I Get It-I Think?

Step by step as I go through my MtF transition, little thoughts get into my noggin and stay there for a bit.

As I get closer to my first mammogram Friday, I have given quite a bit of thought to my small growing "girls", and how they do give me an instant sense of who I have become.  For the first time in my life I have some sort of gender inner "peace" when I wake up.

I think the closet genetic women around me think I'm going a bit overboard with the mammogram procedure, but then again none of them (fortunately) had to live through a maternal grandmother dying from breast cancer and a Mom who was constantly paranoiac about it.  If I can help it, I don't want to have come this far and suffer the complete irony of breast cancer.

So grudgingly this week, my partner Liz and the others have told me a mammogram is not a walk in the park and they know I'm a total sissy when it comes to pain.

This time, they don't get it. I'm not doing this as some right of passage I can write about here in Cyrsti's Condo or some stupid ego blitz like the trans nazi's love so much. (Haha! I've had a mammogram and you haven't!)

As far as pain goes, I'm not a fan. Getting my ears pierced was a brief shot of pain and even thinking of a tatoo puts me in pain.

That's OK though, my friends don't have to understand and that's all good.  Most certainly I haven't understood all that has happened to me.  Somehow though I know the mammogram is the right thing to do and maybe that's my Mom talking to me as the daughter she thought she never had.

Maybe I do get it?

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

Words of wisdom when you get out of the mirror and into the world.

Cyrsti's Condo "What IF?"

Dammit!!! I Locked my keys and my coat in the house!!!! I only have five minutes until my wife gets home!!!
There is NO WAY she will believe my story of an intruder who broke in, made me shave my legs and put on her clothes-then locked me out as he left!!!!

Kristin Beck

Perhaps you didn't know there is an on line "portal" where anyone can report transgender violence-anywhere in the world.  The name of it, is just about that:  The Transgender Violence Tracking Portal.



Yesterday the group made a great move by naming retired Navy Seal and Transgender Woman Kristin Beck as it's spokesperson (Shown above.)  Here's the story:

The Transgender Violence Tracking Portal is proud to announce Kristin Beck as our new National Spokeswoman.  Ms. Beck is an activist, author, and retired Navy SEAL who has embraced a journey towards her true self as portrayed in a CNN Films documentary called "Lady Valor: The Kristin Beck Story."  A book by the same name will be released this fall which details her true journey.   

Ms. Beck will greatly aid the TVTP in its mission to grow greater awareness of the epidemic of anti-transgender violence, harassment and victimization of transgender people across the world.

Transgender   people make up 1 to 1.5% of the world’s population but are about 400 times more likely to be assaulted or murdered than the rest of the population. These crimes are more likely to be violent, and are often meant to intimidate the entire community. Many of these crimes are left unsolved, which makes it doubly important to track and hold law enforcement accountable to solving these crimes.

Go here for more.

Cyrsti's Condo "What If?"

I KNEW I should have checked the oil in this car BEFORE I got all dressed up to meet my wife and her friends tonight at the bar!

Not So Long Ago...

As I look ahead at the TGLBQ Pride events coming up-it's also time to look back at a time which some of us still remember...when cross dressing was against the law.  Check the picture on the left of a cross dresser being arrested in New York City.

Just last summer a closeted cross dresser asked me if he just went to a gay venue in nearby downtown Dayton, Ohio was he in danger of being arrested for simply dressing like a woman.

Told him I could not say for sure if any law like that was still on the books but if it was-it had never been enforced with me.

Don't I Know You?

This is finally the blog post I promised all of you here in Cyrsti's Condo about my surprise meeting Saturday with an old friend I hadn't seen for awhile.  It's a classic cross dressing story with a transgender finish.

To briefly catch all of you up, my grand daughter's bat mitzfah was Saturday and for a couple of reasons I decided to cross dress as a guy. Over 100 people attended including a small contingent of my brothers family.  I am in one of those places with them where they know-but they don't- I'm trans.   

My partner Liz and I were sitting under a big tree with them eating after the ceremony when a 20 something woman drifts by and gets every adult person's attention.  My 12 year old  grand daughter had declared the "dress code" for the day to be "island chic" and this woman had no problems with the concept.  All she wore basically, was a matching halter top, Capri pants-and her tattoos.  You know how it works, the genetic women were staring her down for a totally different reason than the men. Then, there was Liz and I.  Liz is a lesbian, artist and has a few "tats" of her own.  She had her own reasons of "acting" like she wasn't looking. Of course I just wanted to look like her.

As I did take a closer look though, she was looking back at me and a split second later, she stopped quickly and came over to Liz and I.  Of all people, I have known her for nearly five years now and she is the one who introduced me to her lesbian Mom, who I am still good friends with.  The classic part of the chance meeting was she had only ever met my old male self years ago once.   Even back then I hated for that to happen. I presented as only feminine to my new group of friends and since I had not transitioned yet, male to my old world.

Saturday, I said her name and she was good-real good-she stayed with my male pronouns and began to use my male name-when I told it to her. Needless to say, Liz, myself and the woman were in a little shock (for the obvious) but also, my family was wondering how I knew this exotic woman at all?

The meeting made for a classic gender comedy, as a little later we all got out of ear shot of my family and were able to talk.  After a while, my daughter was able to join in. She had only met her once.  The three of us had quite the chat about the irony of the afternoon and how two of them were able to very admirably mis-pronoun me as "he" when I wanted them to.  To put a little icing on the cake, as we were having the chat just outside of the restroom complex in the park we were in, a guy came out of the men's room and said he was sorry he had to interrupt our "women talk." The whole conversation I think was good for my daughter who of course knows of my feminine life but had never had the chance to connect any dots.

If you want to talk about a day which completely reminded of the MtF gender transition path  I have taken- Saturday was it.

Oh, by the way, the woman's Mom is the one who took me along to a NFL Monday Night Football game and she has never seen me cross dressed as a guy.  Which is the way I plan to keep it.

Playing with Transgender "House Money?"

One of the sweeping generalizations I made here in Cyrsti's Condo, after the Trans Ohio Symposium was how the differing groups acted. Two were pretty much "playing with house money" and one wasn't.

Very simply, the trans men and transgender women of color seemed to be enjoying themselves more-and were more social. You can guess how the white transgender women were acting - if you know many or have interacted with them on line.

Laverne Cox

I have my theories (of course).

The most obvious was put into words the other night by my transgender man friend Draco. From nature or nurturing, little girls aren't put into the rigid boxes boys are and do get to experience the world on more levels. Plus most trans guys do transition on the outside easier than trans women. As correct as Draco was,  I still didn't understand why so many of the other FtM's attending were so grumpy-except the ones of color.

Of course writing about race is a very sensitive topic in this country.  So, the only thing I'm going to say about the trans women of color attending were- they out and social. They have serious reason's to be. One of the reasons is a great majority of the violence directed towards the transgender community is directed against women of color. I can't and won't even try to speak to how the culture of color feels about the number of sex trade workers and drug abusers.  What I wish I could do is direct you where you could read a poem read by a young trans man of color before Kye Allums spoke. Their group deserved a spot in the sun at the symposium and do benefit from transgender role models such as Laverne Cox (above) and Janet Mock.

Although I can safely say I was one of the most affable white transgender women there- I'm sad to say I don't know or can name any others I would call a trans activist.  I certainly hope I'm missing the forest for the trees.

Finally,  I'm positive the only money I do have- is house money.  I just have to enjoy and spend it wisely!

Cyrsti's Condo "Up" Power Scope!

Two weeks in a row the stars have aligned and they have given me a "power" scope I can embrace-even love!

Libra.-  (September 23-October 22): You’re legitimately at a crossroads. You know something in your routine has to change, but you don’t know what. The only thing you do know is that it has to happen, with no clue as to when or how. Thankfully, there will be a call to action that will have you seeing you can still learn lots of new tricks and that new chapters have yet to unfold.

New tricks? New chapters!!!! Yaya!!!

Head here to get your "scope" from theFrisky!