Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Ker Plunk!" after missing last week's issue, the presses are rolling with another Sunday Edition!

Page 1.- Old Friends-New Faces.  Yesterday was simply wonderful for a couple reasons-including meeting a couple old friends I hadn't seen for a minute!  One was a transgender man friend of mine.  First of all, I think it's not as easy to judge the progress of one's HRT transition if you see them all the time.  I hadn't seen Draco in a while and the changes are amazing.  He has lost weight, his face is becoming more angular (with facial hair) and his voice is changing-just to name a few of the changes.  Wow! He looks good and happy.

Another chance meeting yesterday was totally different.  I have been writing off and on for the last couple days about going to my grand daughters Bat Mitzfah and the hows and whys of doing it as a guy.  Quickly, I was told I could come as I pleased at my daughter's and grand daughter's request.  Since it was her day, I chose male.  The day was a beauty for a June, Ohio summer day.  blue skies, light breezes and low heat/humidity. Doesn't get much better than that for June around here. I am not Jewish myself and had never attended a Bat Mitzfah and it was different than I expected. I was pleasantly surprised.  After it was over, we all had a chance to eat and visit.  Not long into the afternoon, my partner Liz and I noticed an attractive 20 something woman walking around showing more skin, tattoos and piercings than clothes.  After a second, we locked eyes because we knew each other-kind of.  Over five years ago, she had met a pre HRT male version of me and after that became one of the individuals who was instrumental in accepting me and helping me into a new group of friends. Bottom line was after yesterday she had only met my old in the closet male self twice-ever. Normally, I dearly hate for that to happen but, the experience was crazy fun and deserves it's own post which we will do in the Condo later.  It's a classic story of switching gender names and pronouns-in a split second.

Paula, I simply take my hair and pull it back into a pony tail and either just wear it that way or with a baseball hat - with the hair sticking out the hole in the back.

Page 2.- The Week in Review.  Such a week it was in the comment department around the Condo! We stayed the night with Pat's wife and messed up the why's and hows of going to L.A. with Jen and Mandy.  I encourage those of you who are interested to go back to the posts Nothing to Wear, Owning It and A Night with Paula's Wife to follow the comments. Most of which, were bittersweet in how they were presented by three women who are trying (or thinking seriously of) doing a little more exploration of how their chosen gender could present in the world.

And, yes Pat it is a little scary how many of our lives were so similar, even though we have never met to this day.  The similarities also cross international borders, as I have found with readers such as Paula and Vicki in the UK-among others.  The more we learn about ourselves, no matter if we identify as cross dressers or transgender women and men- the more we come to understand who are the true "gate keepers" of our existence.

Page 3.- Stilettos on Thin Ice.  As you all know by now and if you read a little of my Backward's Both Ways post.  My first book has been e-published and among other places you can get it on Amazon which you can click on the link in the upper right hand corner of the blog.  If you want to check it out, if you can, I recommend Amazon over Barnes and Noble because for some reason I'm not good enough to figure out-it published better, with fewer mistakes.  If life slows down to a slow roar any time soon, I'm going to feature a little from the book (ala Dr. Phil) who is the most shameless huckster of his (and family's) products ever!  

FYI: The hand beaded hair barrette above, is  compliments of Liz T Designs

Again, if you read the "Backwards" post you will understand how special it was for me to do it at all! Paula said it best in this comment: " So, have you heard about the dyslexic insomniac agnostic? They would lay awake at night wondering if there is a Dog" Now I know why I can't sleep!

Page 4.-The Back Page.  As you can tell from this edition, Momma Karma is still rocking my world with pure good vibes and I love her for it.  Even though I truly have become a little "winded". Perhaps Mandy said it best with this comment:
  

"We (collectively) always figure it out in the end, so a little confusion adds color to the discussion!"

Thanks to all for spending another week with me here in the Condo!  I hope we can keep "meeting like this!"

Nothing to Wear

In the recent year or so, "nothing to wear" meant agonizing over what outfit I could put together as I faced the public as a woman.  Fortunately, as I have become more secure in what my style means to me and how I can shop to fit it-times have become easier in the closet department. (No pun intended.)  I am also helped immensely by my partner Liz's acceptance of my style and her suggestions and little gifts. So now I have nearly none of my male clothes left which was the plan-until this brief gender detour this weekend.

Years ago my daughter converted to her husband's Jewish religion and tomorrow is my grand daughter's Bat Mitzvah.  If you aren't Jewish like I am, I had to do a little research and this is what I came up with: According to Jewish law, when Jewish boys become 13 years old, they become accountable for their actions and become a bar mitzvah. A girl becomes a bat mitzvah at the age of 12.  

It's expected over a hundred peeps will be there between tonight and tomorrow.  With a bunch of them whom I haven't seen for awhile or others who have heard of my transition-I will be the androgynous -transgender elephant in the room.  Several attendees do know of my cross dressing past but my appearance now will certainly show them I have gone way past that.

So tomorrow, as one of the set of grandparents, I was asked (required) to stand up for the ceremony with the Rabbi.  Exactly how I was going to present was one of the first questions when I came out over a year ago to my daughter.  Turns out, grand daughter didn't care how I was attending-she wanted me there. I did obsess over thinking, what the hell, what a great time to come out to the rest of the world who was left, who didn't know already.

Finally though, I thought that would be a selfish act. I should not be taking away any of the spot light from my grand daughter on her special day. So I'm attending as what's left of my male self.

By wearing a very large loose T-shirt one day and a short sleeved vest the second, I can get away with not binding my breasts-yet.  Something I'm sure you trans guys sympathize with.  Plus, being the cynical bitch I can be, showing a little development will keep a few tongues wagging. Speaking of wagging tongues, Liz and I are having a contest on how many times she calls me by my feminine name.  Which she does without fail-except she shouldn't tomorrow.  It's going to be tough on her to call me my male name and mispronoun me as a "he".

All of this is over and done by tomorrow afternoon though and all will go their merry way and Liz and I will do some Dayton TGBLQ Pride partying!  As far as the grand kids go, my goal is to have a sit down Q&A with them later this month-no parents allowed.

Should be interesting!

Cyrsti's Condo "What If?"

Well honey, I kind of was going out with the boys tonight and I  kind of was going fishing!"

It's Backwards Both Ways!

I'm afraid you all got a glimpse into the contortions my mind goes through with Mandy and Jen and who was going to L.A.! (And who was already there)  Liz always tells me it's a good thing I'm pretty.  A better answer is, it's a good thing-for the most part I can keep my dyslexia to a low roar, stay in the present and roll through life.

One of my best examples of me being me happened in one of the workshops I sat in on at Trans Ohio, which was for therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists.  All of them attended to get extra degree credits and hopefully understand more about what makes transgender women and men tick. (I wanted to see what made them tick!)  They were licking their chops to get at me when I told them I was bi-polar, dyslexic and happened to be transgender. I would have counseled them for half of what they charge!

Getting back to the point at hand- this was the mix up:

Cyrsti,

To set the record straight, I'm the girl planning to do some sightseeing en-femme in LA early next year... How much and where is still up in the air...

Jen: As time gets closer, and I get further into what I plan to do (and when,) we can revisit this. I'd love to meet you for lunch, if somehow you can get down to the Union Station area...that's where I'll be the day I leave town. Just not sure of the date yet. I'm not brave enough to either drive very far in the city, or try city buses en femme. 

Hopefully this summer will give me enough practice that I can feel more comfortable in my feminine persona. That's something I still need to work on. And I have to view myself from the woman's standpoint, not the man's! Great advice...

Mandy

Jen is the one who works on Hollywood Blvd, very near the Chinese Theater! Whew!!!

I'm going to end this post now while I think I have all of this together.  The bottom line is - even if I'm confused, I still love you all interacting!!!

Cyrsti's Condo "Don't Tell!"

PLEASE don't tell my Mom the womanless beauty pageant at school was last week!

Cyrsti's Condo "What If?"

"Guess who I found sneaking out the back door with his new friends...in my wig?  My, my -won't this selfie look good on FB?

A Night with Pat's Wife

Now that I got your attention, I have never met Pat's wife.  In fact, I have never met Pat in person either. What I do know is Pat and I share a similar age and path to where we have arrived today. I just made a turn a couple years ago and started a pesky bunch of meds called hormone replacement therapy.

I do hope neither of them dislike the fact I'm speculating what I would learn if I did have a chance to sit down for a one on one with Pat's wife. For simplicity, I'm going to call her Ms. P and I have never attempted a post like this before-so bear with me.  For all I know she has never read Cyrsti's Condo for any number of reasons.  I know my wife considered I never had any bad influences-I was the bad influence.

First and foremost,  Pat's words bring back strong memories of my deceased wife.  If she was still alive and got together with Ms.P,  I can only wonder what they would say about both of us.  I can never be certain, but I think my wife never told any of her friends about my gender struggles.  She never knew any other spouses of cross dressers she could talk to.  I can blame some of that on the age we lived in- with the lack of knowledge and social media.  But I do know my wife thought our problems were our business-only.  I wonder if Ms P was/is like that too?

How would Ms P approach my wife about the obvious with me.  I was on a path which would take me to a closer threshold of femininity than she was comfortable with and the end result was a self destructive behavior which would lead to the end anyhow. (Coming up in a future "Comet" post.)

Would Ms P and my wife discuss how our gender dysphoria was not what they signed up for?  Certainly genetic women are the stronger family types of the binary genders but when is enough enough?  Sure they love us -but...

Or maybe the two would look back and share crazy stories of Pat and I trying to grow as cross dressers and in my case failing miserably.  Is it easy for us to think of them going through all of this with some sort of knowing humor?

Here's what I think my night with Ms. P would be like.  She would want to know about my wife and our relationship and what would have happened if she had lived on and I continued down the path to HRT and a transgender life.  She would also want to know now what my life has become and how I react to it.  Even perhaps, she would ask how Pat and I differ.

All I know is, over my 30 or so years in the cross dressing and transgender worlds, there is precious little feedback from the genetic women who from through no fault of their own, find themselves smack dab in the middle of it.  Ms. P and all you other genetic spouses-I certainly sympathize and would love to totally understand why we are here.  I don't understand it myself.

Finally, the easy stuff-Ms. P I know my hair is way too long for a 65 year old woman but I have waited a half century to grow it and I know- I wear too much eye makeup.  So once we get all that girl talk out of the way, I love your earrings and the night was fun!

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

Life and Diversity Equals Love!

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

The newest "Penis Enlarger" on the market is...a Magnifying Glass!

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