Attending the Summit

 Well, I am paid up, signed up and ready to attend the Aging Summit to be held next week. 

I was pleasantly surprised to see one of the transgender women of color I know is going to take on the duties of keynote speaker on day one of the three day event. I also signed up for two of the seminars I saw on issues senior LGBT individual face as they are forced into senior living situations. 

On day one, the session I am signed up for is called "LGBT Aging" and the session will address how aging as an LGBTQ older adult is different than aging as a heterosexual, cisgender older adult, and how we can reflect and honor these differences. 

On day two, the session is called "Resilience Planning for the LGBT Community. " It really zero's in on some of my paranoias. Such as the barriers older individuals experience to health, social support and community resources.

This is a virtual summit and there are several other seminars I still may attend. If you by chance are interested in attending, drop me an email to Jessiehart751@yahoo,com and I will send you a link. It costs fifty dollars. 

A Day Out with the Vampires

 Well, I finally made it out of the house for an extended period. Ironically, it was only to visit my Veteran's Administration hospital in Dayton, Ohio to have my blood labs taken. For those of you who don't know, I am a transgender veteran of the Army during the Vietnam War era.

The last several times I have made the journey to visit the "vampires" as I call them has been very much uneventful. This time though, they waiting room was nearly full and once I did take my turn, I had so many vials of blood (8) they needed that the tech who took my blood had to use both arms to get enough blood. He finally did and I was sent on the way past the "admiring public" in the waiting area. 

Liz (my partner) was off from her job and agreed to go with me. Also the day happened to be unreasonably warm and beautiful. I was able to wear an easy to access T-shirt for the vampires pus jeans and tennis shoes. The one thing I noticed was how old the other Vietnam veterans looked. They were all wearing their hats and stood out from the rest of the room,

From the looks I received, I must have stood out too! Of course I was wearing a mask, so all they could see of me was my eye make up and very long hair. Any way you cut it too, I am not a small person at 5'10" and have the thick torso I inherited from living a life of testosterone poisoning. 

Yesterday though, none of any of the blank stares I was receiving bothered me in the least. In my mind I was the most attractive woman in the room. As I walked past all of them I tried to straighten my shoulders, stick out my chest and at the least try to be happy I was out of the house.

Even if it was only for a trip to the vampires.  

Veterans Day 2020

 As I semi-frequently mention here in Cyrsti's Condo, I served in the U.S. Army during the Vietnam War. I was fortunate in that I only was actually in Vietnam for a half hour twice. I served a year in Thailand supporting the troops who supported the fighter jets who escorted the B-52 bombers and did recognizance. At the time as I was trapped in my battles with gender dysphoria, serving time in the military was very close to the last place I wanted to be. I had no choice, I was drafted, passed my physical and then enlisted for three years to have a chance of working in my choice of jobs. In other words, I wasn't in the military to "make me a man" once and for all. 

It turned out the time I served was to come back and help me so many times times in my life. I have written many times of how being in the Army led me to meeting my first wife and the greatest gift I have ever received, my daughter. Along the way I was able to travel parts of the world I would have never seen and receive the health care I receive today at very little cost. 

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all the veterans past and current and especially those of you like Michelle. She is another transgender veteran who reads and contributes to the blog. Thank you all for your service! 

Freedom is never free as referenced by the election we just went through.

We Are Just People Too!

 One of the more rewarding parts of being an "out" transgender woman also carries more than a small amount of responsibility. In many ways, we are "tasked" with proving to the general public we are just like anyone else they might meet...or are we?

Here is Michelle's take on the idea:

"The news about the LGBTQ candidates that have won their respective positions in the political world made me hopeful that the American public is starting to see us as just people. For too long, many so called open minded looked at many of us as freaks but now they are looking at the community as individuals that have more to offer than what they have been brought up to believe about LGBTQ. I hope to see more openly LGBTQ people come into the light and escape their closets."

I agree totally with the idea we need positive transgender role models. The more we have, the more chances we have to show ourselves to be similar to anyone else in the world. Assuming you want to that is. For one, I take pride in being transgender and at the same time I lived/live my life similar to so many others. My life certainly was shaped by my early years in the Army and by playing sports. Surely a surprise to many I have met who have somehow made their way past the personal walls I erected to protect myself. 

On the other hand, I have been little off center as far as the so called "normal" is concerned. In many ways, I used the process to protect myself. After all, my macho male personage was difficult to maintain. Plus, I was self destructive in nature and took too many needless chances. Some were successful, some not so much. 

In the end though, all the chances I took led me to being able to lead a successful life as a transgender woman and project to others I am mostly similar to them. Not a threat, not a freak. 

Just like everyone else, trying to get through this life alive.   

More Election

 Even with all the election angst in Washington which so effects the transgender experience, our representation under the LGBT umbrella in increasing. Even if it does have leaks.  An example was a link Michelle sent into the Cyrsti's Condo blog: 

"At least 843 LGBTQ people currently serve in elected offices across the United States, constituting a 21 percent increase since June 2019, according to the LGBTQ Victory Institute’s “Out for America 2020” census of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer elected officials.

Particularly pronounced increases were seen in the number of LGBTQ mayors, with a 35 percent year-over-year jump; the number of bisexual and queer-identified people, with increases of 53 percent and 71 percent, respectively; and the number of transgender women serving in elected office, with a 40 percent year-over-year rise."

Locally, here in Cincinnati, Ohio an openly lesbian woman convincingly won the county's Sheriff election over a rump supported republican challenger, 

Even with the increases, there is still so far to go. Here is more information from the NBC News post:

"“While LGBTQ people are running for office in historic numbers, we remain severely underrepresented at every level of government — and that must change,” Annise Parker, president and CEO of the LGBTQ Victory Institute, said in a statement.

According to UCLA’s Williams Institute, roughly 5 percent of U.S. adults say they are LGBTQ. According to the Victory Institute, just 0.17 percent of roughly a half million elected officials are known to be LGBTQ. The Victory Institute says that in order for LGBTQ people to achieve “equitable representation,” there would need to be 22,544 more lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer people in elected office."

Thanks for sharing Michelle!

A Day in the Life

I often wonder why I struggle so hard to find subjects to write about in this blog. Perhaps it is because I have been doing it for so long, approximately ten years now. 

Then again, so much has changed during my decade of a serious Mtf transition.  Early in, I was obsessed with appearance. I felt how I looked more completely validated me as a feminine being. I compare the process with the very early days when I explored my Mom's clothes and makeup. The attraction was thrilling and very real but wore off quickly. Similarly, as I started to go to the same places as a cross dresser, all of the sudden I was shocked to learn other people viewed me as a real person. If not necessarily a full fledged woman, at the least a transgender woman. Of course, where I lived here in Ohio very few people even had any sort of an idea what a transgender person was. Including me. 

Once I learned the basics to fitting into the world, I discovered I had an easier time of presenting a feminine image and fitting in. I was done with the short mini skirts and the clown wigs. Replacing them with fashionable women's suits and jeans and a much more passable honey blond wig. Possibly, the most important lesson I learned was to dress for other women and blend in. Rather than trying to validate myself with men in clothes which were more trashy than sexy. 

Then. by pure accident, I found myself befriended by several lesbians who made me feel better about being an independent transgender woman, not needing a man for validation. 

By now, you are probably thinking why this post's title is what is was. Truthfully, I don't know except on many days I really don't have a good idea of what I am going to write about. For example, today I almost lifted an idea from a "Medium Magazine" post on what makes a real woman. For any number of reasons I couldn't go down that rabbit hole today.

Instead I meandered back deep into my past which partially explains how I got here today. I'm sure I will have more to add later. 

Hope for the Future

 Among the record number of LGBTQ hopefuls running for election in 2020, one in particular stands out. 

In Delaware, Sarah McBride (below) has won her state Senate race, poising her to become the first and only openly transgender state senator in the U.S. and the country’s highest-ranking transgender official.

Ms. McBride, 30, a Democrat and an activist, handily defeated Steve Washington, a Republican, in the First State Senate District, which includes Wilmington and leans heavily left.

“I hope tonight shows an LGBTQ kid that our democracy is big enough for them, too,” McBride, 30, tweeted Tuesday night after the election was called. “As Delaware continues to face the Covid crisis, it’s time to get to work to invest in the policies that will make a difference for working families.”

Also, the House saw its largest, most diverse class of openly LGBTQ candidates win election and reelection to Congress this week, the LGBTQ Victory Fund said.

The group, a national organization that works to increase the number of openly LGBTQ elected officials in government, said on Wednesday afternoon that nine LGBTQ candidates running in House races have secured victories. 

Good news indeed!

Bigger than Four Walls

 Most closets are made up of four walls. The same could be said about the four walls we transgender and cross dressers build around ourselves during our lives.

Unless you have been in our shoes, it is difficult to explain to others what we have gone through. First of all, the main problem we have explaining is none of being transgender is a choice. I finally became tired of people asking me when did I know I wanted to be a woman. My answer became, I always knew I was a woman. I didn't have to fall back on the old compliment "You make a good looking woman". I was always waiting for the other shoe to fall and the person finishing their comment saying "For a man." 

Plus, anytime I received a compliment concerning my appearance, it made my closet I was in so much more unbearable. Looking back, I didn't understand every time my feminine self was reinforced, I tried to prove my male self so much more. The delicate gender balance I was trying to maintain was destroyed and I became a very difficult person to live with. Because it was tough to live with myself. The fact of the matter was my problems were created by trying to overcome my four walls I was creating. In fact, I had two closets, one feminine and one masculine. The masculine one on occasion was easier to exist in simply because it was the one I was born into. 

Finally though, I couldn't take it anymore and had the chance to tear down all of the closets I had carefully crafted over the years. Naturally the entire process was the most difficult process I had ever attempted in my life and I didn't start it until I was in my 60's. Fortunately the world was changing a decade ago and thanks to the internet and social media, I was able to see others similar to me who had attempted and achieved successful Mtf gender transitions. 

Hopefully, if you are stuck in a gender closet of your own, you can find a way to be bigger than your four walls and break out.

Veneno to Celebrate Transgender Awareness Week

 From HBO Max: