Off the Road Again

Two days this week (as I have previously written about here in Cyrsti's Condo), I found myself at yet another cross dresser- transgender support meeting and a visit with my therapist.   This week at the bi monthly meeting, we had a new attendee, a high school aged trans guy and his mother.

All went well, with plenty of feedback from both ends until one of the cross dressers opens his mouth and blurts out (again), he has to be a cross dresser because he likes women. Every time he says it, I correct him by saying his ultimatum does mean anything because I am transgender and like women too. I then went on to explain to the Mom, the difference between gender and sexuality. And how both operate on the LGBT continuum. Besides, I have met cross dressers who like men.

For everybody, I kept my speaking to a minimum on the subject. It's just that I get so sick and tired of him bringing it up and I think he might just be protesting too much!

At the meeting also, I was invited to join in at an outreach day for transgender veterans at the Cincinnati VA hospital campus. As a point of clarification, I go to the Dayton, Ohio center, so it will be interesting to see how it all works out. As it stands now, we have three trans vets involved in our group, plus another moving here from Tennessee soon.

As far as meeting with my therapist went, we didn't spend much time talking about me, since I was asking questions I needed to know about an upcoming interview I'm doing for our group's monthly newsletter. It should be interesting since another trans woman vet is joining in for her views too. We both go to separate hospitals for our care, it will be interesting to see the differences. She is the one whose hormones became so out of whack, her blood tests showed her to be pregnant. So, she has a lot to say! 

Violets in the Spring?

Years ago, I colored my hair a violet shade and received a lot of compliments, so I have decided to try it again.

In order to do it, I have to get this huge amount of hair that I have really clean, then leave it for one to two days before I color it. I have become more detailed orientated over the years when it comes to my hair but I still really have to concentrate on doing the whole process correctly.

My hair is a little longer than the model shown to the right (on the color box) and comes up with red highlights instead of the black shown here.

As you can see, it is quite the process!

Monday, Monday

So far, it looks like a fairly active week is shaping up so far. Tonight I have one of my cross dresser - transgender support group meetings. Normally something happens to get me riled up.

At the least though, it gives me something to write about here in Cyrsti's Condo! For example, last meeting, one member was pushing two new ones to "help" them go out shopping, etc. They seemed embarrassed by all the attention.

Tuesday is my monthly trip to my therapist, where I will have a chance to talk (no pun intended) about the possibility of going to a VA voice therapist or another. As I have mentioned, the voice problems I have, I consider to be one of my "gender transition" walls. When I brought it up to my partner Liz, she politely differed from saying anything real negative, which means she was holding back. I think, I can speak in "short bursts" well, but then lose it after I talk for anything length of time. Or, try to increase my volume much. I will see what my therapist says.

This also "hair week." I need to get this "mane" of hair I have colored again, before the Transgender Day of Visibility event Liz and I are going to on Saturday of this week. As I have written, I will be helping out on the Crossport Cincinnati information table we are setting out. I look forward to the event, and the week!

The Week in Review

Looking back on the week that has just passed, again I wonder where the time has gone. Last week in particular, went all too fast. Thursday, congratulations (and a nice upscale dinner) were in order as my partner Liz celebrated twelve years without smoking. As always, getting a little more dressed up and having a good time out and about was nice. It seems, the nicer the venue, the more unlikely it is I ever get any push back from being transgender.

Other than that, the week was very uneventful due in part to weather complications. We had a couple storms pass through which led me to canceling my Veterans Administration support group meeting.

Plus, while I am on the subject of transgender military troops, which is near and dear to my heart since I am a trans veteran; last week, President dump took on another attempt to ban transgender service members.

Fortunately, it's not a done deal with four cases in the court system fighting the ban. I think, if the truth be known (which it is rarely is), dump is again just trying to divert attention from all his other considerable problems. Discriminating against the transgender community is just an easy thing for him to do.

Also, the facts are exactly clear the Pentagon approves at all of a trans ban. I ran across a post in the Military Times which contains a couple of the memos. If you would like to read them, go here.

This week, slow down and have a great week!

Putting a Roof on Your House

Since we have been spending all this time in Cyrsti's Condo discussing the walls we have to climb as we attempt one of the most difficult transitions a human can make...changing genders. It's time to move on.

Let's assume now, we have built and climbed our four walls, and now it's time to build a roof to keep the rain (or tears) off our bodies.

Hopefully all your doors and windows work well and the light is finally illuminating the dark closet you have been living in.

One thing about our transgender transition is, it never seems to be over. As we build our roof, it's time to decide to change our gender markers. Changing your gender markers varies deeply from state to state and country to country (for you international readers.)

Old Halloween picture ...super red drag wig and dear friend!

For example, here in my native Ohio, most gender marker changes were relatively painless and simple...until you get to Ohio's ridiculous rules on birth certificates. Here, we are not able to change our birth gender at all. I do know one person who is threatening to take the system to court because she was declared pregnant by the Veteran's Administration following her blood tests. I will let you know how it goes.

Speaking of the "VA", even the system there wasn't too hard to work in my advantage and now I'm listed as "female" in the system.

So, if you consider gender markers being my transgender roof, I have gone as far as I can in getting things done and secure. Every once in a while, my dead name will show up on something, but not often.

As with any structure though, your work and upkeep seems to be never ending. I'm sure we will have more to come!

Spring on the Mind

Even with a winter weather advisory for our area here in Ohio for tomorrow, today's bright sunshine and mild temperatures have me thinking ahead towards Spring.

Now I have the "Transgender Day of Visibility" and "Trans Ohio Symposium" to plan ahead for. Even though "TDoV" is only a week away, I am still planning on attempting to put together new outfits for both.

This morning, as I sometimes do, I received another spring fashion update from one of my fave sites, "Fabulous After 40'"

I loved this ensemble and thought I would pass it along:

Here is your link for more!

Listening With Your Eyes?

Referring back to the Cyrsti's Condo post "Is It Time", Connie brought up a good point about how people listen with their eyes. I would only add women are more apt to listen with their eyes than men.

Connie's idea started me thinking about how often I mention women deal in more non verbal communication skills than men. Eye to eye communication is a big part of it. If not all of it on occasion.

I remember quite clearly (for once), the times when I was going out cross dressed by myself and a man approached me, for whatever reason. Many times, I was "warned" by one of my cis women friends to steer clear of a potentially bad situation.

As I have often written about too, I learned often a cis woman's verbal comments don't always match what she is thinking and to be careful of where the knife is going to hit your back. Until I began to develop my own sense of confidence and being as a transgender woman, the "phantom" attacks used to bother me more. Until I became accustomed to the more complex sense of community women have.

For more of Connie's comment, follow the link above, then down the post to "comments".

The Devil Made me Do It!

The farther along a person travels down their transgender road, the more they learn about the devil (or angel) being in the details. Forget just how you look, every step or mis-spoken communication carries the possibility of an unpleasant experience. An example would be the times I have written long and often about here in Cyrsti's Condo concerning my major learning experiences in woman to woman communication as I Mtf gender transitioned. Briefly, I found myself in a (sometimes) brave new world. On occasion, the whole experience was just brutal as I was more stubborn than good.

As often happens around here, Connie has a current different perspective to pass along:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEMarch 20, 2018 at 5:23 PM

"Coming home from downtown, today, I couldn't help but stare at a teenage boy as he stepped off the bus. It wasn't so much that I was staring in judgment, but I was just in amazement that he could move at all with his jeans belted around his thighs. I'll admit that I don't understand why he'd want to dress that way, but I suppose there are plenty of people who can't understand why I dress the way I do. In a way, I think he and I are helping each other, in that the more of us who are deemed "non-understandable" and are visibly just going about our lives, the more we are apt to be tolerated - or, better yet, acceptable.

My bus ride on the way downtown this morning was also interesting. There were few seats available where I could sit alone when I boarded, and, while I'm always hesitant to sit down next to someone in order to avoid a possible negative confrontation, I'm always happy to make room for someone to sit next to me.

As the seats filled up with each stop, a young woman, who had been sitting on one of the side-facing seats at the front of the bus, got up and came back to sit next to me. I had actually been trying not to stare at her earlier; she was a beautiful young black woman with magnificent dreadlocks of black and pink. Unbeknownst to her, though, she had saved me from a potentially awkward situation. An old "friend" of mine boarded the bus, and he took the seat she had left. I avoided eye contact with him the whole trip to downtown, hiding partially behind the woman's voluminous dreads.

Why was I hiding from this guy? Well, since coming out to him years ago, he has almost always misgendered and dead-named me. It was always hard enough to put up with when we were alone, but I'm not about to give him the opportunity to embarrass me in front of a whole busload of people!

There's the one you don't know and the one you know, but one needs to be aware that the devil can be found anywhere. Every once in a while, though, you can also find an angel."

Thanks!

Is It Time?

I was recently reading a Femulate  post in which Stana relayed several of her most asked questions along. One of the questions revolved around establishing a female voice...not just a feminine one.

It is true, no matter how feminine you look, your voice can give you away instantly.

To begin with, I have constant problems with my voice to start with. It is very raspy. Coming from many years working as a disc jockey "back in the day." If I had my choice, I would/could develop a voice which sounds like Jacqueline Bisset.  ( Right)

My problem is I am voice lazy too. Being full time, it is easy to relapse into old voice habits and then try to bring out a more feminine tone when I am out in public. Sometimes I  think I am more successful than others but it doesn't really matter if I am just guessing...does it?

At any rate, I have a couple options. One would be to have Liz help me, or it's possible to schedule an appointment with a VA voice therapist, or finally take a course such as the one Stana recommends called "How to Develop a a Female Voice" by Melanie Anne Phillips.

The only benefit of the first two options are they are free. But then again, you get what you pay for.

My next step is to ask Liz about her opinion and ask my VA therapist if she has heard anything about the in house therapist there. I know she has outside recommendations, but as always, there are financial considerations to look at. Plus, Melanie's course is not that expensive.

I know one thing for sure, the voice status quo is getting old and it's time to do something about it. Instead of my voice being a liability to my transgender presentation, it's time to work on making it a positive.