Friday, November 6, 2020

Bigger than Four Walls

 Most closets are made up of four walls. The same could be said about the four walls we transgender and cross dressers build around ourselves during our lives.

Unless you have been in our shoes, it is difficult to explain to others what we have gone through. First of all, the main problem we have explaining is none of being transgender is a choice. I finally became tired of people asking me when did I know I wanted to be a woman. My answer became, I always knew I was a woman. I didn't have to fall back on the old compliment "You make a good looking woman". I was always waiting for the other shoe to fall and the person finishing their comment saying "For a man." 

Plus, anytime I received a compliment concerning my appearance, it made my closet I was in so much more unbearable. Looking back, I didn't understand every time my feminine self was reinforced, I tried to prove my male self so much more. The delicate gender balance I was trying to maintain was destroyed and I became a very difficult person to live with. Because it was tough to live with myself. The fact of the matter was my problems were created by trying to overcome my four walls I was creating. In fact, I had two closets, one feminine and one masculine. The masculine one on occasion was easier to exist in simply because it was the one I was born into. 

Finally though, I couldn't take it anymore and had the chance to tear down all of the closets I had carefully crafted over the years. Naturally the entire process was the most difficult process I had ever attempted in my life and I didn't start it until I was in my 60's. Fortunately the world was changing a decade ago and thanks to the internet and social media, I was able to see others similar to me who had attempted and achieved successful Mtf gender transitions. 

Hopefully, if you are stuck in a gender closet of your own, you can find a way to be bigger than your four walls and break out.

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