Mentors

Myself, Nikki, and Kim (right) Photo courtesy Cyrsti 
Hart

 Referring back to a Cyrsti's Condo post concerning several cis women friends I had when I first was learning to play in the women's sandbox, the term "mentors" came up. 

As I thought about it, I became aware mentors could be a very vague term. For example, many could consider a mentor who aides you with your appearance, make up and clothes. 

As you can tell by the photo on the left, my friends did not emphasize much make up at all. I was the only one who did and I did it all myself.

Of course by that time, I had years of practice. 

What my cis friends did teach me was how to value my self as a transgender woman.  Since they both were lesbians, I learned  I did not need a man to validate me as a woman. 

This picture pre dates my relationship with my current partner Liz, so by the time I met her I had a clearer idea of who I was and how I fit in in a feminine world. 

My advice is to be your own mentor. Practice makes perfect as far as your appearance goes. Plus, once you make your way past the appearance phase, the real work begins. Learning to rebuild your personality away from when you tried and failed to live as a guy is a major task. One example is communicating  woman  to woman and dressing to blend. I learned the hard way not totally accept the compliment of looking great. Great for what? A man cross dressed as a woman? 

Granted, finding a mentor of any form is rough. I was just fortunate when I threw caution to the wind and put myself out in the world.  When you find a mentor of any sort, put your old male ego aside and learn all you can.

A Very Good Point

 Recently I wrote a post called "A Bridge too Far" here in Cyrsti's Condo. Along the way in the post about novice transgender women facing the difficult task and decision to fully come out of their closet, I left out a very important point. 

Paula was kind enough to comment on it:

"Most of the things we are frightened of never happen! I suspect that it is fear that held a lot of back, yet it is also our example that it makes it all less scary for those following behind us.

Despite what the haters and the popular news media might like us to belief it is my experience that the vast majority of people, especially cis women! will be our supporters, our helpers, and our defenders. They understand that that they lose nothing, no rights, no security, by accepting us into "the sisterhood".

As I said, great points. Thanks Paula. 

Monday Inspiration

 

A Bridge too Far

 It's no big secret crossing the gender frontier to actually come out and follow a feminine transgender lifestyle is a daunting and huge move. 

Personally, I am one to build too many bridges to jump off of, whether I need to or not. I suffer from anxiety along with other mental disorders. In other words I obsess completely and come up with extra scenarios. Most of which will never come true, yet I spend too much time worrying abut them.

For years I looked at the decision to do the right thing and live as a woman as sliding down a slippery slope towards a gender cliff. From which there was no return. It was easy to play the safe game and try to live as both genders...until it almost killed me. I couldn't take it anymore and took advantage of the gender bridge I was seeing. All of a sudden, instead of jumping off of it, the bridge was providing me a pathway to gender freedom and I could live as my authentic self. 

To make a long story short, I was able to turn a tragic circumstance into a positive when my wife of twenty five years passed away. She never accepted me being transgender and of course the whole situation caused tremendous stress within the relationship. As I built my gender bridge and was beginning to explore the feminine world, all along the ultimate resolution (her death) was the last thing which would happen.

Bridges are funny things. Some are tall, long and scary, others are short, low and non threatening. The gender bridge is definitely is one of the scary ones. Once I decided to cross my bridge, along came hormone replacement therapy compliments of the Veterans Administration to help me. As they say, timing is everything. When I needed it most, my physical persona began to take a decided change to the feminine side. 

I also was able to find several close cis woman friends who accepted me as one of their own and I learned many unwritten rules of the feminine gender.

Hopefully as you view your bridge, it is not as scary as it appears to be. Keep in mind too, what seems like an impossible crossing today may change tomorrow.

October Already?

 It's difficult to believe but October has arrived again. Around here at least, for the most part, the weather has done her part to welcome in the Fall season. 

Most importantly, October brings with it the very important Halloween holiday. At least it's a holiday of sorts to most novice transgender or crossdressing women. It's a chance to break out of closets everywhere and experience the world as your authentic self. Who you were born to be. 

I know Halloween was very important to me in my progression out of the closet. Through my so called "costumes", I learned many things including if I dressed appropriately, other people would mistake me for a woman. It took me awhile to understand how deeply ingrained my desire to lead a feminine life was. Finally, I came to the conclusion all those years I was living as a cross dresser alright, just not as a woman. I was cross dressing as a man.

Throughout the month of October I will try to share the most impactful Halloweens I experienced. Very quickly my thrill in presenting as a convincing woman came full circle. I found my impossible dream of living full time as a transgender woman may indeed be possible. 

Also, if you have a Halloween story, please send it along!

No Plain Jane

 Amazon Prime Video has announced the new coming-of-age docuseries Always Jane, following transgender teen Jane Noury and her journey to live her most authentic life. Premiering on Friday, November 12, the four-part series will take an intimate look at the Noury family’s lives as they tackle obstacles with unconditional love and support.

The show focuses on Jane Noury who lives with her family in rural New Jersey. Like any teenager, she must balance friends, family, and school. It's not the easiest time to grow up but Jane is able to set her sights on life beyond her family.

Loss of Status

I have written numerous times here in Cyrsti's Condo concerning how crucial it is to be careful when you first begin to explore the feminine world. 

You lose many things when you cross the gender frontier and lose your male privileges.  The most important one to consider is your own personal security. In society, the feminine gender is simply the one which becomes the target for physical and emotional abuse.

My idea's on the subject were brought up again when I read a post from Mandy and her experience in a coin shop. To make a long story short, she encountered a questionable man who was trying to buy her coins instead of the store. Mandy has her own very long hair, painted nails and has no problem "passing" as a woman. On this occasion, perhaps "passing" could be the least of her problems. Fortunately the store clerk got rid of the man in question and Mandy even noted his license plate when he left.

Over the years I have noted my own close calls with the public when I first began to come out. In particular, I wrote about the near altercation I had with two men outside a gay bar late one night in downtown Dayton, Ohio. I paid my way out of that with the last five dollars I had in my purse. The next time I went to the same area in my long black skirt with a deep slit, matching sleeveless tank top and long straight flowing dark wig, I asked for support when I left. I was meeting two lesbians and I asked them to walk me to my car. Which they gladly did.

All transgender women should learn quickly to park in lighted areas, as close as possible to your destination. In other words, do not make yourself a target. It's a double edged sword because if you look too good you could be a target. Or, if someone clocks you as a transgender woman, trouble could erupt again.

Some trans women I know, as well as cis women too go to the drastic step of carrying self protection. From pepper spray to fire arms I have heard it all. My partner Liz (who has martial arts training) has purchase long pointed objects to go on our key chains in case something happens. 

Also, bars and taverns around the country are placing warning signs in the women's restrooms to provide possible help to women in need.(left)

How sad is it any of this has to happen. Or sadder yet I have to write about it.

Just be aware when you transition, your greatest privilege loss could be your personal security. 

Jayde

Photo Credit Jayde

 It's not often I get to feature a local transgender woman here in Cyrsti's Condo. This is Jayde and she lives in the Cincinnati metro area:

 

Sunshine Day

Pre Weight loss, Credit Cyrsti Hart

 Sunday turned out to be a wonderful day for several reasons. 

First of all, it was another beautiful autumn day with highs in the mid 70's (F) 

Also, for some unknown reason, Liz's 23 year old son invited us out to lunch. It was one of those days when my gender dysphoric self gave me a break and I thought my feminine self was able to shine through. Ironically, even my face is thinning out again, which accentuates my cheek bones. Other than that, I chose a nice pair of leggings and lightweight lacy top. I even got real fancy and wore a pair of earrings which I try to do on occasion to insure the holes in my ears don't grow shut. (They haven't). All in all, I felt good which always is the number one accessory a transgender woman can have. 

Once we arrived at the restaurant we had gone to for years, we found out they were closing early due to staffing issues so we had to hurry our lunch. It vaguely occurred to me to go somewhere else but I didn't say anything and we stayed. Ultimately we ended up taking most of our food to go. The disappointment came when there was very little public to see or to be seen.  Even though all my attention to detail with my appearance seemingly was wasted, the whole experience was good for my soul.  

Also yesterday another rarity happened.  The Cincinnati NFL football team went to their arch-rival Pittsburgh Steeler homefield and won for the first in like fifteen years. So life was good again.

With my birthday coming up in the not so distant future, I should be able to talk Liz into a special night or two.