Sex and the Transgender Girl

Wouldn't that subject make one heck of a reality television show?  More exciting than Mountain Men? Who knows, but one does touch quite a few nerves when you talk about it.  Then again, it's a highly personal subject.

Back when Dr. Stanley Biber was performing all the SRS changes in Trinidad, Colorado (prior to Marci Bowers joining his staff in 2003) all the rage was to have the operation, find a man, go stealth and live happily ever after. How about a plot like this- transsexual woman goes through the change, begins ideal life with the man of her dreams- until the woman of her dreams comes along?

Regardless of your feelings about all of that, times "are a changin'" (could Bob Dylan have been a closeted cross dresser?)

Most of us were shocked when Facebook went from two binary gender choices to 50-most of which we didn't understand-unless we were living them.  I for one, thought the process was a huge step forward, as much so as a growing number of individuals who rebel at any sort of sticker label being applied to them.  All of the sudden, genitalia aren't the basis for gender feelings and aren't the basis for being comfortable as a chosen gender in life.

Then, as you take sexuality and mix it in with this potent brew-the whole picture becomes even more confusing to some and exotic to others.  At my recent visit to the Equality Ohio meeting, the organizers went around the room and asked us to give our name, pronoun preference - plus how we identified.  I gave it all-to a point.  For some reason I said I identified as a transgender woman- not a transgender lesbian woman and transgender veteran (which I brought up later to them)  I just figured it was too much information for them.

Some times, it is too much information for me.  This Cyrsti's Condo comment sent in by Caroline, may say it best:

I was about four and a half and had know that there was something wrong for a couple of years already then I twigged that as bad as I thought it was, girls liking girls was a real no no...

I really thought way back in the fifties that I was truly doomed, they think I am a boy is bad enough but to not want to be a typical girl who likes boys, what the heck!?

I was even thinking only a few years ago that such a fact would make sure I never got any help but I did.

Who on earth can find guys attractive anyway?

Thanks Caroline, fortunately my Mom found my Dad attractive enough so I could be here babbling :). But of course I know what you are writing about. I believe the longer I do this, the more I feel there are more people like us Caroline.  I'm so glad you got help!

To those of you who are still coming out and unsure of your sexuality, I would say yes, the lesbians are a tough crowd to be accepted into.  But, if you follow certain parameters, I'm proof it's not impossible. (Coming up in a future post.) To explain the process even better, I'm still trying to get my lesbian partner to write a post or two here-maybe she could explain what the trans scenery looks like from the "other side of the street." 

She's a tough sell!!!

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl" of the Day

Our cover feature today is the beautiful MtF model  Arthur Nazarov

Guilty Pleasures

I'm the first to admit, I have never been the most "girly girl" in the world and I am probably too fond of my "boy friend" jeans, boots or flip flops...BUT, then again there are mornings (like today) when I just can't resist sneaking in a set of girly dangling earrings when I'm buying other boring household items I need...like furniture polish for a vintage piece I'm selling or motor oil for my old leaking car!!!

This morning I felt like this!  Isn't the vintage "Pin-Up Art" fun?

Life in the Box

Continuing a post I wrote yesterday here in Cyrsti's Condo which I compared my MtF gender transition to climbing into the "girl's sandbox" .  I break it down further in my book  "Stiletto's on Thin Ice" but for simplicity (like my mind), here are a couple of thoughts.

For the record, I have nursed my biggest scratches over the years, from two groups-"A-list" genetic and TS women.  I leaned quickly from both, who sought me out for my comeuppance (as they say in my part of the world.) My first lesson came years ago at one of the transvestite "mixers" I used to attend.  I was always fascinated by the diversity of the group and loved to go out with a certain few after the "meeting" and party. The problem was, this group made up most attractive cross dressers in the room.(Not the most feminine though.)  They knew it and were very similar to the socialite/cheerleader types I encountered in high school.  To "tag along" was OK by them, as long as we all knew I didn't really belong. Lesson learned.  Maybe I didn't fit it with those girls in the sandbox, but there were others I was finding who indeed I did!

As most cat scratches do, I heeled and found more acceptance in the box than I ever thought possible.As we have discussed here in the "Condo" most genetic women are curious why you would even want to play in the sandbox at all and move on. My problems occurred when I wanted to use the "litter box" and I got scratched big time.  Through it all, I learned to watch my back because there could be a woman coming after me with a patented "passive aggressive" feminine attack.

Finally, I learned the worst attacks in the box came from those I couldn't even see, transsexual and transgender women who sit safe behind their computers and blast away.  I used to get mad (still do) and hurt (still do) but for the most part understand I put myself out here and with it comes abuse.

So now, I happy with my little spot of sand in the girl's sandbox and I have playmates too.  Plus on the positive side, I have interacted with sooooo many good hearted peeps like all of you.

Thanks for playing in our sandbox!!!

Cyrsti's Condo "Did You Know?"

Here's a real conversation starter-or finisher. Did you know the Dalai Lama follows no one on Twitter? Not even Lebron James?  Source: Ellen Claycomb, Twitter.
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And You Thought You Had This Girl Thing Down!

Stick with me here as I try to "structure" this post.

I'm going to start it with an experience I had 199 years ago as a kid and build from there.  In my youth, every friggin year, our vacation was a two week trip up to the area around Toronto, Ontario - Canada. Dad would rent out a fishing cabin on a lake called "Rice Lake" and we would do our best to fish it out. We caught the fish, cleaned the fish, froze the fish and ate them every Friday for a year until it was time for...you guessed it...fish for more.

One year when I was probably 12 or so, we found enough kids in the camp to form a tackle, no pads football game.  Being the overly compensating male kid I was, my hero was a fullback for The Ohio State University and I wanted the ball.  I got the ball all right and was picked up and slammed down on my shoulder.  My collar bone was broken and my Dad temporarily lost an employee. Ironically,  what sticks with me to this day is when the doctor said to my Mom, "well the collarbone is broken, but he won't have to worry about wearing a strapless dress anytime soon."  He was right in a way- it was several years before I did go strapless.

Then! I read this from the "Fashionista" beauty blog..."Everything You Need to Know About Collarbone Contouring!" Dammit! You mean I spent all those years contouring my collar bone "bump" wrong?  Where was the internet when I was a kid and needed it?

Then! Bobbie sent me a link on Facebook to a Greenville Gazette article where a Tracy Spicer gave a talk about the pressures society puts on women to look a certain way. She explains that women spend an average of 3,276 hours of their lives grooming. Men spend a third of that primping themselves.

“Imagine what we could achieve if we weren't beholden to society’s unreasonable expectations about how we should look,” Spicer says. In the amount of time it takes every year grooming, women could learn another language or get a degree. The sky is the limit to what women could accomplish with that time.   

DUH!

No big surprise there Tracy! What she didn't say was how much of that pressure comes from within the women's sandbox. Who do women dress for first, men or women? Personally, I feel if I present well and blend with the women I'm around I can move around in the world with less potential problems. In other words, I'm passing the girl's "sandbox test".  It's a tough crowd in "the box" though and I'm sure proper contouring of my collar bone would have given me a bit more respect from the "A" listers - if I had only known!

Thanks Bobbie! Here's my second book plug recently (making me feel like Dr. Phil) but there is quite the discussion of the "girl's sandbox" in one of the chapters of "Stiletto's on Thin Ice."

Cyrsti's Condo "Oops!"

My wife said she was out with the girls. Turns out now, she was out with my guy friends and is bringing them home in five minutes!!!

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

I found this on Twitter:

You’ll drown in my depth if you don’t know how to swim. No lifeguard on duty…

@WestofCrazy

Will You Take Half a Man-Part Two

I have received several very good comments to my recent Cyrsti's Condo post concerning a recent coming out to a genetic woman in my family.

The point I don't think she ever really understood- was why I wasn't sexually attracted to men, now or ever. Believe me, I have wondered about that too.  In my past, I have "made out" with guys and kissed a few who bothered not to stand me up on a date...or even didn't spit on the floor after they kissed me...really?  All of that aside, all I can say is-the spark just isn't there. Say what you want (and more than a few will), identifying as a trans lesbian puts me even a notch lower on the mythical "I'm more Trans than you" scale. The fact remains, I'm way past that kind of criticism and I know the rather archaic idea of a man dictating the femininity of a woman wouldn't play well to any of my lesbian and most of my straight women friends. As Marion commented though:

These are questions that many in the cis-gendered world do not have a clue about. They think that gender presentation and identification are related to gender preference. And until they see that these are separate, we have a lot of educating before us....

Education indeed is the key word and it is happening more than we know. In fact, my family friend ( to my surprise) had a real grasp of what a transgender woman was all about, from a couple of television shows she had seen.  More importantly, her grasp wasn't a negative one.  Just because she had problems understanding the gender versus sexuality concept didn't make the experience any worse.  I sometimes don't think many in the transgender - cross dressing community have it figured out either.

So, I think by now all of you know I was happy with the experience. In a future post, I will have to pull a few coming out excerpts from my "Stiletto's on Thin Ice" book .

Speaking of the book, I do have several readers who took the time to leave wonderful reviews such as Don and Mindy.  I'm so insecure, I was afraid to even look!!! If you follow the Amazon link on the upper right hand side of the blog, you can buy it for your Kindle.

Finally, Jen said it best (instead of a half a man)  I think it's more like two for the price of one, or maybe "get this special bonus" if you act before midnight :-)