Wednesday, June 25, 2014

The Discussion Continues

As I had hoped Elizabeth responded back to my answer yesterday and took it another different direction or two: First of all I liked it because she didn't start it off by saying "Cyrsti-you ignorant-f--k." Plus you all know how I so love a good discussin! (as they say in my neck of the woods)


Becoming a woman is a learned process that woman earn over time and "earn" is the correct term. Womanhood is not conferred on you based on how you dress or how you define yourself. Sandeen is not a woman because Sandeen has not one clue about what it means to be a woman. You claim you have observed woman for 50 years and somehow this lets you "see" all their mistakes which is a crock of shit.

SO you are claiming you have been an undercover woman for 50 years observing and learning how a female becomes a woman. You have spent less than two years defining yourself as transgender yet you suddenly seem to know everything about what it means to be a female and a woman. The truth is you are clueless because you never experienced life as a woman and that is the key.

Learning to be a woman involves experiencing daily life as a woman which you neglected to do for the first 60+ years of your life. You were a man and worked as a man and lived as a man so get off your high horse milady because you know not what you speak of.

I raised my first husbands daughter and about two years into that mind blowing experience I was talking with my mom and she simply said "congrats Elizabeth because now you are a woman: and I took that as a major compliment. My mom taught me about Vicks vapo rub under my nose to prevent gagging on the baby poop which was a godsend. I think I was 29 at the time but had existed as a girl basically from just short of my 14th birthday.

Those of us born transsexual have a sex identity issue because our sex characteristics do not match the gender we perceive ourselves as. My gender was actually never in question because I believed I was already a girl. Just how does not believe one is a woman? It is not given it is earned and quite frankly you have not earned anything close to it but then I am sure you know that.

If you want to call yourself a transgender or trans woman be my guest because that is a label you should live with. As for the younger generation I kind of doubt they will rewrite the definition for woman as easily as you seem to feel. A friend and I have worked with kids for years and we have two in Britain that are within a year of SRS and once they have SRS they just want to melt into society and be normal. I realize the word normal is weird to those of you that exist in the "activist" world but believe me once any kid has had SRS that is all they want unless of course they have ulterior motives like being famous but then that is kind of different.

I actually enjoy your blog but I also see you as a stereotypical transgender / crossdresser which does not make you a bad person just different. I do not wish you any harm nor would I be happy if harm came to you but that is just me.

Have a nice day.

Having not a clue of Elizabeth's background, I had no idea she was TS-by birth-her statement.  I don't want to put her in a corner by saying many TS's consider themselves to be the sole inhabitants of our culture who "were born into it."  My only response is, how does anyone know how anyone else was born and into what?

Here is more of my response:

Thanks for making my point Elizabeth. A woman is a "socialized" person- a female is a birthed person. So a TS is a socialized woman by your definition...not birth.

As far as how you want to attach any "life experiences" to the process is a personal journey of one's choices and the cards one was dealt....No matter how you cut it, one person is no better than another and I'm glad your Mom "anointed" you "woman" when mine was making an appointment for electro shock therapy.

Our whole discussion obviously is rooted too deeply in passion for objectivity and I suspect, a touch of good old male "one upmanship" which is so prevalent in our community has crept in...But you win with the baby poop (although, I did my fair share with my daughter-not knowing that made me a woman.)   At the least here, we are discussing semantics. Your perception of a term is obviously different than mine and that's cool. 

I was interested in your take on the two young trans kids who just want to disappear, unlike the ones I see here who want to make a difference in a new world they are carving out...especially the trans guys.  The black trans women are like that too..maybe it's just a part of being American. They won't take discrimination laying down anymore and just don't see stealth as a viable alternative.  I'm excited and proud of them as much of it is way too late for a person my age.

Yes, the word "normal" is weird to me because I was never able to access it during my life (and it had very little to do with gender) and no I am really disappointed because I can't consider myself an "activist"-AND I do feel a deep amount of guilt dealing with the fact most all of my generation went stealth and nothing was changed.  I just figure anything I can do or say may be helpful in the last one third of my life.

 All one can do is try and the last thing I want to do is to ever get into a ego battle with anyone for what they have or have not done.

I'm kind of selfish though.  It's interesting you brought up Autumn Sandeen of all people.  I would never even begin to speak for her but what I can tell you is she has brought some tremendous change with in the VA which I directly benefit from. I'm sure you agree it's tragic trans military members can't access the same rights they are fighting for.
No, none of us can turn back the clock and we did what we could to survive. I'm sure you lived with the depression, suicidal thoughts, substance abuse and the rest like most of us have-so you know.

Finally, this is going to sound a bit blunt Elizabeth.  I'm glad you enjoy the blog but I really don't care how you view me...I learned a long time ago how not to get my feelings hurt around here on line-especially in a certain very popular trans social site dominated by TS girls waiting to strike because they think having more surgery or drugs makes them better.

On the other hand, I've been fortunate to be surrounded by my friends, a partner and what's left of my family (still living) who accept who I am. I live in a relatively conservative part of America who needs to experience people like me- I am transgender and that is exactly what the word means- between both genders. My jewelry says I'm trans, my friends certainly know I am and you know it took me 60 + years to get here-so yes I do love it.  It's mine, I'm me and I embrace it.  If I am a unique one of a kind person-so be it.

Thanks for reading the blog and a wonderful discussion!

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