Living in the Past

As much as I try to never dwell on what could have been if I had transitioned earlier in life, every once in a while the thoughts can't help but sneak in when I'm not watching.

For some reason this specific video triggered them. Check it out on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

Act Like you have Been There.

Transition 101 basic:  "Act like you've been there."

Easier said than done when you are trying to negotiate the world as a transgender woman or man, or a cross dresser exploring life out of the closet.

If someone refuses to admit how terrified they were in the public eye, "me thinks" they may be fibbing.

I was so scared along the way, I thought I was going to have to carry an oxygen tank as a fashion accessory for use if I fainted from fear.

One of the key transition terms I blocked from my thoughts early in the process was the idea, "I was trying to fool anyone.  I was dressed as a woman therefore I was.  I also was helped when I  made the conscious decision to know being accepted as a transgender woman was good enough and maybe as far as I would ever get.

Of course there were more than a few hurdles to navigate.  The first was the appearance factor I already mentioned. The second was knowing human beings are predators and would pick up any "blood in the water". I would be noticed  more if I gave the impression I was doing anything wrong. Even when I was whispered about and even laughed at, I somehow, someway  learned to take a deep breath and move on.

It just takes awhile for those of us who have lived in our birth genders for any length of time to accomplish one of the most difficult of all human tasks - transitioning into our chosen gender. One of the most amusing comments I read is "I won't go out in public as a woman until I am very attractive." I quickly think they never will get out of the closet.

Most of you Cyrsti's Condo regular visitors know the rest of the story.  I "acted" like I had been in society as a trans woman until I owned doing it. To this day though,  I still have the old fears of ghosts from cross dressing past coming back to haunt me. They are a tough crowd!

Finally, unless you are one of the many people who are much smarter than me, the only way I know to transition your gender in the world is to do it. When you do, you won't have to act like you've been there. You have!

A Transgender Duet

Some time ago on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen, I presented a video by a transgender woman artist by the name of Kayhar.  She set her MtF transition photos to her music and it made a wonderful presentation. Her latest effort is even more impressive as she sings a duet with her former male self:

Back in the Saddle

I'm back and settled in here in Cyrsti's Condo!  A pleasant surprise was this comment to one of the archive posts Making a Woman  from Alexis Michelle:


This post does deliver the message that when you do transition there has to be a significant adjustment in so many varied and different areas. Presenting yourself as a woman is a challenge that requires a persona fitting the role. You simply have to 'grasp the woman part.' to succeed.

This makeover takes time and practice to achieve and one must expect to stumble occasionally. I know that I did just that, many times. In fact, I am still adapting to the female role. Looking back, I can remember my early ventures out into the big world. I was terrified. I felt that everyone was looking at me. And many may have been.

Confidence in yourself as befitting the gender you present as is critical. I was already aware that feminine deportment was quite different than the male I had been. It took me time to become comfortable with that aspect of my new female life. In my experiences, I also found many instances where a comment or situation caught me by surprise, and luckily I was able to 'think on my feet' and give a hopefully feminine response.

And as one of those men who 'make a good looking woman' I've had to adjust to that also. But perhaps the most fascinating aspect of my total transition has been to watch (as you refer to above) how my thought processes have changed over time. My attitudes, philosophies and beliefs have modified themselves into more feminine perspectives. My journey has been fascinating, rewarding and enriching. And being accepted as a woman, by other women, is the best reward for all of my efforts.

Alexis, a wonderful look at the MtF transition process!  Indeed, I think your comments should fit into another whole new post because I think the "grasping the woman part" is the most difficult part of the process and deserves a closer look.

Benny Hill Never Looked This Good!

Remember Benny Hill the British Comic who was known to don a frock or two? (left)

For some reason the cross dresser on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen used the same theme music. (Must have been the pig tails!)













 

KayHar

One of most haunting beautiful video's to date on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

We Got Mail!

First time commenter Laine wrote:

"This is my first time reading your blog, care of the link on Google Plus. I keep hoping that I will be able to skip the adolescent phase, but then I run into a wave of giddiness over something that I was never allowed to experience before. I still get bouncy just from having social time with girl friends and it feeling right, us socializing properly rather than with the inherent awkwardness that occurs with boys around. I think part of the Princess phase is that you have to push hard to cross over the line before you find your happy medium, in most cases." Thanks Laine!

"Princess Jim"

Hi Laine and thanks for the comment! Indeed the transgender adolescent phase seems to last forever and in many cases no one (including me) wanted it to end. In reality though, we probably aren't in the "A-phase" any longer than a genetic girl, it's just tougher for us because of the time of life when we happen to be going through it....say 40 something. Plus many times we are under pressure to go adolescence again  totally alone - without the cool social time you mentioned with your girlfriends. I agree, you have to make your way through the process before you have any idea of who you are. The process dictates you rather than the other way around.

Here's where my "Princess" tag came from. Approximately 2,000 years ago as I first became totally immersed with my femme looks in the mirror, my wife was fond of calling me "The Princess". I credit her blunt critiques for getting out me of the mirror and gay clubs and into taking a took at the reality of a feminine life.

She passed nearly six years ago and I often wonder if she ever knew how she unknowingly laid the ground work for my MtF transition. I know I will always feel the impact of a fashion "critique" or two somewhere in my subconscious from her.

I do think though, even the most jaded genetic woman would admit there a little bit of the "Princess" in every woman, genetic or trans.  The princess just adds a touch of mystery or spice to who we are!



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How "ya" Like Us Now?

It seems daily there is more and more "coming out" news from the transgender world.
The first today comes through the "Huffington Post" Parent's Site and features a MtF transgender parent's story on coming out to her 10 year old son as well as others:






And then from Russia is Masha Bast (right) who is used to facing formidable tasks. As the chairwoman for the Association of Russian Lawyers for Human Rights, Bast has worked on some of the most high-profile and politically sensitive cases in the country. Only recently, with those cases having come to an end Bolotnaya has she found time to fully embrace another, deeply personal project: living her life as a woman. With the past and current wave of homo and transphobia in Russia, Masha most certainly is courageous at the least with her public transgender stance!

Read more here.

How encouraging is it that so many are stepping up and out of their closets to lend their lives to make our future better.

Not a Sprint - a Marathon

All too often we read the sad story of a person in our community who thought running off to Thailand for SRS would represent an end to their the MtF transitioning process. In fact, as they later discover,  their transition may have only been the beginning and they are miserable.

The process truly is a marathon, not a sprint. Take a quick look at this video example of an eight year transition on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

Cyrsti's Condo Passing Through Transitions

Transgender MtF...  before and after on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

Heidi Phox

I have passed along a couple of Heidi's YouTube vids here in Cyrsti's Condo in the past and have actually followed her for a number of years.  Of interest to me is how she has deftly changed labels recently from cross dresser to MtF and back again - or both!

We Got Mail!

Our fancy high tech Cyrsti's Condo mailbox has been jammed full of responses lately.

 From Shelle  :"It is always risky to play in any part of the girls sandbox for girls like us, we are likely on most occasions to dig up something similar to what a cat may have buried there." True!! I'm afraid I have had some of the "buried treasure" dug up and tossed at me too but over the years I think I'm learning a little about how the cat fights too! What's that television slogan I'm seeing now? "Men fight wars, women wage battles."

Then to a couple comments on our FtM post. The first from Paula: " It is a great shame that so often the F to M seem too be ignored by the "T Community" I sometimes wonder just what sort of community it might be."  I used to think that too Paula. Sometimes now I believe the trans men are the force now in our community. What has helped me are the discussions I have had with my trans guy friend Draco. I wonder too what the future holds for the women and men of the transgender community.  For whatever reason I think stealth still hurts our side of the group more than the guys but I have absolutely no solid evidence to base my idea.  Let's call it trans woman intuition!


Finally, on the same FtM subject, Pat commented:
Many years ago I had a matter which called for some research into the medical issues involved in TS surgery. I recall finding one article in the medical literature written by a surgeon who did both MtF and FtM surgery and I will never forget this quote, "It is easier to dig a hole than plant a pole"

All you can say is all those years of medical school paid off for that surgeon!

Thanks to all of you girls! and guy!

Transitioning into the Future

Some like it hot in Miami:

Transgender Spouses in the Military

Seemingly, when it rains it pours with posts concerning transgender veterans and their interaction when serving on active duty and after they are discharged.

You regulars here in Cyrsti's Condo know I am a transgender Viet Nam era veteran of the U.S Army, so of course I have a very active interest in all the happenings.

Another very active source for news is Out Serve Magazine and in particular Brynn Tannehill who writes:

"In the past few months, same sex military partners have been part of the collective American conversation. When the Fort Bragg Spouse’s Club resorted to naked discrimination and active condescension to keep Ashley Broadway out, it was splashed all over the news. When Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta extended as many benefits as possible to married same sex partners under the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), the LGB community celebrated. When the Supreme Court heard oral arguments on the constitutionality of Article III of DOMA, the plight of same sex military couples was front and center in the reasons for striking the law down. However, as all this was going on, I realized that another situation has gone unmentioned. What happens when the spouse of a military person is transgender? Some might argue that this is a very rare situation, and doesn’t need attention. However, my recent interactions with a number of transgender people associated with the military say that this situation is far more common than people realize.

A few weeks ago a trans woman in the Dayton area sent me a message asking me if I remembered a female colonel I worked for while I was still on active duty. I did, and replied that I liked her because she generally had a good read on who everyone in the command was and what they were doing. What she wrote next blew my mind. “She came out as a lesbian after she retired in 2008. We’re married now.” A little further digging revealed that they had met and gotten married after the trans woman had transitioned. However, because of military regulations and DOMA, the trans woman did not have base access, Tricare, or any of the other benefits the spouse of a retired colonel would normally have. In short, the military regards them as a same sex couple. But my marriage is regarded as a heterosexual one because I transitioned after we were married, even though in both cases we are trans women married to another woman.

At about the same time, I also spoke with a trans man in the military. He talked about the difficulties he and his boyfriend, a civilian trans man who lives in Washington DC, expect if they get married. Another situation that came up in discussion recently was a trans woman (MTF) I know who is closeted, but on active duty. She is married to a trans man (FTM) who is just starting transition. When the trans man civilian spouse went to medical to start hormone therapy, they refused to treat him unless his spouse came in and verified that she knew what was happening and approved.

Given all of these situations, figuring out which marriages the government will regard as gay or straight is a mind boggling exercise in one of the grayest areas of law. In the case of the retired colonel, the marriage is gay, but only because the trans woman transitioned before the marriage and wasn’t born in Idaho, Ohio, Tennessee, or Texas (where birth certificate gender changes are not legally allowed). However, the two trans men may or may not be a gay marriage, depending if the one in DC changed his SSN gender marker before or after they got married. The trans woman in the military married to a trans man is a heterosexual couple, but the trans man can’t change his gender in DEERS because of DOMA."

In addition, I live close to the Dayton, Ohio area mentioned above.

At the least- as Brynn wrote- this whole situation deals in the deepest shade of gender gray there is and this just scratches the surface. To read more go here.

Heidi

I have followed this girl for awhile and the least I can say is she is gorgeous!
Of interest to me is how she has changed her stated identity fairly recently from cross dresser to MtF. Here she is on the Cyrstt's Condo big screen:

Your Transition Tube

As you all know, every now and then I like to pass along a YouTube Video which seems to stand out from the rest of the huge number of transgender transition vids. I so wish the medium would have been around in the "dark information" ages when I grew up!