Pushing the Envelope at Home?

One common theme most of us face or have faced is how we approach our lives as cross dressers or transgender girls with wives who understandingly have a huge stake in our actions.  Here is a portion of a comment from Pat about her life:

While over time my wife has acclimated a bit to me being dressed she still does not want anyone to learn that I am a CD. When we lived in the house we were somewhat isolated. We were down a long driveway on a small road with only a handful of other houses. When I would dress my wife was always running around closing the curtains even though there was no real way passers by if any, would be able to see in.

She went on to say though, they have since moved to a more populated condo.

Surely, spouses have a huge stake in us...if they don't, it's time to put a lawyer's phone number on your phone's speed dial.  Relationship-kaput- done-finis. I wrote nearly a whole chapter on this subject in my "Stiletto's on Thin Ice"  book.  Plus, you Cyrsti's Condo regulars probably get tired of me writing about how my wife accepted my cross dressing before we married.  On the other hand, she never made a secret of how as soon as I began the path to HRT, we would part ways as friends.  She passed away before I started. 

Recently on another site where I was commenting on gender differences, a generic went out of her way to agree with my comments but prefaced it all with she was a Christian and didn't agree with my lifestyle. Believe it or not, I never waded back in.  My point is, if a spouse truly believes her faith precludes loving and accepting all, she will never accept a cross dressing spouse - let alone a transgender one.  

I also know though, what an incredibly selfish gender journey we embark on.  Many times, not understanding all of it ourselves, let alone expect a loved one to embrace it.  Plus, for most of us, the more we experience the girl's sandbox-the more we want.

Personally, I have a whole box of envelopes I have pushed over many edges during my life but my transgender experience was far and away the most powerful.  My wife and I made it 25 years, and if I was her, I would kicked me out after year one.  Which makes her a better person than I.  On the other hand, she made me the woman I am today and Liz brought her out.

This post could go on forever and is as complex as any I could write.  Maybe we could just make it into some sort of Condo game show? Pick this envelope and see what's in it?

Thanks Andee

After I finally got this link to download on my ancient computer (passed along by Andee) - she said I may be surprised and I was after I read it.

I have to tell you my first surprise was the official letterhead/banner of the Office of the Director of National Intelligence (Please! No cheap shots about a contradiction in terms!) The second was the title:

Remarks as prepared for delivery
by The Honorable James R. Clapper Director of National Intelligence
Intelligence Community (IC) Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Allies (LGBTA) Summit  

The link I was reading, to my knowledge, was a very enlightening speech by James Clapper highlighting the struggle for acceptance of the LGBT community within the intelligence establishment. Here is a very brief excerpt:


"I understand you’ll be hearing from Kristin Beck, the transgender retired Navy SEAL. I saw Kristin’s Twitter page, and was especially taken by the tweet from a fan who heard her speak a few days ago at the South by Southwest film festival in Austin. It read: “I'm so floored by the Navy SEALs in the … audience with me, supporting Kristin Beck ...”(left)
It’s a real coup to have her speak to you at this summit. With her courage, integrity, and energy, she’s breaking down attitude barriers like she used to break down doors as a SEAL. I understand she’ll be at West Point at the end of the month. I’m sure she’ll win over hearts and minds up there as well.

In this regard, I’d like to recognize an effort that was born out of the first summit, and that’s the Transgender Working Group. I understand that over the past year, with members from across the IC, they’ve been behind the idea of educating colleagues and managers of the transgender workforce, and more specifically, transitioning employees on how to interact with those employees before, during, and after gender transition.

I’m told that the group has produced a resource tool to help users understand transgender issues for use in our community. I just wanted to commend you for this effort. That type of grassroots, cross-IC effort embodies what intelligence integration is all about. I believe we should approach all of our community challenges as an integrated community, learning from each other, and applying our best resources from around the IC. That’s the real spirit behind today’s gathering. And I have great expectations for what you will all do with the energy that’s been generated here this morning, and that I’m sure will continue to be generated, long after the summit is over."

As I said, my excerpt is a very small part of an enlightening presentation.  Go here for more and be patient - it's a government website and loaded slowly for me. 

Thanks again Andee!!!

"Govnment" Stuff

Thankfully, most of you took my "Transitioning" Post about a CIA job ad which made it's way into my email as nothing political and DEFINITELY not an opinion on the agency or it's current problems.  I just thought it was an interesting play on words.  On the other hand, here is a report I am solidly behind:

USA Today reported:  ARLINGTON, Va. — Now that the U.S. military has opened more jobs to women and allowed gay men and lesbians to serve openly, Air Force Secretary Deborah Lee James says the ban on transgender troops is likely to be reassessed and should be lifted."Times change," she told Capital Download, saying the policy "is likely to come under review in the next year or so." Asked whether dropping the ban would affect military readiness, she replied: "From my point of view, anyone who is capable of accomplishing the job should be able to serve."

I thought I felt the ground here in Ohio was getting unseasonably cold - until I read this and I knew Hell was freezing over!

Cyrsti's Condo "Vintage Woman of the Day"

 Our feature cover today is Teri Toye, who ventured to New York City in the 1980’s and spent her days enrolled as a fashion student in 1984, and her nights as a fixture of the NYC nightlife scene. But after a chance meeting with designer Stephen Sprouse, Teri opened her runway show and became an instant modeling sensation. 

But as quickly as Teri became a modeling star, she disappeared from the fashion world, returning home to Des Moines, Iowa, where she still lives and works in historic preservation and real estate.

Interesting!!!!

I have added a link to Zagria's blog to jump to for more.

A "Non Binary" Girl?

I was involved in my normal "surfing" around on the web and happened across a person looking for a non-binary girl.  I thought maybe this younger peep had an interesting label he applied to men who actually are attracted to transgender or non binary women.

The poor "admirers" it seems, get no love from many.  Right or wrong, their advances are considered to be entirely sexual in nature and the man in question has to wrestle with the dark specter of him being gay.

Pretty simple, right?  Nothing ever is simple with a trans person.  I have a cross dressing friend who is fond of saying the true test of a trans/admirer relationship is when he is willing to take his trans woman friend home to meet his family.  That may be a little dramatic and more than a little scary to both parties but the idea sounds fairly true.

As you all know, I don't write about the "admirer" subject much here in Cyrsti's Condo but I know what a sensitive subject it is.  Like so many others, when I was starting to explore the feminine world, I craved the idea of having a man on my shoulder as a validation of who I was.  Looking at the overall generic population of women-don't they rely on the same feelings?

I also wonder too about the transgender women I read about who worry about ever finding a quality man-but don't generics worry about that too?  Welcome to the girl's sandbox girls!

If you are a "non binary" girl like I am, no matter where you stand in the relationship area, it's exceedingly tough process to "market" yourself to men who may be attracted to us.  Most dating sites don't provide spots for non binary gender folk at all.  I know when I was actively involved in finding friends on line, I had to balance the binary lines.  My only choices were a woman seeking a woman and a man seeking a man-or a woman.  Many weeks I would change my preference to see what would happen. I won't even comment on the so called transgender - transsexual only dating sites.

It did happen for me.  I met my partner Liz five years ago on an on line dating site, as well as my dear trans guy friend.  Along the way though, I did sort through tons of crazies or "romeo's" who wanted to know when I could meet them at a nearby motel.  No different I suppose than any generic.

Cyrsti's Condo "If You MUST Know!"

Well Honey...it's like this...in a land far away and long ago, my Mom dressed me like a girl!

More Than One Kind of Transition?

Earlier today in one of my email boxes I saw an email with the title "Transitioning?"  It came from a source which posts veterans job openings, so I took a look:

Hello ,

Like you, I too served to protect our nation.  Now it is my mission to help connect veterans with career opportunities like this one with the Central Intelligence Agency.
          ~ Jasen Williams, Marine Corps Veteran

TRANSITIONING? SERVE UNDER ANOTHER SYMBOL OF NATIONAL SECURITY.

Somehow I don't think the CIA is recruiting transgender women or men transitioning their gender!

Cyrsti's Condo Art Choice

I just found this picture and wanted to pass it along as it jumped off the page and spoke gender volumes to me. .Femininity and androgyny just to name a few!

"Leave 'Em' Laughing"

My continuing saga with the Veteran's Administration took a decisive turn yesterday.

About two or so, I saw a call coming in from my Patient Advocate office...quickly catching you newer Cyrsti's Condo visitors up-I am a transgender veteran and I am under a co-pay medical program with the much maligned VA.  They are mandated to provide HRT care for me.  Sounds simple, right?

For the most part it has been-except-in typical bureaucratic fashion,  I got stuck in a classic "Catch 22" (A requirement that cannot be met until a prerequisite requirement is met, however, the prerequisite cannot be obtained until the original requirement is met.)  I was approved to be prescribed the HRT meds through the VA pharmacy but no one would prescribe them.  I fought for approximately six to eight months to get approval for them (VA) to pay for an outside endocrinologist to approve my meds. Fast forward two years later and all of the sudden it was happening again!

My advice to any or all of you who may be facing a similar situation-be a persistent bitch. I called three separate advocates nine times in a week and finally got a real answer, presented to me in a simple fashion I could understand.  For once, the guy who called me was interested in not just using me as a ping pong ball and bouncing me to another person.  He told me just to get approval from my primary VA Doc and all was good.  Wow.

Perhaps the second best point came when I was getting ready to hang up and I said "Thanks Dave". He said, "You're welcome, but the name is Jason." I said sorry, but that's fine,  I'm not a "Mister" either.