More Walls

As we get ever closer to my workshop at the Trans Ohio Symposium, the impetus to "fill in" my topics gets stronger.

Thanks to you Cyrsti's Condo readers, I am settling in on the walls we have to climb over to successfully negotiate a Mtf gender transition (and trans guys too). The first wall I described was cross dressing. As soon as we feel secure enough in the mirror, many times, our thoughts turn to going out in the public's eye.

The second wall we face, is what happens to us when we do it. Much of the excitement we felt looking into the mirror and seeing a girl look back, has a tendency to turn into utter fear as we go out. I know when I first started to live a feminine life, I would look for any semblance of a mirror to reassure myself. Slowly but surely, I became relatively comfortable walking around as a feminine cross dresser.

Then, a little at a time, a voice was telling me, something was still wrong. I was tired of just feeling like I was a guy walking around cross dressed as a woman, I wanted to live more like a woman. At that point, the  real fear of loosing what was left of my masculinity set in. Did I really want to keep going down the road I was on. All of a sudden, labeling myself as a transgender woman was very scary.

As we have discussed though, fear is a powerful motivator and I sat out to do the best I could to co-mingle with cis women and see if I was accepted. This wall was as tough to climb as any previous walls because I had to communicate with the public and often the same ones. It was during this time period I settled on yet a new name and one wig, so I could look the same.

As I made it to the top of this wall, I could look around and see the world as a more feminine person. Most importantly, after the fear subsided, I found I felt really natural. Plus the more natural I felt, the more people around me were beginning to feel it too.

It was about this time, tragedy struck my life and ironically opened the doors wide to consider the next wall. Living my life full time as a trans woman and sacrificing all of my male privilege.

It's All in the Smile!

It turns out, science has now mapped out the specifics of how each gender smiles:

"The dynamics of how men and women smile differs measurably, according to new research, enabling artificial intelligence (AI) to automatically assign gender purely based on a smile.

Although automatic gender recognition is already available, existing methods use static images and compare fixed facial features. The new research, by the University of Bradford, is the first to use the dynamic movement of the smile to automatically distinguish between men and women.

Led by Professor Hassan Ugail, the team mapped 49 landmarks on the face, mainly around the eyes, mouth and down the nose. They used these to assess how the face changes as we smile caused by the underlying muscle movements -- including both changes in distances between the different points and the 'flow' of the smile: how much, how far and how fast the different points on the face moved as the smile was formed.

They then tested whether there were noticeable differences between men and women -- and found that there were, with women's smiles being more expansive.

The article goes on to say:

Lead researcher, Professor Hassan Ugail from the University of Bradford said: "Anecdotally, women are thought to be more expressive in how they smile, and our research has borne this out. Women definitely have broader smiles, expanding their mouth and lip area far more than men."

The team created an algorithm using their analysis and tested it against video footage of 109 people as they smiled. The computer was able to correctly determine gender in 86% of cases and the team believe the accuracy could easily be improved."

A smile maybe more than your best accessory...it may be your most important one, as a transgender woman. 

Read more here from Science Daily.

Phantom Waists

One of the many fashion problems we transgender girls face (and cross dressers too) is creating a waist line.

From Fabulous After 40 comes a spring and summer chic idea to help us all out!

I am soooo happy to see this fashion trend return. I used to love it!

Follow the link above for three ways to wear this fashionable figure flattering top!

Those "Pesky" Cross Dressers!

Our recent posts here in Cyrsti's Condo concerning the dressing habits of the average cross dresser versus transgender woman continue to garner interest. Here are a couple more comments:

1. Sally BendMarch 13, 2018 at 1:17 PM

   "You're note alone, hon - I've noticed the same thing. There are 2 trans support groups in my area, and I felt guilty for the longest time about noticing the same thing.
   
   There would always be one side of the room wearing beautiful dresses, with their hair and makeup done, looking happy to be among friends. Then there's the other side of the room, looking like they just threw on a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt, looking bored or exasperated.
   
   I stopped going to the one meeting because there was far too much scorn and condescension going both ways. I know it shouldn't matter what we wear, and I get the mindset that some girls don't feel the need to impress anybody anymore, but I look at those meetings as an event, much like going out to dinner with friends, and I appreciate a little effort."
2. FABULOUSCONNIEDEEMarch 13, 2018 at 1:51 PM

   "I had a cross dresser friend up until a couple of years ago. Replies from her/him (we knew each other as both) to my calls and emails ceased a while after I decided to live full-time as a woman. Prior to my decision, we spent many hours discussing our respective "conditions," and one night I did some math to put some quantity to what we felt was our "quality time" presenting as women. Between the weekly CD social club outings and about one weekend a month, multiplied by the number of years we thought we had left to be able to present (maybe just the ability to walk in high heels?), I came up with a total of 10,000 hours (500 hrs/yr X 20 years).
   
   The difference between us was, mainly, our respective definitions of "quality time." To her, it was to be dressed to the nines, where I felt that the ability to just be who I was amounted to quality for me. My 10,000 hours have long since been used up, even when only considering waking hours of each day. Had I tried to dress to the nines for all of them, though, I probably would have permanently damaged myself in those high heels! I do love to dress up when the occasion calls for it, but I don't need to do it to feel complete. I think that when one has to rely only on their allotted 10,000 hours (or whatever can be arranged), she wants to get as much out of it as possible.
   
   Which one of us, though, might have something to prove? Going for full-blown glamour may be an effort to prove something, but I think that presenting oneself minimally could also be an attempt to prove something, as well: "See, I am a woman no matter what I wear or how I present!" Then, we must also ask ourselves the question as to whom we are offering the proof. Is it to others, or is it to ourselves?"
3. First, on Sally's comment. I agree with the "scorn" comment. In fact, since two or three of the most abrasive members quit coming to the larger group I go to, (all trans women), meeting attendance has started to go up, although another transitioning woman seems to have the ability to step into the void on occasions and be over bearing. 
4. Connie, of course I think the proof of being a woman lies within each of us. Over the years, I too have lost contact with several acquaintances who went on to have genital realignment surgery. It could be we grew apart because I was too involved in my own transition and I felt somehow they had arrived and wouldn't  care about me. Now I'm not so sure.
5. As far as presenting to the groups I go to now, I try to wear tasteful but still fashionably strong makeup but I normally never wear anything other than jeans or leggings, with a nice sweater. My look represents the woman I have become.
6. Thanks to Connie and Sally for your comments.

Transgender Versus Cross Dressing

Recently here in Cyrsti's Condo, I wrote a post somewhat comparing what cross dressers wear to my support meetings, in comparison to transgender women. Although I don't attach any significant positive or negative ideas to the idea...cross dressers just seem to out dress the trans girls normally. For a number of reasons, probably.

First and foremost, the trans girls don't really have anything to prove by going the extra distance to dress up for a casual meeting. Secondly, and just as important, cross dressers just don't have the overall time and experience to think, well, I will have plenty opportunities in the future to dress up, if desired. Finally, thirdly, most cross dressers are just learning their way in a feminine public world and still haven't settled into the woman they still are to become.

Interestingly, I received two comments from our regular readers on the same subject:

1. Paula GoodwinMarch 12, 2018 at 1:37 PM

   "It is quite noticeable at the group I attend, that it is those who have transitioned who most dress down, and those who have to make the most of their rare opportunities who are the most "Glamorous" this last week end there were at least two of us there wearing jeans and a sweater and with no make up at all."
2.            Paula! I agree with you. Thanks for the input and writing it better :)
3. 
   FABULOUSCONNIEDEEMarch 12, 2018 at 4:33 PM

   "Well, if you haven't upgraded your style to the cross dresser level, at least you're buying your coffee at a coffee shop instead of a gas station now. :-)
   
   Speaking of deciding what to wear to a meeting, I have come to the conclusion that I don't care what the rest of them (be they cross dressers or SRS transgender women) are wearing. I choose from my wardrobe just what I feel like wearing for the day (or evening). If I'm going to err at all, I would rather it be at such a meeting, rather than how I might be seen by the general public. I used to care too much about how other transgender women might be sizing me up. That is simply ridiculous, when you think about it, yet I have felt more judgement on my presentation from the trans community than I have from the general public. Around here, though, the cross dressing organization and the transitioning group generally keep away from each other. I have attended meetings for both, and I've worn jeans and a t-shirt to the CD meetings or a dress and heels with the other group. I may get a few looks with either, but I think they have a better idea of who I am by the time the meeting is over. The truth is, after all, that most of us just want to be who we always saw ourselves to be. So, that's what I do!
   
   It's what we often talk about - all in the confidence you show; not in the clothes you wear."
4. Thanks to you both! 
5. Connie, much of my coffee snobbery comes from the fact I now live in a major metropolitan area with coffee choices outside of gas stations and Tim Horton s! Ironically, confidence was one of the main topics with the cross dressers at last night's meeting.
6. 
   

Monday, Monday

Being retired, on occasion, the days always have a tendency to crush together, except Monday's, it seems. Today, I have to deliver a package I'm shipping to the local post office, write a blog post and take care of other essentials. Past that, seemingly, negotiating around a very needy cat, who wants to help write the blog post is the main problem. I am not the best typist in the world and even more challenged when a cat is laying on one arm. Then again, maybe I should let her write the post

I do though, have a cross dresser - transgender support group meeting tonight. I plan on volunteering to do more outreach work with the group, which should meet with mixed results, on my part. Sometimes I'm up to the challenge, sometimes not so much. I do know some of the trans women who did it in the past from the group and technically I know I can hold my own.

Since I have been retired for a couple years now, I have found I have very specific routines which are tough to break. For example, today I have to apply at least basic makeup to go to the post office earlier, then refine it for the meeting. As far as clothes go, I try to change up my outfits for the meetings, which are basically casual.  Since many have had SRS and live full time, they have a tendency to not dress up as far as the cross dressers who attend. Plus, I do always try to stop at my favorite coffee shop on the way to partake of one their special "blends" for the evening.

So you have a look into my very "normal" transgender life.

Oh, by the way...my cat says Hi!

Sunday Special?

Rude Paul upside down, just because!

Another week has come and gone, all too fast it seems.

Personally, my week was pretty quiet. I did get my formal acceptance from the Trans Ohio Symposium for my workshop.

Coming up during the week, I will be working through some of my ideas on climbing transitional walls as transgender women.

Last week, a couple of my least favorite critters, "Rude Paul" and Jenner made news. Paul once again stirred up the trans pot by saying trans women had no place on his "Drag Race" show. Supposedly, he had to quickly back off and apologize for his comments, because now he is reaching a wider audience on a different network.

Two more of my least fave people.

Perhaps you have heard too, Caitlyn Jenner announced her "love affair" with t-Rump is over and he (45) has set back the transgender community 20 years. Well..."duh!"

Finally, Saturday turned out to be a very busy day for me. First, I went to Liz's karate class and then we went shopping for groceries. The only thing of note happened when I startled our 40 something bagger. She ended up looking me over from head to toe. It's been awhile since that has happened.

During the afternoon, it happened again with two male employee's in one of the huge big box home improvement stores. As it turned out, I more than doubled my projected walking steps, so I hope I furthered my weight loss gains.

So the week went all too fast! 

Fear Factor?

We have been discussing climbing walls as we gender transition here in Cyrsti's Condo recently.

I have felt fear many times provides a major push to climb a wall, in the everyday and transgender world. The Army of all places taught me the power of overcoming obstacles in Basic Training. There was no way in hell, I wanted to fail myself and my fellow soldiers during training.

Perhaps it was just that attitude which helped me overcome the paralyzing fears when I first began to test the waters as a woman.

Turns out, I am not alone, check out these two comments from Connie and Paula:

1. FABULOUSCONNIEDEEMarch 8, 2018 at 12:42 PM     "I think most of the walls we climb are ones we have built with our own hands (or minds). These are walls of fear. I know that I was not only afraid of people's immediate response to me, but I feared even more what they might have been thinking of me. I imagined, after I had departed, people would be talking about me, possibly laughing at my appearance or, even worse, my deviant behavior. These were just strangers, though, so I had to convince myself that it didn't matter what they thought (Your opinion of me is none of MY business). 

   
   The fear of being recognized by someone I knew was a more ominous wall. The more time I spent over the first wall exposed myself to that possibility, and just getting past the neighbors without being caught required so much of my energy.
   
   Fear of causing pain to family and loved ones was the wall with the biggest challenge in my mind. Like you, I had already come to the conclusion that I was not seeing myself as a man who enjoyed cross dressing, but a woman who was presenting as the man I was expected to be. In coming out to the family, I knew that I had to be totally honest with them, but that required my being honest with myself, first. I suppose that I could have made a bargain, and compromised by getting them to allow me to cross dress occasionally, but it would have been disingenuous on my part. This was not a wall for me to climb, but one that needed to be torn down. I had built it with the thought that I was protecting those whom I loved, but, in truth, building it mostly served to shut them out.
   
   I avoided a wall that many others need to climb. I had arranged my work-life, by being self-employed, so that I could control the amount of time for me to be "me." Of course, that eventually became detrimental to my income, and so was a wall in itself. I didn't have to come out at work, a wall that many consider negotiating, but I had to make the decision as to how to rectify my income capabilities with my being honest with myself - if not being true to myself. Therefore, I have only sought out employment as my true self, and I have found that to be difficult, but so much more affirming and satisfying when I've attained it.
   
   Overall, I have to say that building and maintaining the walls in my life have cost much more of my energy than it has been to climb or tear them down. The other walls, those which society had built, are much lower these days. I can only hope that the younger generation will take advantage of that, and not build their own walls, as I thought I had to do over my lifetime. If I've learned anything, it is that, whatever the fear that holds one back, waiting to face them by building walls does not make it easier for anybody; for oneself or whomever."
2. 
   
3. 
   
4. 
   Paula GoodwinMarch 9, 2018 at 5:32 AM

   "Those walls are scary aren't they! I remember that first time out in public as being both wonderful and terrifying. A lot of cross dressers unintentionally put themselves in dangerous situations as they feel the need to go out, but try to stay in the shadows, to not be obvious, but in that very attempt to hide make themselves vulnerable."
5. Thanks to both of you!

T

International Woman's Day

Sisterhood with cis women? What exactly does that mean to you?

For me, it means several things. I know I share a sisterhood because cis women made it possible for me to play in their sandbox. Although, some never knew to what extent and some did  not so willingly.

Cis women also taught me how to communicate in their feminine world, often with non verbal communication.  Indirectly. women taught me how to dress to fit in with their world also.

I know too, a number of cross dressers and/or early transgender women who wanted into the sisterhood so bad, they were sure they needed a cis woman to make them up to be the beautiful creatures of their dreams. Most never made it and learned on their own. For me, ironically, it was a cis male make up artist who helped me out with my makeup the first time so many years ago.

And speaking of men, their attitude towards transgender women (for the most part) is one of distrust while women have a tendency to be more curious. Again, lending a welcome hand to the sisterhood.

I know my time in a feminine lifestyle makes me far from an expert but it has shown me very emphatically what cis woman go through in their lives. From employment, to being talked around (or down to), all the way to feeling physically threatened, I have been in the sisterhood.

Although it is never as easy as it seems, my hope for the future is women continue to advance in all key areas of society. Perhaps finally, they can bring some sanity to the world as we know it today.

Such is my salute to International Women's Day. It's great to finally be part of the "sisterhood."

The Future is Female!