The Un- Kindest Cut of All?

"Back in the day" when I was cross dressing and beginning to explore the feminine world, I constantly thought would I - could I ever "go full time."  Obviously (for any number of reasons) I took my time almost to the point of suicide. 

During that period of time a couple things stood out in my mind. One of which was a "documentary" of sorts about a person who was shown picking out a wardrobe ahead of her trip to Thailand for her SRS.  Afterwards, the story skipped ahead to a welcome home party of sorts to her home town. I thought at the time, wasn't that all a bit too easy? What did walking around in her new "little black dress" at the party have to do with her reestablishing a new life?

Then, there was the guy who went through sex reassignment surgery, lived as a woman for a few years and wanted no part of it. I remember thinking Wow - shouldn't a person be sure? Would I ever be? What if I went the distance and could never go back.

Well, I have never "gone the distance" as far as SRS was concerned and at the age of 66, I wonder about the health concerns of doing so. As it turned out, I learned the hard way what was between my ears defined me. Not what is between my legs.

I'm no expert but, over the years people have asked me what questions (and answers) which brought me to where I am today.  My best advice is very simple. There are two ways NOT to find out if you can OR if you want to live as a trans woman. No matter how much time anybody says you should live a feminine life, that does not mean walking the mall day after day or hanging out in gay venues. It means doing decidedly unfeminine things (which women have to do) like going to an auto parts store-etc. 

Plus, recently, Connie and I have have been discussing another level of acceptance in the world-as yourself as a transgender woman. In nearly polar opposites in the country we both became members of "Meet Up" Groups. In doing so, we have discovered total strangers like us for our feminine selves. Not a small deal of course. 

So, of course, if one rushes into this gender change thing at any age, it's tough. It just could be tougher the older you get and the extra baggage (not under my eyes!) which comes with age. I can only say, as I transitioned, I knew without a shadow of a doubt I was doing the right thing. I can also understand why many would call me all too timid also!!!

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

Over heard on one of the "Housewives" reality shows:

"I would be nervous of me-if I wasn't me."

A Classic!!!!!

Often I wish I could write with the simple force blended with eloquence I read from so many.
This was sent to a prospective client by Florida photographer Clinton Brentwood Lee: 

"After affirming his support for same-sex marriage, Mr Lee was sent a message by a woman who had booked him to photograph her wedding.

She said: “My fiancé and and I support traditional marriage between a man and a woman and don’t want our money going to a place that supports otherwise. I would like to inquire how we can get our retainer [deposit] back from you.”

Mr Lee, of Brentwood Photography, responded: “I would say this disappoints me, but I actually find this to be a good thing because our company would now not like to work with you as well.

“It’s not because you have a different view from us, but it’s because, since you don’t like and support gay marriage, no one else should be able to have it.

“That’s like me not liking broccoli, and demanding that everyone else in the world should not have broccoli either!”

He went on: “At Brentwood Photography we see love in all forms. Now as far as your retainer goes, I hope you’ll read the first article in the contract you signed stating that this is nonrefundable.

“But don’t worry I’m not going to keep it!

“I have decided to donate your $1500 to GLAAD, a group created to help and support gay rights."

Go here for a link!

Leading the Way!!!!!

Leading the way in Cincinnati's Pride parade...the "T's"!!!!!

More specifically local transgender activist Lindsay Deaton!!!! The TGLB!!

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk! Another virtual issue of our Sunday edition is hitting your front porch! It's a damp cool Sunday morning here in Cincinnati, Ohio-but for the first time in days I can see a bit of sun! So the "joe" (coffee) is going to be warm this morning-not iced. Let's get started.

Page One-The Week That Was-or Wasn't: This is as easy as the seismic week when Caitlin Jenner came out. Friday, SCOTUS (Supreme Court of US) approved same sex marriages.
If you listen closely, the rumbling noises you hear in the distance are all the bible thumping ministers pounding away this morning. Of course what you also may hear is all the grumblings from the transgender community. I too understand this decision benefits the gay and lesbians far more than us and many fear they will kick us to the curb again. How I see it is, same sex marriage was simply the right thing to do. To complain about any pro or con effects to the trans community is simply sour grapes. Ultimately our fate lies in our hands.

NOT singing in the rain!

Page Two-Party in the Rain!: Timing is everything after all and Friday night was the kick off of two weekend party days at Cincinnati LGBT Pride.  I thought about labeling the picture of me with a phrase I am using a lot recently: "Rode hard and put away wet!" This was taken waiting for the pub crawl shuttle bus at the end of the evening. Lesson learned to take a "before" picture too! As always, Liz (Liz T Designs) and I always seem to have an innate luck to be at the right time in the right place to to enjoy ourselves. 
The pub crawl actually had three different "legs" of approximately 20 bars. We were able to comfortably get into the ones we wanted (visit some new ones) and get out while the getting was good. Also, at my old age, I do like to talk while I am in an establishment while the entertainment is going on. Did that too!
It was fun!



Page Three- Flying the Flag: One of the nicer parts of the evening was when a young woman came up and said how much she liked my barrette. It was in an earlier part of the evening before the rain had wrecked any semblance of how I wanted my hair to look. You Cyrsti's Condo regulars may remember this hand beaded trans themed barrette Liz made me some time ago. I was proud to be trans this weekend for anyone who noticed at Pride!!

Page Four-The Back Page: Well kids, it's time to get going and wrap this edition up. Thanks for stopping by the Condo and I hope to see you again soon!!!!

It's Not Over Till It's Over

A couple transgender moments the other night caught my attention. One very positive and one exactly the polar opposite.

First I caught an episode of a show I wouldn't normally watch because of it's first transgender participant. I am talking about Big Brother and Audrey Middleton. She was as advertised: positively gorgeous and probably just as nervous. The good news is she arguably is one of the most attractive women on the show. The bad news is she is arguably one of the best looking women on the show. Why it is bad? People within and out of our transgender community think passing privilege is everything - it's not.

Take last night's incredibly tragic news that Jess Shipps a 31 year old transgender military activist had committed suicide for example. 

One of the gender transition problems is the frustrating fact you never seem to reach the "other side" in your mind. Assuming you have reached a certain level of "passing privilege" - then you have to face the daunting tasks of finding a mate, a job and all the other tasks of building a life. 

Then, what kind of life do you want?  The days of strutting yourself in front of your home mirrors, in the mall or at a gay venue are gone. Are you a "tom boy" or a "girly girl" and don't know it?

The problem also is-there is no right answer. The person you perceived you to be before transition maybe totally different than the one you become. 

Just don't put all your eggs into the "passing privilege" basket and know the transition process can be a life long process. Your rewards can be more than you ever imagined.  

Supreme Court Affirms Gay Marriage!!!!

From my Yahoo News Feed: VICTORY!!!!

"The Supreme Court has found a constitutional right to same-sex marriage, striking down bans in 14 states and handing a historic victory to the gay rights movement that would have been unthinkable just 10 years ago.

Anthony Kennedy, a conservative justice who has broken with his ideological colleagues to author several decisions expanding rights for LGBT people, again sided with the court’s four liberals to strike down the state bans. The 5-4 majority ruled that preventing same-sex people from marrying violated their constitutional right to equal protection under the law and that the states were unable to put forth a compelling reason to withhold that right from people."

Wow. 

Plan Part Two

Picking up where we left off here in Cyrsti's Condo, let's chat for a second time of the struggle to present admirably as a woman in public. As with anything else in life some of us begin with more to work with than others- but I am more than a little humored when some think they can ignore the basics when they cross dress.  My examples have always been skin care and weight control. (Ever wonder why generics obsess about these?) 

In our last post I mentioned the incredible difficulties I had when I was cross dressing a couple days a week. Rarely did I put the "whole package" together. Of course now, HRT and simple experiences in the public eye have made this "presentation" thing easier-sort of.

For me, the effects of HRT had the most affect on my skin and hair.  Skin because of it's size and hair because of society. 

Hair I discuss quite a bit here in the Condo-lately it has cycled through to a combination of needing a color update to resembling an out take from the Aflac Duck Hair Salon commercial.

While I make fun of all of this "process", the fact remains if we as transgender women or cross dressers expect to be accepted by society-it takes effort. 

Example? Because of the first diet I have ever undertaken (not undertaker) I have taken off 35 pounds and all of the sudden can wear some of my clothes which were too small. Mainly, a couple long skirts and a denim skirt which comes a couple inches above my knees. I decided l would get brave and wear the denim skirt with a pair of flip flops and simple white top earlier this week when I went to the VA, my kid's house and out with my friend. 

The problem was getting my legs and feet up to "code" for public presentation. Remember I, like most of the other women around here do not wear panty hose in the summer. First of all I had to get rid of the "stubble" on my legs, then put another "coat" of "natural color in a tube" on my legs. (I have to be real careful of not screwing that up!!!) Then I moved on down to my feet and made sure all the old skin was off my heels and my self applied toe color was again presentable. On the plus side, HRT has given me the extra layer of fat women have under their skin to look smoother, so my legs are more presentable and I don't have any vein problems generics my age have.

Bottom line (for this post) was not how I thought the outfit came together and worked the way it did. It was how long it took me to get here. All day, through all sorts of situations, I was comfortable, natural and presentable. 

I had no idea I was this patient!!!

A Break Through?

Here in Cyrsti's Condo I have written about the difficulty my former Sister in Law (from my deceased wife) has had understanding my transgender status. It's not surprising in many ways because I wonder if she understands why the sun comes up in the morning. 

For some reason, today we were discussing my day yesterday. The topic bounced from yet another trip to the VA hospital, a stop by my daughter's and meeting up last night for adult beverages with one of my long time girl friends - all the way to gender markers. (For all you new visitors here to the Condo, I am a US Army trans vet and the VA is the Veteran's Administration where I get my heath care.)

For once I was patient with her and forgot about the fact she is actually 55 and not the mental age of my grandkids. I started with a slow explanation of what gender markers are, what they do and how difficult they are to change. Amazingly, she was following along. Until tomorrow when she has forgotten half of what I told her. 

I did stir the subject up a bit by explaining how natural it was yesterday to live my life in all those various spots as me. No looks or stares from the world. In fact the only hell I caught was from the VA nurse who seemingly is stuck with taking my blood lately. She rode me hard and put me away wet for still not changing my VA gender marker. Of course she is right and this time after I go through these tests to see what is wrong with me-I will get the process rolling. Enough already with the procrastination.

I have all the info stashed away on how to do the gender marker work. I do know I will need documentation from a psychiatrist/therapist type peep. So, I hope my original "shrink" at the VA who approved me for HRT is still there. We got along so well. If not, it will be interesting because almost everyone I encounter in the system now hammers me for my ID.

I should get more news next week.

In the meantime, my sister in law today said "Oh! It's not how you perceive yourself-it's how the world perceives you. And that's why yesterday was so natural for you. The world finally perceived you how you wanted." 

Wow