What Came First?

I've been working not so diligently on a "how to" book for guys who want to be girls.
You are right...yet another book? My take on most of the guides I see are that they are written by individuals who were beautiful boys to start with.
They didn't face the same obstacles presenting female as some of us. Different paths exist to arrive at the same goal. My path was different than theirs,,,no surprise.
As I was writing, I started to think of the addiction versus personality argument.  Was my desire to be a girl always as strong as ii is now or was the desire fueled by successes?
 How did I get from the first rush of pulling hose over my legs to the obsessive attention to (girl) detail I have today.
I will never know. In addition I will never know if I was as much girl then as I am now. It is easy to say "yes, I was". Then again, were the times I was called attractive  or "you make a better looking woman" defining moments that pushed me deeper? Each little success made all the failures easier to handle as I started to go out and live female,
The desire to succeed was powerful and the success euphoric. Did the "euphoria" lock me in deeper or was the desire there anyway and I was ignoring it.
Shame on me if I was. All the years of making myself and others around me miserable could have been averted.
I'm guessing but the predilection to be trans was always in me. I was enabled by how I looked but I had the obsession to live trans. In junior high I wanted to be the girl I sat next to.
I have written about my feelings following a couple dates with men. I was surprised on how deep the girl in me went. The experience was more than validating me as a girl.
Some days I feel the journey was worth all the twist and turns. That is what the book describes. Other days, I feel like a fool.
One thing is for certain. The past is the past. The only thing we can do with it is learn and pay forward to help others!

What's all the "Bralalalala" all about?

From her "Bio"...'Bralalalala is a widely acknowledged talented rock singer and songwriter first and foremost. However, the fact she has lived as a transgender/crossdress/TS/TV whatever her whole life has uprooted her from society and family. Bralalalala's wealthy family has refused to see her since she was in college as a result of her beauty harming their eyes. Bralalalala appeared on national television ABC in 2000, termed a "rock star" on ABC's "Moral Court," yet was told "he" had no business to not expect to be faced with discrimination for being trans DESPITE having musical talent galore.'
I found her to be interesting in that I had never heard of her over the years and the "Bralalalala" site reads like a third party Hollywood bio!

Ride the "Transgender Express"

Quite by accident I stumbled upon yet another transgendered blog on the world wide web. "The Transgender Express" . The blog is written by a young transgendered woman named "Annika". Here is a little of her intro:
I’m still in the beginning stages of a long and rewarding process. I
try to avoid looking at too many transition time lines that I find

online. It makes me feel like a child counting down the days until her
next birthday. I can’t fast-forward time — so blogging about my
experiences is much healthier and more productive.

I hope to provide periodic updates on my transition here on
Autostraddle, as well as reflections on how my girlfriend and I are
losing the heteronormative privilege that we had taken for granted for
most of our relationship. I have no idea about what’s to come in the
months ahead, but I do know that I’m no longer filled with dread when
imagining my future. One thing is certain– I won’t be invited to the
annual frat alumni golf tournament this summer.

I particularly  like the term "heteronormative"! The blog is well balanced with experiences and pictures. Check it out!
Cyrsti

Fascinated!

I love the "Tranisfesto" Blog! Written by "Matt Kailey", his blog provides great insight into the life of a "ftm" transgendered person.
All the transgendered dynamics are the same of course but I'm fascinated with the "other" side of human nature.
What's it like to leave the sorority of women? Is it as hard to leave as it is to join?
On the flip side. How hard is it to join the fraternity?
My own opinion is that it is easier to join the fraternity. The rules are posted.  For me at least. I'm sure that ftm transmen aren't that sure that's true. Perhaps the fact that most men are very basic in likes and dislikes would make the initiation easier?
At any rate, Matt asks for opinions and gives many!
As much as we are different as transgendered individuals, we are the same.

A Different Kind of Style

No short skirts, no tight jeans not even a mention of hair or makeup! None the less, this style is an important to us as the first three.
This style is a guide to how reporters should write about us from the "AP".
"Transgender-Use the pronoun preferred by the individuals who have
acquired the physical characteristics of the opposite sex or present
themselves in a way that does not correspond with their sex at birth.
If that preference is not expressed, use the pronoun consistent with
the way the individuals live publicly."
I'm thinking of writing this down on a card to pass out to people in times of confusion. The card would have come in handy last week when the pronouns were changing faster than the spring weather in Ohio. I went from he to she to Cyrsti in a 15 minute period with two women.
My problem is I view my situation as increasingly "normal" and I overlook or am amused by those that don't.
Utilizing a "card" to inform others is a bit formal but if I print them in a soft feminine color with a flowery style..."here's my card" could work.
The fun part could be going to a print shop to get them done!!!!

Beauty and Brains?

Trivia question...How many times have I have been called " a chick" by another woman? Once that I know of, Last night.
I was lucky and got a seat before the other six or so trivia competitors arrived and asked for their game consoles. I was also lucky when I knew more answers than normal, a fact not lost on the couple beside me.
The woman just couldn't get over how I knew all those answers. 
For once I was able to put together a soft presentable voice and kept saying "it wasn't knowledge it was luck"
Emboldened by her liberal use of the "she" word with me, I even kind of flirted with a single guy who sat down next to me for a quick drink.
I figured it was time to go when a couple behind me was trying to get my attention. (Never a good thing) While I was paying I overheard the woman next to me say to someone on her phone "the chick next to me is leaving, now I have a chance to win."
The couple behind me? Wanted to tell me I had something stuck on my shoe.
What the heck, "girls just want to have fun!"

Too Close To The Flame!

I really try to stay a short distance of my home for most of my social activities. Far enough away to preclude chance encounters with people I really didn't want to see.
Perhaps you remember my post from a New Years Day emergency visit to a local grocery when  two cashiers recognized me. I used to feel confident my two persona's would not be recognized. Until that day.
I know now, women can track me because of my eyes. (They have told me) Men of course aren't that observant or intuitive.
Last night I met a friend close to home and as we chatted, a guy across the bar bought me a drink As I looked to see who it was, I recognized him as a guy I know by name.
A quick consult with my genuine grade "A" female mentor brought back the answer. Women usually never return the drink favor. Just "smile and say thank you:" was the answer. I of course followed that advice, finished my drink and took off.
In most instances, I never really have a definitive answer on my girl life. I really feel I will when I see this guy again. One way or another.I may have taken another step out of the closet without knowing it. A more intriguing thought... when is he going to come out of his?

A "T" in Cross-dresser?

This post speaks volumes about a "silent" group in our community...the mostly hetero group of cross-dressers.
The great majority of us either occupy the cross-dresser category or may have passed through it. Many of our own community look down on them.
From "Diversity Guides.com" comes a lengthy read.
Here are some highlights:
"Cross-dressers are like bisexuals. They are allegedly in the majority of their minority communities (transgender and non-heterosexual, respectively) but no one knows who they are.
Many people generally assume that gay men make up the bulk of cross-dressers, which is probably true in the area of entertainment, but not in everyday life. Heterosexual women who cross-dress are usually referred to as "stylish." Many lesbians who cross-dress are often referred to as "butch." These gay women also face workplace discrimination, but their numbers are fewer, and they get much less amused attention than their heterosexual male colleagues in female attire."
As I read, I wondered if I was struggling through a rant or was there ever going to be a real meaning?
There was.
"It frustrates other cross-dressers, that too few people consider the unique needs of cross-dressing men when they talk about the "T." All the attention of national gay groups to the "T," it sometimes seems, has gone to ensuring that the medical costs of transitioning transsexuals are covered by their employers. This is a most worthy goal, but how about also focusing, she asks, on the need for some straight men to be able to occasionally come to work expressing the feminine side of their persona?"
"Many people in the gay and corporate communities don’t know this, but transsexual persons, especially those not in leadership positions, are not always great advocates for cross-dressing persons, and vice versa, despite them huddling together under the Transgender umbrella. But, when a company adds "gender identity" to its non-discrimination policy, it’s promising its cross-dressing employees, as much as its transsexual employees, that it will create for them a work environment in which they feel safe, valued, and included. People often cross-dress because of their fluid gender identity, and are thus covered by the words "gender identity."
Overall, the article is a good read that brought up many points I hadn't really considered in my own situation. Take a look.

The Wedding Fantasy, Transgendered Style

One of the strongest female experiences most of us have totally missed out on in our lives is the whole wedding process. Most women are preoccupied with the process from youth to middle age, when they are mothers of the bride or groom. "The girls at "Fabulous after 40" started my thought processes!
From the wedding dress itself to the bridesmaid dresses (every woman seems to complain about) I've been fascinated with the process.  The closest I've ever came to the event was an invitation  to a "bachlorette party"...kind of. The invite was extended as a "nice" gesture more than a serious one and I was "nice" enough to not accept. I shouldn't have been that nice! The strip club they went to alone would have been an experience of a lifetime! Too late now. I don't spend much time crying over spilled perfume.
You know as well as I do the multitude of web sites, bridal shows, magazines and reality television shows that deal with the wedding process. Wedding's are big business and the transgendered community is no different.
I'm sure you've seen a couple of the blogs or websites that deal with transgendered weddings. I'm talking about the dress and ceremony rather than the act itself. Lots of pictures of the trans bride in beautiful dresses. Many are hetero crossdressers living out their fantasy.
Not surprising when you consider the strength of the female experience. Maybe you are one that cherishes the thought or even the reality of the dress and the whole process. Walking down that aisle as the center of attention is a wonderful fantasy the great majority of us will never experience. Including me. I truly can't tell you if I ever want it to or at what level. I've never been a person who really respected all the expensive fluff of a big wedding. I just understood why and wondered how it would be to be a part someday.
One never knows though when the person will come along and change all of that. If it happens, I'll throw you the bouquet!