Inter Culture Slurs

Here we go again, today in one of the transgender Google+ groups, someone called me a "gurl". Really? Well, you regulars here in Cyrsti's Condo know how I feel about that...not warm and fuzzy.  Right or wrong I equate the term with a stereotype I have been trying to lose for years. This time though, my rather snarky reply to the person turned out to be a real eye opener for me.  Plus the person gave me my first look into yet another segment of our community I don't think about much-a gay man who transitioned.

Wow, as I thought about the idea and added my somewhat limited knowledge of gay men, I realized how difficult that must be.  Finally just getting to the point of not being discriminated against in gay venues for me was tough enough and that didn't include the time it took me to educate them to the fact I wasn't a fetish CD on the "down low" looking for sex or a queen.

Here's the reply (unedited)

Um ... hm. Good question loaded with a valid point. Perhaps this is a topic for a new thread? Regardless, I will answer your question with complete honesty (as I am so impassioned as of late!). I am still rather new to being openly trans*. I suppose like many others my experience is varied and complex. In short I lived as a gay man for many years. Early in my "coming out" stage I performed drag as a way to express how I truly felt about myself. But, in my experienced, drag queens are acceptable in the gay/lesbian community while trans* is still very much misunderstood. I know many of my past friends (gay men especially) just don't seem to get it. It is still hard for them ... my ex of 6 years couldn't understand why "drag" turned into a lifestyle at home. I never understood why I wasn't attracted to gay men; it seemed I was only attracted to straight men. (An impossible life ... ) I suppose I even went through a few years where a clinician would have called what I was doing as a fetish or that it was more about sex. I have old friends (again, mostly gay men) who think getting dressed up is my way of seducing the straight men I have always been attracted to but could never have while living as a man. So, in the process I have referred to myself as "gurl," "tranny," and "cross-dresser." In many ways those "titles" accurately reflected my knowledge, exposure, and self-awareness.

It has only been by involving myself in trans* communities such as this that I have learned the difference. Whether you are offended or not ... I am a woman who lived as a gay man performing drag, I was a big ole "gurl" for the longest time, and was less offended in times past by the behavior of a "tranny chaser." I use the term "gurl" as a way of differentiating between CIS women and trans* women. Or, maybe I should say, I used to? But, in this age of political correctness at every turn I also think we can get our panties in a bunch rather easily over some of the most innocent of behavior, speech, and action. I mean no offense. It's only an indication of how much room remains to grow and how much more I must learn. Thankfully I remain open-minded and willing. I hope that clarifies the use of "gurl." 

As I said, I was truly impressed by the reply and the thought behind it and couldn't wait to get permission to pass it along to you all here in "theCondo"!

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Our Sunday edition this week is truly special in that you and I went over 1,000,000 hits here in the Condo.  Yes kids, that's one million!!!

First of all, I would like to thank my Mom for recommending electro shock therapy to me 40 years ago when I came out as a transvestite to her and much of the rest of the world who treated me as a freak during my early days.

Seriously, I would love to thank Connie out in the beautiful Pacific Northwest (Seattle) who first suggested I write a blog when I was sharing several of my many coming out stories on the Pink Essence site. Cyrsti's Condo's first post was May 29,2010 after I learned what a blog even was (I couldn't spell it!). I estimate it took me until 2011 to solidify the name and learn the nuances of tags, etc, which pushed "the Condo" out into the vast internet where others could see it.  All you current bloggers who visit here know, just publishing a blog is the easy part. Getting someone to read it is another.

In 2010 my goals were simple.  Hopefully someone would be able to learn from my trial and error transition which seemed to be mostly error. Also, along the way, I hoped to share more than a few of my off the wall experiences which at the least would be entertaining.  From there, I added transgender news and opinion and finally, pictures and videos'.

So, over 2750 published posts later, I thank all of you for stopping by my little blog. At times it's a labor of love and at others, a full time job with very little pay.  Like so many things in our lives, the true joy here does not come from money even though the ad's you see here do provide me with a minimal stipend I can use.  If you don't know, when and if a person see's an ad of interest and clicks on it, I get a very minimal kickback.

Looking back to 2010, I couldn't have even predicted HRT would be in my future, let alone the amount of freedom I have been able to achieve in my chosen gender.  Perhaps not so ironically, you can read more than a tad of my uncertainty in post #1 "You Make a Better Looking Woman"

You've probably heard the comment. Unless you are like the recent "Tyra Show"guests. I'm referring to the 7 and 8 year old transgendered kids who are living in their preferred gender. You've likely agonized over the duality within you. .When I played defensive end, I wanted to be the cheerleader...you know the story. My experimentation with the opposite gender didn't really start until I was about 12. The magic elixir of seeing a girl in the mirror was powerful. I've often wondered if some chemical endorphin in my brain is the catalyst for the creature I am today. And what about the comments that I made a" better looking woman than man"? (Halloween party gossip) Comments such as those used to destroy me! How could I even consider stopping this shameful "hobby"? Where was my "get out of jail free" card to end this madness? Obviously, I didn't stop.

 In my mind there is nothing more powerful than a beautiful woman so I listened to the comments and obsessed to get better. Better I did become. The world knew me as one gender or the other and for the most part I went out of my way to create two existences. Chance encounters with people who knew the male side of me never produced any recognition. Life was balanced. Until New Years day this year. Symbolically, I started the year and decade as Cyrsti for the first time ever. Checked into the hotel as a girl, went to the clubs with friends and left the next morning in girl clothes. On the way home, I changed into my favorite teams jersey (filled it out a little different!) and stopped and watched the first of the bowl games. On the way home, I was totally into girl mode when impulsively I stopped at my regular grocery store to pick up a couple things. On New Years Day I figured none of the regular cashiers would be working. If they were, they wouldn't know me anyhow. Wrong, wrong and WRONG! Both of the regular cashiers were working. Of course one of them picked me out of the crowd immediately. I knew it and she knew it...she thought. I bought my groceries and took off. I went back the next day to see if I was right. It took her about ten seconds to start asking questions since I was alone in line. She said "I know how you will answer" but "do you have an alter ego" or did I lose a bet. I was naturally evasive as I considered "outing" myself and just said I was at my brothers watching football. I did not out myself to her so she got bored and wrapped it all up with "Who ever it was was very attractive and really looked like you". Nearly three days later I ended up in the other cashier's line. Following a similar Q & A, she just said "if you ever had to go that way, you would have no problems, she was beautiful." Not my ideal way to go fishing for compliments. 

Fortunately, my gender balance wasn't too difficult to restore. Many around me know of my duality and I don't care. I did spend some time considering the old questions about how challenging it is to live life this way. But you know I wouldn't miss another shot of that "magical elixir." Life would be soooo much more boring!

That's the past and I wish I had some wonderful plans I have for the future here in the Condo but I don't.  I'm notoriously short term in my thinking! I have felt for the longest time the platform I use is too small for all the things I try to do here but I am quite comfortable with it.  What scares me the most is the real potential I have to screw a new platform up. So, I'm taking the easy way out for a change. I may have to come up with something different when I get my book done and published in May.

Finally, I can't begin to tell you how humbled, flattered and surprised with all of this and I am not blowing hot air up your collective skirts! (No matter how much you would like it!)

Very simply, all I can ever say is thanks to each and everyone of you!

Cyrsti Hart

A Beer and a Yuppie Walked Into a Bar

On occasion I feel like you all must feel I must spend half my life in alcohol dispensing establishments...and here is another because this week is "Beer Week" in Cincinnati.  I have mentioned numerous times here in Cyrsti's Condo Cincinnati has a rich brewing history from it's German heritage.

One of the newer craft breweries is actually not far from my partner's house and we chose it last night to "sample" their brews.  The brewery is actually in Mt.Carmel and I was surprised how small it was. Actually it's in an old house with a small addition on the back and it was packed.  These days I'm very comfortable about navigating the world as a woman, so the "closeness" of the space was my biggest worry as I am rather claustrophobic in a room full of people.  The crowd was 30 to 50 somethings and very yuppified.  I was right, I had no problems and enjoyed myself immensely. I guess gender liberated would be an appropriate term.

As luck would have it today (or not), the Logo network was showing a Rude Paul Drag Race Marathon.  (I still think Rude just oozes evil).  I did watch two episodes and admired the terrific drag queens on the show.  I'm glad I did because the experience proved to me once again how little I have in common with them.

The good news is Beer Week goes on until next week end and the "Drag Race" marathon is over.  Hopefully I won't have Rude Paul intruding into my dreams tonight calling me some sort of gender slur!

One Year= Amazing Changes

I'm amazed, after all this time checking out the seeming thousands of MTF transition videos on YouTube, I'm still fascinated with the changes. Here is another on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen of a young transgender woman.  She reminds me of the young woman in her LBD (little black dress) we saw in the restaurant the other night shooting a "selfie" of her legs.

Androgyny Is the Future?

Yet another of my pet theories is the human genders are merging faster than anyone thinks or wants to admit in many circles.

I believe the amount of chemicals we ingest along with the hormonal levels in engineered foods change our bodies.  But, a scientist I'm not.  Just a very interested observer.

Here in Cyrsti's Condo, I have also presented many features on androgynous MtF models.  Recently, I happened on a site you may be interested in called Androgyn Beauty. Here are a set of pix from the blog and you can find the link here.

A Girl, Her Hose and a Public "Selfie"

A couple nights ago, my partner and I went out for a dinner special at a nearby restaurant. The venue was rather empty but did have a small separate room for groups of ten or so.

Shortly after we arrived, a twenty something woman in her LBD (little black dress) headed for the room.  Nothing really remarkable about her except for her hose.  She dressed up the dress with black hose which had a vine design up the sides.  Both my partner and I noticed them immediately, not to mention the fact she seemed to be overdressed for the venue.

Obviously she was the first in her party to arrive and fidgeted around the room until she finally sat down and did what every other 20 something does-got out her smart phone.  She made a few calls and shortly after that quickly stretched out one leg and took a picture of her hose.

Before our food arrived, I had a chance to think old ingrained thoughts of how envious I was of her but then moved on to sort of a bemused thought.  No longer was I jealous I couldn't be her.  I felt instead a world removed from her youth and energy but not of her gender.

As the rest of her party began to arrive though, it seemed to be an all woman birthday party and she seemed again to be overdressed compared to the others.  Either she was the birthday girl or just wanted a quality "selfie" picture of her legs.

Womanless Weddings

Here comes the bride in Cyrsti's Condo and he is gorgeous!

  

Cyrsti's Condo "Woman of the Day"

Our featured transgender woman of the day is Dr. Christine McGinn.  Dr. McGinn doesn't quite get the publicity as transgender doctor Marci Bowers, but is yet another transgender doctor performing SRS surgeries.
Since her own transition in 2000, she has been an activist and speaker on gender variant issues. She is the founder of Papillon Gender Wellness Center, a comprehensive gender support center that includes a variety of professional services in addition to Plastic Surgery.

Privilege

In our last meeting here in Crysti's Condo, I briefly touched on the idea of being privileged to be in a spot in my life when I can pursue my feminine transition with HRT.  To combine that idea with more of the comments I am receiving from my "What's in a Name" post, quite possibly, I should take a bit more time to be greatful.

Of course I realize how many of you for whatever reason can't even begin to explore a mtf transition, even it only means the freedom to cross dress when you want.  Been there, did it and I understand. Plus, my partner is fond of telling me to not forget how rare it is to have a chance to restart a new life without taking the radical path of dying.  Of course, I hear it from her when I'm having my frequent moments of thinking I should be farther along with my HRT or I take a thumping in public, so I deserve it.

Then there is the boring conversation about gender privilege, even to the point of transgender privilege. I have always been a believer in privilege is in the mind of the beholder and what the beholder decides to do with it - except in the area of male versus female security in the world.  Plus "me thinks" I didn't embark on this transgender path because of choice or all the "kicks and giggles" it would provide. So I am privileged to be here at all including choosing a name as Pat commented on:

My two cents, for what it is really worth after decades of inflation, is that on first reflection we tend to not appreciate what a gift it is to name ourselves. When I first joined Tri-ess I had to come up with a femme name and chose my initials and a simple last name. I had the option to pick a femme version of my guy name but thought that was cutting things too close to home. Years later when I started to become active on the internet I added Scales as a surname.

Or Mandy, who commented on name privilege "in flux":


How about those of us with names which are currently known as female. Not like a "boy named Sue." More like Lynn, Tracy, Dana, Shannon, Leslie, and so on. My given name, while not one of those examples, is in that category. As a male child, I absolutely hated it (and the many problems it caused me.) But, like that mythical "Boy named Sue," I survived. And now, times have changed. It seems to fit my androgynous appearance nicely. And I already have an appropriately-girly name on my ID (even though it reads "M", not "F")! If I ever do transition, it may just save me a bit of the "administrivia aggravation."

And finally there was Paula:


Sometimes I wonder if everyone had a choice of what name they would use if we would have less Johns and Claires and more Emeralds and Elvises

Thanks ladies it's a privilege to quote you!