Shock and Awe II

As I mentioned in my last Cyrsti's Condo post, yesterday was a very long day. So let's pick up where we left off-arriving at Liz's sometime around 6 PM after navigating some rather aggressive Cincinnati rush hour Friday traffic.

After a short half hour break, we were on the road again, this time to head out to the middle of nowhere. Somewhere out near Connersville, Indiana to pick up her son for the weekend from a mostly surly Dad. Most assume Indiana (like Ohio) is this vast cornfield. It;s not and the part we drove through was very hilly and I assume less than LGBT diverse. In fact Liz and I play this little game of how long I would last in some of these little towns. If I am wrong and you live in one, let me know and I will apologize! 

We arrived to pick the son around dusk and headed back towards Cinci stopping to eat at an well known chain of highway family dining restaurants (the ones with general stores.)

Everything was cool, we ordered our food-got it when Liz started to growl about the women who sat down at the table on our left. Basically she was saying "I am going to have to kick her arse if she keeps staring." For once, I hadn't even noticed but said "to hell with the woman, I was ready to knaw off my arm." Instead of bitching to management about her or saying something, I was just too tired to worry about the bitch. 

As luck would have it for the woman, her life at the restaurant got progressively worse as a fairly big group of diners became fairly boisterous. I turned and watched her faced as she glared and rolled her eyes. What was going on? She was having a big night out with a kid who could have been a grandson and a man who looked to be a 60 something like her and all hell breaks loose.

First she is subjected to sitting at a table next to me and then all that noise? Really?

She was in "Shock and Awe" of the situation! As was I as we finally rolled back into Liz's around 10 PM and I took a look in the mirror. Wowza! No wonder the woman was scared! So was I. Maybe a little upkeep on the hair as well as a makeup touch up would have been nice.

Oh well, maybe the whole evening will provide her with more church gossip and condemnations on Sunday. After all, she had to sit close to and stare at one of those trans what? women. And, oh yeah, about all those black people making all that noise...

Shock and Awe!

Yesterday was one of those days which I knew was going to be long, but not so sure how long. 

First of all, the weather was tremendous and an ideal time to have yet another sidewalk sale at my old house in Springfield which I am continuing to clean out from literally 20 years or more of "collecting." I don't sell much but every little bit helps me to "get by" and augment my very meager Social Security. It's better than carrying a sign and standing on a corner asking for change. Can ya spare a dime brother for a poor trans vet? But...I didn't have to because...

I was successful in "moving a couple pieces" out as I grow ever closer to putting the place up for sale and went back to Sis-in-Law's to pack up and drive the hundred miles or so to Liz's. Decided to wear my best "Boho-Hippie" outfit".  A long flowing multi colored purple skirt, tank top and flip flops. It fits right in as, on the way to Liz's I go through Yellow Springs, Ohio which was (and is) a hot bed of hippie/liberal activity and  a place I have felt immensely connected to. I was dressing to blend in my mind for the past and present!

Let's "back track" a bit and mention too, the "mousse was loose" yesterday- as Liz and I call it. In my hair from when I washed it Thursday. I love to just shampoo, condition and mousse my already very wavy hair and basically just let it go. So, I went with the "460 Air Conditioning" in my Rolls Royce (4 windows down at 60 miles an hour) and headed for Cincinnati. I always love going through "The Springs" imagining I could go back and re-live just a few of those years I so admired the hippie girls with their long wavy hair. When I had my Army 'high and tight'.

Of course I can't so the closest I can come is to let my "freak flags fly"; turn up one of the Woodstock CD's I just found in my house and head on down the road. What could be any better?

I am sure my old dog in the back seat was thinking "here we go again!" And go we did-once I got to Liz's as "Shock and Awe" continues!!!

You Never Know Where You Are Going-Till You Get There

Liz is fond of taking much of the credit for "kicking me out of my transgender nest." From the beginning she only saw me as trans. She has been with me nearly five years now, including starting HRT, so I guess technically she knew me as a cross dresser.

It took a while, but either I began to shut up about my transition experiences, got used to them or whatever-because I began to hear less and less "welcome to my world" (I hate it!) Ideally, it's not her world, it's how I perceived it then and now.

But don't get me wrong, she did put her boot up my rear and kick me out of the nest. I began to grow my personality in the gender I learned I felt most comfortable in. (I always thought I would and I love it when I'm right!)

What is also fun is the number of so called "civilians" Liz and I have met in our travels. Of course I am considered anything from unique to "just one of the girls" who happens to be a little different. Most importantly I just want to be considered a quality human and every place we go (like the knitting group) I don't have to be a standard carrier for the LGBTQ culture. In fact, the wider I expand my circles, the more I find people do know more and more of us who are particularly transgender, gay or lesbian.

As Connie is fond of saying "It ain't over till it's over." (Wait-that wasn't her.)  But she does say transitioning does follow you to the grave.

Again the fun part is seeing the signs ahead, but never quite getting there!!!

Corny?

Today I just had to get out and away-been up here with Sis in Law for about a week. Plus, I have been feeling really crummy the entire week. Since the day was another cool sunny day, I packed up the old dog and we headed North into some heavy rural/agricultural areas I used to travel with friends when I was younger.

There are nothing like miles of corn and soybeans on an empty highway to give me time to think. After considering I could see why the white man originally stole this rich heart land from the Shawnee and other Native American tribes-my mind turned to what the life of a young transgender person would be like these days where I was. 

Of course I don't know for sure but if you have ever heard of the 4-H  Club or the FFA (Future Farmers of America), I don't know if they even formally accept transgender girls and boys. As I passed on of the big 4-H symbols on a barn, I thought that maybe a trans kid could maybe gain a circle of friends. 

Then, I thought of the area high school I was driving through and all I thought of was how brutal an experience that could be. All of a sudden I realized I did have a point of LGBTQ reference of sorts on that very school. Years ago, one of the drag queens in the area was actually part of the the school's color guard/flag team. I never had a chance to talk to her about her experiences.

All too soon though, the dog was tired, I was tired (out of gas) so it was time to head back!

All You Need is Love!

With all respect to the Beatles, all you need is love- with a liberal dose of knowledge. As many of transgender women and trans men  have found as we have transitioned to the outside world, it is not such a scary place after all. BUT NOT SO FOR MANY. 

Unfortunately, we have a HUGE way to go in the LGBTQ world to pave the way to a better life-especially for our youth.

As it happened, I saw this event through Facebook and a Cincinnati Transgender Group site. And since Burlington, Kentucky is actually very close to Liz's house- I volunteered to help any way I could.

Happy to say, I received an nearly immediate positive response.

Indeed, "Love Must Win" and if I can get out from behind this computer and help more-I can't wait!

Thanks Ryan!

Another Transgender Barrier Shot Down?

Bobbie just sent this to me to pass along to all of you and it marks the end of one of the most hypocritical transgender episodes since the word was invented!

The Pentagon’s ban on transgender troops would end May 27 under a draft timeline on repeal of the policy that affects about 12,000 troops, according to a document obtained by USA TODAY.

The memo, circulated last week among top personnel and medical officials, lays out the road map for ending the policy and highlights some of the potential issues, including a pilot program that would provide leaves of absences for transgender troops being treated with hormones (HRT) or having surgery. (SRS)

I was beginning to think hell was freezing over when Obama appointed the first transgender employee to the White House recently.  Raffi Freedman-Gurspan, a former policy adviser at the National Center for Transgender Equality, will serve as an outreach and recruitment director in the White House Office of Presidential Personnel.

Now I know why the late summer weather around here has been unseasonably cool!

Thanks Ladies

This morning my daughter and I got together for a quick coffee and pastry during a break from her insanely busy schedule. 

When we went up to the counter to order, the counter person said- "can I help you ladies?" Of course I never tire of hearing that, except this time it was the first time I heard it with my daughter. I do believe I saw a bit of a smile on her face! 

Wow!

"Passed By?"

Most certainly , the second thing we do after donning women's or girl's clothes for the first time is find a mirror to admire ourselves in. From that moment on, the mirror becomes our friend or enemy. I have always thought making the MtF gender transition from cross dresser to transgender woman in the world passes through the mirror.

Of course as we know, the mirror has a pesky level of fibbing to human beings as a whole-not just cross dressers or trans women. We look wonderful in the mirror only to be "clocked" at every turn in the real world.

These days though, the world seems to be changing in our direction-for the best. I'm going to let Connie tell her story which is so similar to mine:

" I began thinking this morning about "passing privilege" after visiting the doctor's office for yet another blood draw. The girl at the front desk was not the one I have been encountering thus far, but she was good about being careful to address me properly. I assume that she had me read before I even gave her my name (she only asked for my last name at first). So, I guess I wasn't passing, but I was recognized as a trans woman who was serious about it. 

As I sat in the waiting room, I revisited the notion of "passing" in my mind. In fact, that's where it lies in the first place - in MY mind; not anyone else's. Even if I don't actually "pass" as a woman, then, it is my attitude and self-confidence that relay the notion that I am, at least, "passable" (or a reasonable facsimile) to those with whom I engage. In other words, my "pass-ability" comes from within me (with a bit of help from cosmetics and clothing on the outside), while others see from that the "possibility" of my womanhood. As such. I am so much more often treated by others as they would treat any woman. As they say, the possibilities are endless, but we, as trans women, must open ourselves up to them. If we're constantly concerned with being "passable", we limit what is "possible". I see myself as having the "right" to be who I am; I see the "privilege" belonging to those who meet me!"

All I can add is, you will know all of this when it happens and it takes a lot of patience to get here!
 

The Right or Wrong Person for the Job?

I really don't know how many times I have sworn myself off the "allure" or lack of it from Caitlin Jenner. 

Kristin Beck 

Of course I know the non negotiables. Without a doubt she is the biggest public relation's splash ever in the transgender community. Now we have a former Olympic hero along with Navy Seal Kristin Beck as recent "coming out" stories. In fact, Kristin is running for US Congress.

I am sure Jenner's life will ever allow her to ever experience the everyday lives we live as transgender women. Can you imagine the paparazzi crowding into a women's restroom with her?

After watching her last show rater intently (and knowing it's a glossy over produced Kartrashian show) I couldn't see the emotion in Jenner. Again, I don't know all the facts about her, except she went out and bought the best plastic surgery money could buy. Again, maybe that's why I can't see any emotion in her face-she can't move it!!!!

Plus, I have no idea how long she has been back on HRT. It took me three years on hormones to begin to see the world in a different way. When I watch Jenner, I wonder if she has passed over (no pun intended) to the feminine side much at all. She tries to overtalk most people and doesn't want to listen for the real problems-typical male.

Then again, maybe I am just watching the true quandary of a Mtf gender transition play out with Jenner. I don't question the pure persistence and strength it takes to jump the gender fence. It will be interesting to see in the years to come what happens with Jenner. Will a "softer-gentler" Caitlin truly begin to enjoy a life in the girls sandbox? Or, will the ego trip of doing it still be more important?