Cosmo Girl?

As I have mentioned previously here in Cyrsti's Condo, I have become a regular reader of "Cosmopolitan Magazine." Of all places, I started to read it in my waiting rooms at the Veteran's Administration. I started out as a skeptic, wondering what in the world I have in common with all these impossibly skinny and beautiful young women...but not all as you can see in the picture.

Along the way though, I found all these wonderful articles on what women feel, mostly about the world of men. I even found an article celebrating the virtues of dating a transgender man!

Every now and then too, I read a reaffirming article on makeup. For example, I found out I was applying my blush the correct way. Over a fresh coat of foundation.  I never felt there was any other way all these years. Even though I don't consider myself anywhere close to the cutting edge in makeup application, I seem to find an idea or two in every issue.

FYI...a whole years subscription to Cosmo costs me less than fourteen dollars.

A small price to pay to give me yet another look at what I have missed in the world of cis-women.

I need all the help I can get!

More Transgender Affirmation

Phillipa from Great Britain (I believe) was kind enough to send in an email via cyrstih@yahoo.com concerning her very positive experience out and about in the feminine world:

"Hi I just read your Wednesday blog. On Monday a a good friend came to stay so that us girls could go and visit Stourhead in Wiltshire. We were lucky enough to get on the behind the scenes tour of this historic house.

When we were in the old kitchens the tour guide was nice enough to point in my direction and say behind that Lady is a set of instructions for cleaning the chimneys (In the old days boys were sent up the larger chimneys). It is so nice to be recognised for the girl I am.

Best regards

Philippa"

Good for you! Way to go Phillippa! Nothing beats an spur of the moment unsolicited affirmative comment.  

Transgender Affirmation

Affirmation of course is wonderful in whatever you do but even more so the longer you have worked to achieve a goal.

For decades now, one of my major goals (even when I was dreaming in the closet) was to become accepted for who I was - a transgender woman, or even a complete woman. Last night, at dinner with friends it happened. For two hours I was able to feel a complete part of a group of cis women talking about their lives.  Along the way, I also did most of our food ordering and used the women's room too. I even felt comfortable enough to add in my story of going with many of them years ago to see a physic in a group setting. He went around the room giving readings and when he got to me cross dressed in all my glory, he said he could see I was and will be going through some changes. Really? I was happy though my input was considered valuable enough for at least a polite chuckle and gave them all an idea of my life back then.

Overall, the best way I can describe last night... it was like getting my batteries recharged to move on with life.

Simply put, what really happened, was my ever present/lurking Mtf gender dysphoria was pushed to the back of my mentality for awhile.

That's a good thing of course.

I also just found out we are going out to a steakhouse Sunday to celebrate Liz's brother's birthday, weather permitting. So that should be fun too.

Crossing the Gender Frontier

Last night's cross dresser - transgender support group get together did provide a couple interesting moments.

One in particular was a new attendee. She was two years post op and nearly unrecognizable as having any kind of male past at all. It turned out she wasn't transgender or transsexual (if you will) but was an inter-sexed person. Her travel to finally get the State of Ohio to  force the insurance company to cover her surgery, was incredibly complicated, sad and included  an amazing amount of time in the courts. She claimed several years ago when this all happened, she was even accosted for it by bigots on the street.

As interesting as her story was, she got to me when she asked the group of approximately 16 people how many were interested in "transitioning all the way." Meaning of course having Genital Realignment Surgery. Which, by the way, is becoming much easier here in Ohio. New surgeons are coming on line in all the major cities and even insurance is becoming more available.

At first I almost said my transition is done according to her terms. But then I began to think it  isn't according to my ideas. You see, I don't have any desire at this time to have any kind of surgery outside of breast augmentation. It helps of course, I have a very supportive long term partner who fully accepts me as a trans woman.

I also, have my age (69) to think of ,as well as my gender dysphoria which continues to hang around. I believe it always will in one form or another. I can't see GRS relieving my dysphoria any time soon, so I guess I could say I will always be transitioning.

From cradle to grave.

It's Almost Time

Every once in a while this time of year, Momma Nature gives us a quick promise of Spring before Winter sets back in.  It's a great time to think about what I have left in my wardrobe to wear when the weather finally breaks around here.

Example of Modilly top. Not the one I wanted.

Just sitting here thinking about it, I think some shopping will be in order. My mind still has not adjusted to the fact I actually wear clothes out now. Back in my earlier days before I went full time with my Mtf transition, my clothes lasted me a long time. My only concerns were people seeing me wear the same thing all the time,

I do know I have several lightweight summer tops I could wear but they do nothing to get me through the chilly Spring weather.

Of course, the other day I screwed up with a possible on line purchase. As I was opening Cyrsti's Condo to work on it, I saw a top I loved on what I think was a Modlilly ad which showed up on my feed. Since Google takes a dim view of me responding to what are supposed to be my own ads, I lost it into the "ozone." Never to be seen again. I even went to their site to see if I could find it, with no success. I am more confident ordering from them because I have once before and the size I ordered worked out.

This season, finances permitting, I am going to try to get a head start.

It Will be Interesting

The week coming up promises to be busy and complicated at the same time.

Weather wise, all the heavy rains we have had translated into flooding around here. The Ohio River and several of it's tributaries have combined to close a few roads close to us. One of which is a portion of the main route I take to Monday's cross dresser - transgender support group meeting I attend. The same one which was closed for a landslide the last meeting. This time though, I am going to try to be more brave and go. I will not however, try to cross any high water.

Tuesday's trip North to my therapist is all on high ground, so I don't anticipate any problems. Plus Tuesday night we both have a dinner to go to at a local BBQ chain.

Thursday of course is Valentines Day. Liz and I are planning a night out at a local Cajun restaurant to eat some shrimp and grits.

Finally, and I am just guessing here, we will have another invite to eat Italian Saturday night. Maybe I should have labeled this post "A culinary week."

Switching subjects here...if you are an international visitor to Cyrsti's Condo (like Jeni in Australia) you may have experienced some difficulty posting comments here on the blog.  The only thing I know is I have been getting at least a half page of new rules from Google on international posts. Also, I think I gleaned from the mess, they are going to shut down Google Plus in the future. Please remember you can always email me at cyrstih@yahoo.com. Thanks!

Also this week, I will face the latest struggle known as "me and my hair." As it stands now, I am enjoying my soft waves and curls. When my next washing comes around though, either myself or Liz (she volunteered) to blow dry, brush out and basically straighten my hair. I used to do it on occasion until I fell in love with my curls.

Finally, I will have to strip my nails of their color this week. My "burgundy dream" color has ran it's course and I doubt if Liz will have time to get her nails done this week, so I will have to "go naked" again for awhile.

As I wrote, I have an interesting week coming up!

Always on Stage

It shouldn't come to anyone in particular as a surprise,  when you cross the gender frontier and enter the feminine world, you are always on stage.

For example, today I went Liz's martial arts class and then to our usually busy grocery store. Today wasn't too bad though because we weren't dealing with a snow storm like Connie is in Seattle. Hopefully she stayed home and won't be catching any fish at the fish market. I hear it's tough on acrylic nails!

At any rate, as I waited for Liz's class to end, a woman came in with her child for the next class. Along the way, she struck up a conversation about what all the different color uniforms meant. As we exchanged pleasantries, I don't know if she ever realized she was talking to a transgender woman, or even cared. As we chatted, I was glad though I put a little extra effort into my makeup.

A little later, at the grocery store, I was happy too when a product representative asked to take a picture of us when we stopped to sample a fresh pasta product. I almost said only if I could get a copy for my blog.

When I got home and started to relax with our usual PBS cooking shows (Public Broadcasting), I began to realize one again how women are always on some sort of stage. Plus, as transgender women we have to work twice as hard to close the looks gap with cis women. I am so envious on occasion when I see a cute cis woman in her leggings, loose sweater and baseball cap.

I guess I must be doing something right though when Liz makes gentle fun of me for taking too long getting ready to go.

Weekend Dreams

For some reason, it looks like a rare quiet weekend for us coming up.

As it stands now, there are no social group outings to go to, no dinners, no anything.  Basically though, it is the proverbial "lull before the storm." 

Next week, I/we have four things to do, including a cross dresser - transgender support group meeting, a trip to the therapist, a dinner out with our meet up circle and a Valentines dinner to be decided later.

I washed my hair yesterday, so my "salon hair" is gone and the natural waves are back. But of course, the new color is still there. Unfortunately too, my fingernails are going to need attention too. They are starting to chip (as they always do) at approximately the three week mark. Since I don't put the extra money and time out for acrylics.

Other than that, I will have to decide if I will wear my new/old glasses to any of the appointments.

One thing is for sure, the week will fly by before I know it.

As my Mom used to say, don't wish time away. Your life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer it gets to the end...the faster it goes.

Hitch up Those Big Girl Panties

I know my painfully shy past plus early struggles when I came out of the closet into a feminine world hurt me around new people. I am referring back to the stranger (man) in the doctor's office yesterday. Instead of pursuing a conversation at all, I decided to essentially ignore and run.

Here is Connie's take:

"Don't be so shy, girl! It shouldn't matter if the person is an L, G, B, T, Q, or anyone else. Not only did you miss an opportunity to connect with someone else, you caused a missed opportunity for them to connect with you. 

Just last week, as I was perusing the produce aisle, there was a woman on the other side of the bins that, I noticed, was looking at me (not so) discreetly. As we both worked our ways down to the end of our respective aisles, we came to the end-cap display of lettuce. She gave me another look before sorting through the heads, and I began my sorting, as well. I couldn't let the opportunity pass, so I said to her, "We have to find a big one; lettuce has gotten so expensive!" She seemed a bit surprised that I'd talked to her at all, but she did reply with a comment about how the price went up after the E. Coli scare awhile back, but never came back down. That was enough to start a short, friendly conversation, and I think we both left a little happier as a result. I'm pretty sure she'd never met a trans woman before, and I'm also sure that she knew she was talking to one - if not at the beginning, then by the time we parted. Had I not said anything, though, the woman would have missed learning how "normal" a trans woman can be, not to mention learning how lovely I am. ;-) "

You are right! Old habit's are hard to break. I will say though, I have always had a much easier time talking to other women than men.

I have a tendency too to rely heavily on Liz for support in many potentially new social interactions. Slowly but surely I think I may be getting better. Ironically, though,  I'm more apt to still have more male interests to talk about. Sports etc. My other interests create drama if I try to bring them up (politics, religion, etc.) so I don't.

Talking about produce is a great idea though, except when I want to yell at at yet another old lady eating grapes out of the bag without buying it.

Blah, blah, blah!