Back in the Day

I have always had problems with veterans who seemingly hit the peak of their lives during their time in the service.

Even though I have been fortunate enough to live a very full life, last night I found myself in the same spot.

Liz and I joined a mixture of cross dressers and a few transgender friends at a local steakhouse for dinner. Towards the end of the evening, the topic of traveling came up. Along the way, I mentioned to one of the cis-women I lived in Thailand for a year and was able to travel through three continents in three years when I was in the Army...Southeast Asia, Europe and North America (of course.) She was fascinated and didn't really question the why's and when's of why I was there.

At that point I began to feel guilty of acting like that period of my life was the highlight.

As I began to think about it though, it may have been. After all, I met my wife in Germany and she became the Mother of my only daughter. And, since I utilize the Veteran's Administration for my health care, including my gender transition meds, I have to include it too.

Either you could say my time in the service turned out to be one of the unexpected highlights of my life, or I made the best of a potentially very bad situation...serving directly in the Vietnam War.

However, unless I automatically want to out myself, I have to be careful about how I talk about my Army service. I have a tendency to tell the truth and say I was drafted. Of course then and now, women have not been drafted into the military. So I have concocted a story which is semi true, I worked as a contractor for the Army, since I worked for the Air Force for part of my enlistment.

It seems to work.

Das Boot

Yes, I am still wearing this damn walking boot. At certain points in time it seems as natural as being transgender. At other times, as unnatural as being trans is.

While I know (after so many years) I have always been gender dysphoric, it is sad I have taken this long to come to terms with it. So, how did I?

Unfortunately, I don't have any magical formula. Everyone is on their own discovering their gender boundaries...or should I say, their personal gender compass.

As so called science is coming to terms with the differences in the human binary concerning sexuality and gender, I am a believer in yet another binary. The one which involves the so called transgender umbrella. Some of us opt to be part time cross dressers, others decide to go all the way through sexual realignment surgery. Ultimately, we are all related in a very complex, difficult process.

The problem is dealing with feuding under the umbrella. Who gets wet and who stays dry. Seemingly, too much of the male ego bleeds through, leading to pushing and shoving for room.

Again, I wish I had an magical answer for all of this too. An example was the other night when I met another two people going to the ill-fated Transgender Day of Remembrance meeting which never happened. I innocently introduced myself, received a nice return from one of the people. But of course the obviously transgender person, had a tough time revealing her name. I have no idea why she was being that way. Unless we had met before and I did something she didn't particularly like. Oh well!

These days I am concentrating on not aggravating people. So that means being secure in my little space under the transgender umbrella.

Hopefully, the boot is on it's way out so I won't take up so much room! 

Carmen Carrera

Every once in a while, I see a post concerning a LGBTQ transgender person I hadn't heard from in what seems like forever. This time it was Carmen Carrera.

It turns out Carrera is speaking at the "Transgender Unity Banquet" this September in rain soaked Houston.

As you may remember,

After launching her career on RuPaul’s Drag Race, Carrera became a high-profile trans model, actress, performer, and advocate for LGBTQ and human rights issues. She recently partnered with Christina Aguilera to perform at Radio City Music Hall and hosted events at the Sundance Film Festival for AT&T and at NYC Fashion Week for Fashion News Live on Amazon Prime. 

I thought you may enjoy a rainbow inspired picture of Carmen to brighten up your day.

Amira

Different people celebrate going through the act of a sex realignment surgery in different ways.

One of more dramatic celebrations recently came from  Blantyre’s Amira Nadeem who celebrated her first year as a woman by appearing naked on national television.

The 21-year-old starred in Channel 4’s dating show Naked Attraction tonight, where hopeful singletons choose a date from six people, based solely on the power of naked attraction.

Amira decided to show off the body she had longed for and said: “One night I was sitting watching TV eating chips and cheese, and it just came to me. I decided to go for it.

“After going through my sex-change operation, I felt proud and wanted to show myself to the world.

“I wanted to encourage more people like me who have been through what I’ve been through to come out and be themselves.”

Definitely, a dramatic way to do it!  

Coming Up

Another fairly busy week is shaping up.

Tonight I have to find a downtown coffee shop for a Transgender Day of Remembrance event coming up in November. I have agreed to sit on the planning committee.  If I can find the place and secure a close by parking place I will feel I am lucky, as I am still wearing this damn walking boot.

Thursday, is another social event for the Crossport transgender - crossdresser support group I am part of. We are trying out a new place, which is always exciting. With the weather the way it is (warm) I may decide to wear one of my long summer sleeveless maxi dresses. It will be very stylish with my boot! :)

Saturday is another The Ohio State University game to watch, it's the last "tune-up" game before tangling with Nebraska next week. After the football game, Liz and I are supposed to meet a few other friends for dinner.

Of course, none of this includes the regular weekend errands we have to do.  So I am sure something else will come up to do.

Nobody is Quitting

We received plenty of feedback here in Cyrsti's Condo concerning our post called "Could You Quit?"

It's always fun to let the readers do the writing:

1. joanna SantosSeptember 16, 2019 at 12:46 PM

   you cannot quit being yourself which is why its unlikely you could only be yourself a few times a month. I know I couldn't..

   
   
2. 
   
3. 
   ConnieSeptember 16, 2019 at 2:57 PM

   The transgender umbrella is large, and seems to be growing. Yes, the truth is that some of us just cannot live a compartmentalized life - being at different places on the gender spectrum as the situation or desire may dictate. The one thing we all have in common, I suppose, is that we all have a gender identity different from the binary norm that has one's gender identity and assigned-at-birth gender in congruence. There's something more to it than the intensity of dysphoria, but I believe that may well be a large factor. I know that my dysphoria could not be tempered through cross dressing alone. Cross dressing, for me, was a means toward an end, giving me the confidence and self awareness of who I really am - and needed to be every minute of every day. That doesn't make me better than one who is satisfied to express their gender identity with more plasticity, whether that be through cross dressing, non-binary identification, or a drag act. It does, however, make me different.
   
   As someone once said, when you meet a trans person, you can only say that you've met just one trans person. Of course, the emphasis should be on person, and not trans. I think that most of us would prefer we be taken for who we are, and not what we are. I may have a personal moral objection to someone who is fetish-oriented and predatory, but I shouldn't care whether they are also trans....except that my insecurities may cause me to be somewhat ashamed that I am under the same umbrella. What I think of such a person is really none of my business, though, and I can only do my best to show others who I am (a good person, I think, who happens to be trans). I can't be worrying about others, especially having had lived most of my life worrying about how others would see me (as a trans woman). As my mom used to tell me, pick your friends, but leave your nose alone - unless you happen to have a long nose hair protruding from it - in which case you may make more friends if you removed it. :-)

   
   
4. 
   Shannyn ElysseSeptember 16, 2019 at 7:43 PM

   It's truly a fine line that we walk when we post our thoughts and feelings online. I don't get much feedback on my little blog, https://shannyncomesalive.blogspot.com , so I often wonder why that is the case. Many people that run across it may not agree with me at all, or think I'm just boring, or whatever.
   
   I know what you mean about being thought of as looking down on someone who "just crossdresses". I am still mostly in the closet, as are most of my online friends, who help keep me sane. And it's so hard to know what the correct label is for ourselves, but the point is that labels only help to an extent. They can easily divide more than unite. I truly believe I'm a trans woman, but to others, maybe I'm not. Regardless, I'm just me. Intent in writing is so difficult to discern online. I'd always request someone ask me to clarify if they think I'm putting someone or something down, before reacting negatively. It's a fine line.

   
   
5. 
   FranGurlSeptember 16, 2019 at 11:08 PM

   Quit what? Presenting as a woman?...No way! Such a pretty lady!

   
   

Could You Just Quit?

After getting flat out smoked by several cross dressers about my comments about a fetish orientated predatory CD a couple weeks ago, I have a tendency to be a little more careful on what I say. or write.

What I said was misconstrued to mean I was better than them because I am transgender, which is so far from the truth. The truth is, I can't do what cross dressers do and just dress up a couple days a week. It nearly killed me.

All of this brings up a question from a comment I received from Connie, could you give up your cross dressing?

" A few months after I had ventured out of the closet, I attended a fancy cross dresser event. The "Grand Dame" of the group had taken a prominent seat, and her attendants were bringing food and drink to her. I noticed her obvious limp when she got up and headed for the ladies room (in her heels). I asked her, later, what was wrong. She told me that she had developed a foot problem, and that the doctor had told her she'd have to give up wearing heels altogether. So, she told me, this was going to be her final outing - because it would be no fun if she couldn't wear high heels. Although I was pretty sure, even at that time, that I was not a cross dresser, I knew enough that she would not be able to quit cross dressing*. I told her that, but she was adamant that decades of cross dressing was now coming to an end - just because she couldn't wear her heels. I think she may also have had a shoe fetish, but it was unbelievable to me that one could give up such a large part of their life for something as small as a pair of shoes. All the time I was talking with her, by the way, I was distracted by her nose hair that was curling up from her nostril at least an inch. Now, that may well be reason enough to give up trying to present oneself as a lady - not to mention a Grand Dame!

This was just one of the "I know I'm not a cross dresser if..." I added to my list, in preparation for my impending transition. No, I would not be happy if I had to wear a boot, or even have to give up wearing heels, but it would not change who I am. Whether it be from an old football injury or from wearing very high heels too often, there's no need to put oneself on injured reserve when you know this trans life is not merely a game.

*I heard later, after I had left the group, that the Grand Dame had made a reappearance - hobbling in her heels."

Thanks for the comment! I know it would be impossible for me to give up my feminine lifestyle.  

I assume it would be just as difficult for a cross dresser to quit doing it too.  Sort of like the "Grand Dame" and her heels.

Sunday-Sunday

This weekend has been a return to the abstract called normalcy. Liz and I went back to doing the usual routine on Saturday.

Since The Ohio State Buckeyes played a noon game, the early part of our day was taking four hours to watch the Buckeyes take their football frustrations out on the Indiana Hoosiers.

To make up for all the fun, this week we added a fun trip to our storage shed to look for a few much needed old documents.

From there we went to a couple of stores with me still wearing my boot (for my fractured ankle) which I am very tired of. I am expecting a call from the VA to look at my ankle again this week. 

Through all of this, I marvel at the opportunity I have been given to live this transgender life I lead. Looking back, I remember the days when I felt intense pressure just walking into a store as my feminine self.

Now I worry about how my boot will affect how I walk.

Flame Monroe

Flame Monroe does not want to be known as a transgender comedian, she wants to be known as a comedian who happens to be transgender.

“Because if I wasn't transgender, I would probably still be a comedian,” she says. “My transgender [identity] is my afterthought because when you introduce me as a ‘transgender comedian’, or a ‘drag queen comedian,’ most people don't hear the ‘comedian’ part. All they hear is ‘transgender’ or ‘drag queen.’

The result is then continued difficulty for her to be treated like any one of her other funny counterparts. But just one look at her standup set and you know she can hang with the big dogs. 

Monroe is one of six comedians featured in Tiffany Haddish Presents: They Ready, a collection of half-hour comedy specials executive produced by the Girl’s Trip breakout (and legend Wanda Sykes) now streaming on Netflix. She’s joined by Chaunté Wayans, April Macie, Tracey Ashley, Aida Rodriguez, and Marlo Williams. 

For more on the story, follow this link to "Out".