Dial "Rose" For Advice

Rose Venkatesan, who shot to notice four years ago as India's first transgender television chat show host now is hosting her own call in advice show.
I wonder if I have unlimited international minutes on my new cell phone ( I still don't understand) and I could call?
Rose, I have a question.
If I decide to place even less importance in my religious background (which happens to be Christian) and more emphasis on an ancient Native American sprituality which recognizes 4 genders...Am I better off?
Rose would probably answer "Cyrsti, all that matters is how you feel about it."
Of course I'm fascinated in learning more about a culture such as the Navajo. In a previous post, I wrote how their ancients believed in 4 genders and elevating individuals who possessed these traits.
Personally, I wonder if any of this effects me. I believe it's a wonderful explanation of how I can feel so feminine yet not desire the complete sexual reassignment surgery.
I've often wondered why I've never completely possessed a notion I was trapped in a male body and my being would not be complete until my genders were aligned. Perhaps my being was trying to tell me I was both?
Without becoming too deep, I wonder how all of this works with the demise of my male soul. Is he still there just feminized somehow?
Finally (for this post) how does this gender evolve fit in with the basic fact I used to feel a strong fetish involvement with female clothing. Did the ancients believe it would have been a manifestation of the female soul trying to express herself and the male soul reacting to it?
Maybe "Rose" could provide an insight? She is Hindu I assume and I don't know how her religion approaches transgendered humans.
The only real answer should come from the Navajo themselves. Unfortunately a 16 year old dual gendered boy was murdered in their culture. One act does not doom a whole culture but it does seem to make them more inaccessible.
The only answer comes from me it seems. Sorry Rose.  I can save my international minutes.

Flying Under the Radar.

We are a transgendered community noted for going "stealth".
The goal for so many of transgendered individuals is to attain a level of comfort in their chosen gender and simply disappear into society. The man or woman next door may be a transsexual and you would never know it...Wonderful, a terrific transgendered success story.
The whole "stealth" situation is a complete win for the transgendered person and I respect it. Why shouldn't they be allowed to live a complete "normal" life?
I used to believe there were too many "stealth" individuals in the transgendered community. Too few role models to help the younger individuals.
Fortunately the situation is beginning to change.  Transgendered individuals are stepping out of the shadows to explain who we really are as a culture.
In the preceding post I wrote about a new documentary on the "Style Channel" as one example. 

The public has seen the "Alexis Arquette's" (above)  of the world. Unfortunately, Alexis doesn't represent me or probably you well. Her media "wow" factor probably hasn't inspired many gender confused teens to run for school council.
On the other hand the transgendered woman in Spain who was just elected to a regional parliament does.
Compounding all these problems is the "L" (looks) factor. The trials and tribulations we all go through to present convincingly as our chosen gender. The fact of the matter is we all want to be viewed as "attractive". It's just human nature.
More importantly though, we need to be viewed as how we feel. Sure it takes courage and perseverance for a transgendered person to take the first awkward steps as a woman or a man.
The true heroine/hero in all of this is the person who steps out of "stealth" and says I started where you are. The finished product you see was not easy to achieve but you can get there.
I get the question frequently "do you think I can pass?"
Everyone can on a certain level if they are not passing.  When they become the person they are striving to be, they move away from the "Show Biz Arquette's" and into the real world. You stop passing  and start being.
Maybe some day in the future when that happens they will step out of stealth and pass forward their knowledge to someone who desperately needs it!

Araguz To The Supreme Court?

Texas widow "Nikki Araguz" must sit and wonder what a long strange trip it's been.

From the talk show circuit as a young transgendered woman to a marriage in Texas that ended tragically in her husband's death...she seems to be always on some sort of hot seat.
She lost her court case to claim death benefits in Texas and now is considering taking the case to the Supreme Court.
How does a person do this?
John Wright from the "dallasvoice.com" provided some insight.
"Nikki Araguz, who until now has been represented by Frye & Associations, said she expects Katine & Nechman will partner with national LGBT advocacy groups on the appeal.
Araguz said she chose to switch law firms because the high-profile case could have broad implications for transgender equality, possibly addressing fundamental legal questions about how gender is determined.
“I think that collaborating with multiple national organizations’ legal teams, and the Supreme Court experience of Mitchell Katine, is the better way to go for the greater good of everyone who’s going to be affected by the outcome of this case,” Araguz said this week in an interview with Dallas Voice."
From this statement I gather you go high power legal with backing from national groups and go to court.
On a purely personal level, I never forgot "Nikki's" appearance on Springer years ago explaining her oral sex act with a guy.
On the other hand I agree with her opinion all of this may have or could have far reaching considerations. Certainly governments have legislated gender. It's time for the highest court in the land to decide why they shouldn't.

"Two Spirits" and Four Genders.

Independent Lens   ("PBS") is airing a documentary on the brief life of  Fred Martinez. Martinez was one of the youngest hate-crime victims in modern history when he was brutally murdered at 16. Two Spirits explores the life and death of a boy who was also a girl, and the essentially spiritual nature of gender.Fred Martinez was "Navajo" one of the native American ancient cultures that believed people who integrated genders were indeed special.
In Navajo culture there are actually four genders and other groups recognize more. The site actually provides background into these beliefs.
I don't have to tell you the respect I have for the ancient cultures who knew what we know.  Any inside view of both genders at all  should enable us to be better humans
We of course have interaction problems with society which distorts our view. People who fear or hate us suffer from their own distortions. It is very easy to blame several "pseudo" religious groups in particular for distortions that lead to terrible stories such as Fred Martinez.
We as transgendered humans need to embrace the Two Spirits culture.
That does not mean to "turn the other cheek" to society.  It is our responsibility to share our knowledge with others and not hide behind our skirts

All Publicity is NOT Good Publicity

From Stamford, Connecticut comes a story which occurred at the exact wrong time.

The "Stamford Times" covered this story  "

Transvestite arrested for alleged sex assault 

 "Isaiah Johnson"

 

 

 

 

  " Police said a transvestite from Stamford ( Isaiah Johnson) was arrested early Wednesday morning for allegedly sexually assaulting a Stamford  teenager with special needs."  

All of this is bad enough. When you take into consideration Connecticut just rejected legislation to restrict "transvestite" males from using women's restroom facilities. It makes it all so very worse. (Please note the use of the transvestite word is not mine.)

Check out this response to the story!

"Just to think that the Connecticut Senate recently rejected an amendment for HB6599, to restrict transvestite males (biologically) from entering men's bathrooms.(He corrected it to "women's") Unfortunately the democrat majority wants transvestite males in women's rooms! I hope they take warning, doesn't mean transvestites are predators but its the principle and the potential of these incidents. Sad that most of you haven''t even heard of this yet." OUCH!

I know (and you know) this is apples and oranges to the great majority of us that do use the women's bathrooms. The closest to a sexual experience I've ever seen is a woman suggesting something to me.  I do cherish and try to respect my use of restrooms. 

None of us need this! 

Something Different?

I receive questions about my sexuality. Big surprise? Certainly not.
Without going into gory detail most of you know I was married for years to a woman (deceased) who knew of my trans disposition . You may also know of my developing interest in men over the past year or so.
All of this brings up the "straight" question. Are the men interested in me straight? Am I? Who cares?
A great look into attractions between men comes from "The Edge" in Boston.
The "Boys who like boys who look like girls" article deals with the subject basically from the views of drag queens. Many do admit that looking like a woman is a great way to pick up men. In a gay club. My relatively limited experience hasn't show me that. Then again, I've never been a performer and do not live in a major metropolitan area. Actually, I've been approached by more women.
What's the attraction? Women for the most part are just curious. Why do you want to play in their world? Somehow you become more than a gay guy in a dress in their eyes. So very correct!
Men are stereotyped too.Is it simply that some men just really want to have sex with a man... One who happens to look female makes it all right. Sure all of that is true but enter the third gender.
Most of the men I have encountered would have answered no to the "gay" question. For whatever reason they identify with the female in me.
From drag queens to straight guys to all of us in the middle, all of this makes for an interesting life. For the life of me I will never understand those who find it all so evil and even resort to violence.
What's the old line? "Whatever gets you through the night?"

From Name Calling... To Prom Queen.

From "The Advocate.Com" comes a story that reinforces the idea we are advancing as transgendered humans in this world. "Steve Rothaus" wrote:
"They’ve bullied and taunted her, calling her names and writing on her locker.
And now, the seniors at McFatter Technical High School have elected Andrew Viveros their 2011 prom queen.
“They called my name and I was in total shock,’’ said Andrew, a 17-year-old who was born male but has publicly presented herself as female for the last two years.
With her long wavy brown hair, Andrew wore a royal blue dress and got a fresh manicure for the Friday night dance.
Andrew, also known as Andii, plans to someday change her name to Andrea. She wanted to run for prom queen in order to show other transgender teens “it gets better.”
She ran against 14 others."
Andii's story certainly doesn't make up for all the ones with violence directed towards transgendered individuals, Brave young woman such as Andii and others who are fighting for transgendered rights deserve all the press they can get.

One day we will all wake up to a kinder, gentler world. In the meantime we all have to take a look in the mirror and consider how we can help. Any action (no matter how small) can help us all!

Read more: http://miamiherald.typepad.com/gaysouthflorida/2011/05/transgender-mcfatter-senior-crowned-prom-queen.html#ixzz1O2f1CfON

Return to Jerry?

According to "KHOU" in Houston, Texas Nicki Araguz is working on a reality TV show. The transgendered widow of a fallen Wharton, Texas firefighter  is working with a Houston film maker to produce the show.
Currently, Nicki is in court to claim over a half a million dollars of insurance money from her husbands death.
If you remember this is the same Nicki who started her TV career with talk shows such as "Jerry Springer".
As the current story came to light many transgendered organizations and people voiced support for her...including me.
The news about a proposed reality show (if true) proves to me Nicki is the same person who admitted to to performing oral sex on a guy years ago on Springer.
I'm sure I won't be the one to hurt her career on reality TV. I just hope she won't be the one who hurts transgendered causes everywhere.

Was It Something I Said?

I normally stay completely to myself. Speak when spoken too. Content with moving through society in my own little stealth mode.
Recently I stepped out of the mode to "help" a couple of 20 something guys with two "can't miss" trivia answers. (Hey 2 out of 20?). The seat I chose next to them was  the only one left and they gave me a long glance as I sat down.
Our unseasonably cold weather was continuing and I was meeting a guy there later so I wore one of my favorite "black" outfits. Black sweater, leather coat and hair accessorized with silver earrings and necklace.
As I caught up on my cell messages, I overheard them agonizing over a question about an old "Wonder Bread" commercial I leaned over and gave them my answer and was ignored and that was fine. After all, ignoring women is an age old male art form, trans or not.
Much later in the same round another question came up in a baseball category. I knew the answer and told one of them what is was. As our eyes locked, I knew it wasn't love or even lust I saw in them but it was way too late to turn back. We went on to have a conversation about the answer. The other guy was civil but I focused on the hostile one. Very quickly a better seat opened in another spot so I moved an took it.
He never had a chance to thank me! lol.
Maybe I was a "radical queer" that night by intruding in his game and forcing him to acknowledge me or he didn't want a woman knowing a little more.
My "date" arrived and we became immersed in learning a little more about each other so the experience faded quickly.
So much for "stealth" and trivia!

Really?

Meggan Sommerville

From the "WLS" news blog in Chicago: ":A west suburban transgender woman has filed two charges of discrimination with the state against the Aurora arts and crafts store she has worked at for a number of years, stating that management has barred her from using the women's restroom and threatened her with further disciplinary action if she were to use the women's room in the future
Meggan Sommerville of Oswego was born Mark Sommerville,  according to the charges filed in April with the Illinois Department of Human Rights (IDHR).
Sommerville has worked for Hobby Lobby, an arts and crafts supply store, in Aurora "for a number of years," according to her lawyer, Betty Tsamis. In July of 2010, Sommerville began to transition from male to female, the charges state."
The story goes on to point out the Meggan was not allowed to use the women's room at work and even was written up for using the men's at one point. She adjusted by changing her fluid intake at work and was even going across the street to use the woman's bathroom at lunch.
Really? Is something as common and mundane as a bathroom visit causing this woman so much pain? Actually the bathroom is the line in the sand for transphobics around this country. The bathroom issue is just one of the battles in a big war.
The other shame is that "Meggan" can't tell "Hobby Lobby" to go to hell and go out and find a better job. I'm sure she would tell us all it doesn't work that easily for trans women or as a matter of fact for most people in today's economy.
What a brave woman Meggan is for bringing to the spotlight "Hobby Lobby" in Aurora  for such a ridiculous stand.

Two Queens in a Deck.

Yet another fascinating look into the various subcultures we live with are "Queens dating Queens".
I ran across a interesting article on the subject from "Edge" from Boston.

Sahara Davenport and Manila Luzon 

"In the gay world, drag queens are expected to go out with more masculine-appearing men. But when that expectation is violated, it is sometimes met with derision or surprise. Still, some drag queens are attracted to other drag queens. And these "ki kis" (pronounced kai kai) - defined by Urban Dictionary as drag queens having sex - are often alluded to with an amused or slightly negative tone. "
I too bought into the stereotype. Many years ago my wife had a couple male employees who were beautiful drag queens. At no point in time did they ever indicate they were sexually interested in other than gay guys. At all of the drag shows I have ever been to the queens are always flirting with guys not other queens.
Shame on me! A notable drag couple is pictured above.
Luzon, the wife of "RuPaul’s Drag Race" Season 2’s Davenport, is very committed to her ki ki relationship. "Our relationship is really great because we share a passion for drag, we love being creative together, and we have doubled our wardrobes," said Luzon. "The worst part is that our apartment can become a disaster really easily: rhinestones embedded in the carpet, wigs everywhere, sequins in every nook and cranny. It’s like an episode of ’Hoarders: Drag Edition!’" she said.
Luzon admitted she used to hide all of her wigs, high heels, and sequin dresses in her closet, just in case she decided to bring someone home with her. Five years ago, she met a boy at a bar. They hit it off and began seeing each other. "After a few weeks, we discovered we were both drag queens," said Luzon. "By that time, it was too late. We were hooked on each other!"
As they said. "It's not about the art...it's the sex!"

My First Wedding Party!

I found myself on the inside looking in last night when at least fifteen or so "20 somethings" gathered around me ordering drinks after a wedding. I started to feel a little uneasy about my situation and almost decided to leave. I was texting a friend and getting to know him a little better so I thought I would just stay for awhile.
As it turned out, no one seemed to notice or care about me.
I had one girl talk briefly to me. She said I looked beautiful (a true giveaway she knew I was trans) and a couple more who made small talk. One of them was a truly big attractive girl. I always love it when I'm not the biggest woman in the room! We actually met eye to eye in the bathroom as I was coming out of a stall and I had a chance to check out her outfit and style by the bar.
I finished my conversation with my friend on the phone and shortly went on my way.
On the way home I thought how wonderful is it that the younger the population gets, the more it seems to accept us!
The influence of courageous trans teens such as "Katie" is enormous. When someone gets to know us as a human, we aren't so bad!
Certainly this cup is half empty or half full. The young trans girl who was humiliated and beaten up at a McDonald's was certainly ugly and hopefully will fuel public indignation.
My own cup was certainly half full last night as I had barely a glance in crowded situations. I knew and they knew I was female in their eyes. Better yet were the ones who weren't sure and didn't care.

Classic "Candy"

Could not resist passing along another  "Candy Darling" pix.
 For those of you who remember "Kim Novak", she was one of Candy Darling's idols and for good reason! She was another of the "blond bombshells"of the 50's.

Transgendered and Homophobic?

Last December I wrote this for my blog on the "PINKessence" . The subject had pretty much passed on in my mind until a couple days ago. 
A new "Pink" member zeroed in on the post and commented.  All of a sudden comments started to fly and it went to number 2 as the most popular post.
Here it is again.
So many of the transgendered girls I know are so anti male.
It is very easy to compare the trans girls distrust and dislike of the male gender to other people's dislike of the trans and or gay culture.
Time and time again "No Men" pops up in profile after profile.
Explanations are as shallow on one side of the fence as the other. From religion to
sexual distrust, we hear it all as a transgendered person.
Personally, I believe I've been sent to hell more than once for just
wanting to live as a female.
But you know, the mistrust and bigotry just doesn't come from males. So why should I or others be homophobic if a guy shows interest in us?
Is the old "guys are looking for only one thing" excuse valid. Maybe as valid as all the gay stereotypes?
It's no wonder that so many transsexuals go "stealth" and simply disappear into society. They escaped all the hypocrisy of our homophobic society. Maybe your next door neighbor lady
wasn't always a "lady" and happened to shed the "no man" label when she
found a good one?
No men or no gays can sound very similar.
Excluding men because of gender is as bad as excluding the "T" part of LBGT. No part of being homophobic helps you as a smart. attractive female...trans or genetic.

Trans 101

Educating "civilians" is an intregal part of my existence on occasion. One of those occasions was last night.
A group of three men and one woman were sitting close to me. I knew very quickly they knew I was trans and heard a few of the not so complimentary quotes.
Typically, when something like this happens I will just stay.  If they don't like me that is their problem. My rule is if I don't cause any problems for the place I'm in, I'm OK.
In a short period of time, both the woman in the group and I had to use the restroom. As we washed up she was playing with her hair and said nothing. We left and went back to our seats.
In a shorter period of time she switched her seat to the empty one beside me and the questions started.
The usual ones. What gender am I. Why do I live like this etc. No problem. I attempted to explain a gender fluid existence and the fact I was more female than male between the ears.
She then shifted the conversation into wanting to see my male self. Every once in a while this comes up and is rejected.
To the amazement of the others, we made the "girl" trip to the bathroom two more times and she made the obligatory "your boobs are bigger than mine" comment.
I just hope she took something positive back from the experience!
I will add my ideas later!

Serious Violence

How sad is it we have to read again and again the story of a transgendered person being beat up or worse yet killed.
"But by the grace of God go I", I have only been personally close to a couple dangerous situations.
Two factors play into my success (knock on wood).  I learned (almost the hard way) not to be in a late, dark and isolated place by myself one night. A lesson a cis-woman learned from page two or three of her "girl guide".
Out of an alley two guys approached me and asked for money. I actually got out of the situation because I was trans and a 5 dollar "tip". Haven't been back since. Lesson learned.
The second factor does play into the violence aspect of the recent victims. Each of them...all of them decided at some point to not go back to a certain point of their gender existence.  Be it school, work or restroom, they all decided to live their life the way they needed to live it. The decision ultimately hurt them. The fortunate ones got away with only a beating.
Can you imagine the humiliation of the trans girl in the McDonald's restaurant who was beaten by other girls? She probably was raised not to raise a hand to a female. She began her life as a female and was beaten by them? Classic injustice.
I have reached the point in my life where I refuse to go back. I don't think I ask for much. I attempt to be a good citizen and mind my own business. I do ask for a touch of respect, the right to go where I want and use the restroom I want to use.
I know I have very fortunate to have lived the life I have so far.  I thank the God I worship everyday and ask her for guidance and karma.
In the meantime, my heart goes out to my sisters who have not been so fortunate.

Phil Donahue Eyes.

Remember good old "Phil Donahue"? Phil actually helped the transgendered cause greatly. For the first time ever, he approached the topic with a sense of realism not sensationalism.
In addition to my obvious interest in the subject, I always enjoyed the audience reaction. From indignant refusal to accept to starry eyed stares, Phil's cameras caught them all.
Entering a room full of mixed individuals at a drag show is not unlike being on the Donahue stage.  Many sets of eyes are on you. You are connected with the stage performers if you want to or not.. At many shows, the best looking women in the room aren't women at all.
In my younger days, I used to say "I could run with the queens". High heels and a skirt up to you know where was great fun.  In my "cougar" years my attempt at displaying female sexuality is much more subdued.
At the show I found all was not lost. As I surveyed the room looking for my friend, I did notice a couple sets of "Donahue" eyes staring back at me.
The eyes seem to have a mix of wonder and admiration? I will never really know. All I do know the eyes are good for the ego!

Female Bigots?

Indirectly, this topic led to me getting kicked out of yet another "Yahoo" group.  The wife of one of the moderators of the site took offense to my use of the term "female bigot".
She was especially harsh with her criticism of another member's view of "becoming" a female. You all know my feelings on the subject. No one can make the physical transition from male to female completely now.  Big things like a uterus, ovaries and such stand in the way  She thought.a trans woman could never know what it is really to be female. She would have been correct if she had used it in context that no one knows what it is to be another. She is wrong in that you can accept and learn the female role.
I asked if she was a female bigot? Was there some reason in her mind a trans woman couldn't feel and be a complete female (except for the obvious)? The fact is I have met several happy well adjusted trans girls that are more femme than most genetic girls.
Never knowing when to stop, I asked if she was one of the women who believe a trans girls rest room privileges should be revoked too? How could I miss out on the "super secret" age spot discussions?
Let me climb down off my soap box. Carefully of course in my high heeled shoes... There is no way I could do it correctly (according to her) as I move to the back of the gender girl bus.
Fortunately, I believe female gender bigots are rare. Most of the genetic females I have ever known have been very accepting...exceedingly accepting. This woman's problem may have been rooted in the fact that "hubby" was deeply involved in moderating this group and she didn't want him to go too female.
Understandable but it is her cross to bear!

Beauty and Brains?

Trivia question...How many times have I have been called " a chick" by another woman? Once that I know of, Last night.
I was lucky and got a seat before the other six or so trivia competitors arrived and asked for their game consoles. I was also lucky when I knew more answers than normal, a fact not lost on the couple beside me.
The woman just couldn't get over how I knew all those answers. 
For once I was able to put together a soft presentable voice and kept saying "it wasn't knowledge it was luck"
Emboldened by her liberal use of the "she" word with me, I even kind of flirted with a single guy who sat down next to me for a quick drink.
I figured it was time to go when a couple behind me was trying to get my attention. (Never a good thing) While I was paying I overheard the woman next to me say to someone on her phone "the chick next to me is leaving, now I have a chance to win."
The couple behind me? Wanted to tell me I had something stuck on my shoe.
What the heck, "girls just want to have fun!"

Movie Review?

A scene from ... Dalam Botol, which features a gay male character who regrets having a sex-change procedure. Photograph: Bazuki Muhammad /Reuters

No not a review, just an update on Malaysia's first transgendered film. Of course it is billed as a gay film. The fact one of the lead characters had a sex change is a secondary headline. The producer has a friend who went through the surgery to please his gay boyfriend.
Certainly we have all heard of this before.  Examples graphically point to the difference between the gay and trans cultures".
From the "Guardian" comes this article.
"Boy meets boy. Boy falls in love with boy. Boy has a sex-change procedure in a misguided attempt to please his lover. Boy regrets his decision, moves back to hometown and falls in love with a girl.
Malaysia's film censorship rules require gay and transgendered characters to regret their actions and learn from supposed mistakes, guidelines to which … Dalam Botol had to conform in order to receive screening permission."
This film, of course is not being well received in many sectors of the country. Specifically, the Muslim religious sector.
This ground breaking film will hopefully open many doors in Malaysia for the gay community. Those doors shouldn't be opened at the expense of the transgendered culture.