Throwing the Right Switch

Lynne passed along a comment she read from a cross dresser "on line" acquaintance which I believe was worth sending along to you for your thoughts, here in Cyrsti's Condo.

I'm going to highlight a couple excerpts:

:"I am not a therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist, or any kind of expert on matters of sex and gender. However, I am, among more important things, a crossdresser.  I accept this part of me as a form of artistic expression. The art (or craft, if you like) is in being able to superficially transform into an attractive woman using fabric, pigments, and jewelry applied to a masculine body. Doing so to a feminine body is, well, not much of a challenge, is it?

It is entirely possible that visually-stimulated sexual development of males during the teen years, compounded by the plethora of confusing social inputs, can establish a crossdressing habit. I believe for most, crossdressing is a form of sexual exploration in the beginning, a way to have access to a virtual girl, if you will, to satisfy oneself. Part of this has to do with the fact that in many societies, sex is verboten among children, often well into the teen years. This makes sexual exploration very difficult, especially for boys living in a paternalistic culture where notions of virility are very important. 

Crossdressing, or playing around with frilly things belonging to mom or sisters is a way, perhaps, to explore this taboo thing called sex. Eventually, the frilly things get worn, makeup is added, etc. Doing so in secret, living in a society that will accuse a boy of being a sissy or worse, amplifies the sense that a boy is doing something wrong, and hence shame becomes a constant companion. For most men, I suspect this continues on, since memories from our formative years certainly remain, contributing to an evolving understanding of sex and relationships. 

These men may chose to suppress it due to shame or family issues, continue to push the envelope across the spectrum of fetish, or, like me, explore crossdressing as an artistic option that compliments painting, drawing, or whatever. In the latter case, the sexual connections have long disappeared, and the activity has become performance art mixed with the thrill of doing something society often thinks is deviant or wrong, even though it is not considered so among those who are enlightened. But for a minority of men, crossdressing may have revealed something about gender identity, which previously may have been latent or simply misunderstood. I cannot speak much to this, since I know nothing about it. I leave that to others more well-versed on the subject than me."

Here is where I jump back in.  I too can not speak to the numbers of cross dressers compared to, transgender / transsexual women or men.  I just know I went through the process where the sexual connections disappeared very early in my cross dressing process. Being a railroad buff, I compared it to being "switched" onto another track all together.  For years I stayed on the track for real or imagined reasons. I did suspect though, I was on the wrong track and sooner or later derail.

I did derail - or rather my life did in a big way. It had nothing to do with being a cross dresser or transgender woman.   All I do know is, in the process,  I had the best chance of my life to be "switched" onto a new gender track.  I took a deep breath, hitched up my big girl panties and bought my ticket.  Very quickly though,  I knew beyond any shadow of a doubt, I was finally where I always should have been. I will forever remember the moment of deep seated warmth and well being which enveloped me one evening.

Similar to the person who wrote the original post, I'm not an expert either, just someone who has been riding the gender rails for over a half century now.  I just happen to be semi literate enough to write about it.

If by chance, the person who did write this does stop by the Condo, I would love for you to take the credit and read more of your thoughts!

Cyrsti's Condo...Rocking Androgyny

From the Ukraine, Androgynous singer Boris April. Before and after!

Cross Phobia on CBS

Billie commented on our Cyrsti's Condo "Transphobic Make Over" post:

"We cross dressers have always been the butt of jokes .. and sometimes more! It's sad that society still does not take us seriously save for the one thing we can (and most of us) do! I ask, are we to blame in there somewhere?"

Indeed you are right Billie, cross dressers, transgender women and more have been the subject of jokes.

I think several factors are in play.  First of all, comedic drag characters have always been popular as are womanless beauty pageants.  Ha, ha, look at the funny guy in a dress.  The whole concept is just a chance for an easy gag for the writers who are too incompetent to be better.

Another factor is over the years we have created our own cross dressing charactertures. I did it myself "back in the day" going to stores and malls in short skirts and high heels.

Finally Billie, it's time to put the blame where it belongs and put a halt to all of this. No matter what I did years ago at the mall should influence creative comedic writers today. Destructive jokes and comments which damage our standing in the world have to stop, no matter who was to blame in the past.  All of us have ignored this trash too long.

Surprisingly though, this is one area each of us can be a "force of one" to effect change and  stay in the closet to do it. I hate to quote "Tricky Dick Nixon" but the greatest potential force in the crossdresser/ transgender community is the closeted  silent majority.  Think about it,  no one needs to know our motives when all of the sudden we decide "not to buy" Barilla Pasta, why we refuse to watch Mike and Molly or we quietly just don't buy the show's sponsor's products. Remember, the most effective protests are often financial.

Look at it this way too. If we don't follow the lead of the Gay and Lesbian communities and exact change from these bigots, we should be blamed!

"Gobble Time" in Cyrsti's Condo

For those of you who live in the United States it's Thanksgiving, a time to pause a bit, eat wonderful food with your family and watch football....if you are fortunate.

I am one of the fortunate ones. Later today I will be making a long ten mile round trip to my brothers for a hearty traditional Thanksgiving dinner with the family.

Ironically, my family is going through a transition too. My brother's and I's three kids have produced nine grandkids and several years ago I became the "patriarch" of the clan...yes me. I hear you thinking, "How's that working for ya' Cyrsti?"  Well it is kind of strange.  My daughter, son in law and two out of three grand kids are fully aware of what a transgender person is and I identify as one...just not today.  I'm fairly sure the rest of the family (except for the kids) at least knows I have always had a preference for women's clothes.

To the family, I'm sure I'm stuck in time. The hair I can pawn off as being an old hippie (except it's highlighted) but the effects of HRT are much harder to gloss over. Of course my skin texture has changed and as one friend of mine told me she couldn't believe is was 64.  Then said,  those "magic elixirs" I was on seemed to be working wonders. The rest of the family doesn't see me much, so I'm sure they will notice I haven't aged.

The rest is easy, loose clothes over my body, hair up under my ball hat, talk sports or politics with my nephews and ruin my diet. The person I most want to talk to about her breast job is my niece in law but I can't.

You know, I used to feel a bit guilty (or at the least a hypocrite) about not coming out in total to what's left of my family. This year though, I don't.  "Momma Karma" knows I have paid tons of dues during my transgender journey.  Coming up with a "pseudo macho" excuse to show up as a woman to prove my "trans-ness" this year just won't be an option.  Enjoying my time won't be one either!

On the other hand, I know so many of you won't be able enjoy a Thanksgiving due to any number of reasons.  It's not much but I will be sending my positive thoughts to you today! It's a tough time of the year for all too many. That is all too sad.

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl of the Day"

A few humans naturally grow into genuine androgynous gender chameleons. Seemingly with with a minimum of help. A great example is male model Alexander Bekker.

Transphobic Make Over?

According to the LA Times Opinion:

“Mike and Molly” has gotten a makeover, and it’s not pretty. Billed as the “new Mike and Molly,” the show is now trying to capitalize on its star Melissa McCarthy’s breakout bawdy movie persona. The problem is that recent episodes of the show have been much in the style of “Two and a Half Men,” another of producer and writer Chuck Lorre’s shows. That is, it has amped up its derogatory jokes for laughs.

As Sue Kerr, founder and editor of the Pittsburgh Lesbian Correspondents, points out, the show’s transition into lewd humor has come at the expense of the LGBT community. For instance, in the second episode of the season, Mike takes Molly on a ride-along to help her get ideas to write a crime novel. On the ride-along, the two meet Lousette, a trans woman the characters repeatedly misgender and question about her genitals — as if that’s at all necessary to the story. We saw a hint of this so-called humor last season when the show landed in hot water with transgender advocates for using the term “shemale,” a term blogger Trish Mifflin describes as “exclusively associated with pornographic depictions of trans women.” To be called that is dehumanizing for someone who wants to be seen as a person, not a sex object.

After the incident, Kerr claims that GLAAD worked with CBS to make “Mike and Molly” more inclusive of LGBT people, or at least not overtly mock them. That clearly didn’t work out.

Chat Away Girls!

You all know I'm not the most technologically advanced transgender woman on the planet but I think I have found a way for all of you to jump in and discuss a subject here in the "Condo" between yourselves.  If you check the "comment" section, you will see that actually happened between Pat and Linda Marie.  

What I attempted to do was start my own "Google+" community under the "Cyrsti's Transgender Condo" name. If you aren't familiar, people have to apply for membership so I can keep the perves, trolls and crazies out.

I'm trying to remember to automatically add any post from here into our community room so any or all of you can comment there to me or each other. It's as close as I can come to any sort of a "comment room". At least I think the concept can work that way, if indeed the need is there.

My disclaimer is how flattered I am that some of you think I have all this knowledge of on line blogging etc. The fact I can do this at all is a tribute to how easy it is to produce a blog here in the "Blogger" format. To quote a term "So easy a cave woman can do it?"  A more important consideration is the amount of time you want and can put into a blog.  I'm a good example as well as Stana at Femulate two people I know for sure became attached at the hip to our blogs.

But I'm off topic. If any of you feel the need to check out the Google+ community, do it. To find the Cyrsti's Condo group search "transgender".  Let me know if this works or shows any promise at all! If not, that's OK too!

Thanks
Cyrsti

Tossing the "T"

Many different directions I can go with this. Maybe "testosterone", or how about "tranny"?

I have written many times here in Cyrsti's Condo how I feel about the use of the gender slur.  If you have ever read any of Parker Molloy's posts, you know she writes well and with authority  Recently, she wrote on the subject of gender slurs, primarily from the privileged group with the TGLB culture- gay cisgender males.

Here are a couple excerpts from Molloy's post:

"A common argument in favor of using "tranny" is, "But that word is just part of drag culture!" Here's my rebuttal: I don't care. "Drag culture" or not, that's not a word that's appropriate to throw around. It's a hateful slur that is often the last thing that trans women hear before being beaten or murdered. Just as it wouldn't be acceptable for me to go around using the word "f*ggot," as I'm not a gay man, it's inappropriate for gay men and male-identified drag queens to use "tranny."

and:


(In The Huffington Post) " Joe Hutcheson blogged about his evolution toward accepting the use of female pronouns and terminology -- "she," "her," and "girl" -- for male-identified gay people. That's cute and all, but some folks actually care about pronouns. If someone is going to call me "she," "her," or "girl," I want it to be because that person, you know, sees me as a woman, not because they're just so super-sassy that they say, "Pronouns and identification be damned. I'm calling you 'girl' because, um, fierce!" Do whatever you want, gay dudes, just stop doing things that harm trans people in the process. Can you manage that? It's bad enough that while trans people still struggle to use the restroom without legal repercussions, we're expected to sit quietly as marriage rights take the bulk of money donated to LGBT (more like GLb...[t]) organizations. We shouldn't have to worry about whether or not you're going to stab us in the back with words too.

 In conclusion, don't say "tranny." Just don't. It doesn't matter if you do drag, or if "it's not meant as a slur." If you are a cisgender gay man, that is not your word to use."

There is much more to read of course and you can go here to the Huffington Post to check it out.

As a side note, this happened to me several months ago when I was in a rather small local gay venue I go to every now and then:
The performing drag queens pretty much are the same and in fact one of them is a co owner of the place.  They kind of get aggravated when I really don't watch the shows often. (Seen one drag show-seen them all.) When they were taking a break between sets, one of the drag queens came by and said "glad you could get out tonight."  In my part of the world that's commonly referred to as "glad you could get all dolled up and way from your "drab" (guy) world tonight." I quickly told the queen and the bartender that I didn't have to get anywhere tonight and I live my life this way. What was I wearing? My favorite "boyfriend" jeans flip flops and a frilly tank top. It wasn't like I was doing drag. The queen was quick to stereotype me though and a chance for me to tersely lay some trans education on them. 

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl of the Day!"

Our "Pre Thanksgiving Day" is cooking with the "Jersey Barbie" Kendra Maserati.