Did Gender Fluidity Nearly Kill Me?

 It seems to me the term "gender fluid" has just become popularized by the younger generation of queer women and men everywhere.  My idea was reinforced recently when I attended  a transgender - crossdresser meeting. Several of the participants were 20 to early 30 somethings  Along  the way, they mentioned the idea of being gender fluid.  Or how they wished somedays they could work as a guy and the next as a girl. 

Oldest known picture

At the time, I wondered  if being gender would have worked for me, or was I at all? 

Then I realized I tried being gender fluid and it led me to a suicide attempt. I was trying to live part time in my old male life while at the same time attempting to learn to live as a transgender woman. 

Hormone replacement therapy came along and forced my hand. If I was going to choose a gender, it would have to be the higher maintenance feminine one. When I started HRT, it seemed all too quickly I was growing breasts, my skin was softening and my hair was becoming long enough to tie it back into a pony tail.

At the time, I wasn't planning on the process happening so fast. So, very quickly any thoughts of being gender fluid left my mind. Even though the term itself was probably a decade away from being used at all.

 

As I proceeded on my journey, it was increasingly evident I was home. I had discovered what deep down I always knew...I was born to be a girl/woman. 

In conclusion,  I wish anyone trying to pursue a gender fluid life the best of luck. It nearly killed me.

Thanks

 I would like to take a second and thank the professor and nearly twenty students who joined in for a virtual class I recently participated in.

At he last minute the other day I was asked to step in with a couple younger transgender women and men to share our life experiences including dealing with trans discrimination.

I found the class from Mt. Saint Joseph's College here in Cincinnati to be attentive and curious with good questions.  

Most of the questions revolved on how the proper way transgender people should be approached and treated. 

For my input on discrimination, I recounted my rest room experiences back in the day when I had the police called me, when I was called a pervert to my face and finally was asked to leave a couple venues. 

The professor then asked me if I thought times had changed for the better as far as the transgender community is concerned. 

I answered yes. Regardless of the previous administration in Washington, we have made strides to fight forward. After all, I remember back in the 1950's in Dayton. Ohio when men were rounded up and arrested for simply cross dressing up as women.

Now I have another university class coming up in April virtually at the Miami University in Oxford, Ohio which I am really looking forward to. 

Running while Transgender

 In reference to the Cyrsti's Condo post  concerning the attacks on transgender athletes by Republicans around the country At the least, you have to admire the courage of trans athletes everywhere to compete in their chosen sports. Back in the day, I used sports as a way to mask my gender leanings. Fortunately these days, transgender sports fans are not backing away from participation in activities they enjoy. 

Of course too, you have to factor in the influence of hormone replacement therapy on the athlete's body. Which is part of Connie's comment:

Connie at Work

" I have to admit that I have mixed feelings on this subject, because it is far from an either/or issue. Fifty years ago, when I was on my boy's high school track team, I was a better 440 yard runner than most boys, but I'm certain that I could have won the race every time, had I run against cis girls (I've checked the record books). Never mind the fact that there were many times when I would return home after track practice or a meet and secretly express my femininity through dress or activities, just as any girl might have. Of course, fifty years ago, I really had no choice but to keep my femininity a secret, and there wasn't even a girls track team at my school. I seriously doubt that, if I had been free to declare my gender identity and there would have been the opportunity to join a girls team, I would have chosen to compete against the girls.

Puberty blockers and HRT would have made a difference in my athletic abilities. I don't know how much difference, but I'm guessing that I might have been among the fastest girls; not necessarily a record-setter, though. Then, again, maybe I wouldn't have had the same interest in competing against anyone - boys or girls - had I not been subjected to the ravages of male puberty. Much of the reason I had for participating in athletics was to hide my feminine identity, anyway.

So, I believe that trans girls should be able to compete against all girls, but not by mere declaration of gender identity alone. Whether it be through suppression or introduction of cross hormone therapies, there should be the requirement that a trans girl must have been under some regimen for a certain period of time before being allowed to compete against other girls.

I know there are people from both sides of the argument who disagree with me. While I can't see the fairness in allowing only a self-declaration of gender identity, I certainly reject the notion that "biological boys" should be disallowed from girls' athletics outright. The thing that gets me is that many of the same people who want to keep trans girls from being on girls' teams because of their hormonal "advantage" are the ones who want to criminalize any hormone therapies for trans girls. But, as Paula said, these people are just trying to erase trans existence altogether."

So true! Thanks for the comment. 

As I have written, HRT has robbed my body of a significant portion of my former male strength. What I will never know is how much of the loss could be attributed to age considerations. 

I do know for sure, the entire idea of boys competing against girls is so wrong. The power of hormones changes all of that. As Paula said, all of this is once again a group of ignorant gender bigots trying to erase our transgender existence.

Transgender Elder Care

 As promised, I wrote  I would send along further details of my Webinar on transgender elder care. Brighter minds than mine have set the event to be seen on Zoom as well as Facebook.

Here is the link to find it on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/events/270094498066096/

I will cover the lack of in-depth knowledgeable  health care available to elders in the transgender community.

If you have time, stop by!

FRIDAY AT 6 PM EDT – 7 PM EDT

Transgender Elder Care

Free  · Online Event
And, here is the Zoom link : us02web.zoom.us

Michelle's Maintenance

 Recently I wrote a post here in Cyrsti's Condo revolving around the concept women are definitely the high maintenance gender. Being the hard headed person I am, it took me years to learn exactly that. As my wife at the time kept referring to me as the "pretty, pretty princess" in my makeup heels and hose, no amount of feminine presentation could help me to understand exactly what she meant. It wasn't until years later as I seriously started my Mtf gender transition did I understand.

Let's check in with Michelle and her feelings on the subject:

"I see that you, as well as so many of us have discovered, that being a woman requires many years of life lessons learned while growing up.

Females start very early in life learning so many skills, that men would never even think of, like communication, relationships, mannerisms and dealing with the trials and tribulations of dealing with the female body. It's one thing to learn how to apply makeup and clothes styles but women don't really get those lessons till early in their teens. Women start early learning that the somewhat care and feeding of their bodies will follow them throughout life.

Men on the other hand only deal with learning to (as my partner once put it) grunt, fart and learn how to somewhat intimidate the people they come in contact with. For women, life's lessons are almost harder in the long run then men will ever know.

Women have to learn, starting very early, how to deal with so many aspects of their bodies and minds that can be both scary as well as rewarding. Men on the other side of the coin only have to learn only what puberty brings them. It's more of a one shot deal for men. Women have to deal with it all their lives. "

Thanks for the comment!

I have always thought cis women have precious little time to design their lives around their bodies. After all. girls go through puberty earlier than boys to face years of having babies and monthly periods before their bodies then go through menopause. Through it all, women face the lack of gender privilege which men take for granted. 

Again, thanks for the very perceptive comment. 

For the First Time in Nevada

 A transgender woman has won Miss Silver State USA.

Kataluna Enriquez, 27, started competing in transgender pageants in 2016 when she worked as a model. She began to competing in cis gender pageants at the beginning of last year advocating for inclusivity, diversity and representation. 

Of course her face and body haven't hurt her!

Gender is NOT a Game

 If you live in the United States, you would have to be living in a cave somewhere to escape the deluge of state legislation against transgender athletes'. 

Of course, reportedly all of this legislation is originating with one ultra conservative organization. Thus these legislative members around the country all have a template (so to speak) to formulate their "own" bills.

More than likely, the vast majority of these legislators have never met a transgender woman or trans man and have no understanding of our lives.  Most certainly too, none of them have taken the time to research the effects of hormone replacement therapy on the body. 

I probably am not the best example of HRT on a person's body because I transitioned later in life during my sixties. When I did transition and my muscle mass began to change, I learned quickly how much of my old male strength had disappeared.  I can only imagine how the process would work for an trans athlete. 

One way or another, perhaps the most ridiculous idea is transgender athletes are transitioning just to compete at an advantage. Missing the entire dilemma changing gender presents to the person going through it. The specter of increased mental illness  all the way to heightened levels of suicide among the transgender community is never taken into consideration.

Gender is definitely not a game to the transgender athletes facing legislative discrimination by people unwilling to see the big picture for what it is. The big picture is the old binary gender rules aren't working anymore.

People need to wrap their narrow minds around the fact transgender athletes as well as the trans community as a whole need understanding, not discrimination.

The High Maintenance Gender

 As I began my transition years ago into a full time feminine world, I learned the hard way what I suspected all along. Being a woman would prove to be infinitely more difficult than I thought it would be.

 Most certainly in my cross dressing days, I did learn the basics of looking like a woman but as my wife always told me, I really didn't know anything about being a woman. In fact, one of our fights ended up in her telling me I would make a terrible woman. She later went on to explain to me her statement had nothing to do with how I looked.

What she didn't take into consideration was all the years I had studied all women so intently. Including the time I worked in a predominately woman dominated business. So all I had to do was to step up my game even farther. 

I am fond of pointing out my first  major learning experience in my male to female gender transition came as I learned how women communicate between themselves often by using visual cues more than the straight forward ones used by men. I tied my experiences in with a couple I already knew. Women operate on a passive aggressive basis and are more apt to form cliques rather than teams men form. 

The more I was able to get out and try to live a feminine life, I found out my wife was right and I changed.  To make matters worse, she passed away before she ever had a chance to see my transition.

So, applying the makeup and picking the perfect outfit is gratifying all the way to being fun, is all still icing on the cake.

Being able to reinvent yourself as your authentic self is so deeply satisfying. Proving once again living the layered life of a woman proves you belong in the sandbox of the high maintenance gender. 

Standing Up to be Counted

 Recently, the United States Senate heard discussions based on passing the "Equality Act."  Amazingly, the only transgender person there to argue for the passage was 16 year old Stella Keating. (below)

Keating comes from near where Connie lives in Washington state (Tacoma). A state where she is legally protected from discrimination but as she pointed out, what if she decided to go to college in a state where she wasn't protected. Adding, "How is that even American?" 

My only question is why was Sheila the only transgender person there? What happened to all those national organizations which are always asking for my support or money???

On the other hand, we need all the bright, brave and young trans voices we can get to further the transgender cause.