Trans Partners

Similar to a recent credit card commercial around here, let's give it time to let that comment set in for awhile.

....Time's up! A trans partner could be anything from a transgender man with a genetic, to a transgender woman with a cis man, to transgender men and trans women in a relationship. (I know I'm missing many other potential pairs, especially if you throw sexuality into the picture."

Fortunately for all of us Helen Boyd addressed the issue recently in her en/Gender Blog.  If you follow the link, you will see Helen's links to "Neither a Pity or a Fetish" or a huge Reddit "Message Bard" called "My Partner is Trans."

And of course, an excerpt from the blog itself from Helen Boyd:

"In the first set, there’s a list of the “allowable” types of partners – “boxes”:

1. Straight cis man is with a straight trans woman because she ‘probably’ still has a penis and, therefore, ‘he’s probably actually gay’.
2. Straight cis man is with a straight trans woman AND HE IS DECEIVED.
3. Straight cis woman stays with her transitioning partner, is to be pitied.
4. Straight cis woman is with a straight trans man AND WHERE IS THE PENIS, WE MUST ASK WHERE THE PENIS IS, CAN YOU FIND IT FOR US?
5. Gay cis woman is with a straight trans man, and that’s okay, because we all knew that ‘he’ was actually a lesbian woman all along.

And I wonder where these come from. When I was coming up, only #s 2, 3, & 5 existed, and I didn’t fit into any of them very well either, unless you see me as the “to be pitied” type, which I don’t.

Always useful to see/hear more partners speak up."

Indeed! Most of you regulars here in Cyrsti's Condo know my partner is a genetic/lesbian.  Which even gives a little different spin to our relationship with the world.  One of these days, I'm going to be able to convince her to write a post or two for the Condo about what she thinks of all of this!

My Phone, My Noggin and I

Just between you and me, I certainly have nothing against the sissy contingent in our community and I am reasonably sure most don't go on to a full mtf gender transition. AND  I understand the culture behind having a woman force you to cross dress. 

In the midst of everything else I try to squeeze in to my life these days, I use my phone to talk to myself. What I mean is when I have one of my ideas for "From the Hart" or Cyrsti's Condo, I message them to myself.

For example:  Similar to a note in a bottle, I have been tweeting my little "plays on words" out to the world and more than likely a "civilian" or two on Pinterest.  My assumption is, they would know little or nothing about what "transitioning" is, or how I am using the "sissies" word. My assumption also is, if you have a picture similar to the unidentified "sissy" below, somewhere perhaps there is a semi understanding spouse or girl friend. She is thinking, well I don't understand, but at least I don't have to do all the house work for a change.

WOW! How does this thing work?

Back in the day, I too would get dressed up (not like that) and do a bit of cooking and a smaller bit of cleaning.  I found what I already knew, I liked to cook and hated to clean.  I just couldn't reconcile myself I would "make someone a good wife" -in the ideal sense. Back in those days, I figured at the least, I could cook my way into a man's heart and never thought it would be another woman.

This was around the time my wife and I were having huge battles about what my cross dressing was really all about.  One day, when she was following up on her very effective theme "Be man enough to go be a woman!" I said something to the effect, did that mean I could be a woman and not clean like many I knew?  Not the right comment!

Which leaves me to my most important point of all, which is no secret:
"Transitioning is not for Sissies AND is a real BITCH!"

Cyrsti's Condo "Guest Post"

For whatever reason, rarely, have I just taken a comment or experience from one of you and passed it along-nearly verbatim. Here is quite possibly the first:

"Cyrsti, I hope you are sitting down because you and I are once again in total agreement. 

 I am a huge Bob Seger fan. My wife and I saw him several years ago at MSG and he blew the roof off the place. About 20 years ago I became addicted to "Like a Rock" I would play it over and over again until I ruined the cassette tape. I think that it had to do with the lyrics about "20 years, where did they go...20 years I don't know". Of course he would now have to revise that to 40 years since I was "lean and solid everywhere...like a rock." Obviously I still hold firm to what I think is right...like a rock. 

 A year or so ago I was in an LGBT bar for Karaoke night and I sang "Turn the Page". When I finished I went back to my stool at the corner of the bar (think of Norm in the anchor position at Cheers). I asked the regulars if they know why I picked that song. None of them knew. There were two girls sitting catty corner to my seat and the one closer to me said that she knew why I picked that song and she went right to the lyric "Most times you can't hear them talk, other times you can. All the same old cliches, is it a woman or a man..." She got it right, of course. She then took out her phone and showed me a photo of a guy with a shaved head, mustache and goatee. I damm near fell off the bar stool when she told me that the guy in the photo was her about two years prior. We had a very enjoyable and informative conversation for the rest of the evening. I have never encountered her or her girlfriend again. 
 I thought you would appreciate the Seger inspired conversation. 

 Regards, Pat

Pat it's obvious that I did love your experience and yes "Turn the Page" was a fave of mine too.  For clarity though , I should point out our disagreements are mostly political in nature which speaks for itself!

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Queen" of the Day

Our feature cover today is Puerto Rican drag queen, Jessica Wild

Chasing my Tail!

First off, we had a  major (no pun intended) moment in Cyrsti's Condo yesterday when Pat actually agreed with my comments on a post called The Toughest Trans Battle of Them All! The post centered on MtF transgender Army Captain Sage Fox in particular and spoke to the continuing tragedy of ruining trans lives one at a time in the United States military.  Which (as Pat wrote) Prez Obama  could fix with a stroke of his pen-but hasn't. I'm going to leave it at that, at the risk of getting too bitter and political. Plus, since Pat lives around the New York, East Coast area, she provided a little more insight into our Totally Transgender post and trans firefighter Brooke Guinan.  Please follow the links for her complete comments.

On a couple of lighter notes:  jen smithOctober 28, 2014 at 3:02 PM  commented:

Ooooh Cyrsti! You were quite the rebel-rousing, button pushing, devil may care one weren't you! Sounds like you had a heck of a good time!!!

Indeed I did Jen! Every morning, I take a moment and thank "Momma Karma" for enabling me to do all this living after so many years of darkness!

Finally, perhaps you have heard classic rocker Bob Seger is touring again at the age of 69.  I'm sure all of you have special groups and songs which have defined parts of  your life and Seger is one of mine.  I knew of him way back before he became "uber" popular because is is from the Lincoln Park, Michigan area and was rockin his arse off when I worked at one of the first "progressive rock" FM radio stations in Bowling Green, Ohio. (Not far from Toledo,  Michigan and Detroit.)  Our listeners also were fans of Iggy Pop and the Stooges from Ann Arbor, Michigan and any other Detroit "head bangin" rockers.  I credit those days to losing a good part of my hearing.  Another chunk went to watching the original Ozzy and Black Sabbath in Germany when I was in the Army.

At any rate, Segar seemed to stick with me through the years.  His "Hollywood Nights" song about a Midwestern boy being too far from home in L.A. became my "anthem" for a Midwestern boy in New York slipping too far away from his birth gender and of course "Running Against the Wind" which describes any transgender person searching for their true gender identity.

One of Segar's stops is going to be in nearby Columbus, Ohio in January.  Haven't given up on getting tickets!

I Didn't Have to Practice

I have two people in my life who have had a difficult time adjusting to who I am. Both from different perspectives.

One is from my distant cross dressing past and the other my deceased wife's sister.  I'm fairly sure I mention them too often here in Cyrsti's Condo.  So, to cut straight to my point, I'm about ready to cut ties with one (sister in law) and on occasion think I'm getting my point across to the other.

Here is the example.  He often sends me YouTube videos of mainly drag queen transformations and critiques them heavily.  Not a problem with that. If I have the time to watch them, I do too.  Today though, he sent me a fairly simple straight forward video involving an effeminate blond man.  I replied, I wish I had his skin and build to work with. He replied back "except the nose." I said wow! That was quite the catty comment, better pull in those claws.

What really got to me was he said "you must be practicing on your feminine responses."  I became more than a little frustrated and said "when will you learn, I'm way past the practice mode."  I just let my natural self come out and here she is. 

Ironically, the whole point fits in well into my Frock Magazine series about transitioning later in life. Indeed what have been my biggest surprises? One was when I found building a new circle of friends was easier to rebuild from scratch; than to babysit the few remaining ones I still had. Who for the most part refused to even consider I wasn't going through some sort of a late mid life gender crises.  (Like the two above.)

So no, I didn't have to practice much. My friends brought the real me out of me. I had it easy. Not having to practice per se' just was icing on the cake. I knew quickly I was doing the right thing.

The pleasant surprise was I didn't know I was getting it this right.

"Star Gazing" with Cyrsti

At my age it took me a while (as I have said) to shake off the effects of the weekend. When I did, I realized I had missed our weekly astrological sign travels Monday.  Better late than never though- so here we go with the Libras:

(September 23-October 22): Who you will want now and who is right for you will be hard to match up, as the two will seem at opposite ends, making you want to wipe the slate clean and start over. Of course, decisions like that can’t be made overnight, but as you feel the restless tossing and turning, redraw the lines of what you do find acceptable and make that your point now.

Can't say much about any of that except it is wrong in my case! I am always restless and toss and turn all the time mentally, but so does Liz so we match up.  I'm the first to admit our successful style of relationship is most likely to occur  in more mature individuals who have seen a lot and have some sort of idea of where they want to be at this stage of our lives. 

As I read the other signs this week, it seems I may need to find a Virgo to talk to! :
.
 (August 23-September 22): There will be uncommon vernacular spoken around you and a pretension that will be so thick; it’ll be hard to push your way through. Welcome to a new view, as changes of your social scene will be going down a more intellectual route. Not that you can’t keep up, but why you would want to. After all, what do you really feel you have to prove?

OK kids, that's it again for another week and can you believe the first days of November! As always if we didn't get to your sign, don't crawl under your bed and cry! Go here to theFrisky.

The Toughest Trans Battle of Them All?

I hope just because I am a US army transgender veteran, I should feel any more strongly than any other transgender American that the continuing discrimination against transgender military members isn't one of the most basic problems we have?

Shouldn't the people who fight for our freedoms, be allowed to enjoy them? Especially when other countries around the world allow trans people to serve? Even I though, get the argument from people around me women in the military are a bad idea all together. It seems they feel we genetic or transgender women are too emotional, or devoid of strength and may not possess the will to fight to the bitter end for our other troops. Really? I tell them to just did a little deeper into the history of our area in Ohio when the Shawnee's and whites used to clash over land which belonged to the Shawnee.  Sure some of the heavily Scotch Irish women were captured and abused but many were some of the most feared fighters the Shawnee faced when cornered.

Still, today, stories such as this keep happening-because they can: From the Washington Post:  Capt. Sage Fox had come to terms with the end of her military career when she said she got a stunning phone call. It was her commanding officer, telling her that despite the military’s ban on transgender service members, she would be welcome to return— as a female, her preferred gender.

So Fox, 41, (left) a U.S. Army Reserve officer who had served in the military for 14 years, returned to post in Sacramento as a new person. Her voice was higher with the help of vocal training and her features softer as a result of hormone therapy. She had grown out her hair. She got permission to use the female latrine and be addressed as “ma’am.”

But a short time later, her orders were reversed without explanation, and she was told not to come back, she said. Thousands of men and women serving in the U.S. military are in such caught in the gap between shifting cultural mores and military regulations that still require the immediate dismissal of any service member found to be transgender.

Actually, yet again transgender service members such as Captain Fox are just caught up in a government full of politicians and bureaucrats just interested in a short term status quo arrangement.  I might make a move, but not in an election year!

The "shell game" goes something like this: Defense Secretary Hagel said he would be open to a study.  (How many years? How much money?) At the same time (of course) The Pentagon has said nothing is going on with them. And in the meantime, a dozen or so transgender service members have been discharged over the past two years (according to various advocates).

For of this more story go here. My blood pressure is too high to keep writing!!!!!