The Discussion Continues

As I had hoped Elizabeth responded back to my answer yesterday and took it another different direction or two: First of all I liked it because she didn't start it off by saying "Cyrsti-you ignorant-f--k." Plus you all know how I so love a good discussin! (as they say in my neck of the woods)

Cyrsti

Becoming a woman is a learned process that woman earn over time and "earn" is the correct term. Womanhood is not conferred on you based on how you dress or how you define yourself. Sandeen is not a woman because Sandeen has not one clue about what it means to be a woman. You claim you have observed woman for 50 years and somehow this lets you "see" all their mistakes which is a crock of shit.

SO you are claiming you have been an undercover woman for 50 years observing and learning how a female becomes a woman. You have spent less than two years defining yourself as transgender yet you suddenly seem to know everything about what it means to be a female and a woman. The truth is you are clueless because you never experienced life as a woman and that is the key.

Learning to be a woman involves experiencing daily life as a woman which you neglected to do for the first 60+ years of your life. You were a man and worked as a man and lived as a man so get off your high horse milady because you know not what you speak of.

I raised my first husbands daughter and about two years into that mind blowing experience I was talking with my mom and she simply said "congrats Elizabeth because now you are a woman: and I took that as a major compliment. My mom taught me about Vicks vapo rub under my nose to prevent gagging on the baby poop which was a godsend. I think I was 29 at the time but had existed as a girl basically from just short of my 14th birthday.

Those of us born transsexual have a sex identity issue because our sex characteristics do not match the gender we perceive ourselves as. My gender was actually never in question because I believed I was already a girl. Just how does not believe one is a woman? It is not given it is earned and quite frankly you have not earned anything close to it but then I am sure you know that.

If you want to call yourself a transgender or trans woman be my guest because that is a label you should live with. As for the younger generation I kind of doubt they will rewrite the definition for woman as easily as you seem to feel. A friend and I have worked with kids for years and we have two in Britain that are within a year of SRS and once they have SRS they just want to melt into society and be normal. I realize the word normal is weird to those of you that exist in the "activist" world but believe me once any kid has had SRS that is all they want unless of course they have ulterior motives like being famous but then that is kind of different.

I actually enjoy your blog but I also see you as a stereotypical transgender / crossdresser which does not make you a bad person just different. I do not wish you any harm nor would I be happy if harm came to you but that is just me.

Have a nice day.

Having not a clue of Elizabeth's background, I had no idea she was TS-by birth-her statement.  I don't want to put her in a corner by saying many TS's consider themselves to be the sole inhabitants of our culture who "were born into it."  My only response is, how does anyone know how anyone else was born and into what?

Here is more of my response:

Thanks for making my point Elizabeth. A woman is a "socialized" person- a female is a birthed person. So a TS is a socialized woman by your definition...not birth.

As far as how you want to attach any "life experiences" to the process is a personal journey of one's choices and the cards one was dealt....No matter how you cut it, one person is no better than another and I'm glad your Mom "anointed" you "woman" when mine was making an appointment for electro shock therapy.

Our whole discussion obviously is rooted too deeply in passion for objectivity and I suspect, a touch of good old male "one upmanship" which is so prevalent in our community has crept in...But you win with the baby poop (although, I did my fair share with my daughter-not knowing that made me a woman.)   At the least here, we are discussing semantics. Your perception of a term is obviously different than mine and that's cool. 

I was interested in your take on the two young trans kids who just want to disappear, unlike the ones I see here who want to make a difference in a new world they are carving out...especially the trans guys.  The black trans women are like that too..maybe it's just a part of being American. They won't take discrimination laying down anymore and just don't see stealth as a viable alternative.  I'm excited and proud of them as much of it is way too late for a person my age.

Yes, the word "normal" is weird to me because I was never able to access it during my life (and it had very little to do with gender) and no I am really disappointed because I can't consider myself an "activist"-AND I do feel a deep amount of guilt dealing with the fact most all of my generation went stealth and nothing was changed.  I just figure anything I can do or say may be helpful in the last one third of my life.

 All one can do is try and the last thing I want to do is to ever get into a ego battle with anyone for what they have or have not done.

I'm kind of selfish though.  It's interesting you brought up Autumn Sandeen of all people.  I would never even begin to speak for her but what I can tell you is she has brought some tremendous change with in the VA which I directly benefit from. I'm sure you agree it's tragic trans military members can't access the same rights they are fighting for.

  

No, none of us can turn back the clock and we did what we could to survive. I'm sure you lived with the depression, suicidal thoughts, substance abuse and the rest like most of us have-so you know.

Finally, this is going to sound a bit blunt Elizabeth.  I'm glad you enjoy the blog but I really don't care how you view me...I learned a long time ago how not to get my feelings hurt around here on line-especially in a certain very popular trans social site dominated by TS girls waiting to strike because they think having more surgery or drugs makes them better.

On the other hand, I've been fortunate to be surrounded by my friends, a partner and what's left of my family (still living) who accept who I am. I live in a relatively conservative part of America who needs to experience people like me- I am transgender and that is exactly what the word means- between both genders. My jewelry says I'm trans, my friends certainly know I am and you know it took me 60 + years to get here-so yes I do love it.  It's mine, I'm me and I embrace it.  If I am a unique one of a kind person-so be it.

Thanks for reading the blog and a wonderful discussion!

Cyrsti

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day."

Cyrsti's Condo "What If?"

"He's smiling now-but wait until he finds out exactly what I promised the big guy across the room!!!!

Females Versus Women

Just received a great comment from Elizabeth about today's blog post "A Female, a Jack and a Queen."

So females somehow cannot reach their womanhood but you as a man in a dress can? Can you actually see the silliness in that comment since you are not actually a female nor are you a woman?

Silly old me. It seems I missed the redefinition along the way. Want to enlighten me?

OK Elizabeth, most would argue Cyrsti and enlightenment are contradictions in terms but I will try. First of all every day I woke up wondering what gender I was (for 50 years +) was not silly and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy...but....

First of all, maybe we can agree all females are not women and all males are not men.  In the same sense some of us the male birth persuasion were raised to a higher standard of what being a man was all about, I assume most girls were in a similar situation.  I can only say, my daughter spends a lot of on hands time with my grand daughter teaching her what the possibilities of being a woman in today's and tomorrow's world can be.  You are right, I can never be a female but on the other hand I'm working hard to be a better woman because I had 50 years to see all the mistakes females make.  I'm sure it does get a little unnerving to some females when they consider my background.  It does take a woman to accept me. So finally, define a woman to me and tell me why I will never be one? And please don't be silly and say a vagina makes you a woman.

I'm the first to admit I will never be a female-way too late for that.

OK, I didn't mean women "somehow couldn't reach their womanhood" as a blanket statement.  More precisely what I did mean was  females just having children- doesn't make them women.  Does a boy as a sperm donor make him a man?

Elizabeth,  I am overjoyed you brought this up. It is always a bottom line discussion I wish there was more of. You said it best...redefinition and you, I and everyone better be catching up to the reality of gender and sexual identity the younger generation is rewriting. 

Finally, I'm fairly certain I didn't enlighten you but I hope you understand my side more and I appreciate you commenting!!!!

Cyrsti's Condo "Power Scope"

Let's take a moment out of our busy days to look at our stars!!! Otherwise known as the "Power Scope" here in the Condo:


Libra- (September 23-October 22): There are many ways to misinterpret another’s good deed now, but do believe offers can come without strings and with pure support. Avoid thinking with your ego and see opportunities with an open heart. The future has more options than you want to see, so stop making suspicion your excuse to not make a major leap forward.

Certainly for me, NOT thinking with my ego is going to be a struggle. It is one however I am working with. Replacing a male ego with a feminine one is not an easy process!!!

Don't forget.  You can go here to theFrisky for your own "scope"!

A Female-a Jack and a Queen?

Over the years here in Cyrsti's Condo, as I have jumped through the hoops of MtF transitioning from cross dresser to HRT and a transgender life- it's been interesting to me how my outlook has changed towards genetic women and females.

As you regulars know, I draw a line between females and women.  Females are born into their gender - women are socialized.  Not long ago, I wrote a post which was in response to a comment about women not taking care of themselves and becoming just females again.

Drag Queen "Ivy Winters" 

At this point in my transition, I can understand why - and why not.  As an example, I "tweaked" what I was wearing to my second mammogram to my day outfit at Pride, my night outfit and back again the next day. Sure it takes a little work and a little planning, but the more I do it, the easier it becomes and I consider it a necessary part  of who I am. Interestingly on occasion, my friends step their game up too to meet me and this weekend I was even asked by one of my more femme lesbian friends what I was going to wear.

Yet another interesting dynamic to all of this is- how genetic women and females react with drag queens at drag shows.  Some are amazed, probably some are jealous but most all appreciate the work which goes into the guy to girl transformations on stage.  "Back in the day" such a point in time was a wonderful time for me to point out the differences between me as a cross dresser and them as drag queens.  They for the most part were cis gay males who scoffed at the idea of ever being women.  The process was too much work and why would they anyhow? I in turn, was forever trying to figure out how I could live a feminine life-the good and the bad.

Queens also get along with the average genetic women too because they don't have the sexual tension between them which makes life easier..The drag queens fulfill a need to be the center of attention and the women- a sense of curiosity.

For some reason, the females who never make it to woman hood somehow are stunted in their growth and never have a chance to explore all the layers available to them.  The point alone, makes the subject tough to take for those of us who couldn't wait to do just that!

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl" of the Day

Our feature cover today is the MtF transsexual beauty from Greece, Jenny Hiloudaki.

Generational Gender?

I wrote in my Cyrsti's Condo "Columbus Pride" recap post of how for the most part I was utterly invisible to the 20 and even 30 somethings in the crowd.  I said at the time I guessed the only peeps who paid any attention to me were 40 something women.

It's certainly no secret, the younger the generation is, the less they really care about gender unless their parents are making them haters.  Plus, I'm sure that bunch on Saturday had way more to worry about than staring me down-such as finding the right place to party!

After all the worry I put into being the social director for our little group, it was fun to just disappear into the crowd and not worry about educating any number of people about who I was.  Plus I was treated to even being "embraced" in a couple of the non gay places we went.  I rate my experiences as being tolerated, accepted and then embraced at the top of the list.

I can't say I'm jealous of the world our younger transgender women and men are operating in now but at the least I can say I wish it would have been around "back in the day".  Maybe then, I wouldn't have been so apt to be stoned and drunk out of my mind trying to lose myself to the music of Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young. 

Speaking of those days, this coming weekend, Columbus, Ohio is having a street fair called "Community Fest" which is "rumored" to be quite the collection of old hippies my age.  I don't think I can make it though due to several factors, but it sure would be fun to have a chance to go back to the hippie girl days I so missed.

It would be interesting to see if the women in my generation ever caught up to the fact of what a transgender person is and we are not to be stared or smirked at.  Maybe they can learn from their daughters.

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl" of the Day

Our feature cover today is the striking MtF transgender woman Kayla Ward.  HRT and a little surgery here and there has been kind to Kayla!