group of all are the cis gay males.  For the most part they are working the system wonderfully to their advantage (good for them!) but like any cis man- just don't have the empathy to reach out to those they don't understand.  The other night, It did my soul good to watch gay television personality Andy Cohen use the transgender word with Laverne Cox. Perhaps with enough exposure my "little buddy" from the other night will learn - I wasn't cross dressed any more than Laverne Cox was.

I guess I shouldn't be so surprised - of the the town I'm from and unfortunately still live in part time. Yes, it's the same city only 50 some miles from Columbus where I had to introduce myself to the local Equality Group as the only transgender woman  They only use the words gay and lesbian and the newly elected female black city commissioner is now the deciding vote to keep  discriminatory TGBLQ laws on the books in the 6 th largest city in Ohio.

Maybe I'm asking too much?