Attitude Versus Appearance

It's no secret the number of times we have kicked around the idea of "attitude" versus "appearance" here in Cyrsti's Condo.

Your attitude as you begin to explore your femininity in the world in many ways ranks above how you look. My example goes back several years and continues to this day in one of the places I have been stopping at for adult beverages and sports. It's close to a big research air base and normally has it's share of 40 something groups of defense contractor/professional guys.  The bar itself is straight (not gay - no I meant the bar shape!) and seats approx 25.  Tuesday's are the big 2 dolla pint night.  Your choice on any of 30 different drafts-2 dolla, and the place is packed.

I learned years ago the thrill of victory or the agony of defeat of having to walk to the other end of the bar for a seat...through primarily men.  I went from being flat out laughed at at one end of the spectrum to guys just glazed over.  I always wondered what the glazed ones were thinking.  Largely now, I'm ignored except I did have two last night who followed my every move until I found a seat.  Moral to the story is, I learned to always keep my head up, and shoulders back to keep the human sharks in their place. Come hell or high water I just had to let the world know, I wasn't doing anything wrong.

While we are on the subject of attitude. Several posts ago, I re-posted one of my old woman less pageant  pictures of "Spencer".    Spencer was gorgeous to be sure but his attitude was just as amazing to me.

I also think some of these younger woman less  pageant contestants first time in drag was that night and two things happened...one, they were impressed on how well the mtf transformation worked and two.- the joke was on everyone else when they saw him.

Example on left.

The "A-Ha" Moment

One of the most frequent questions I get from "civilians"  is when did I know I was transgender.  Normally, they aren't prepared for the long version of the story, so to spare them the boring details, I go for the short version.

The "short" version is very simple.  I knew vaguely from the age of ten or so, there was something not matching up gender wise in my noggin.  I'm not even sure if the word "gender dysphoria" was even "invented" in the 1950's at all and certainly not in semi rural Ohio. Of course my gender issues caused me to work to present myself as a girl.

Civilians understand all of that.

I begin to lose them when I say cross dressing wasn't the answer.  Since many used to consider I was cross dressed when we talk. To the older civilians, explaining the 1960's and 70's is simple...I had even a bigger problem than gender dysphoria (and the lack of understanding .)- the spectre of the Vietnam War.

Somehow it still shocks people when I say I did serve my time in the US Army, played a little football,  did father a child and paid my dues to make it as a guy for 30 years or so.  Looking back I guess it shocks me too and I'm not sure how I made it.

Where I really lose almost all of the remaining civilians is when I tell them about five years ago, I accepted the fact for the first time in my life I am transgender.  

I tell them, yes, I was in my 60's before I had my "A-Ha" moment.

The good thing is today, the feminizing work of HRT on my body teamed with the seemingly weekly news another public person is coming out as transgender (Andreja Pejic, Lavern Cox, et all)- I'm not the celebrity I once was.

Yes, it's a wonderful feeling!

Cyrsti's Condo "Fashion?" Selfies

  

Picture number one: (left)  Water Balloon Boobs will not stay in unless you hold them!


And! (below)  Did you know...horizontal stripes can make you look....pregnant?

Look, I want to mention I just don't make fun of others, I do it to myself too!

An example is, I'm not saying for sure the cross dresser was using water balloons in the picture.But the look sure reminds me of when I was using them back in the day. Until,  of course, one did decide to break when I was out one evening.  It was sure difficult to explain why "my water broke."

As far as the other girl goes...Spanx! Unless of course she really is pregnant.

Cyrsti's Condo "Star Gazing!"

The last couple of nights, we have been blessed around here to see an amazing full moon which quite frankly took the luster away from star gazing around the Condo-but we managed to "git er done."

Here's our Libra:  (September 23-October 22): You are going to have to do some fancy talking and hustling. Get everyone on the phone and share your thoughts. This is your time to wow others with your brain, which only adds to your already pretty package. There are obstacles to climb now, but you’ve got the right attitude. Leadership is something you can earn, if you put together a plan of attack now.

Best Lay Day: Tuesday, August 12

I tell you, the stars have been kind to me recently but getting everyone on the phone to share my thoughts is a bit much!  Indeed I do though have the right attitude going on-which is at least half the battle of life!

This week our "guest spot" goes to all you Leo's:  (July 23-August 22): Your eyes are going to burn deep with desire, as your brain opens up to allow pleasure on a higher vibration to hit you in the sweetest spots. Extra delicious sensations are your only responsibility now, as the stars are looking after you so good this week, that to waste it on being a good girl would be a shame without measure.

Best Lay Day: Tuesday, August 12

Of course, if we missed you this week, go here to theFrisky to "star gaze" to your heart's content!

Good Night Robin Williams

I'm sure by the time this has posted, you all may have received the news of actor Robin Williams passing, quite possibly a suicide.

Many of us in the transgender or cross dressing community will remember his portrayal of a family nanny in Mrs Doubtfire.  For me though, I grew up very close to one of Robin William's mentors- Jonathan Winters.  Winters actually went to school and shared time between Springfield and Dayton, Ohio before serving in WWII.

If you happen to catch any of the old skits Jonathan Winters did on Johnny Carson, you will see the similarity between the two and notice the thin line between brilliance and insanity.

Much later in my life though, Robin Williams found another special place.

The movie was the 1987 Good Morning Vietnam in which Williams played American Forces Vietnam (AFVN) DJ Andrian Cronauer.  As luck would have it, I served on the American Forces Thailand Radio Network (AFTN) some 4 or 5 years after Cronauer left "Nam."  When the movie was released, all my friends could not wait to go see it with me, so I could provide a running commentary on what was true (some) but most not.  Even though it was a movie, I built an instant bond with Robin Williams who portrayed a long gone part of my life which most people don't believe existed.  I just laugh and say it was a different life (more than they know) and "got stoned and missed part of it." (Hell, most of the younger people I run into now, have only vaguely heard of the Vietnam mess anyhow.)

Hearing the news about Robin Williams was similar to knowing you have a dear friend with a terminal disease. You just knew he had it in him with all the "voices" he could summon for a role but you never hoped it would happen.

So, when I heard, it was like having a piece of my heart ripped out (sorry Janis) - similar to everytime I learn of yet another transgender person who commits suicide. Such a shame and so sad.

Hopefully Robin Williams is in a better place now, knowing his legacy is safe with so many of us!

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl" of the Day

Our feature cover today mtf crossdresser  Asa Mikan.When ever I see a selfie like this I can't imagine how it would feel to be that thin-never having been there. Some time ago, I did see an ultra pretty feminine Asian teen aged boy get out of a van with his family at my grocery store.  I understood then why many Asian boys easily cross dress into stunning women.

Cyrsti's Condo "T-Shirt of the Day"

Saturday, as I was helping my former sister in law with her yard sale (selling her stuff!) I was butching it up and was wearing an old Cincinnati Bengals T Shirt which did a reasonable job of covering the girls.  I'm almost to the point of asking my trans man friend who just underwent "top surgery" for some "tips for tits"- sorry!

As we were going through the house looking for "treasures" to sell, I ran across her Dad's "ball hat" collection and found one which matched my T-shirt kind of. At the least, I wanted to be color coordinated!   He has been deceased for years and years and I don't think minded that I wore one. (Can't take it with you.)

In addition, my partner Liz and her 16 year old son were helping and I told them to don't worry about mis pronouncing me as he and call me Cyrsti- even in front of the crazy stoned old lady from across the street.

After a while...I told Liz, I need a T-Shirt for times such as Saturday which simply says..."In Drag!"

We Got Mail!

In a recent Cyrsti's Condo post I referred to an experience I enjoyed when I met Stana of the Femulate blog fame - and as it turned out leg fame.  The post simply mentioned how her legs had guys bumping into walls.  I did make one mistake though in the post, she (Stana) is 6'2" without heels!  She is living proof you can be older -more mature :)- and tall and sow off those dynamite legs of yours if you do it right...
Here's Stana's comment:  Thank you for the very kind words, Cyrsti! And by the way, I am 6'2" 
without heels!

I "calls em like I sees em Stana!" Speaking of "sees em."  For years I used to play the game of positioning myself where I could see over my wife's shoulder and still make eye contact with her when needed.  Of course she knew that too and it became sort of an a "cat and mouse" game.  When I met Stana, I just happened to be in a situation where the same thing happened!

Some time ago I posted a rhetorical question asking which transgender model would break the Victoria's Secret "trans barrier." Would she be Carmen Carerra or Andreja Pejic? (below)  Mandy Sherman's vote was-

Both are gorgeous...but my vote's with Andreja. Just because...

I don't know Mandy but have a notion to lean with Andreja also.  Only because of her enormous amount of modeling experience, name and body style.  I think Carmen deserves it because she has worked harder at getting it but is blessed with a curvier feminine body which doesn't necessarily "mesh" with what Victoria Secret's marketing audience is.

Unfortunately, like everything else, it's as simple as "following the money."  Would signing either help their (Victoria's) bottom line?

Continuing my continuous quest to not keep putting my foot in my mouth (before someone else but their's up another part of my body) - at one point I did go back a change my reference to Stana's age as "more mature." Along the way I also made an attempt to refer to Paula's interests as "more unique."   She responded:

I like that "unique tastes"! Doesn't everybody like Gardens and Brass Bands?  Why yes Paula! I'm sure they do! (wink)

Finally, Linda Marie Daniels commented on Woman less pageant participant Spencer:

Spencer looks amazing! Really a natural. I'd be surprised if this was the first time Spencer wore a dress.

Yes! He certainly didn't just "throw this on" on hit the runway!  What really got me were his "poses".  He was either heavily coached or self taught to throw the shoulders back, rock the legs and work the runway.  Who knows, maybe his favorite show was Tyra Banks Top Model ?

LADIES! Thanks for the comments! Love em and you!

 

Purging

Over the years and way before Cyrsti's Condo was a glitter in anybody's eye,  (or a speck of dust) I was always amazed by the amount of "joiners' and "purgers" in the cross dressing community.  Of course I shouldn't have been because I "almost" purged a couple of times and made a public spectacle (to my wife) by tossing "key items" out and stashing others.

Most cross dressers I knew for a short time were just "passing through" and some weren't but for the most part I never have met or known anyone who simply purged and never had any contact with cross dressing again.  My best example was a friend who I met first as a CD in the 1980's who purged and pledged to never revisit dressing as a woman again.  To my knowledge he didn't-but did have a lengthy on line relationship with a man who was totally convinced he was a genetic woman.  Somehow, I don't think that was "purging."

The person I always wondered about though,  was a cross dresser who attended the CD mixers in Cleveland in the 80's.  She was attractive, accomplished and an "A" lister- capable of letting you know you really didn't belong in her circles.  She had nailed the "high school social bitch" -completely.  Suddenly, one night she amazed all of us by announcing she had found the love of her life and would forever forsaking her "womanhood."  Notice, I put womanhood in parenthesis, As my wife so profoundly put it, (she despised him) and no matter how this cross dresser looked, he had no idea of what it was to be a woman.

All these years later, I wonder if she did toss that high priced wardrobe and heels in the trash and never walked again on the feminine side..  Odds are, no he didn't and since the new miracle worker girlfriend wasn't with him that night, did she ever know.

Those are just two examples of individuals who went everywhere from back in the closet to the bright lights of society and then into stealth I knew in the past.

At this time of my life, my fear of purging is completely tied into my meds. What would happen if health considerations forced me to stop my HRT therapy?  More on that in a later post.