Why I'm Leelah Alcorns Greatest Nightmare

And why I could have been her greatest hope.

As you remember, she had written she didn't want to go through life looking like a "man in drag"  It's no secret I have struggled with "passing privilege" my entire life and not the example I would want to show a young transgender girl.  Then again, I do.

I wanted to show her I could have been her greatest hope.  After all, at the least, transgender people like me are survivors. We have been through the taunts, the rejections and the suicide attempts.  With, or without our families we have made it.  If Leelah was sitting in front of me today, I could say yes it does get better to an extent but changes more.

I thought it was interesting Tom, the moderator/therapist of the show (who continually pleaded ignorance on LGBTQ issues) wasn't ignorant enough to not mention one person who went through SRS, lived as a woman for years and now wants to go back to living as a man.  About that time I was trying to call back the final part of the show and rejoin the discussion-but couldn't get back in.

You see Leelah, it would be easy for me to brush off your 17 year old ideas of finality. What you see at 17 is a brush with reality and far from final.  Don't we all know the kids in high school who peaked then?  Tom, could mention attempting to reverse a sex change after 30 years but didn't have the information about puberty blocking medications?  It just seems to me a person who deals with teen counseling would have some sort of idea.

I'm biased of course but if Leelah was my child, I would recommend the puberty blockers as a "hedge bet".

So yes, I am the person (quoting Tom) who sounded "like a man" on the phone. (I do) but Leelah, it's so sad no one encouraged you to go on puberty hold. The gender landscape is changing so rapidly, your future would have been so bright and not similar at all to mine. Plus, due to length considerations on the radio (I assume) no mention was made of the family's desire to pull Leelah out of school.  I didn't bring it up because I am not sure of the extent of the accuracy.

Plus, lost in all of this is the semi truck driver who was just making a living.  Does Leelah's church pray for him?

Between A Rock and a Hard Place And a ----

I really did not know what to expect from today's radio show on WAIF in Cincinnati.  I come away from it still not knowing.  I want to thank Connie and others for your support.  The show was moderated by a teen therapist with a lesbian and I called in for the first half hour and then for approximately ten minutes later.The therapist actually knew Leelah but only as Josh and was definitely trying to walk a type rope over a canyon he knew nothing about.  Then again I question if he wanted to understand at all.

Bowing to forces he would not identify, he refused to use Leelah's first name, referring to her only as "Alcorn."  I pretty much stuck by my guns and went in for the understanding of transgender youth everywhere.  I have to say, he was pretty slick.  He would say if one of his three teen children was transgender, he would support them and he wasn't a Christian therapist -he was a therapist who was Christian.  Then, later on he said "Alcorn's parents didn't know the extent of his concerns." I just said aren't they the parents and shouldn't they?

About this time another transgender woman called and waded in, with more force than I and with the same results-none.  I was remembering about what Racquel told me about fundamental conservative Christians at this point, "They would simply circle their wagons, find others to blame and move on."  Racquel was right and I'm not so sure I wasn't wasting an hour or so out of my life today.

As far as the lesbian co-host went, she was typical too. I wouldn't expect her to spend her life worrying much about the differences in sexuality and gender anyhow. She had her own "cross to bear" coming out to a Pentecostal/ Baptist family. No fun doing that.

So my expectations were exceeded - zero plus zero equals zero.  The therapy peep will to go back to his peeps with no perceived real knowledge or sympathy. After all,  "don't all 17 year old's rebel against their parents like this?" And, by the way, how does Cyrsti get through life if his er her voice sounds like a man on the phone?

The world goes on, I just wish I could have slowed it down a bit more.

A Trans Girl Should Be Three Things

Recently, I saw this fashion board on Pinterest called "A Girl should be Two Things-Classy and Fabulous."

Being a trans girl, I added a third because we transgender women have to try harder.  We have to be Fabulous, Classy and Act Like We Have Been Here.  It's nearly impossible for me to pull up an example, but I am going to use boxing legend Kellie Maloney (left) who went through a publicized Mtf gender transition in 2014. Kelli looks genuine, happy and like she belongs.

So, when I read comments from haters within our community who want to emphasize ONLY appearance.  I was watching a show on Oxygen called Living Different .  The show features several different generics including one who is in love with a Ftm transitioning transgender man and one of the most androgynous models I have seen-known as Rain. "Rain" dates both genders and in the show had one of her prospective photographers (generic) locked eye to eye.  My sister in law was watching it with me and said the photographer without a doubt would go out with Rain.  I said not so fast...when I meet civilians, many times I can see they are locked "onto me".  I am "fabulous" because they have never met anyone like me, not because they want to run off and do insane things with me.  Class follows quickly because indeed I need to downplay any idea I am brave or courageous because I am living life on my terms.  Finally, I have to be calm and play the moment because most of the time I am the teacher.  Fortunately I can, because increasingly I have been here and are doing it.

It's just another reason I believe in attitude over appearance when we transgender people interact with the world.

Cyrsti's Condo "Woman of the Day"

Our feature cover of the day is MtF transgender woman Carol Marra  (left)

As a young boy in Brazil’s heartland, Carol Marra watched her parents politely correct strangers who said what a pretty daughter they had. In her teenage years, she coveted the boyfriends of her female classmates and tried out androgynous outfits, dutifully changing back into a young man’s clothes in her car before returning home.

Now a favorite among Brazil’s growing class of transgender models, Ms. Marra, 26, has become a star. She filmed two mini-series for major Brazilian television channels, is starting a lingerie line, and was the first transgender model to walk Fashion Rio — considered a top national runway event — and also the first to pose for Revista Trip, a Brazilian culture magazine that features female nudes.

While My Blog Quickly Froze!

Damn it's COLD where I live here in Ohio and as bad or worse other places.  It was down to a "balmy" -25 degrees wind chill last night.  Actually, this is my second winter transitioning into the "polar vortex" or whatever else the weather peeps are calling it this year.  It's so cold here-the eggs are freezing inside the chicken!

I have whined forever here in Cyrsti's Condo on how HRT ruined my body's thermostat.  I used to be a "furnace" now I'm a freezer which presents obvious problems.  One of the truest points of transitioning is when you get to the point of choosing a wardrobe for everyday wear.  It was a huge realization for me when all of the sudden I needed clothes for every occasion, everyday and all of the sudden I was wearing them so much, they were wearing out.  "Back in the day" when I was going out a couple days a week as a cross dresser, my fave outfits lasted forever it seemed.

This year I have been farther out in front of the frozen curve.  I am set with fleece lined leggings, boots, sweaters and coats for the winter.  My problem is planning ahead for me involves about a week or so.  It's difficult for me to figure out what I am going to buy at the grocery store to eat tomorrow.  On the other hand, it seems I have an innate sense of style colors for myself, which work well with winter fashion. (Don't ask me to pick colors for your house though!)

Also, I have decided to think a little farther ahead - warmer weather and spring fashions can't be that far away!  Excuse me, I have to head out and see if my car will start!!!

Remembering Leelah on the Radio

Recently, I have made a mention of my invite to join in on a radio discussion of LGBTQ suicide on a radio station close to Leelah Alcorn's hometown.

Thursday (tomorrow) WAIF radio in Cincinnati, will have a diverse set of individuals (including me) along with a local (conservative Christian) minister concerning LGBT issues with the church and families. The discussion will be moderated by a therapist, Thomas Cox, from  NKY. (Northern Kentucky University) The show runs from 12-2 (EST) and you can hear it on the link above.

So, if  I can manage to not get kicked off before I start, maybe I can add a bit of reality to the discussion.We know the reality of being transgender is not a choice it's a need but most religions don't. I simply don't understand why, probably as much as they don't understand me.  But, they need to know I am not their enemy and I deserve the same respect.  If they think I am going to hell-well- I may think I could see them there.

Call me an alarmist but  religion in this country is now following politics into a  highly polarized state, which is not good.  All of the sudden, (it seems more and more) if you are a conservative politically it follows you have to be a socially/religiously conservative person.   And, whatever happened to a loving caring God?

The only thing I do know is tomorrow we won't be able to come up with all the big answers we need. At the least though, it's going to be nice to talk about them.

Cyrsti's Condo "Thought of the Day"

This was passed along from my long time friend Connie Malone (Oregon Duck fan and all) who originally suggested I write a blog and told me how to spell it.  She also coached me through many of my initial attacks from the trans nazi's on a certain social site we were on. You know, the ones who put themselves farther up the transgender food chain -  "Trans-ness" to them is determined by operations and "time served."

Thanks Connie!

Trans Activist?

Was 2014 the year of the "Transgender Activist?" Just exactly how does one define being an "activist?" Are we talking Laverne Cox, Janet Mock or you and I?  From Pat, Paula, Stana, Mandy and all of you who contribute thoughts here, most certainly you are all activists.

I bring it up here in Cyrsti's Condo because at the age of 65, all of the sudden, it's my chance to talk the talk and "walk the walk." as a transgender woman.  I was proud to do it last night as  Racquel (trans woman friend) and I joined a candlelight vigil for Leelah Alcorn here in my hometown of Springfield, Ohio (60,000 pop). Plus, we will be at the vigil Saturday in nearby Dayton. I have also been approached by groups in both towns to help establish outreach groups.  I feel a real need to help because last night (10 degrees, windy, two blocks from a 5 alarm fire, and approx one week notice)-  35 people braved the conditions to remember Leelah, but only three of us were actually out transgender women.

So just being there last night made us an activists because "ally's" could see Racquel and I , talk to us, and we could again wedge our way into a very much gay/lesbian dominated local equality group.

In my own noggin, I do believe times "are a changing" quickly which makes the Leelah Alcorn suicide all the more frustrating and tragic. If I'm lucky, I can channel all my jabbering into coherent thoughts about why I believe that, intermixed with ideas of why we are not the enemies of fundamental Christians on a Cincinnati radio discussion show Thursday.

Details coming up!

Just Another Day in Paradise?

As you regulars around here in Cyrsti's Condo may know, I have the attention of a seven year old.  Plus, I write tons and read very little.  Recently though, Liz acquired a copy of a book called "Dress Codes-Of Three Girlhoods, My Mother's, My Father's and Mine."    The book was published back in 2002 by Noelle Howey.

Literally, after approximately three months of reading the last 75 pages of a 325 page book, I formed several thoughts: On a pure mechanical basis, I know how hard it was to write my first book "Stilettos on Thin Ice" which wasn't  even close to being as long. I wonder how anyone else does it.

Secondly, the family perspectives from a generic female on her way to becoming a woman was perhaps too much detail for someone like me-but-that's just me.  Also, became quickly apparent too, was how much the overall climate for transgender women and men has changed since she wrote the book.

Finally, as I blissfully waded through my reading of "Dress Codes" I was moderately interested in the fact the whole family is from Ohio.  Cleveland area to be exact.  She began to mention "Christine's" tentative first steps out of the closet came at cross dresser meetings around Cleveland. Christine also mentioned meeting the never charming, self proclaimed transgender pioneer Virginia Prince.

I operate in a tunnel and never really wondered about the timing of Christine's cross dresser meetings, until finally Noelle wrote about her (Christine) winning the Miss Paradise Pageant in 1989. And, with the help of electrolysis and HRT, Christine came fully out of the closet.  Being the brilliant person I am, my noggin finally kicked in and I remembered I attended a few of those " Paradise Club" meetings in Cleveland in the 1980's. I don't remember a Christine.  What I do remember is how diverse some of the meetings were.  Not only was I meeting other professed hetero cross dressers, I was meeting another spectrum of attendees ranging from fetish cross dressers to those who (like Christine) had their sights on SRS later in life.

The biggest drawback was "Paradise" only lasted a very short time and I hope so many years later, Christine has found hers!