Listen Closely?

One thing I don't think I have ever talked about here in Cyrsti's Condo is voice training. 

It's probably the next wall I have to hit and go over...and I am afraid to do it.

Why? Even though my friends and family tell me I'm fine the way I am, I am fairly sure they are being nice...and I know they are being nice when anyone talks to me on the phone.

My solution is, since I don't have the budget for voice training lessons is-an inexpensive voice recorder I can use when I drive the four hour round trip back and forth to the VA. To hell with the music on the radio...I want to hear me!

Seriously, I think I can improve on the ideas I have to improve my voice.

We Got Mail!

OK Kids, here we go...Pat, I hope you feel better!!!! Feeling as bad as you do can't be any fun at Connie's age.

Speaking of Connie, no I had no intention of even intimating how you dressed attracted whomever. It's just we have discussed several times over our past about finding ourselves around a group of embarrassing cross dressers out for a night on the town. I was referencing that somewhat. 

****Disclaimer time--being trans (or a cross dresser) does not give you a hall pass for being an idiot. Ask me, I have put myself in the wrong place at the wrong time (wearing the wrong outfit) and barely making my escape in my high heels. I think I have done everything wrong in the book at least once-except trying to glue silicone breast forms on my chest with silicone bathroom caulk from the hardware store-or trashing a women's room in a gay venue. (There were plenty of lesbians not too happy.) 

Paula

Paula!!!! Don't you think I would dearly love to have coffee with you in London! The problem is with my budget I would end up in London, Ohio (about 50 miles)

Connie, I do understand you may have one or two "coffee stands" in Seattle. Again I wish I had the cash to fly out and sample your fave "barista".

After all of that, I do appreciate all of your feedbacks. Sometime it's a lonely world here on this key board!

I will stand by my original theory though that the person who was going to meet me for coffee had a rarity-my phone number and she could have backed out easily at any time. That's the only reason I was aggravated. The last thing I would been was mad...as it was my dogs loved the extra walk they got. And, I would not cared if she said she would be meeting me "in drab."

I guess I'm not as mean as write!  

Cyrsti's Condo "From the Hart"

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"I know rules are necessary-just not necessarily for me!" 
Cyrsti Hart 

Hiding in Plain Sight?

I am usually really happy when I can touch a raw nerve of sorts with many of you. The Disappearing CrossDresser was one. 

One of the most intriguing (since I had never heard of it was) this from Calie:" I co-host a monthly lunch called the DRAB-Gab. Obviously, everyone dressed in male attire. This is an event sponsored by our local TG organization, which may just be the largest in the world...about 700 strong I believe, here in the center of the T-universe. 

Many of our monthly attendees are first-timers, having never met another one of "our kind". One common thread we have found over the years is that there's a 50/50 chance that a "newbie" who RSVP's won't show up. Why? Because they're absolutely scared to death of being outed, or afraid that we're a bunch of pervs, or whatever. 

I think your friend(?) had cold feet and is now absolutely embarrassed. She probably drove around the block several times...maybe even walked up to the coffee shop. At that point, she freaked out, turned around, and never looked back. That seems to be a common story that those who have RSVP'd for a second time, and did show up, have told us."

May I say, that's a significant membership and yes cross dressers as well as the rest of the LGBT family are invisible everywhere.  And, did I miss exactly where the center of the T-universe is? Seriously, not being a smart arse!

The point I missed in my oft weak written communication is, I really don't put a value judgement where another person may-or may not be in their transition. I have always said though, my indecision tore me apart from within-to the point of a suicide attempt.

I also understand as well as any of you the sheer terror of heading out of the closet at all. In fact, I just met a trans woman from a little town about fifty miles south of Cincinnati who was just outed on FB. She was petrified. It's a confusing deal, because 'the Nati' is gaining on Columbus in pursuit of LGBT rights and Covington, Kentucky right across the river just added one female and one male police peeps specifically trained to deal with us.

 

So, I can understand why a closet is a safe place. The only thing I have ever advocated for is...hedge your bets because life can change and all of the sudden your closet door could open. And, if it does, you can protect yourself as much as possible by places such as the voting box. It's a fact in O.H.I.O you have to look under many rocks to find a Republican representative who is pro LGBT rights. It just is true. (After all, the 'Q' in LGBTQ is for 'questioning.'

There were a couple other comments on the post I want to get back to later today. It's time for another trip to the V.A  to have my fluids checked!

  

The Saving Grace

If you are a transgender person of either gender, this will be all too familiar. If not please take the time to read it closely because it covers the whole LGBT family and beyond. It's called

BEFORE YOU TAKE YOUR LIFE: 5 THINGS EVERY LGBTQ PERSON NEEDS TO KNOW BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE written by Chris Katzner.

Here is the first paragraph: Your life. It feels like there is no hope, trapped in a well of darkness, no way out. You pray to make it all go away, if only tomorrow never dawned. The constant ping of pain ricocheting within your soul, torturing your every breath. It’s all you can do, to put one knee in front of the other, crawling down this path of living hell.

Go here for the rest.

The Disappearing CrossDresser?

Saturday I was supposed to meet another of the 'family' for lunch. To be fair, I don't how she identifies; crossdresser, transgender, or "gurl". We were to meet in a very well known coffee and sandwich shop (not called Starbucks)  but for whatever reason, coffee with her never happened.

Since I had arranged my day to meet her, yes I was more disturbed than I normally am. If you are backing off-tell me. Won't be the first time. Saturday's deal is not the point of this post though.

I began to wonder how many under the LGBT - CD umbrella over the years I have met (even if on Facebook or comments to Cyrsti's Condo) who have faded away. Or abruptly disappeared. 

Of course I have several ideas like:

1. Ill health or death
2. The wife or family found out
3. They grew tired of the fantasy of being the second coming of Marilyn Monroe
4. The sheer amount of work to make a transition got to be too much
5. Financial resources

I could probably go on, but you get the point. Plus, I need to say I only really know in person a couple trans people-one woman-one man. Then, here on line, I can claim several more like Connie, Shelle, and Stana (who I have met once) and Paula. Then, there are the transgender veterans like Carla Lewis who I share an extra bit of history. (Shelle again too.)

I guess I should look at the point of this blog as a positive influence on potential LGBTQ family members. If I can shed any light on the process, my work is complete. 

Just one thing, if you want to meet me for coffee-don't stand me up-please. 

Good Question?

From Connie: " I had an incident the other night where a guy was really pushing me to submit to his lame attempts at picking me up. I finally had to take refuge in the ladies room, and then took a seat at a table of strangers to get away from him. The women at the table were happy to offer me their "protection". This is a subject for another blog, I think, but why is it that some people just assume a trans-woman is presenting herself to the world with sex in mind? This guy was beyond the point of using education. He's a total creep, but he's not the only one out there."

If you allow me to make this post the spot to discuss it...I think a fertile mix of you know what leads to what you brought up Connie. First of all, there are a big group of male creeps and the number seems to be growing all the time. While I subscribe to the idea women should be allowed to wear what they want-when they want. But, increasingly, if you are a CD or a trans girl out by yourself, then care in choosing what you wear is more important. (Cis women grow up knowing that.)

I think the worst offenders are the group I call fetish cross dressers. I could be biased because I have seen them in action. They are not sexy-or even pretty - but -as Connie said there are creeps who are attracted.

Why? Some of these guys are undecided on their own sexuality and another cross dressed man or transgender woman works just fine for them. In fact, we are downright exotic creatures to many. And (this one really aggravates me) is when a man thinks I am desperate somehow for attention (his). Really?

So, there you go Connie. I am sure you have plenty of ideas too. The problem these days is the amount of violence directed at women as a whole and transgender women in particular is more dangerous than ever before.

Keep that pepper spray handy ladies!

Girl's Night Out Part Two

Actually this is part two from the last post I wrote about an evening I spent years ago out with two much younger cis women socializing.  Fast forward to about three years ago, when I was invited to a birthday dinner with my partner and her friends. Looking back on it, that night was my first real girls night out of substance and it meant a lot to me.
Primarily I wanted to see what really went on on yet another "mystical" things women do that men aren't invited to or don't really want to be anyhow. 
Of course the vibe was different. Without any men present, probably everyone was freed to speak more openly about relationships, family etc. 
So I guess (not unlike my first post) I was fairly quiet again-as I learned what I was missing and did I fit.
Above all I did feel as if I fit and should have been playing in the "girl's sandbox" my entire life.
Definitely, " Girls NIght Out" part two represented another high point to my mtf gender transition at that time!

Cyrsti's Condo "Blast from the Past"

I have to tell you all, I have had one heck of a time sitting down and writing any sort of what I consider would be a relevant blog post. So, what's a girl to do? Bring out and dust off one of my archive posts.

This experience took place over five years ago and involved a couple bartenders in one of the sports bars I went to on a regular basis (maybe too regular-but that's another story!) At any rate, they tried for a couple weeks to get me to meet them at another place for drinks some night. I figured they were just being nice because they thought I was lonely, and while a portion of that was true-I was actually testing the waters of existing in a feminine world. So finally I said yes.

The venue we went to was a very upscale bar and food place and they were going to meet others of course. I was scared to death because in those days I would change wigs and looks three times a week. Just what would I wear? 

Finally I choose a long black skirt with a very provocative slit. What I did was partially secure it with a huge decorative safety pin.  

In those days, I couldn't go hairless on my arms and it was summer time so I wore an off the shoulder top not unlike you see here.

I did wear a dark wig, but not this one-but again close.

I found out quickly though, all my worry and prep work could not get me out of a solid third place with the other attractive 20 somethings I was with.

I learned what was to be invisible. 

Fortunately, I was able to excuse myself fairly quickly as everyone was immersed in the flirting ritual. Which was OK with me.

By the way,  I still have that black skirt in my closet and I think it will look real good with a black tank top - belted off this summer. I plan on saving my Shekels to join Liz for a pedi and the skirt should work well with a sharp pair of sandals.

Age appropriate to be sure-or is that age appropriate to the other women I'm with?