Should Have Known

 I just never really learn but then again I was never a quick learner.
Yesterday I had and accepted an invite to go see the Cincinnati Reds play. I went with the only three people in the world that I care about that I'm not out to.
So I went as my other self.
So how did that work for me? Well sort of "bittersweet". I did enjoy the old sports banter with the other three guys but felt for all the world I was in "guy drag". No real surprise.

What really did surprise me was the old reaction I had to the other women in the ball park.  I was back again to wanting to be them and wear the leggings and boots they had on in the chilly weather.
Quite obviously in my everyday life now I'm past all of that and in to what I'm wearing.  Sure I notice the fashion other women are wearing. Now though I adapt what I can into my style and do the best I can.

At that point, I started to get aggravated with myself for going back to my old emotions or putting myself voluntarily through this day at all.

Then I was frustrated for being a damn victim, which I hate.

Fortunately, the Reds won and I'm back to normal. What ever that is.

Shop till You?

It is difficult to believe but a story of a transgender woman being discriminated against by a JC Penny's store is over a year old now.
I interact on a couple other sites and last night I received this incredible, informational answer to my post. I wasn't very clear I wasn't writing about myself and here was the response from
Chrissy-Xena:

"Unfortunately in any large store, especially where many employees are more clerks rather than professionals some will bring their personal beliefs in to work and try to over-ride the usual store/company policies when they feel personally justified to do so (such as religious views, right-wing ones, bigotry etc). Too bad you didn't get wait to see what the manager would have said to you, and then if not accepting of you and using the woman's fitting room then to get both their names and make an official complaint. Chances are the company would have backed you, given you came in the store dressed as a woman, and conducted yourself as such. And having your GF as a witness would have been a big plus in case they disputed the facts of the event. The company may have warned both the employee and manager not to discriminate again, and it they didn't agree to letting you, a customer, use the woman fitting room and/or female bathrooms then they should have been fired. If not then you could have filed a federal complaint (in some localities as well) or suit based on gender discrimination against the employee and company. Unfortunately this all sounds all so familiar to a similar incident a few years ago down at a Macy's store in Texas, and it was properly reported to management and dealt with sternly with the employee who refused to follow the inclusive policy of Macy's. The employee (also Black and conservative religious) used her religion as an excuse not to allow the transgender customer to also use the woman's fitting room, and wouldn't agree to change, so she was fired for just cause. Just know that if such a thing ever occurs again, to consider getting their names and making a proper complaint so that it can advance the cause of the greater transgender community. And without doing so that same two employees will keep discriminating against any "perceived" trans-persons that come in their area. BTW, if you ask for the store manager (if they have left for the day, the acting store manager will attend to your complaint). But following up with a written complaint ASAP to corporate so it won't be covered up (store managers won't send such complaints upstairs to corporate as they make him/her look bad ...they didn't train their employees well on store/company policies or deal well with it when it did occur, etc.) and will help enforce our basic civil rights. You may not wish to sue, but if you do then likely some trans-legal aid will back you and provide free legal services. But always ...always file complaints, they are cheap and most of the time they work to make changes without filing a lawsuit. At the very least the employee is likely to be fired if they don't change their behavior, even if they don't change their negative viewpoints about trans-persons. PS I have had "reverse discrimination" myself as when years ago I worked as an employee, at a Macy's nonetheless, a revengeful TG ex-friend filed false complaint against me with the BBB (she pretended they were a woman customer and was "shocked to see a man dressed as as a woman's employee" etc) and tried to get me removed from selling in the woman's clothing area, just out of spite. Once I found out who had caused me to be transferred to the men's department I told corporate HR (which was quite embarrassing as I hadn't revealed my trans-status so this "outed" me at a job where I "passed" 100%) they put me BACK in the same woman's area where I was an outstanding saleswoman). I then sued the TG for filing the false complaint, went to court and argued the case myself and WON! Remember, you are the highly valued customer shopping in a store where they are sinking fast with lowering sales, and they NEED every single customer regardless of their personal characteristics. Chances they WILL do something about any such complaint you file, and eliminate the problem one way or the other. My philosophy is "stand your ground!" Then "fight back." It feels so much better at the end of the day."

My response to her was I agreed with JC Penny's recent earnings, they would certainly value any shopping dollar. Plus I have rarely faced any dressing room problems as I shop. Perhaps the saddest part is the story of transgender women again fighting among themselves.

Let's Talk About It

For me at least, one of the most difficult thresholds I have been unsuccessful in achieving is what I think is an acceptable feminine voice.
At times I think my voice is passable (no pun intended) but most of the time...not.
It's my own fault. Over the years I have read quite a bit about the voice dynamics involved in feminine speech. My most difficult task is continuing to talk like a woman over an extended period of time. I guess I lose concentration or just get lazy.

As with anything transgender, there is help available if you can afford it or if it is available near you. With interest I ran across this post from The Times Union.com about the  College of Saint Rose Transgender Voice and Communication Program. They have served 50 or so clients and supervised 70 or so graduate students over the past 5 years.

One of my strongest beliefs is how inherently different the world reacts to us as women and often how our reaction is as important as our looks.  Too many novice cross dressers and trans women want to concentrate totally on looks.

Jack Pickering PHD, is the driving force behind this effort and says "In addition to biology, there are gender differences in speech, language, and non-verbal communication that are cultural, learned and reinforced from a very early age. Therefore, we focus on aspects of communication like gestures, word choice, and enunciation. Lessons in these areas frequently lead to discussions of transgender issues and the challenges faced during gender transition, such as ridicule, harassment and discrimination when there is a perceived gender mismatch between how someone looks and how someone speaks, gestures, or moves. I think about how our transgender guests have changed me, my program, the college, and clinical practice in voice and communication. I have a much better understanding of what gender is (and is not) and an increased sensitivity to an aspect of cultural diversity I knew very little about."

Of course this is just an excerpt from the post. Read the rest here.

Trans Conscription

Transsexual Aricha Ploymaneewong, right, shows up at a conscription venue in Wat Laksi temple, Bangkok, Monday where she was defined as having a gender identity disorder and exempted from conscription. APICHIT JINAKUL

"Back in the day" one of my most distasteful memories was the military draft physical during the Vietnam non War. The whole day was just icing on the cake after an entire youth suffering locker room shyness. But I did get a gift for my pain...I was given a 1-A status which meant my Southeast Asia travel ticket was punched after I graduated college. Obviously my heart went out to the young Thai trans woman above.

All of these fun thoughts came back to me when I read this story from the Bangkok Post:

"The army needs 94,480 new recruits this year, and this week, young Thai males between the ages of 21 and 29 are going to conscription centres to make sure that number is reached. Most are not going there because they want to, but because they have to. They taking part in a lottery that many hope they will lose, i.e., that they will not draw the red ticket that requires them to spend the next two years in the army. For the most part, there is little interest in the lottery, except for the young men involved and their parents and family members. However, in recent years, there is one small group of young “men” that always creates attention.

"
These are young people whose birth certificates say they are male, but who have changed considerably over the years since their births. They wear women’s clothing and many would be considered women in other countries, having undergone operations to change their gender. These transsexuals stand out as they go through the conscription process, creating awkward scenes among themselves and the young men who are already nervous about the draw. That is not a worry for the transsexuals, however. Under current military regulations, they are almost always exempted from the draft because they are considered to have a "gender identity disorder" or in the Thai sense “a gender whose condition is not consistent with the gender of birth."

As always there is more if you go here.

Trans Ohio Symposium

Well, before I knew it April is here and the Trans Ohio Symposium is coming up quick! Here's the scoop from their site:

"2013 Trans & Ally Symposium - Early bird registration is open! Registration is now open for our 5th TransOhio Trans & Ally Symposium. Prices go up if you wait to purchase tickets at the door! Save Money! Early Bird Registration! Our keynote speaker this year is writer and poet Andrea Jenkins. In addition to Andrea's keynote, she'll be presenting two workshops: Issues for Transpeople of Color and The Role of Art in Transgender Movement, so plan to attend! Andrea is the author of two chapbooks, “tributaries: poems celebrating black history and “Pieces of Scream”. Recently elected to chair the newly established GLBT Caucus of the Association of Writers and Writing Programs, Andrea is lives in Minneapolis and works as a Senior Policy Aide for the 8th Ward City Councilmember, Elizabeth Glidden. For more information about Andrea Jenkins, please visit her website at http://andreajenkins.webs.com/ Photo provided by Waning Moon Images, Ayana Muata."

I'm going to be a workshop presenter this year with my partner and if you happen to be going stop and say Hi!
Here's another link for prices and tickets. The annual event is in Columbus this year.

Drag Queen Myths

Tom Bartolomei recently listed 10 Drag Queen Myths in the Huffington Post.
Nothing earth shattering but yet again highly relevant to a portion of the gay community who knows little or nothing about the person "behind the gown".

Myth number two was the one I was looking for:

"2. Drag queens want to be women. OK, sadly, this is one of the myths I believed before I knew any better. Before I met Vivian and other drag queens, I believed that anyone who does drag wants to be a woman, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Though it is true that some drag queens are transgender women, the majority of drag queens take part in the art form because they love it and because it offers them a creative outlet."

Knowledge such as this must be slowly making it's way through the gay world since I'm getting fewer of the "where do you perform honey?" comments.

Visit the rest of the post here and on the right is the famous drag queen "Hedda Lettuce , the six-time Drag Queen of the Year Award-winner (HX magazine), who has received national acclaim for her poised characters, startling satire and original music. Hedda lures you into the funniest scenarios on stage with her ultra-candid, shimmering wit. Drag-debutant, Miss Lettuce, has established herself as one of New York City's premiere queens in classic cabaret venues." For more go here.

Womanless Pageant Video

If you spend much time on YouTube looking for womanless beauty pageant videos, you know quality of the participants and the video itself is normally a problem.
On Cyrsti's Condo big screen I'm passing along a video which is a little better in both categories:

Hey! There's More!

I watched a totally wonderful talk show this morning which hit all the right transsexual "buttons". The first couple had stayed together through SRS and wife even has a job now counseling other transgender couples and kids. The second group was a family of four who raised a transgender son the correct way...with respect and support. The third person was the famous SRS surgeon Dr. Marci Bowers (right) who is a trans woman herself. Don't get me wrong, the show left me with all the proper "warm and fuzzies". The more mainstream shows who present the transgender story in a positive light...the better off we are.

But wait! I read this post from the Bilerico Project and realized show I watched this morning had nearly become routine to me and so much was missing. Here's an excerpt from the article by Drew Cordes:


"Don't get me wrong: Part of me is thrilled that trans* people are becoming more visible and gaining social acceptance. But the picture cis people and cis media paint of us is simplistic to say the least, and my concern is that it should not be only those trans people that our empathy, and thus, our resources, are going toward. We don't want to hear about the messy cases. We're not as familiar with the stories of inner-city trans* women of color who grow up disadvantaged, below the poverty line, poorly educated, disowned by family, and turn to sex work or living on the streets to survive. We don't hear those stories over and over, but they happen over and over. And usually those stories do not conclude on a hopeful note. Anyone who's ever attended a Trans* Day of Remembrance ceremony and heard the stories of all those murdered in the past year will solemnly corroborate this fact. We don't hear about the huge chunk of the trans* population that rebels against going from one sex all the way to the other, against our notions of what male and female are in the first place. We don't hear about those for whom gender is expressed in myriad incarnations besides just the familiar two. Where are the mainstream narratives for the femme faggy trans* men, masculine stone butch trans* dykes, intersex people who don't identify as male or female, genderqueer folks who favor a slinky cocktail dress Friday night and a three-piece suit on Saturday? Many of my friends are somewhere in that short list. I'm in that list. We're out there in sizable numbers, but culturally, we are not yet allowed to exist. It would be too confusing or off-putting to readers, viewers, listeners, students, employees, audiences, etc."

None of this is ever easy for sure. I just had one of many strange ideas buzz through my noggin...are these mainstream transgender shows  the new stealth in our community?
Yeah, we know your story already and have a great life but what about all the other of us?

Read all of Drew's post here.
Also here is a link to the Jeff Probst Show I saw.

Rated "R"

This video from You Tube is rated "R" so get the kids away from the computer here in Cyrsti's Condo: