Rest in Peace

Last week, we lost two celebrities to suicide. Kate Spade of the hand bag fame and famous chef Anthony Bourdain. I was never in the financial position to purchase a "Kate Spade" bag, but, especially after my career in the restaurant business, I loved Bourdain. To the point of reading one of his books.

Kate Spade

Needless to say, I was in shock, then again not so much.

Anthony Bourdain

I have my own suicidal demons which are addressed with my therapist when they get too loud. Sufficient to say, my demons will be brought up this Tuesday during my next therapist visit. I am betting I will have to bring up the fact I am entranced not so much of the whys of their suicides (which I understand) but of the hows. The problem is I have learned to cover for my demons over the years.

Some even assume since I have been able to Mtf gender transition, it is all I live for.

Naturally, suicide is a very personal and complex issue and it is easier for me to write about it than speak to anyone about it. Plus, I know I have almost instantaneous access to various suicide hotlines. Including a Trans Vet Hot Line.

Also, in a sense, I suffer from going through three very personal suicides when I was younger, so I know the cost involved to the ones you leave behind. The guilt just builds.

Finally, thanks to all for reading my vent. I am OK and it means a lot I can write about something this personal.