Buh Bye!

This morning I took another largely symbolic step towards severing my past.

Here in town, my deceased wife both went to and my Mom taught at the same high school.  My wife was younger than I and wasn't there at the same time.  The school actually was built and opened in the early 1960's and my Mom began to "collect" the free yearbooks she received back in 1961.  Between the three of us, I ended up with over a decade of highly saleable yearbooks.

I sold them all-except for 1967 when I graduated.  Somehow it was a remaining tenuous thread to who I was.

Today, I put it up for sale too.  Not a tear was shed.

Is That All There Is?

The last couple of days, Liz and I were busy running errands in my hometown for a change. The mere fact of doing just that puts me in direct conflict of where my androgynous self still goes. In rapid fire order, we went to three places and I received no negative attention-none-nada.  My hair was down, I was wearing minimal makeup, a tank top, flip flops and a pair of my distressed jeans rolled up.  No big deal to get ready and go.

Needless to say though, I still felt trepidation.  The places we were going were the spots where I have received "push-back" in the past when I visited as a cross dresser, androgynous or feminizing transgender woman.  Turns out, I was wasting my energy.

When we got back home, I had a chance to talk about it with Liz.  As I have always written here in Cyrsti's Condo, she has taken me for granted as a trans woman from the first time we went out on a date.  Her only drawback is she expects the rest of the world to do the same. This time they did and she said did I hear what the one guy at the store called us- "Ladies."  I laughed and said, I am deaf but not deaf enough to hear that!

Look, I'm not saying my future as a woman in the world is coming full circle but every once in awhile, I get a glimpse that indeed it is.  Then I wonder do I become a victim of my own words and thoughts?  To put in the terms of our culture-if I do begin to present and or pass as whom I always wanted to be, will I become a hypocrite and go stealth?



I'm thinking yes and no. Yes because I conveniently "neglected" to wear my "transgender symbol" necklace. (left)  In my "pea brain" that is a step towards stealth because I didn't want to explain to anyone what the symbol meant.

No, because in reality, I have a whole lot of life to live and a huge amount of "blind curves" ahead. So the incredible freedom and accomplishment of the other day could be as fleeting as the beautiful summer day we are having.

One way or another though,   I'm sure I can still find plenty of transgender issues to be involved with.

We Are NOT Related...But...

Referring back to the recent Cyrsti's Condo post I wrote about my interaction with the young gay boy the other night, I received a quick comment from Paula of Paula's Place  concerning her first visit to a local Pride event and thinking almost the same thing. She said: I was in Brighton for the biggest Pride event in the UK at the weekend, and there were an awful lot of boys there (Gay and Straight) who could do with learning that lesson... (left).

As I always do, after my impulsive outbursts die down along with the emotions and passions- my biggest misconception continues to be that in any way I am "related" to the rest of the gay and lesbian community.  I suppose dots could be connected between how I identify as my  gender and my relationship with a lesbian woman but that's it.

"Back in the day" I'm sure, we as the transgender community had to be lumped into a bigger group for identification and political reasons.  We became the "T" in the LGBT which is populated now with lots of other letters.

I suppose what I don't understand about the human critter and groups in particular is why when the groups become successful,  they forget their origins and become inclusive or even enabled. 

Of course the most "enabled" group of all are the cis gay males.  For the most part they are working the system wonderfully to their advantage (good for them!) but like any cis man- just don't have the empathy to reach out to those they don't understand.  The other night, It did my soul good to watch gay television personality Andy Cohen use the transgender word with Laverne Cox. Perhaps with enough exposure my "little buddy" from the other night will learn - I wasn't cross dressed any more than Laverne Cox was.

I guess I shouldn't be so surprised - of the the town I'm from and unfortunately still live in part time. Yes, it's the same city only 50 some miles from Columbus where I had to introduce myself to the local Equality Group as the only transgender woman  They only use the words gay and lesbian and the newly elected female black city commissioner is now the deciding vote to keep  discriminatory TGBLQ laws on the books in the 6 th largest city in Ohio.

Maybe I'm asking too much?

Curves Ahead!

No real secret the HRT feminization process adds curves and the Ftm transition adds angles.

I have been mentioning my trans man friend who just went through long awaited top surgery (well I understand!!!!) and how dramatically angular he is becoming.

The other day, I happened to find some ancient pictures of me which were actually proofs taken at one of those "specialty" photo places in a mall.    The paper and proofs quite naturally were in less than stellar condition, but the one thing which did stand out to me was how angular my face was then.

Just another example of how you have to look behind you to see how far you have come!

Transgender Transition

Our feature cover today is a Mtf gender transition documented in pictures in Cyrsti's Condo:

"Culture Clash"

"You are dressed."  These are the three simple words uttered by a gay boy in a bar Liz and I were in Saturday night.  "You are dressed."

What a simple passive aggressive ignorant gay cis male statement!  Liz and I actually hadn't seen each other in person for a space in time because of any number of logistical problems.  We just wanted to be left alone in one of few venues I will even considering going to in my home town.

We ordered a pizza and were doing just that until he comes, resplendent in his tight white T-shirt and bright yellow short shorts-literally "flitting" around the room.  The first time he said it, I just glared and said, "So are you."  The second time he said it, I must have made my point and looked so hostile - he floated away in his yellow shorts. Briefly, I regressed into his stupid world and thought, "You need smacked for talking smack, you little bitch."  But you can't cure gay as much as you can't cure stupid.

So-  I found this on Pinterest which describes my feelings exactly!  I need to constantly remind myself that ignorance is not confined to any one segment of humans.  Regardless of race, gender and sexuality.  No one has a corner on it.

Gay, lesbian, cross dresser, transgender, transsexual or straight- no one.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Ker Plunk"!!!! Another Sunday is here in the Condo and time for yet another weekly recap!  The "Joe" is brewing so enjoy the aroma of your first cup of coffee and lets get started.

Page 1.- "Missy I'm Home!  I wrote all week long about the coming out process with my deceased wife's sister Missy.  I have always felt if you have the option to control how you are able to come out to someone, two stages are best.  Stage one, you tell someone and stage two you show someone.  Stage two was yesterday.  Even though my partner Liz was with me, I still felt a high level of trepidation going into the meeting.  Like everything else in life, the fear of the unknown is most of the time worse than the actual experience.

Liz and I stayed and visited for a couple hours and the whole experience was pleasurable.  Missy is one of three or four people I have come out to that I have known forever (daughter, son-in-law, etc) and the only one I have felt totally at ease doing it when I finally did.  I did have fun harassing her about using my "given" male name and by the time we left she had adjusted admirably. The whole experience was a huge success! Sadly, the list of people I have at my age (64) to come out to in either stage has shrunk so dramatically by death.  I can count them on one hand.

"Anson Mount"

Page 2.- "Trans-Crush!"  Ever watch the series on the AMC Network (who also produced "Breaking  Bad" called "Hell on Wheels?"   The new season started this weekend and the channel did a "marathon" of all past shows.  After viewing my fair share of the old episodes I learned two things: I loved them all and I would have Anson Mount's children!

"Aleshia Brevard"

Page 3.- We Got Mail!  We did a 'remember" post on a trans woman pioneer who is often forgotten by the name of Aleshia Brevard who was actually the first mtf transsexual in prime time television.  As luck would have it, Sally Bend who stops by the Condo, has actually corresponded with her and said:

I actually just got a review copy of her first book, THE WOMAN I WAS NOT BORN TO BE, last week. Had a chance to briefly chat with her via email as well, and she was so incredibly sweet.

Thanks Sally!



Page 4.- The back Page.  All too soon it's time to bid all of you a fond farewell!  As always, thanks for taking a bit of your precious time to stop by Cyrsti's Condo!  Have a great week! 

Memories.

"Back in the ancient" dark ages before the internet and YouTube, all I had to occasionally find a connection to anything close to what I was feeling were in Dad's extensive collection of old Playboy magazines.  Of course, unlike my friends, I really wasn't into the pictures, I was looking for "cartoons" such as this:

"Trans-Vergence"

Tomorrow is yet another day which I call "Trans vergence" - my partner Liz and I are heading across town to meet my deceased wife's sister - Missy.

No "male drag" this time- just us.

Is there a big deal? Yes.  Of course there is some sort of shock wave when a person who has known you only in one gender, sees you for the first time in another. So, that is yes- it is a big deal. Plus, in the slim chance she doesn't accept who I am-it's a big deal because I have no problem with leaving her behind in my life.

Sure, I may seem like a total bitch ( and I do allow grace periods for my transition to sink in) but I am not now and never were the person they interacted with.

The other dynamic to consider is Liz herself.  When she is with me, she opens doors with other people I don't think she ever realizes.  In other words, her complete acceptance of me as a transgender woman shows others the path to follow.

Ironically, the true dynamic will probably be how nervous Missy will be to meet Liz at all.  As I have written here in the Condo, I have a couple other ex's involved relatively closely with all of this tomorrow, although one is in an urn on a shelf.  The other still lives about six blocks down the street (she won't be there.)

At the least, Missy didn't ask me why she "was the last to know" like my daughter did.

The one consistent to all of this is, all of them being women, they just can't wait to see what Liz is all about - and vice versa. I can't say, sometimes it's not interesting  to watch them!