Halloween Dreams

It amazes me after all these years I can still have so many vivid memories of my early Halloween experiences.

One of the earliest goes back to the 1980's when I lived near Yonkers, New York. I was working for a Wendy's franchisee then and one of my assistant managers invited me to a Halloween get together she was having. I saw it as the perfect opportunity to get out and live as a woman for a short period of time...if I could figure out how to do it.

Since my wife wasn't really into Halloween and knew why I was, it was fairly easy to convince her not to go. Plus, she was always against what she thought were my sleezy costumes. With her out of the way, I was free to costume myself anyway I pleased.

I picked out a short mini dress, heels and one of my fave wigs for the evening. If you remember, big hair was "in" in the 80's, so I fit right in. After freshly shaving my legs, applying my makeup, panty hose and getting dressed, it was time to go.

What I wasn't prepared for was how well I was going to fit right in.

It turned out, the Halloween "party" she invited me to was actually a group of her girl friends who all were going to one of their local taverns to party. I was in heaven when I saw all these women dressed almost like I was. Initially they were in shock when they saw me and looked me over head to toe until my friend told them who I was. Then I was accepted.

The tavern was within walking distance of her house, so here we were all in our heels clicking along as we walked to the party. Again, I blended right in and felt great.

Once we arrived at the tavern, we proceeded to order drinks and the other women got up to dance. Unfortunately I have exactly no rhythm and kept my seat. Inwardly though, I was savoring every moment and even got asked to dance. Again, I politely declined.

All too quickly the evening had to end and I had to head back to my routine existence. However, the word spread through out my store how I had dressed for Halloween. Nothing much happened as I just said I always wanted to do it. Resulting in a few "yeah right" smiles.

Little did I know how long the memories of the evening would linger. It showed me how it would be to interact with women on their own level. If only for one evening. 

Celebrity Fun?

Connie's comment about her attention from pro athlete (NBA) Shawn Kemp jogged my memory of a Halloween party when I got asked out by a future Washington D.C. politician and his wife. First, Connie's comment:

"I did join him at his table for a bit, only because there were already two other women there already. I was able to play defense long enough until the shot clock had expired, anyway. I wish I'd been able to get a pic, but this was so long ago that my flip phone didn't have a camera."

There has to be some sort of pun to use here about you or Shawn calling foul somewhere along the line. :)

Plus, the best I can offer was the the night I got all dolled up (cross dressed) for a Halloween party. For some reason I ended up leaving my wife at home and going with a news woman at a radio station I was working at. 

Along the way at the party, I was approached by a couple I vaguely knew as a local politician. The party turned out to be a fun eclectic blend of people in a restored Victorian mansion.  They initially expressed their surprise I wasn't what I appeared to be. Then proceeded to ask me along to another party they were heading too.

Seeing as how I was the news woman's ride, I had to say no. It turned out to be one of those moments my life could have changed if I had been able to say yes.

I often wonder how the politician who went to Washington fared later on when he tried to pick up a cross dresser with his wife.  I can't believe I was the first...or the last.

Of course with a politician, I would never have found out the truth!

As I wrote, I don't have a real celebrity story to share such as Connie's but I do have the experience of being mistaken for a woman during a time in my life when my gender dysphoria was at it's peak. I was constantly  wondering if living full time as a woman was even possible. 

It turns out it was.

Success

Finally my endocrinologist got in touch with me yesterday.  Approximately a week and half ago I did my blood labs to check my hormone levels.

My testosterone levels came back half of what the normal prescribed amount, so that is good if you are a transgender woman. Which of course I am. No real surprise because at my age, my testosterone would be decreasing anyway.

More importantly my estrogen amount was also low enough to be able to increase my dosage of estradiol (estrogen).

Since I passed all my blood clot, heart, lung and colon tests with flying colors, I was approved for an increase in my hormone patches from 1.5 milligrams to 2.0. Now all I am left with wondering how long it will take me to get my new patches.

What I hope will happen is a decrease in my overall body hair again and maybe an increase in my hips. The process started then stopped.

Of course due to my age and VA supervision, I have to be monitored again in about six months. By "monitored" I mean I have to have my blood tests done again to check my estrogen level. Sometimes I am fairly certain I set a record for the number of blood tests taken at the Dayton, Ohio VA.

I am not complaining though. I have been trying to get my Estradiol increased for the past year or so. With the increase, I still will only be at the level of several of the other trans women I know. I also know my endocrinologist is acting out of caution. Again due to my age.

Which I appreciate.

Transgender Fun?

With my colonoscopy behind me (no pun intended) it is now time to move on to more pleasant pursuits.  By the way, the colon check came up with no major problems and a scheduled return trip in five years. I so fortunate now my heart, lung and colon tests have returned no problems.

Now I can get back to day to day life. Wednesday night I have a Transgender Day of Remembrance committee meeting at a well known coffee shop. I'm in good shape for the meeting for a change because I was instrumental in lining up two speakers, who in turn lined up another speaker.  As I have mentioned before, the event is coming together well.

The weekend is turning out to be a busy one.  Friday night we are going against the political grain and will be joining the former moderator/social director of the transgender - cross dresser group I am still part of. I have decided to pick and choose the most interesting sounding events from both groups and see what happens. I feel like neither side controls me so I am free to do what I want to do. Plus, if the truth be known, if I ruffle a few feathers, so be it. We will be going to a dinner and Halloween party.

Saturday, the football gods are with us again.  The Ohio State Buckeyes play the very competitive Wisconsin Badgers at noon...which will give us time to go to a local Creole Restaurant I have been wanting to go to for quite a while.  It is actually going to be a belated birthday dinner for me.

The weekend will wrap up of course on Sunday. Since the football Bengals are no wins and seven losses, we have no real desire to watch them anymore unless improvements are made. So, we have plenty ot time to run our errands.

So life is good.

Witches Ball

What a night! Liz went approximately two days without sleep getting decorations ready. The good news was we filled the venue and made a nice amount of money for the two charities we give to.

As far as a costume goes, in a moment of panic, the two outfits I was planning on choosing from didn't work. I finally decided on my long flowing black embroidered skirt and black and white print blouse/top. I also bought a lighter foundation to give me a more "witchy" look. Finally I added the sparkly witches hat Liz bought me with a big spider on the side.

The reactions were varied and took me back to previous Halloweens. Of course I received quite a few looks and one compliment from the best looking cis woman in the crowd. I believe she was biased though because she has known me for a while now. She is obviously a big fan of transgender people. Still, a compliment is a compliment!

Anymore, Halloween is a different type of evening for me.  I have nothing to prove anymore with a feminine costume. In fact, I think the whole evening tends to get me clocked.  I am always aware of the compliment "you look beautiful"...for a man in a dress. Oh well.

Since we decorated the venue, we had to clean it up.  All of a sudden, a late night turned into an early morning. We had to be out by one o'clock and made it by five minutes.

By the time we finished loading and finally were done chatting it was around two in the morning.

The trip home was unremarkable outside of me getting my skirt stuck in the door. You could tell I don't wear a skirt much.

The major problem we encountered was stopping at a certain 24 hour hamburger chain I'm sure you would recognize if I told you. Every time I go there, I come away with the feeling being hungry was a better bet than eating there. So shame on me.

At least the employee at the drive thru window kept referring to us as "ladies" as she apologized for how long the order was taking.   

Transgender Halloween

My Halloween is coming up tonight. It's finally here after a years worth of planning...the Cincinnati Witches Ball.

I am wearing a modified witches costume. Made up of a long layered flowing dress and a glittery witches hat. Not really a radical costume idea but then again, it fits the theme.

Every year at this time, I think back on all the bittersweet Halloweens I had during my cross dressing days. Sweet because I was able to spend at least one precious evening (a year) cross dressed as a girl and bitter because it ended so soon.

I did all of the usual sleezy costume ideas but later on always migrated to costumes which hopefully helped me to look like what a real woman would wear. I would hope other party goers would mistake me for a woman. Which did actually happen a few times.

For some reason though, the whole process just frustrated me more.  Instead of following up on the idea of blending when I cross dressed, I had a tendency to over do it. I became the cross dresser in the mall stuffed into a mini shirt and heels.

Fast forwarding to the present, Halloween for me has become a time to look for possible cross dressers and their costumes. Much of the fun is gone too, because I actually have a job to do at the party.

I guess the true scary meaning of Halloween for me was always replaced by the pressure of choosing a feminine costume and having the courage to wear it.

As the actual Halloween date comes closer, I will post a few of my past experiences!

Hunter Schafer

Transgender actress and LGBTQ activist "Hunter Schafer" who stars on the television show Euphoria:

More Blood Tests

Yesterday marked yet another trip North to Dayton, Ohio to visit my Veterans Administration therapist. Everything went well as my overall mental health has been positive since almost all of my major tests have come back positive. More precisely, my three heart exams and one lung exam. I still have the most difficult test of all coming up, a colonoscopy early next week.  As  Connie would say...a real pain in the rear :).

My blood test yesterday was extremely important in that it checked my body's hormone levels. My endocrinologist wanted the results to see if it will be safe to increase my estradiol. I am very excited to find out the results. Estradiol by the way, is a form of estrogen.

My warning always is, DO NOT attempt to self medicate with estradiol or any other HRT medications. Doing so can be extremely dangerous to your health.

Impossibly High Heels

Connie commented on a recent Cyrsti's Condo post which involved high heels, beer, and coffee:

"So, you don't need high heels to be impossibly high, just a couple of micro brews! Actually, some of those beers have a lot more alcohol content, so a couple of them could be like drinking a six-pack of Bud Light.

I've noticed that wearing "impossibly high heels" could give reason for a couple free beers, bought for me by men (gay or not?). I don't know that my makeup is perfect, but it is perfect for me! I do think about my presentation, and how striving for perfection may be outing myself more easily. Still, when the occasion is fancy enough for it, I will go ahead and doll myself up - and lift myself up, too. Five-inch heels are no problem for me to navigate any room! For me, the daily blend gets boring, and I relish those few times a year when I can throw caution to the wind. I wasn't too tall in my 5" heels that time when Sean Kemp sent over a drink and an invitation to join him at his table! I've always joked about that incident, in that Sean had so many children by so many different women, he must have felt I would be a safe and cheap date. :-)

I'm glad to hear that your foot is better, by the way. Not that I expect to also hear you're wearing impossibly high heels, though. ;-)"

For sure, high heels have a mystical erotic value. Even a sense of power for men and women. Sean Kemp surely would agree!

The beer I was drinking was a bourbon barrel stout which carried an 8% alcoholic content. By comparison, when I worked in the bar business years ago, we had to make sure Coor's Light wasn't buried in the cooler where it would freeze. The alcoholic  content was so low. 

I felt bad that even if I can't wear high heels anymore, I couldn't even drink more than two stout beers. I don't feel too badly about not being able to wear high heels anymore, self preservation at my age is a priority!