I often wonder why I struggle so hard to find subjects to write about in this blog. Perhaps it is because I have been doing it for so long, approximately ten years now.
Then again, so much has changed during my decade of a serious Mtf transition. Early in, I was obsessed with appearance. I felt how I looked more completely validated me as a feminine being. I compare the process with the very early days when I explored my Mom's clothes and makeup. The attraction was thrilling and very real but wore off quickly. Similarly, as I started to go to the same places as a cross dresser, all of the sudden I was shocked to learn other people viewed me as a real person. If not necessarily a full fledged woman, at the least a transgender woman. Of course, where I lived here in Ohio very few people even had any sort of an idea what a transgender person was. Including me.
Once I learned the basics to fitting into the world, I discovered I had an easier time of presenting a feminine image and fitting in. I was done with the short mini skirts and the clown wigs. Replacing them with fashionable women's suits and jeans and a much more passable honey blond wig. Possibly, the most important lesson I learned was to dress for other women and blend in. Rather than trying to validate myself with men in clothes which were more trashy than sexy.
Then. by pure accident, I found myself befriended by several lesbians who made me feel better about being an independent transgender woman, not needing a man for validation.
By now, you are probably thinking why this post's title is what is was. Truthfully, I don't know except on many days I really don't have a good idea of what I am going to write about. For example, today I almost lifted an idea from a "Medium Magazine" post on what makes a real woman. For any number of reasons I couldn't go down that rabbit hole today.
Instead I meandered back deep into my past which partially explains how I got here today. I'm sure I will have more to add later.
It sounds like you are in a major rut caused by a major case of the "pandemic shut in" syndrome as well as a touch of the "post election stress". Add to it, the dreaded Christmas cheer syndrome and the "What am I going to wear now that the weather is changing?". Chin up Sis, even though things they are a changing, it will be for the better.
ReplyDeleteSoon, you'll be seeing snow on the ground and Christmas lights will abound. Time to drag out the stupid, silly sweaters and to start gearing up for the annual gastronomical stuffing of one's body.
We all go through these periods when we look back and try to take stock of what we've done over the years. The ole "Who am I?" and the "What the heck have I done to get here?".
Then we discover that we are just "the plain ole ME" fact of life and find that there are no words to describe that feeling. We look at friends and acquaintances that we've met and learned from. Some still in our bubble of life, some that have moved on. We remember some of the silly stuff like the trashy clothes to impress men so we could attempt to try and justify our existence. Only to realize that we tried so hard and all we had to do is sit back, relax and learn from others around us, like the other women you mentioned. If nothing else I learned was that men only see boobs, cleavage and butts and not the effort that we took to impress and please them.
As for the lack of words, well we all get hit with the "Block" when writing. It's especially true during this time of the year. I don't know why except that it may have to do with the gray skys and falling temperatures. It's that time of the years when we are forced to start wearing bulkier clothes like jackets, coats, warm hats, gloves and boots. All the clothes that hide our bodies from the outside world.
I guess what I'm trying to say is "Smile" and enjoy what friends, family and the world has to offer. Don't fret about not having something to write about. You have done a wonderful job informing and entertaining over the years. Just sit back and relax and subjects wil start to flow again.
Tank care
And a HAPPY Veterans Day from one vet to another.