Doctor Time

Yesterday I went with Liz to two of her doctor's appointments.

I decided to dress "down" for the occasion. I wore my black jeans, sweater and tennis shoes with very light makeup and a fleece jacket.

Nothing really happened except with one guy in one of the doctor's offices. From his mannerisms and voice I immediately thought he was gay. At any rate, he kept trying to make contact with me. Who knows? Maybe I should have made contact. Perhaps he was another transgender person, even a trans man.

I didn't though, so maybe it was yet another opportunity missed.

Musical "Privilege" and Trans Admiration

I write once a month here in Cyrsti's Condo concerning Liz and I karaoke adventures with the cross dresser - transgender group. Like it or not, several come just to chill and see if there is any interaction with any other of the patrons...and there used to be. A couple of the older guys in the crowd seemed to not be intimidated by the gender frontier. All of that is good of course, until the guy gets too aggressive and begins to take on all the evil characteristics of an "admirer." Or, a man who likes a trans woman and/or cross dresser for that reason only, or sex.

Maybe too, there is a connection with the music. As Connie points out: 


I don't know if there is some connection with karaoke and trans admirers, but I've had more than my share of being hit on at karaoke night. This one guy would order a drink for me every time I was up singing, so that it would be sitting there for me when I got back to my seat. In his doing so, he eliminated the possibility that I'd refuse the drink, so it was that much harder for me to refuse his unwanted advances as the evening went on. I finally made a deal with the bartender, and he would make non-alcoholic versions of my drink when this guy ordered them for me. I also learned that the admirer was attending this monthly event just because I would presumably be there, so I started showing up an hour later. The bartender informed me that he'd been there, but left when he could not find me. 

Another lesson on womanhood? I think so, because this guy got more aggressive with each drink he would buy for me. After the third one, I think he thought he had "bought" me, and I should have been willing to succumb to his advances. 

As far as that cross dresser who is in love with Liz, I wonder if he thinks that, since she is with you - a trans woman - she could also be interested in him. Has he started buying drinks for her? :-)"

No, he has not started to buy drinks for her but has offered to hire her to find other social settings for her. Which at that point, Liz knew she had gone too far and more importantly, I was right :)

I must be doing something right or wrong. I have never been approached by a guy. Just that one woman last time. It's probably a combination of my looks and the fact Liz and I are usually inseparable  when we go out.

Do Glasses Make the Girl?

Yesterday morning before we were getting ready to go to our meet-up, Liz was suffering from her Vertigo (dizziness) and wanted to check her blood pressure. I have a small portable blood pressure machine but just had to find it and dig it out for her to use. As I was finding it, I happened along my first ever pair of girl glasses which I have been looking for, forever.

I had an inking of an idea I could see just as well out of them as my current glasses and I could. Plus I was wondering if I would look better, more natural and comfortable too.

Here lately, I have not been wearing my glasses much at all when we go out. I don't completely need them and my vanity was telling me I looked better without them. I am coming up on another VA eye appointment and will be interested to see how much (if any) my eyes have changed.

The difference between the two pair of glasses as far as design goes is very dramatic. The newer set of glasses are the wire rimmed type while the older pair are a more substantial rimmed type. I think my "inkling" was correct, The older glasses fit my new hairstyle well and definitely cut back on the eye strain. For example, when I write a blog post now, I can keep these new/old glasses on. By the way, both pair are unlined bifocals and I have a harder time seeing out of certain angles with the newer glasses. 

I'm not sure yet, but I think with the proper eye makeup, the different glasses draw more attention to my eyes.

The next time we get dressed up to go someplace, I will try to get you a  new picture. In the meantime, you can see an old picture of me in the glasses here.

Compliments Will Get you Everywhere

Saturday night, we met three other acquaintances for dinner. One was the avowed cross dresser I have never been very fond of. The other two were very interesting people.

One of which was a semi retired doctor who writes exotic novels from his wife's point of view and the other is a retired 24/7 cross dresser. She looks like everyone's great aunt and even holds a board position with the Cincinnati baseball Reds women's auxiliary. She is also very active in her church. I really admire her! For once there was a very interesting discussion around the table.

Of course along the way, I have referred to the cross dresser I have never really liked as a he or a she and Connie noticed it...

 "I thought that I may have been misgendering the cross dresser. You did refer to "him", and I had it in my mind that this was the same one who came to the gatherings in guy mode, but I could be wrong. So, because I would always use feminine pronouns for an MtF cross dresser (when she's presenting female), I apologize if I was mistaken. We can have the same problems from within the umbrella as everybody else, I guess."

On occasion I have referred to the person as a "he" because on occasion he comes dressed as his guy self. Other times, he is so blatantly busy flirting with my partner Liz, I just want to stand up and leave...or worse. 

Last night though, for some reason the person focused on me. All of a sudden I was showered with lavish praise how good I looked. My hair, my outfit and my makeup were all spot on. Even my skin made the thumbs up list. I think it is because I started to apply my regular nightly Olay moisturizer before I apply my foundation.  I was surprised and flattered by all the attention of course but being the overall bitch that I am, I had to consider the source. Also, the soft subdued lighting in the restaurant didn't hurt me either. 

Overall a great time was had by all. As we left of course, my new BFF was begging us to come back again for another dinner, or set one up and invite her.

I just want to talk to the Doctor who seemed intrigued by all of us :)   
   

Party Time

A real picture of the social Friday night. My partner Liz is on the left and Cathy, everybody's self appointed "super cross dresser" is on the right.


This picture proves I look better in a bar in neon light :) Or, as the old country song buts it, all the girls look better at closing time.

To Be or Not to Be

Last night's social was as as successful as it usually is. The only difference came when when I was waiting for Liz outside the women's room when we were ready to leave. As I was sitting on a stool, an attractive cis woman and her friend came out of the bathroom. We briefly exchanged glances and she smiled and said Hi and reached out and touched me. First I was flattered, then I was slightly depressed I was read as being transgender. More on that later.

Before all of that happened, I was observing one of the trans men at the table. Normally he is very affable but last night, he was very uptight for some reason. This morning he said on his Facebook page he has been suffering anxiety from his gender dysphoria.

I felt somewhat the same way this morning as I looked in the mirror. All of the sudden I wondered just how in the hell I got here. Living full time as a trans woman. Then, I flashed back to last night and the cis woman who reached out to me so briefly. She took me back to the days when I was first trying to find my place in a feminine world.

As I normally do, I kept thinking in fact, I know how I got here. I was born into it and have/had no choice in the matter, no matter how hard I fought.

I'm fortunate, I can keep my gender dysphoria to a minimum. Simply by living it.

Being in my present is completely superior to living in my "not to be" past.

Busy Weekend

It seems I have a busier weekend than I thought coming up. As I previously wrote about, tonight (Friday) is karaoke social night. Anymore it seems, fewer and fewer of the attendee's even try to sing and go simply because there is safety in numbers at this location. Or, we/they are accepted there. Also, it's a very nice time for the part-time cross dressers to wear their new outfits. As one of the few cis-women there, I think my partner Liz likes all the attention she gets. Especially after losing 120 pounds. As far as true transgender women anymore, I think the number is shrinking, due to several factors. The major one being the sudden lack of "admirers" who happened to be at the restaurant. In other words, for awhile, there seemed to be several men attracted to certain members of the group. They quit coming for one reason or another.

Tomorrow night (Saturday) we are going back to the upscale Italian restaurant we frequent fairly regularly. That's the good news, the bad news is the cross dresser who is madly in love with Liz will be there too. There is not much nice I can write about him except I love to block his advances and the food is good. As far as I ever get "dressed up" happens when we go to this place. I'm thinking about reintroducing my cream colored over the hip sweater with a pair of patterned leggings and black boots. The venue is upscale casual, so the outfit should work well.

Finally Sunday, we have another get together with the non trans - crossdresser group we are in. It's the one where the woman I call the "prodder" or Mom comes to. If you don't remember, she was the one who always had something derogatory to say about my hair. I am hoping she comes so she can see my new hair. With my luck, she won't be there.

I just hope we can be home in time for the Super Bowl. For any number of reasons I am keeping my picks quiet. Although I am rooting for the Rams :) 

Emergency Room Angst

Having your nails done, in color at least, does represent some sort of no turning back as far as a transgender transition goes.  Here are a couple of stories. One from me and one from Connie. Mine was less painful.

Years ago, I was in a hurry to make a payment on my car and I forgot my nails were done. It turned out I was short on time and needed to make the payment before I was penalized with a late charge, so I decided to pay it anyhow. I was already on HRT and my hair was tied back in a pony tail. In those days, I was relatively androgynous looking anyway, so why not.

The woman who took my money sort of smiled when she saw my hands but that was it. It turned out not long after the day, I was able to pay my loan off and moved away, never to see her again anyway. It was during the winter and I didn't forget my gloves when I went in to make my final payment. Through the whole affair, nothing was said.

Connie's story is a bit more complex and refers to the Cyrsti's Condo post "Burgundy Dreams."
"Well, since nail polish has no gender, I guess it's for whomever wants it! I often see couples getting pedicures together - even whole families. I have yet to see a man by himself, though. 

This reminds me of when I was still but dipping my painted toe to test the waters of transition. A number of years ago, I had an experience that was seminal to my finally accepting myself for who I was. Because my cash flow had become so sporadic (I only worked as my male-self, but was only presenting that way about 15% of the time), I was behind on paying my water bill. The utility company sent out a technician to either collect or shut off my water, but I was afraid to answer the door with my female presentation. By the time I "undid" myself to stop it, the tech had done his work at the meter. I was told that I could pay with a credit card over the phone, and the tech would return to unlock my meter that afternoon - but I had to be there when he was. So, to make sure I wouldn't miss him, I decided to do some work outside. I was up on a ladder, that I had put up in haste, when he showed up, and so that worked out OK, and the water was back on. Not long after he left, though, the ladder slipped out from under me, and I crashed to the surface of the deck, hitting my head on a ladder wrung. My neighbor heard it, and ran over to help. 

Long story short, I was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance because I had concussion symptoms. The first thing they did in the emergency room was to remove my clothing, and when they got to my socks, there were my freshly polished toenails, exposed for all to see! I joked that I was outed now, but the nurses were completely ambivalent. 

So, I learned a lot that day. Painted toenails are nothing compared to a serious injury. Had I not been afraid to answer the door to pay a bill that wouldn't have been overdue in the first place, if I'd just been living my life earnestly, none of this would have happened. Within weeks, I had secured work as my feminine-self, and I never hesitated to open my front door again. Eventually, I also learned that, although coming out requires the opening of a door, keeping it open allows for others to come in, as well."

Very profound! Thanks :)

Burgundy Dreams?

Sunday turned out to be the pick day to go get our nails done again. This time I did away with the red and went with a deep tone of burgundy.

I was fortunate in getting the same nail tech I had last time. She does a good job and speaks enough English I can understand her. Plus, this time around, I started to calm down and enjoy the experience.

During my visit I couldn't help but notice an older man and his wife getting pedicures. His wife looked totally ill at ease, so I couldn't help wondering if there wasn't more to the story. At any rate, I heard him proudly claim he didn't want any color on his toe nails and why wasn't there nail polish for men. I was thinking he could have gone for some sort of clear coat but he didn't.

At any rate, I am finally getting to the point where I can calm down and really enjoy the experience. Even without the distractions.