We Got Comments

As promised, I wanted to highlight the comments I received here in Cyrsti's Condo about a trans woman Elaine Walquist, who requested to talk to an Oregon politician who had proposed a bill banning SRS for transgender youth 15-17 years old.

1. Joni RobertaOctober 9, 2015 at 11:02 AM

   At least she made an impression on him and put a human face on the TG people he is advocating against.
   
   Thanks for sharing this.

   ReplyDelete
2. 
   FABULOUSCONNIEDEEOctober 9, 2015 at 12:06 PM

   The politics aside, this story is the most encouraging I've heard in a long time. I would love to have the opportunity to meet with someone like that....... Well, I do it all the time, but not with someone that could make it newsworthy.

   ReplyDelete
3. 
   SharonAnne NOctober 9, 2015 at 10:49 PM

   *
   I share Elaine's stealth mode history. My transition and operations (1974 - 1985) were all done in stealth though I had not known that term during those days. I transitioned beyond the express knowledge of my family and friends. They should have known, I spent my lifetime in feminine protesting from age three. They failed to comprehend that my change would inevitably happen.
   
   It was not until I went full-time female forever (1985 - age 29) did they know and right on cue they all - yes ALL - eventually rejected me. My last personal interaction with family (an uncle) was 1999. Both my parents are deceased; my sister wants nothing to do with me and refuses to write or call.
   
   Additionally, my transition was lonely. I was the only transsexual for all but one of my physicians until 1985. I resided at small communities during early years (1974 - 1980). Even when I moved to Salt Lake City (1980), my counsellor told me that I was the only transsexual from Provo to Logan. My sessions were mostly 'group'; my counsellor advised me to limit my discussion of my transsexualism to our private sessions because group might not be able to handle my presence.
   
   Nowadays I am again mostly alone. I am my current endocrinologist's first, my primary's seventh, my co-primary's first, and my therapist's first.

SharonAnne's and Elaine share a very real painful past which should never be forgotten in a transgender conversation of how we got to where we are today. Physical SRS pain followed (or proceeded) by even more emotional pain. Thanks SharonAnne for sharing, I am sending positive vibes along for you to add a friend or two to your list.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk! Listen up! Another Sunday version is hitting your virtual front porch. Thanks for joining in on another glorious Fall morning along the Ohio River here in Cincinnati. Lets get a hot "Cup o Joe" head out to the deck with the laptop and get started.

Page One-The Week That was-or Wasn't: My pick this week goes to the story about the YMCA in Tacoma, Washington who reversed their stance on transgender individuals being allowed to use the changing/locker room of their choice. Here is an excerpt from Connie: 

 "Locker rooms are different than restrooms, though. Personally, I would not feel comfortable exposing my male genitalia in a women's locker room. In fact, I never liked it in men's locker rooms, either. We can talk about the difference between gender and sex until we're blue (pick the body part), but it becomes all-too-confusing when standing naked in front of others. No matter what may be going on in our minds, it's more about what is in our presentation that shapes perception by others. Having grown up as a very confused child, myself, I would never want to be the one to create confusion in the mind of a child now."

I agree but NEVER should the organization involved even intimate a transgender person is the "perve" when in fact we are the ones who have been the victims time after time.

Page Two-Opinion: Seemingly, it is a huge "no-no" to compare any racial discrimination with transgender discrimination-but here goes. Should places such as the YMCA be forced to provide "separate but equal" changing/locker room facilities? Not unlike the old "Jim Crow" racial discrimination laws in the South? And, in this day of litigation everywhere, wouldn't that open the door for everyone else to do it too? Number one, I'm not smart enough to know, or two, have a crystal ball which is clear enough to tell me. But, (no pun intended) If I was provided a trans changing room-I would take it. I don't need that kind of battle! (Or embarrassment, and I too think of the kids.)

Page Three-Honey Is That A??? What a fun night last night was for all the wrong reasons. Let me explain. Liz and I were invited to a friends, son's 21st birthday party she promised him before he passed away a couple years ago. Friends and family were there, including a couple I guarantee had never and maybe never again see another trans person in their life. Outside of a long set of stares (and some glares) though all was good. 

Also, one of Liz and I's Mother Earth group members who has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer was there. My heart went out to her of course on the diagnoses-but also on the number of times she had to repeat:

1. Yes, I do have breast cancer.
2. Yes,I am on Chemotherapy
3. No,I am not going to tell you how nasty that is.
4. Yes I do hurt
5. Yes I am tired and going home.

She was very gracious though and I learned a lot from her and she also is in my thoughts a lot. 

Page Four-The Back Page: Well kids it's time to wrap this up, but not before I am going to mention even another stop at the grocery store as we were heading home-in my next post!

I love you all and WHO DEY! Who Do You Think is Gonna Beat Dem Bengals!

Trans Gender Blender Two

From last summer's Dayton, Ohio Celtic Festival

As promised kids, part two of my "Trans Blender"  Cyrsti's Condo post.  Not only was I able to bring much of the baggage with me I wanted to from my past, I have been able to add back in what I wanted from my feminine side. Example?

Last night Liz and I went to a "Love Must Win" head event in Burlington,Kentucky where I make no secret of my journey to being an "out and proud" transgender woman. After the meeting we went to a family style restaurant as two women. 

Then today I will watch THE Ohio State Buckeyes play football and head out to a party we were invited to later today at our "Mother Earth" Meet Up group.





Tomorrow is another "blend" day. I begin with my journal, moving directly to our "Sunday Morning Edition" - which if it shows it or not takes normally an hour or more. At one-ish tomorrow even a town such as Cincinnati (which suffers from a huge blase sports attitude) has started to show a little spark over the undefeated Bengals playing Connie's "Seattle Sea Pigeons" who lost last year's SuperBowl with THE dumbest play call ever seen outside of Ohio.

I learned long ago, if THE Buckeyes lose, life as I know it is done and the Bengal's probably will lose big games and never bet on them!

Then after the game, we are going to meet a friend for coffee.

*****Plus, before I forget-I have a ton of comments from all of you to get to and I thank you sooooo much. I will get to them. 

Trans Gender Blender

Yesterday (and today) was yet another day when I ended up looking back at key points of my transition.

"Back in the day" I wondered how I could "traverse" the gender gap of life as a guy for 60 plus years with assuming the feminine lifestyle I was so desperate to get to. Like so many others in my situation, there were certain "stereotypes" we thought could/would define us. Perhaps sitting at an upscale bar smoking a "Virginia Slim" cigarette while sipping a "foo foo" drink. (I hated even 'trying' to smoke.}

"Foo foo" means some sort of fruity alcohol drink which tastes nothing like alcohol. By the way, if you drink them, it's one off the most common ways for a bartender to make sure you don't taste the alcohol-there is none. They love to give your shot to a bar regular for an extra tip!

At any rate, as you Cyrsti's Condo regulars know, life didn't quite turn out the way I figured it would/could during my Mtf gender transition. Finally it came to me I could indeed bring the enjoyable part of my past with me. I began to notice cis women who enjoyed sports and beer and even became to be accepted in their sandbox. Sometimes to the point of being described as being too girly.

As it turned out-the blender wasn't done today! Read on in the next post.

You Can't Change at the YMCA?

Via Connie, the story of a Tacoma,Washington YMCA is now caving to pressure and changing it's stance on transgender use of it's changing rooms:

On the heels of a new "bathroom bill" in Wisconsin and just days after bathroom usage became an issue for one transgender student in Missouri, a YMCA near Seattle is embroiled in its own bathroom battle.

"The Y in Tacoma, Wash., attempted to make its bathroom policies more accommodating to transgender individuals, reported Seattle TV station KOMO. But the facility encountered a backlash from members, what the station called "a flood of phone calls, emails and social media postings."

So the YMCA recinded its new policy, which would have allowed transgender members to use the locker room of their choice. 

Those in charge of the athletic facility gave KOMO this explanation for the policy change: "a non-transgender individual might pose as a transgender [sic] to gain access to our locker rooms and expose themselves to children and cause harm to children." 

"We are asking that our transgender members use our private changing room at our family facilities," YMCA spokesperson Michelle LaRue told KOMO."

Trans sunset over Cincinnati

Of course we know: " studies have found that transgender people are much more likely to be the targets of harassment and violence when using gender-segregated spaces like restrooms or locker rooms, rather than the perpetrators of such crimes. In fact, there has never been a verified instancereported of someone "pretending" to be transgender to enter gender-segregated spaces and cause harm to cisgender individuals.

Nevertheless, the false assumption that transgender people are deceiptful and have nefarious motives behind their desire to exercise basic human bodily functions persists, and continues to give rise to misguided policies and legislation that isolates and stigmatizes transgender people. "

Thanks Connie and you all can follow the link for more!

"Grass Roots" Transgender Politics

No! Not that kind of grass (which by the way is coming up for legalization this fall Ohio) the other kind of political campaigning - which by the way, seems to be in total disarray with the Republicans  Something all of us in the LGBTQ community need to be aware of.

Out in Oregon (literally) a transgender woman decided to meet a politician who had never met a trans woman: From the "Oregonian"

"Last month, after Rep. Carl Wilson announced he will introduce a bill to ban transgender teenagers from having sex reassignment surgery, the Grants Pass legislator admitted he had not yet knowingly met a transgender person.

Elaine Walquist decided to be his first.

A 64-year-old retired teacher, Walquist spent most of her adult life living in "stealth" after having the surgery in 1980. Last week, in an hour-long meeting both parties called friendly, Walquist experienced something new, too: It was her first time telling a stranger her story.

Walquist grew up in Michigan, the second of four children. She was a skinny, honor-roll student who loved Broadway musicals and spent prom night reading a book. The morning of her 13th birthday, she began wishing she would wake up a girl. She wished every year until 1980, when she was 28 and had saved enough from a job working at a hotel.

Legislators weren't talking about women like Walquist then. There were no advocacy groups lobbying states and insurance companies to cover transition-related procedures.

When she began taking female hormones and going through lengthy, painful electrolysis procedures, she did so alone."

As a side note Elaine was not able to change his mind but said they parted with much more respect and knowledge than before. Follow the link for more, including an all too familiar MtF gender transition story from those of us "of age."

Women Form Cliques and Men Form Teams

No big earth shattering news in that headline? Right? All in all, it's just another version of "Women are from Venus" and "Men from Mars."  Over the years, I have written about where transwomen and transgender men come from.

I think (assuming we make it through life relatively unscathed) we are Earthlings. Why? Because we do assume a highly unique view of the genders by simply living our lives. Men mistrust us because we have made a conscious choice to leave the "team." Women often are much more curious as to the reasons behind us joining their's.

As I widened my scope of feminine acquaintances who have never met my past self, it seemed that only a few doors had to be opened and I was admitted to what I have always called the "girl's sandbox".

I found for the most part, I did not threaten the other cis women except for the ones who always seemed to keep in the back of their noggin's the nagging idea I used to live a very male life. So I didn't matter to the average woman chasing down a man, stuck in family drama-etc-or I was just too damn old and certainly wasn't going to win any beauty battles!

On Mars, I always felt it was ironic that once I chose to leave the man's team, I was for the most  part feared or very/very excluded. I guess because they felt I was cheating in the gender game. No sports or beer for me!

Which brings me full circle to my journal post for today-what type of women do I enjoy hanging out with the most?

It wasn't so long ago I would have said "all." Now, not so much. One example was a woman who was at the Nail Party the other night. For some reason, she just made me feel a little uneasy. We had never met before and we never really interacted that night, but she just didn't seem like the type I would meet for a cup of coffee anytime soon.

That's OK though, I will try to stay grounded here on Earth and let my transgender experience calm all the gender drama around me. All that traveling just makes me tired!

Who Deserves "What?"

I have been following Terri Lee Ryan's series of posts on the cross dressing culture. She is one of the few I have found who does not mix in transgender women into the mix. For the most part, I have agreed with, or at the least read with interest the posts. But the latest sort of "rubbed" me the wrong way.

It was entitled "Cross Dressers Deserve a Happy Marriage." I immediately thought-and who doesn't? Actually, she was reiterating what all of us already know. Whatever tripped whatever "switches" in our psyches to forever attract us to women's (or men's) clothes as CD's or to feel sure our gender issues go much deeper-just aren't going away...ever.

So yes Teri, cross dressers do deserve a happy marriage. But as you yourself wrote, walking that tightrope with a spouse who has one hand on the family checkbook and the other with a speed dial number to her divorce lawyer, is tough.

Sorry, Terri, looks like you were just reaching for a topic to speak to a choir with on this one. Plus you didn't mention the number of women who outwardly don't mind cross dressers-until it is her husband in her new dress.

Don't forget women have egos too!

Transgender Women and Violence

We all know the ever present threat of violence to trans women and men everywhere. Especially to those of color. But what we don't think about enough is how prevalent this violent behavior is to others in the LGBT community too.

As you Cyrsti's Condo regulars know, I'm a huge fan of Helen Boyd who has written two books (My Husband Betty) and teaches gender studies at Lawrence University in Wisconsin. After reading a recent post called "To the Guys" I strongly felt the need to pass it along. First of all though, I am going to give you an excerpt of why so many of us feel uneasy:

"When women complain about being catcalled, this is why. Too often we don’t feel safe and a catcall reminds us that we’re attracting attention – wanted or unwanted. & Sometimes it feels safer to be less noticeable when we’re out.

That phrase, “safe enough”, came out of a conversation I had with a gay man about what it’s like to walk past a guy on the street. You never know how he’s going to respond, or what’s going to happen. The safety concerns aren’t just women’s. The violence some of us worry about isn’t just sexual violence. It’s gay bashing. It’s transphobia. It’s racism.

The thing is, even if you’re not that guy, you probably know that guy. It’s not that you’d even know who he is, either, which is why everything you say or do when you’re only with other guys matters. Jokes about crazy bitches, gay men, all of that. When you don’t stand up in the little situations, the guys who would hurt gay men and trans people and women get permission. They think you hate us all too because of the jokes you tell or listen to without objecting.

Someone isn’t taking no for an answer, or is freaking out because a gay guy is crushed out on you, or because a trans woman is hot."

What I like about Helen is she is speaking from experience (with a transgender spouse).

You can read more of this thought provoking post here, and maybe think a little more about your safety in the near future. Especially if you are just coming out of the closet into the feminine world.