Fantasy

I just HAD to share these with you all!!!!

OMG!!!!

Back in my Mama's Underwear Drawer

Hows that for a title?

The reason I pulled it out of the archives here in "Cyrsti's Condo", is I sent away to the Ohio BMV for the ":Declaration of Gender Change Form."  Just having it "in the mail" was a huge move as I began to consider the ramifications of it all.

The path to transgender self discovery and self fulfillment indeed is a marathon -and a rocky one.  Once you are fairly comfortable "existing" in your chosen gender, then it's time to legally begin a sex change.  I'm fortunate in that (although he doesn't know it yet), I will be knocking on the door of my trans man friend for guidance.  By the way, he is less than a week away from his long awaited "top surgery" and I wish him the best.  In many ways, we started down out gender transition paths about the same time but he has changed all his gender markers already.

As it turns out, the latest family person I have come out to is actually my former sister in law.  Meaning, she is the sister of my deceased wife.  Occupying that lofty position (she believes) gives her more input into my MTF transition.  Like my daughter, they sort of recoil at my name.  In my true form though, I tell them, I really don't care what they think, plus I'm changing it again for my gender markers anyway. Freedom, right? Let me point out, both have been exceedingly supportive of me.

How does Mom's underwear drawer fit into all of this you may ask?

I believe if you live long enough, life becomes a series of interlocking circles which hook up to your basic birth to death circle.  If you are going to be born-at some point you are going to die.  We could compare it too, to a charm bracelet which the circle is simply around your wrist. I guess you could say my first "charm" was Mom's undie drawer.

Then, I thought back to the days when I "found" the drawer of Mom's undies and what was really going on in my noggin. Before you jump off the bridge and want to toss me into the fetish cross dresser niche, this phase for me was all too short and unfulfilling. Surely, I felt some of the "fetish" pull but deep down inside, but a predetermined switch was surely thrown. Unfortunately, I spent 50+ years of my life trying to turn it back off- to no avail.

For any number of reasons, my Mom chose to turn a blind eye to my excursions and of course never talked to me about it.  She probably hoped it was all a phase and would disappear-which it did, for her.  I began to save my paper route money, combined it with my allowance and found ways to build my own "stash" of clothes, make up, etc.

After I finished my phone call to the BMV, for the briefest second, I was that little boy fascinated with my Mom's undies. I realized this part of my circle had closed.  The mystery is gone and reality is here.  At that point I realized how far that I have come and how far I still have to go.

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl" of the Day

Our feature cover pic of the day in "the Condo"  is the beautiful MtF transsexual woman Suzanne Gagliardi - another Mama Mia! from Italy.

I do love this outfit!!!

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

Was She or Wasn't He?

I haven't told all of you about my experience from the other night.

It follows the same path as the other "Trans Dar" posts, some of you have commented about, except this time I am not talking about a cross dresser or a transgender woman; I'm talking about a transgender man.  

So,  thanks to having been able to watch the FtM transition my friend is going through, my "trans dar" was going through the ceiling.  This guy's face was angular and "stubbly" and his voice was going through the change.  In other words, he was moving out of the "butch" category totally...I think.

Interestingly, I have never been with a genetic woman whose trans-dar zeroed in on a trans guy.  I use Pat's wife as an example around here (again)  It would have been interesting to have viewed her reaction the other night. I'm saying there would not have been one from her.She would assumed "lesbian" and moved on which is as unfair as assuming every cross dresser is gay. (Pat's wife wouldn't because she has more knowledge-I know.) Or perhaps,  if there was a reaction, she would have thought, Wow! that's a masculine woman!"

In a way, I feel sorry for Pat's wife because I use her thoughts or possible actions like I know her-which I don't.  We have never met and according to Pat, knows nothing about Cyrsti's Condo.  (Come on Pat, who knows everything about the woman they are with?)

Finally, no, he didn't speak to me and really didn't even glance my way hardly at all.  But, being the gossip queen I am , I did see one of the bartenders I know talk to him and heard him ask for her by name earlier. Chances are  I can find out the story!

Cyrsti's Condo "Mail Bag"

One of the new bags given to me recently!

Plenty of comments to get to today in "the Condo" which is great!!!

Let's go "across the pond" first, to Paula in the UK...She commented on our "End of Cross Dressing" post:

Basically the post commented on the blurred lines between "hetero sexual" cross dressers and "straight men".

 I now identify primarily as a hetro trans woman, but working out what that means is complicated. Testosterone still flows and the bloke will still "look" at the the girls, but the woman checks out the guys, of course we get confused. I say I am hetro because I have no wish to make love with woman as a woman, or a man as a man. Sometimes I question myself as to whether it is my sexuality that drives my trans,or the other way round, other times I just have a glass of wine.


Thanks Paula!  A great answer to a complex personal issue!  Seemingly we face too many "chicken or the egg" discussions as cross dressers, transgender women and men on our journey of self discovery!

Paula also commented in the same vein on the "Trans Dar versus Trans Nazi" post:

It slowly dawned on me that to most Gay people I am asexual, the girls know I am a bloke so are simply not interested, and the blokes now that I am a girl and so they aren't interested either, interestingly this makes an excellent basis for really good friendships.

Surely Paula, we do make interesting friends because of how we see the world and the shift of sexual tension in the human critter.  My "take" on it is- the more feminized I become, gay guys have less interest in me than they never had anyway.  AS, they are so fond of saying anyway, "If they wanted a woman, they would have had one by now."  The women know I'm not genetic but I live in their world and they are for the most part intrigued.  The more the HRT changes me though, the less that is true to the casual observer. 

As far as lesbians go, I found that after I got used to how "gruff" many were, I thrived with some, strongly identify with and thoroughly enjoy their unique culture.

The "blokes" of course are the challenge.  To many, I'm simply invisible, to others I carry some sort of plaque they may catch and die.  The very few who take the time to know me do respond to my take on the world. It's no secret, I do like an intelligent, traveled, mildly opinionated man and I respond intellectually  to them. Sadly as I am arriving at a point, that at the least I can interact with a man as a trans woman, I have not yet been able to do much.  But I understand why.

It's a crazy world we live in, but not necessarily a bad one unless we make it that way! One of the biggest mistakes I made was "back in the day" when I began to come out was hiding in my shell-once I hit the world.

Cyrsti's Condo "What If?"

Everyone likes to have a little fun.  Perhaps you have noticed I have stayed away somewhat from my own cynical cross dresser captions here in "the Condo". Partially it is because after nearly three years doing this "someone" emailed me and told me to take a picture of a person down off the blog.  Which I would have, if they had told me which picture it was. Nearly 99% of all the pictures I use off of Pinterest - who aren't  Mtf transgender or androgynous models, don't have a name there at all.  So if you have a picture that I have used and you can show me it is you, I will gladly take it down...

In the meantime:

My first pic is called "Well honey, there was another woman. I just never told you it was your hubby!"

The second:
                                                    "Ruh Roh"! My wife wasn't kidding! She did bring home a blind date for me!!

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

Some women can wear anything...some just do it better!

Cyrsti Hart

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"