You Make a Terrible Woman

This post is very much a continuation of yesterday's Cyrsti's Condo post on trans woman intuition. We have quite the chance to develop an amazing gender intuition because we live on both sides of the gender frontier.

Years ago, when I was exploring jumping genders my deceased wife and I became embroiled in a huge fight over how much I wanted to cross dress. Basically, it wasn't how much I wanted to do it, it was where. Once I had started to venture out of the house, the more I wanted to. In fact, I was still on a huge ego roll from the night two women tried to keep me out of a transvestite mixer. They thought I was a "real" woman.

During the fight, my wife shot me down by telling me I would make a terrible woman. I told her how could that be after my encounter recently? She promptly told me my appearance was not what she was talking about and I had just made her point. Being a woman was indeed so much more than looking like one.

From that point on, I set out to find out what she was telling me. I did my best to develop my own idea of what women went through as they lived their lives. You might say I was learning my own version of trans woman intuition. It wasn't easy though as I had a strong male ego to work away from.

After all these years, I can't tell you I am where I want to be in life. To be more spiritual and intuitive may make me a more stereotypical feminine person but it also makes me a better human too.

I am far from getting to my goals. Then again when I arrive I probably will have crossed over to the other side.

Hopefully then, I won't be considered a "terrible woman,"

Masculinity and Trans Woman Intuition

Recently I have been seeing again a few posts here and there about the effects of masculinity. After reading one of them, I began to think of my own up bringing. I have written many times here in Cyrsti's Condo about the macho-centrist family I grew up in. Between my other brother, my Dad and I, I don't know sometimes how my Mom made it. In our house, sports dominated along with a liberal amount of fishing and some hunting thrown in. We lived in a rural area and there were very few girls even in the neighborhood.

During this time I had discovered the allure of feminine finery in my Mom's closet and even tried it on when I had the rare chance to be alone. I even had a minimum income source to buy a few makeup items and clothes from my paper route and mowing grass.

I often wonder if these were the formative years when I learned how I had to be as ultra masculine as possible to get by. Of course I was scared to death my Mom would discover my "secret." I knew there would be no "understanding" of any desire to be a girl.

Overwhelmingly I hung out with a group of guys and girls were just the impossible dream. Impossible to figure out and even harder to date. For the longest time I considered I was taking the easy way out by creating my own girl.

On the other hand, by nature, I was shy and sensitive. Not male traits in my family, so I hid them too. Through sports and cars I was able to effectively disguise my growing feminine desires and show the public a macho male outward persona. 

To put it mildly, it was hell trying to maintain such a life, plus by that time I had the Army to look forward to. It seemed my masculinity was never going to let me go. And, after years of gender dysphoric struggle, I finally gave up and tried to commit suicide.

So masculinity was tough on me, even though I was able to live the lifestyle without many struggles. On the positive side , I still am easily able to judge a man's reaction to many different scenarios.

Call it trans woman intuition. 

Carmen Carrera

From last year, transgender activist and beauty Carmen Carrera. During the Glaad media awards.

Volunteered

Yesterday turned out to be a travel day. First, I had an appointment with my long time therapist. As always, it went predictably well and in a relatively short period of time she determined I wasn't a threat to others, or myself :). Approximately an hour later, I was sent on my way.

Perhaps you remember I was also going to meet one of the board members of the Dayton, Ohio Rainbow Health Alliance. He wanted to talk to me concerning doing any outreach programs they may be invited to in the Cincinnati area. It all worked out very well.

I told him of my transgender "nursing home paranoia". In other words, being forced back in the closet at one of the most fragile times of one's life. Or run the risk of just being abused.

Ironically. he said he was trying to work out a "training" conference currently with at least one nursing home in the Cincinnati area. I told him I would be interested in helping.

Then we talked about the importance of just being visible for transgender women and trans men. Especially during an era when so many republican administrations are trying to take away our rights across the country.

Plus,it was neat when he said the restaurant was "family" owned. Meaning it was owned by LGBT people. I noticed it immediately when I came in because of a huge rainbow flag which was in a corner. 

So, the deal was sealed over a great Italian lunch. I will help whenever I can with any transgender training sessions he schedules. Hopefully, any good karma I can build up will come back to help me in the future!

Sports and the Transgender Woman

It's Super Bowl Sunday and it's time to look back at my former love affair with the NFL. I say former because following the futile games of the Cincinnati Bengals has nearly broken all interest I had concerning pro football. I feel much different of course when it comes to The Ohio State Buckeyes and college football. It could be argued the Buckeyes were the best football team in Ohio last year when compared to the Cleveland Browns and the Bengals.

Along the way as I transitioned, I wondered if or why I would/should maintain any interest in sports at all. Then, as I established a new set of female friends, I learned they were as loyal and knowledgeable sports fans as I was. I found out I could bring my love of sports with me. The whole deal was as I was building the new me, I found out she wasn't the girly-girl type I thought at one time I would have to be. I could as easily sit at a bar with other women and drink beer as well as some fruity feminine drink.

I even was invited to tag along to a NFL Monday Night Football game in Cincinnati years ago. Sure I was scared to death but I went. Another lesson learned how sports didn't have to have a gender.

It does help I played quite a bit of football and baseball when I was young and understood the games strategies as they play out. In my past it was humorous on the rare occasions I became involved in conversations with men on sports, I had to dumb it out in order not to hurt their precious male egos.

The moral to my story is you can bring your loves with you as you transition. You don't have to adhere to the gender norms society lays on us.

Of course if you decide to go to a Super Bowl party today and really don't care who wins, you can watch the game for the commercials and the half time entertainment. As many women will do. Just have a good time!

Good News

With all the recent Republican bills designed to erase the already limited rights we transgender women and men have in many states, at least the legislature in the State of Iowa has restored a touch of sanity to the process:

DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — A bill proposed by a group of Republican lawmakers on Wednesday that would have amended the Iowa Civil Rights Act by removing protections against discrimination for transgender people is dead, a powerful committee chairman said.

Nine Republican House members sponsoring the bill introduced it Wednesday morning but by evening Republican Rep. Steven Holt, chairman of the House Judiciary Committee to which the bill was assigned, said he wouldn’t allow it to move forward to a subcommittee hearing.

Also, there is finally an official transgender flag emoji for those of you who are into such things!

Ganga

From the "Times of India.":

"Ganga has become a household name now; thanks to her popular reality show ‘Yuva Dancing Queen’. She is co-hosting the show with Adwait Dadarkar. The transgender host commands respect with her sheer talent and hard work. In her recent interaction with media, Ganga shared how special dance and the dance show is for her.

Talking about her passion for dance, Ganga said, “Dance is important for me. I have got an identity because of dance. No one knew anything about Pranit (as she was earlier known as) except for the dancing talent. I got the opportunity to introduce myself as a dancer.”

Thanks for the Input

I am on several other blogging and social media platforms with my Cyrsti's Condo Blog. In fact, I have several great friends who follow posts on Facebook. A couple of these friends I was fortunate to meet in person, years ago. Recently one of them, Jen sent me this comment concerning our journey as transgender women and men:

"Im sure it's a journey that isn't a bed of roses. I'm sure most people don't understand so much especially about this subject. I think its important to have light on this and along with many other struggles people face. I have no doubt that the victories are won when its realized how strong one has become through the struggles, pain and finally becoming the living story that says you can do anything you set your mind to and love yourself and be who you are even when no one else doesn't accept you. 

Many like to turn their noses or point the finger while all along, they have their own skeletons and struggles they hide and hate on others. I applaud you, I applaud the one suffering silently, the one that suffers publicly and the one who takes that first step and the many others that you yourself and the others that you have shared about.the struggles and victories are a testimony and inspire me. Thank you."...  Thank you Jen! You inspire me!❤

On another subject, Connie wrote in on the "Rude Paul" post commenting on my speculation that Paul was yet another old, cis gender male rump supporter:

"Well, I'm sure that Trump is a Paul supporter. Not that he supports his lifestyle, necessarily, but he seems to hold admiration for anyone who can turn a buck by using their "personality" to garner favor from the public. Even if it is more like the appeal of a train wreck, playing to the fools who would be attracted to whatever they are selling is Trump's MO. Of course, it's not so much the product, but the self-branding that is important to their successes. B.T. Barnum depended on the "sucker born every minute," and knew that he could still sell circus tickets to the very people he publicly deemed to be suckers. Trump and Paul are no different, except that they have the ability to use modern technology to draw many more people into their circuses."

Imagine rump watching drag race at the White House and trying to figure out how he can rip off more votes by watching it?

Jazz Jennings

Recently,  young trans activist Jazz Jennings and family began season six of her transgender journey television show "I am Jazz." If you are not familiar, over the years, the show has traced Jazz from being a young trans girl to present day. All the way through gender corrective surgery. Unfortunately, all didn't go as planned after the major operation and the premier show on "The Learning Channel" covers it. Here's an excerpt from "Women's Health.":

"Season six of TLC’s I Am Jazz starts out in a familiar place: LGBTQ+ activist Jazz Jennings and her family are preparing for a life-changing surgery.

This will be the third in Jazz’s gender confirmation journey, and, while everyone is hoping this will be the last, the serious complications that Jazz experienced after her first surgery are at the front of everyone’s minds as Jazz and her doctors walk back to the operating theater in Tuesday’s premiere on TLC.

“I’m hoping for a noneventful, positive surgery, where Jazz comes out, and the doctors say everything went exactly as planned, and they don’t have any ‘buts’ along the way,” her dad, Greg, says as he, her mom, Jeanette, and brother Sander wait for updates on the procedure.

“And Jazz lives happily ever after,” Jeannette is quick to add.

The outspoken 19-year-old is the star of I Am Jazz, but her supportive and loving family also deserve some of the credit for giving the show so much heart. This week’s episode opens with a Jennings celebration fit for a season premiere—a beachside 21st birthday party for twin brothers Sander and Griffen."

For more, follow the link above.