![]() |
Kate Spade |
Needless to say, I was in shock, then again not so much.
![]() |
Anthony Bourdain |
I have my own suicidal demons which are addressed with my therapist when they get too loud. Sufficient to say, my demons will be brought up this Tuesday during my next therapist visit. I am betting I will have to bring up the fact I am entranced not so much of the whys of their suicides (which I understand) but of the hows. The problem is I have learned to cover for my demons over the years.
Some even assume since I have been able to Mtf gender transition, it is all I live for.
Naturally, suicide is a very personal and complex issue and it is easier for me to write about it than speak to anyone about it. Plus, I know I have almost instantaneous access to various suicide hotlines. Including a Trans Vet Hot Line.
Also, in a sense, I suffer from going through three very personal suicides when I was younger, so I know the cost involved to the ones you leave behind. The guilt just builds.
Finally, thanks to all for reading my vent. I am OK and it means a lot I can write about something this personal.
Personally, I would not want to work for someone who had doubts about my ability to perform at a high level. Transitioning is difficult enough without having to always be feeling scrutinized by the boss. Beyond that, being MtF myself, I can attest to the lowered expectations and pay that women experience.
I've heard from other trans people who advocate securing a job before transitioning. I'll agree to that only if one were going into that job before really knowing that she or he would be transitioning. The decision to transition begins with being honest with oneself and her/his own gender identity. The next step is to be honest with others. I would much rather go into something as my genuine self, and to be accepted or rejected based on that honesty. For me, it's "what you see is what you get." Not to say that makes it easier to find employment, however, but I can start - and proceed - entirely based on who I am - not what I may be perceived to be."