Helen and Betty

Perhaps if you are a regular here in Cyrsti's Condo, you have heard me mention Helen Boyd and blog         en Gender. Her most recent post certainly struck a personal chord with me as I am nearly in the same situation.  Here's an excerpt:

"It’s been a while since I’ve griped about the petty bullshit involved in being the partner of a trans person, hasn’t it? I recently posted a photo of me and my wife at the GLAAD awards, and many, many people have said lovely things about how we both look, which we’ve both appreciated. But I did notice – how could I not? – a pretty common refrain that goes something like this: “Your wife looks amazing and of course you do too” or, alternately, “your wife looks great and it goes without saying that you do too.” And you know what? Actually, it doesn’t. I understand the need for people to validate a trans woman’s attractiveness. I really do. But when (1) you married a man who is no longer a man, and/or (2) you’re in your 40s, and/or (3) you’re not a size 4, and/or (4) people consistently think that trans bodies are somehow publicly owned and so can and should be regularly commented on, it gets a little tiring to hear how remarkably gorgeous my wife is. I mean, I know that. I live with her and see her every day. I’m the one she shares makeup with, and hair products, and pajamas, so yes, I’m aware she’s a hottie, and a gender normative hottie at that."

And another:

Helen and Betty

"I mean, again, I get it. I’m the one who married her, right? I’m pretty clear that I married someone who was a hottie in one gender presentation who is now a hottie in another. I have no problem with anyone telling her that she’s attractive – none whatsoever. I married an actor, after all, and so have always been used to people finding my spouse attractive. What I don’t understand is why people tell ME she’s attractive, and she doesn’t understand it either. To be honest, it feels a little like “my best friend’s gay” or “I have a black friend” – as in, it sometimes comes off as a knee-jerk liberal reaction, laced with “isn’t it amazing your wife who was born a man is attractive as a woman?” And you know what? It’s not. So many beautiful women I’ve met are trans. In a crankier mood, I might even call this kind of compliment a micro aggression, because it others her, calls out her transness, and reminds me, too, that my partner is trans."

As you can tell Helen is a very outspoken, visible and intelligent spokesperson for a certain layer of the transgender community.  Go here to read more.

A Natural Comes Home

Many are born in the wrong body...very few have an easy time changing the problem.  On the Cyrsti's Condo big screen here is one who didn't:

Horror Scope

Up in the air, it's a bird, it's a plane! No it's star time and another "HorrorScope" here in Cyrsti's Condo :

(September 23-October 22): The promises you keep making to yourself, activate them now! Don’t bite off more than you can chew, so take smaller nibbles to get what you want done. If you do, then you will see that your goals aren’t so far out of reach, because just saying, “Yes,” will move you light years ahead.

My Mom always told me to take smaller bites so maybe this will work!!!!

Horror Scope is my title go to theFrisky for yours!

Part of the impossible dream for me is Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS). I just can't ever seem being able to afford it or on some days even wanting it. One who did is featured on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen,  from YouTube:

Tit for Tat

It doesn't take a genius to figure out the human obsession with breasts.  "The girls" are one of the basics of a woman's femininity and an attraction to others.

How funny is it when guys think I'm going HRT to just to grow my own breasts to play with. 

I won't deny breast development has not been a pleasant part of my exterior feminization. In many cases just the slightest touch is a constant reminder of where I am on my transgender journey. BUT on a much larger scale, the transformation of my skin and the thickening of my hair have been just as astounding. In fact, I should write a separate post just about my hair.

Plus, let's not forget my continued lack of climate control.  I went through the hottest summer of my life into my coldest winter. I wish I could blame it on the climate but I can't. It's real and it's me.

The main point is that all pieces of this gender puzzle are continuing to come together and the process feels so right. I can only hope this summer will be a little more "air cooled"!

A Close Shave

German cross dressing magic on YouTube from the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

Hormones and the Transgender Jock

Many of you who are regular guests to Cyrsti's Condo know I'm a sports fanatic and of course I'm happy my The Ohio State Buckeyes are going back to the Sweet 16 in the NCAA basketball tournament

Hillary Thompson

Recently though, so much more is happening in sports.  Transgender and  transsexual women are increasingly trying compete with their own gender.  Kick boxer Fallon Fox comes to mind, along with trans golfer Bobbi Lancaster and skate border Hillary Thompson.

Of course I am for equal transgender rights at every turn but I'm not so sure of the inherent fairness of sports competition with genetic females.

I can only go with my own personal observations of how HRT has sapped my male strength but still think my basic body crafted from years of testosterone would give me an unfair physical advantage. IF skill levels and mental attitudes were comparable, changes are I would win.

I also considered the deep seated ideas of athletic competition between men and women which go back to our earliest days of getting beat by a girl.
That theory goes out the window though when you consider transgender roller derby skater Kayley Whalen? I'm thinking most of her fellow female skaters could care less and said so and vice versa as Kayley went on to fight with the bigoted transphobic Michigan Womyn's Music Festival. (Which has barred transgender participation).

Kayley Whalen, right.

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Bobbie Lancaster

I guess the bottom line is I'm trying to do the infamous "pound the round peg into a square hole game". To each their own and let the best person win...transgender or not.

Happy Birthday "Y'All"

I guess I'm fortunate enough- no let me say I am fortunate enough to be invited along on uniquely feminine activities. The latest was a birthday celebration with four other women.
Birthday's for guys and for kids are different for women.  Just to sit down over dinner or whatever and exchange a card or even a cupcake among friends just had a different feel.

Women form different friendship bonds which are so much more complex than men.  Of course family and relationships are the major topics of conversation but there is more. Last night for example, one of the women's daughter was experiencing early labor pains.  During dinner she was in constant contact with Mom (the birthday girl) about the process.  Even I know most all women experience them and it's usually a false sign the baby is arriving.   The call started a conversation around the table about child birth experiences.  Three out of five of the women could contribute and two of us couldn't. I have obvious reasons and I'm not exactly sure about my other friend.

The whole tribal evening was primeval in it's scope I believe. Without being too melodramatic, I'm just using cavemen and women as an example.  Women of course were tied in to the home front much more than the men.  Over the centuries a female may really dislike the woman in the next cave over but for the most part may not go and try to harm her. Instead the process carries over into the clique I was part of last night. The gender dynamics of gossip and passive aggressiveness were fascinating.

Over the years, I have written on the benefits of learning the dynamics of feminine communication. Last night, I had to keep rebooting my male trained mind to understand what the girls were really saying. When was a bitch a real bitch and when she wasn't. Or when was a compliment genuine or just nice "how you doing girl" warm and fuzzy?

My solution was and is to be an interested observer and learner-which is impossible for most of this group.  As an accepted part of the circle, I do participate and learn at the same time.

Of course the whole evening was just another stop on this long transgender journey. I know I should never take any of this for granted so it's time to learn and move on to the next party.  Hope I make it!

Invisible Again

I have written about being invisible on a number of occasions here in Cyrsti's Condo but this one hits close to home.
Recently I was invited by a transgender girl friend to go to an equality event in my town.  The event was significant primarily because I didn't even think such an activity could happen in my medium sized town. It's  not necessarily known as the most liberal place in the world.

At any rate, the presentation revolved around a film which used Bible interpretations and major real and imagined theologians.  I use the word "imagined" for the right wing bigots who hate the LGBT community. During the movie I counted the times the transgender word was used and came up with a maximum of five times in two hours. Wasn't surprised. Been part of the silent "T" in and out of my own closet. The icing on the cake though was no mention of the transgender word before or after the event by the presenters.

By this time, I was relatively steamed by all of the missing "T" but I knew being upset meant nothing if I didn't do a thing.  So afterward I took up the offer to sign up for the mailing list and asked if I was welcome at all.  Of course then I got the blank "well sure but then again what does that mean look" from the gay and lesbian organizers. Hey, I'm used to that and formulated a plan.

I'm heading to the next meeting which I assume will not include the "it's cool to be around gay folks" peeps who were there last night.  I plan on discussing the silent "T" and how ironic it is that there aren't any transgender people in my town of 75,000-according to them.  The highlight of the evening was when a woman stood up and said she would love it if her daughter was a lesbian. I thought, "how about a trans man?"

My true goal though are the youth who this group wants to help.  Pity the poor transgender boy or girl who is exposed to this group and is invisible. At the least, I should be able to light a fire under the gay and lesbian leaders of the group and maybe help a lonely kid. I overheard the gay leader tell my friend that he had once met a transgender person in Columbus. Wow!

Bottom line:  None of them  have to know me as much as they have to know about me.  I'm not invisible and I do live here.