Monday Meeting Day

The second and fourth Monday of the month are meeting nights for one of my cross dresser - transgender support groups. According to my calendar, it is tonight.  One of my biggest challenges is what I wear. I want to look nice without giving any of the overdone cross dressers a run for their money.

I guess the best description would be either looking as real as I can or look like I am not trying too hard.

As I went into during my last Cyrsti's Condo post, The Skin Game, my skin plays very heavily into how I succeed or not. Speaking of that, Paula Goodwin checked in with a comment on makeup/skin:

"Apart from HRT I have found one of the best ways of looking after my skin has been to stop wearing make up. These days I only wear makeup on Occasions ~ the sort of do where any woman is expected to glam up a bit, I have found that most women my age don't habitually wear makeup, and now neither do I. It makes life easier and my skin thanks me for it. That plus a daily moisturiser (and sun block in the summer) seems to do it for me."

Thanks Paula! My only question is have you had any sort of hair removal work done on your face?  I envy some of the younger trans girls in the group who have and have great skin!

If I am not mistaken, Paula is also heading up to her try at stand up comedy during this years' Transgender Day of Visibility. She lives in Great Britain. Talk about bringing it!

The Skin Game

Yesterday as we were getting ready to head out the door, of course I had just finished my makeup and was waiting for her. As she normally does, she looked at me up and down. What she normally doesn't do is compliment me very much. Yesterday though was much different in that she paused and said what did I do to my skin because it was glowing. Of course I thought about being a smart arse and say I always glowed but merely accepted the compliment.

The reason my skin looked better was the result of a rather long and drawn out process.

I have always said if you want to present more effectively as a transgender woman, you need to put the work into it as any cis woman does, except you have to be be better.

To begin with, my skin has benefited greatly from hormone replacement therapy and age. My skin softened a great deal from the HRT and my beard has continued to "gray" due to my age (69). As it tuned out for me, this was only the beginning of skin care for me.

Since I still shave, I use a Gillette battery powered multi blade system. Since I am always financially challenged and aware, I use a Barbasol shave cream. It works for me and I can go a whole day easy enough without a five o clock shadow.

After I shave, anymore I can proceed with a fairly light coating of Cover Girl + Olay "Simply Ageless"  foundation. Once again, a foundation I can reasonably buy at our local Walgreens store.

I think though my nightly skin regime helps me dramatically too. Every night without fail, I use one or two green tea cleansing cloths I buy from "Big Lots" which is just a slightly upscale dollar discount store. I can buy a pack of thirty for one dollar. After a good cleansing, I finish up with a liberal application of a basic Olay moisturizer called "Olay Complete" It comes in a relatively inexpensive six ounce bottle I buy for about twelve dollars at my local Kroger super grocery/drug store. The moisturizer lasts me for months, so I estimate I spend about five dollars a month on my skin care.

If you are still in the closet, these days you can use the excuse of shaving to buy a man's moisturizer.. In addition to feeling good, you can look better too.

Of course, you can go to one of the fancy makeup specialty stores if you have the money and are out of the closet. In the meantime though, I hope these ideas will help you along.

The Future is Now!

Yesterday was the International Woman's Day. Basically it is a chance to pause and consider how far women have come into today's society. Or, how far we have to go.

Perhaps you noticed I said "we." Of course I feel transgender women are women too. After all. we trans women have to go through all the same challenges as cis-women, only worse. We face extreme employment discrimination as well as lagging insurance coverage. Not to mention all the violence we face as we transition and lose our male privilege.

As you consider all of our challenges, you begin to realize how ludicrous it is to think being transgender is really a choice.   

The problem is our lives in the future could get so much worse. Several state legislatures around the country are trying to advance anti transgender and LGBT bills, hoping our rapidly deteriorating Supreme Court will uphold them.

The future is especially now for all of you still in the closet, or are young and confused about the future. Unless we all join the fight against the current backward regime in Washington, all could be lost. Even for all the particularly smug cis gays and lesbians enjoying their same sex marriage rulings.

There is going to be one heck of a battle ahead. Be a strong woman and get on board for all of your sisters.

The future is now.

Get Over It

As far as I know now, there isn't much happening this weekend. All too briefly, it seems, Liz's twenty one year old son moved out for exactly one week and now is moving back in with Mommy. She (Liz) swears things will be different with the addicted "gamer" but we will see. At any rate, I will be getting over it.

Perhaps Friday or Saturday we will be going out to a "consolation" dinner. The problem is, I don't get my Social Security check until next Wednesday, so funds will be hard to come by for a couple days. Again, one way or another, I will be getting over it. Then again too, I will have things to go to next Monday and Tuesday.

Looking ahead towards the end of the month, plans are coming together to hold Cincinnati's "Transgender Day of Visibility".  It is going to be held downtown on Fountain Square and should be well attended. The cross dresser - transgender group I am part of is helping to put it on.

Looking farther ahead, I haven't heard anything back of my workshop proposal for the "Trans Ohio Symposium" in April. It's probably not that surprising since the Trans Ohio lost it's former chair person when she recently moved to New Mexico. She almost single handily put the event together for years.

Again, one way or another I will be getting over it.

What Will the Neighbors Say?

I used to worry all the time about what the neighbors may think about me. Before I made it to my who gives a damn thought phase.

Plus, our house is spaced close together with all the others and the cars are always parked in the driveway. There would be no escape even if I wanted one. I quit worrying so much too when I went full time. Which I had pretty much been, since I moved down to Cincinnati.

One lesson I did learn was to be the first to speak. The idea has worked well if I encounter anyone else during my daily walks and when new neighbors recently moved in.

Then last fall, our one neighbor added another person to their household, a young very androgynous woman from Louisiana. Since they have a daughter approximately the same age, Liz and I have had fun speculating if the new woman may have romantic ties to the daughter. Which may explain some of their apparent acceptance of me.

It's also interesting because they are very religious too. Of course I don't know what faith they follow. It's not so easy to speculate because even when Cincinnati remains very conservative and anti LGBTQ because of it's strong Catholic heritage, several of the cross dresser - transgender group I am in are totally out and accepted in their parish. We even have a Methodist member who has found a Methodist Church here in town which has gone completely against the church's recent ruling not to accept LGBTQ clergy.

Whatever the case, it's always nice to be accepted in your own neighborhood.

The "Castle"

I remember when I started to transition into the feminine gender in public, one of the biggest misconceptions I had to change was the Ladies Room. I did know from my days as a restaurant manager the "room" wasn't the "castle" most men thought it to be.To be blunt about it, I encountered too many bloody messes when women couldn't be bothered to dispose of sanitary products properly.  Also over the years, I overheard much more gossip along the way than I ever heard in a men's room.

Slowly and sometimes painfully, I learned I wasn't always welcome in the "room" too. In one case I was screamed at and called a perve and even had the cops called on me in another. Fortunately, that was years ago and now I don't experience many problems (at all) and have really enjoyed the increase in gender neutral bathrooms. I think even though it has been over seven years since I have had a real issue, it only takes one person to trigger another problem. 

For another take on rest rooms and my Mardi Gras restroom post, here's Connie:

Woman's Room

"Been there - on the stinky restroom dilemma. One can't help but be a little embarrassed, and it's not like you can try to explain to the next person in line that it wasn't you.

It's been so many years since I've used a men's room that I am almost unable, anymore, to remember the difference (other than the urinals). I can say, though, that I was surprised to learn that the sounds and odors in the ladies room were worse than what went on in the men's rooms I had used for most of my life. Maybe it's because the ladies room is a refuge, where a lady can finally relax from all of the expectations that come with being one by the outside world. What goes on in the stall may not stay in the stall, but it still stays inside the ladies room - one hopes.

Considering what goes on during Fat Tuesday, it might be a good idea to avoid ladies rooms for a couple of days, anyway. I know that the traditional Cajun cuisine does a number on my system) :-)"

So true!

Off to See the Wizard

It's travel day with Liz today and a cold one at that. Wind chill temperatures are expected to "hover" around 20 degrees (F) today. So Spring has not sprung yet.

Today, I am going with Liz to her Doctor's appointment, to her office to pick up a piece for her computer (she works from home) and go to the drugstore to pick up her new prescription.

Unfortunately, we are not down in New Orleans for the annual Mardi Gras celebration. We were able to go several years ago.

As you can imagine, it was quite the experience. I remember quite clearly the transgender PTSD I still experienced when I went. Needless to say, that was a wasted emotion. No one remotely cared. The most embarrassing moment came as I was coming out of a women's restroom in a restaurant we stopped to eat at. The person who used it before me (to put it lightly) made it smell very foul. Unfortunately, the space was very small and it retained the odor quite well. I attended to business in a hurry and opened the door to a line of women waiting to use it. Needless to say, the first couple of women in line were not entranced with me and probably unfairly blamed me for the smell.

Looking back on the whole trip, restrooms seem to dominate. I also remember quite clearly having to stop at a road side bathroom stop on the Alabama-Mississippi border. Two women read me as I was leaving and I spent the next half hour on the tour bus wondering if a cop was going to pull us over. Nothing happened.

None of that takes away though from the wonderful party atmosphere of the whole event! I had been to New Orleans before (not on Mardi Gras) and my second trip did not disappoint either.

The Salvation?

I received this comment here in Cyrsti's Condo from Paula Goodwin from "across the pond" in Great Britain:

"I fear that many trans people expect transitioning to solve all of their problems, but it won't, only the gender one!"

I especially think this is relevant to those who go all the way and have gender realignment surgery. I have known some people in my past who ended up being very bitter and disappointed people. Seemingly, they would have been better off pursuing their part time feminine life than living 24/7 as a woman. 

If you remember too, "back in the day" the approved way of approaching being transgender or transsexual was having the operation and disappearing into the woodwork, or becoming the neighbor lady next door. All of a sudden, the round peg was still being pounded into a square hole with little positive result. 

These days, we have more options of course. We are coming to realize the gender fluid spectrum is becoming a real thing. Also, after excessive repetition,the public is slowly coming to realize gender is between the ears and sexuality is between the legs. Plus, there is no such thing as being more transgender than someone else just because of operations. Outwardly, you can appear in the public's eye as little or as as much as you want, even though your mind tells you you're feminine almost all of the time. 

As a sidelight, Stana of Femulate blog fame has a similar personal take on her blog today.

So, society is changing and the person who regularly crosses the gender line at our cross dresser - transgender support group meeting is becoming more in vogue. He/she admittedly is gender fluid and sometimes she comes to the meeting as her male self and sometimes as her feminine side. How great is that?

Quite the Week

Over the past week here in Cyrsti's Condo, I wrote about how busy the week was.

I believe the only day I didn't write much about was my Doctor's appointment on Tuesday. Since I have attempted suicide in my past and I am Bi-Polar, I have two mental health doctors assigned to me. One actually keeps track of my meds and the other of my life. Tuesday, I saw the meds doctor.

During my visit, I had my annual "update." It was worth noting to my Doc how my moods have been very smooth lately and much of it has to do with my decreasing Mtf gender dysphoria. However, I keep expecting it to start ramping back up any day. Unfortunately, I seem to always be looking over my shoulder. An example of positive reinforcement for me came Wednesday night when I went to Liz's martial arts class to pick her up. For a change, everyone there was nice and smiled and spoke to me. I especially liked it when one of them referred to me as "she."

Instances such as the experience always help my fragile confidence. Which in turn helps me live my overall life.

I know some people claim they don't need their anti depression or anxiety meds after they started hormone replacement therapy (HRT) but I am not one of them. In fact I had to make sure I could separate both sides of myself to the Veteran's Administration when I started my treatment years ago. In other words, I was transgender and Bi-Polar and one didn't equate to the other. So far, it's working.

Also this week, I did submit my proposal for a workshop at this years' Trans Ohio Symposium and I did choose the gender dysphoria subject. So far I have not heard anything back.

So, all in all it was a great week.