Some time ago here in Cyrsti's Condo I wrote about a surprising, semi enlightening experience when I did drag one night at a gay venue.
I look back at the experience and compare it with what genetic women experience on Halloween. The bewitching parties allow women to sex it up in costumes they don't see as proper any other time. I felt the same way when I was in drag with the big hair, the slit skirt way up my thigh and the low cut top. Needless to say, you wouldn't catch me dressed like that in the real world today!
My problem is I have fought long and hard not to be labeled as a drag queen, so I don't want to ruin my "transgender citizenship" in one evening. On the positive side, I have mentioned many times I don't frequent gay venues often and I'm not a regular in any of them. So it's not like the next time I came not in drag, I would still be labeled as a queen there forever. I wouldn't have to worry that someone would spot me and say Cyrsti isn't transgender at all.
Since we are all friends here in the Condo, I will let you in on a little secret. One of my fondest dreams is getting busted in drag for taking unfair advantage of the queens since I have been on HRT. (Kind of like getting kicked off "Rude Paul's" Drag Race.) Wouldn't that be neat and totally unreachable but I said it was a dream! Hey! No one ever accused me of not having an imagination!
The main problem is if you want to run with the queens, they have a huge attention to detail and know if you aren't wearing four pairs of hose to cover leg hair and/or some of your developing curves are real. Or you don't have any arm hair and your nails are yours. They know you are not going home and take off the makeup and be a guy again. But again, I think it's a fabulous way to break the monotony of life and go play in a situation many of us grew up in.
After all, there is no pressure. we all know the best looking women in a gay venue aren't women at all. Sometimes getting all dressed up in your best drag is a great way to compare yourself with the best and have some fun doing it!
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Act Like you have Been There.
Transition 101 basic: "Act like you've been there."
Easier said than done when you are trying to negotiate the world as a transgender woman or man, or a cross dresser exploring life out of the closet.
If someone refuses to admit how terrified they were in the public eye, "me thinks" they may be fibbing.
I was so scared along the way, I thought I was going to have to carry an oxygen tank as a fashion accessory for use if I fainted from fear.
One of the key transition terms I blocked from my thoughts early in the process was the idea, "I was trying to fool anyone. I was dressed as a woman therefore I was. I also was helped when I made the conscious decision to know being accepted as a transgender woman was good enough and maybe as far as I would ever get.
Of course there were more than a few hurdles to navigate. The first was the appearance factor I already mentioned. The second was knowing human beings are predators and would pick up any "blood in the water". I would be noticed more if I gave the impression I was doing anything wrong. Even when I was whispered about and even laughed at, I somehow, someway learned to take a deep breath and move on.
It just takes awhile for those of us who have lived in our birth genders for any length of time to accomplish one of the most difficult of all human tasks - transitioning into our chosen gender. One of the most amusing comments I read is "I won't go out in public as a woman until I am very attractive." I quickly think they never will get out of the closet.
Most of you Cyrsti's Condo regular visitors know the rest of the story. I "acted" like I had been in society as a trans woman until I owned doing it. To this day though, I still have the old fears of ghosts from cross dressing past coming back to haunt me. They are a tough crowd!
Finally, unless you are one of the many people who are much smarter than me, the only way I know to transition your gender in the world is to do it. When you do, you won't have to act like you've been there. You have!
Easier said than done when you are trying to negotiate the world as a transgender woman or man, or a cross dresser exploring life out of the closet.
If someone refuses to admit how terrified they were in the public eye, "me thinks" they may be fibbing.
I was so scared along the way, I thought I was going to have to carry an oxygen tank as a fashion accessory for use if I fainted from fear.
One of the key transition terms I blocked from my thoughts early in the process was the idea, "I was trying to fool anyone. I was dressed as a woman therefore I was. I also was helped when I made the conscious decision to know being accepted as a transgender woman was good enough and maybe as far as I would ever get.
Of course there were more than a few hurdles to navigate. The first was the appearance factor I already mentioned. The second was knowing human beings are predators and would pick up any "blood in the water". I would be noticed more if I gave the impression I was doing anything wrong. Even when I was whispered about and even laughed at, I somehow, someway learned to take a deep breath and move on.
It just takes awhile for those of us who have lived in our birth genders for any length of time to accomplish one of the most difficult of all human tasks - transitioning into our chosen gender. One of the most amusing comments I read is "I won't go out in public as a woman until I am very attractive." I quickly think they never will get out of the closet.
Most of you Cyrsti's Condo regular visitors know the rest of the story. I "acted" like I had been in society as a trans woman until I owned doing it. To this day though, I still have the old fears of ghosts from cross dressing past coming back to haunt me. They are a tough crowd!
Finally, unless you are one of the many people who are much smarter than me, the only way I know to transition your gender in the world is to do it. When you do, you won't have to act like you've been there. You have!
Cyrsti's Condo's Feature Photo of the Day
Fernanda Brown: (before and after)
And below which speaks for itself!
Monday, November 18, 2013
Gender and Sexuality
"Nikki Sinclaire" , Britain’s first transsexual parliamentarian, has revealed how she became a lesbian after a brutal rape on a London street.
Sounds like just another headline sensationalized to attract readers and it is, except for one key phrase. The headline comes from The Herald Sun News:
"Sinclaire, a Member of the European Parliament (MEP), was born a boy but had gender reassignment surgery in 1995 at the age of 23. Until then she lived as a gay man and even after the operation she continued to date men. But in 1999 she was attacked walking home in central London. “My arm was gripped and my leg kicked. I gasped, overbalanced and landed painfully with a suffocating weight on top of me.
“It was the most horrendous experience of my life. I had grown up in London but I felt so vulnerable.”
Following her sex change she found herself being attracted to women. But why would she go to the trouble of surgery if in the end she was going to date women?
She told the paper: “That’s mixing gender with sexuality. I’ll admit that at the time I didn’t know if I could cope with being gay again - I wanted to live an ordinary life.”
Sinclaire said she had her first lesbian experience after meeting a woman at a bar in Liverpool. “We were playing pool and got speaking. One thing led to another, which is unusual in the lesbian community. It was a wow moment, the best sex I’d had in my life.” In the aftermath of the rape she became “very anti-men” and after one more sexual encounter with a man which she said didn’t feel right, she began dating women full-time."
The true worth of the story is how she mentions to the world that gender and sexuality are different and shouldn't be mixed. It's one of the main misconceptions the world has of the transgender world and beyond- into our own culture. I've seen statements from transsexual women doubting the sincerity of any transgender woman who may still be attracted to genetic women. Really?
Of all the people in the world, trans women and men should be able to understand completely the difference in gender and sexuality brought up in Nikki Sinclaire's story.
Sounds like just another headline sensationalized to attract readers and it is, except for one key phrase. The headline comes from The Herald Sun News:
"Sinclaire, a Member of the European Parliament (MEP), was born a boy but had gender reassignment surgery in 1995 at the age of 23. Until then she lived as a gay man and even after the operation she continued to date men. But in 1999 she was attacked walking home in central London. “My arm was gripped and my leg kicked. I gasped, overbalanced and landed painfully with a suffocating weight on top of me.
“It was the most horrendous experience of my life. I had grown up in London but I felt so vulnerable.”
Following her sex change she found herself being attracted to women. But why would she go to the trouble of surgery if in the end she was going to date women?
She told the paper: “That’s mixing gender with sexuality. I’ll admit that at the time I didn’t know if I could cope with being gay again - I wanted to live an ordinary life.”
Sinclaire said she had her first lesbian experience after meeting a woman at a bar in Liverpool. “We were playing pool and got speaking. One thing led to another, which is unusual in the lesbian community. It was a wow moment, the best sex I’d had in my life.” In the aftermath of the rape she became “very anti-men” and after one more sexual encounter with a man which she said didn’t feel right, she began dating women full-time."
The true worth of the story is how she mentions to the world that gender and sexuality are different and shouldn't be mixed. It's one of the main misconceptions the world has of the transgender world and beyond- into our own culture. I've seen statements from transsexual women doubting the sincerity of any transgender woman who may still be attracted to genetic women. Really?
Of all the people in the world, trans women and men should be able to understand completely the difference in gender and sexuality brought up in Nikki Sinclaire's story.
Cyrsti's Condo "Horror Scope"
I had to check this scope twice to see if I wasn't looking at last weeks. It is the latest and in a rut:Libra "(September 23-October 22): There will be many miscommunications happening between you and your baby, but it’s not that you can’t see eye to eye — it’s more about how you express yourself. Yes, blame semantics, and take a new approach, as it’ll be more like a pissing contest where whoever is the loudest and most raw wins."
OK, I admit it, expressing myself has been an issue over the years of my life and truly when I was a guy, communicating could be excused away. Not so easy now as a transgender woman!
Check your own "scope" from theFrisky here.
The CIA Wakes Up?
Have you seen the story, for the first time in the agency's history, nearly half the CIA is female. Now, five out of the eight top positions in the CIA are occupied by women -- including the job of Deputy Director.
I'm not one to beat the problems of "male privilege" into the ground but the CIA and the spy business has to be a great example of needing a woman's view. Women aren't perfect in figuring out why men do things but they are real close. Plus women are each other's worst critic which speaks well for added benefits to the system.
I'm biased of course but if there was ever a place where a woman's basic intuitive instincts are needed is in the CIA. The spy agency's next step would be to hire true hybrid transgender women and men who have ideas of both sides of the gender fence.
I'm not one to beat the problems of "male privilege" into the ground but the CIA and the spy business has to be a great example of needing a woman's view. Women aren't perfect in figuring out why men do things but they are real close. Plus women are each other's worst critic which speaks well for added benefits to the system.
I'm biased of course but if there was ever a place where a woman's basic intuitive instincts are needed is in the CIA. The spy agency's next step would be to hire true hybrid transgender women and men who have ideas of both sides of the gender fence.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Sunday Evening in Cyrsti's Condo
Normally I try to answer all the mail around here and tidy up my thoughts over a cup o joe here on Sunday morning.
This week I was gone for a couple days and hightailed it back home just ahead of a huge storm which battered the Midwestern United States.
So now it's time to sit down and catch up with all of you.
Other than the time spent with my girlfriend, I had the most fun not packing any male clothes at all. The week I had playing with the stereotypical male tasks such as electric and plumbing was erased this weekend. Nothing really amazing happened except what the weather did to my hair after I washed it last night and just let it air dry. Today I have all this wonderful wild reddish wavy hair.
Looking back, to comments from last week, Pat commented on the "Mommies Little Girl" post:
"The question of environment or genetics is tough. I suspect it is a combination of both and the fact that in my case my mother was treated with heavy doses of estrogen and perhaps DES during her pregnancy with me. Women of that generation took pride in their feminine appearance, their housekeeping, their cooking, etc. They were survivors of the depression and WWII. They counted their blessings and had an appreciation of the values that they saw around them in the post WWII era."
Thanks Pat, for mentioning DES as the pregnancy drug's name I can never remember! As I mentioned in the post, estrogen or DES baths in the womb were certainly better than the alternative of not being in this dimension at all. As the children of the "Greatest Generation" we did have a real dbl edge sword of values versus understanding from our parents. Interestingly, until I was watching a JFK special recently, I didn't realize Kennedy was the generational president of many of the WWII vets. After his death, they quickly faded into Nixon's "Silent Majority".
Enough of history already. These days I wonder if kids of both genders are at the least pushed to the middle of the spectrum because of all the medications and hormones they are exposed to from day one-or before in the womb.
At the least the future should be brighter for all of them as the transgender youth of the world are beginning to write their own public story, out of the shadows of stealth.
Thanks for the comment Pat, I marvel at how our pasts intermingle and have to think many others do too. I just can't figure out which hormone in the womb made you a Yankee fan? Maybe "A-Rodgen?".
This week I was gone for a couple days and hightailed it back home just ahead of a huge storm which battered the Midwestern United States.
So now it's time to sit down and catch up with all of you.
Other than the time spent with my girlfriend, I had the most fun not packing any male clothes at all. The week I had playing with the stereotypical male tasks such as electric and plumbing was erased this weekend. Nothing really amazing happened except what the weather did to my hair after I washed it last night and just let it air dry. Today I have all this wonderful wild reddish wavy hair.
Looking back, to comments from last week, Pat commented on the "Mommies Little Girl" post:
"The question of environment or genetics is tough. I suspect it is a combination of both and the fact that in my case my mother was treated with heavy doses of estrogen and perhaps DES during her pregnancy with me. Women of that generation took pride in their feminine appearance, their housekeeping, their cooking, etc. They were survivors of the depression and WWII. They counted their blessings and had an appreciation of the values that they saw around them in the post WWII era."
Thanks Pat, for mentioning DES as the pregnancy drug's name I can never remember! As I mentioned in the post, estrogen or DES baths in the womb were certainly better than the alternative of not being in this dimension at all. As the children of the "Greatest Generation" we did have a real dbl edge sword of values versus understanding from our parents. Interestingly, until I was watching a JFK special recently, I didn't realize Kennedy was the generational president of many of the WWII vets. After his death, they quickly faded into Nixon's "Silent Majority".
Enough of history already. These days I wonder if kids of both genders are at the least pushed to the middle of the spectrum because of all the medications and hormones they are exposed to from day one-or before in the womb.
At the least the future should be brighter for all of them as the transgender youth of the world are beginning to write their own public story, out of the shadows of stealth.
Thanks for the comment Pat, I marvel at how our pasts intermingle and have to think many others do too. I just can't figure out which hormone in the womb made you a Yankee fan? Maybe "A-Rodgen?".
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Breaking the Gender Chains
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