Mala Mala

On the Cyrsti's Condo big screen, a look at the film  Mala Mala -  a new documentary about trans life in Puerto Rico. Directed by Dan Sickles & Antonio Santini. Produced by Killer Films. It's called a unique exploration of self-discovery and activism, featuring a diverse collection of subjects that include LGBTQ advocates, business owners, sex workers, and a boisterous group of drag performers who call themselves The Doll House. The film  portrays a fight for personal and community acceptance paved with triumphant highs and devastating lows.

No Body Told Me?

It seems a lifetime ago since I sat in front of a therapist at the VA to be evaluated to start HRT.  I guess since it was such a life changing experience, it was a lifetime ago.

Recently I took a moment to reflect back on what were the biggest surprises of my MtF gender transition so far on hormones.  First of all, I feel the changes sealed my past as a cross dresser and opened my future as a transgender woman.  Look, I was the first to say with all the experience I was gaining in public and with the friends I was making as a girl-I thought I was making the transgender jump long before I did. I was wrong. Transgender didn't truly start for me until after I started HRT and externally came quickly with no wigs, softer skin etc. but the major differences I would experience would be internal.

(As always, please don't think I'm casting any negative thoughts towards cross dressers in anyway.)

Looking back internally, I certainly expected to be more emotional and even cry for the first time in my life -and I did.  Plus,  crying for joy and experiencing sudden bouts of melancholy were different, but not as shocking as the extra amount of worrying which began to creep into my life.  So much so, that on occasion, I slipped into what I always considered feminine hysteria.(Not one of  my pleasant feminine stereotypes!)  Yet again, there it was and is, but I'm getting used to it.

Of course, when almost everyone thinks of HRT , they wonder how it works on your physical being and again I had my share of surprises. Looking back, my biggest surprise came when changes began to occur quickly and then slowed down.  I was excited and then let down while I waited for more change to take effect. Finally I mellowed out and let the changes work as they may. For example now,  I haven't taken time to measure any real breast growth but I have noticed a real change in my hips and rear.  I was excited  the other day when I put on a pair of leggings and a top which came down to the middle of my hips.  I saw for the first time in my life a small but definite feminine shape! Perhaps excitement is too mellow of a word!

One way or another, this has been quite the ride and the HRT induced part of it has been even more exciting at my age.  At the least, the external feminization my body continues to go through, helps the public perception of me.  At the best, the internal effect of the hormones just makes me feel complete.

I would be fibbing to you if I told you there was anyway three years ago I would be where I am today.  The biggest misconception of all!

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl" of the Day

Kendra Maserati-Why drive a Chevy?

Our Monday featured covers here in the Condo are actually showing the magic of before and after MtF gender transition.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Ker Plunk" this Sunday Easter Edition of Cyrsti's Condo just hit your door! (I hope-or look in the bushes!)
Section 1.- Easter.  For some of you, Easter does have a deep religious meaning which of course I respect as I was raised with it.  For others, not so much - or at all.  To me, the right to worship as you please, takes all precedence. On the non religious side of Easter, it was one of a few special occasions as a youth, I especially yearned to be a girl.  Of course, I wanted to be the one in the frilly pastel dresses, white tights and new shoes for Easter Sunday.  Ironically, several genetic women I know tell me how much they hated it and got in trouble continually for getting their new clothes dirty.  My partner Liz's Mom, in particular was never happy with daughter dearest wrestling in church with a boy who went on to be an infielder for the Cincinnati Reds. But you go with the cards that life dealt you the best you can.  I'm sure you all felt somewhat the same around prom time or even Christmas when you were stuck in a suit and the women in beautiful, colorful gowns.

Section 2.- The Week in Review.  For me, the week here in the Condo was a short one indeed because of computer problems. Looking back, we received quite a few quality comments about our "Trans Girl's Guide to Eating Out" post here on the blog and in my email (cyrstih@yahoo.com).  Several zeroed in on my own personal experience of older women being meaner to me than younger ones. In fact though, if you are in the wrong place, at the wrong time, with the wrong person-age does not matter.  Ignorance and bigotry comes in all age brackets.

We all touched on the difficulty of finding a friend of any sorts in the transgender community.  By "friend" I mean someone you can discuss highly unique experiences of say HRT, trans friendly spots and more.  For lack of a better example, the same sort of girlfriend a genetic woman would have. Briefly, severe problems still exist with stealth, closet and trans trolls which make it extremely difficult to find a friend.

Section 3.- Coming Soon!  This week, my first article in Frock Magazine was published.  I'm writing on the subject I know most about-transitioning later in life- and may do more.  In fact, coming up soon, May 30th-June 1st, is the sixth annual TransOhio Symposium in Columbus.  For the second year in a row, I will be doing a workshop on the subject and rolling out my book Stiletto's on Thin Ice-a Transwoman in a Man's World.  In the month of May, I plan on rolling out samples to you here in the Condo.  I can tell you this, it will be E-Published and very inexpensive.

Section 4.- The Back Page  That's it for this week kids!  I just can't get involved with the newest babble about who is transgender enough to speak on the matter, so y'all have a good week and thanks sooooo much for stopping by!!!!

Lonely Girls

It is seriously tragic how many of us in the transgender community suffer terrific loneliness. I can understand the world as a whole not understanding us but it has always been surprising to me how few  transgender people I have been able to meet. In my limited world, on Facebook alone, I know I have at least 75 peeps who claim to be transgender within an hours drive from me who haven't uttered one word about meeting for coffee or whatever. So, I wasn't surprised that just in the two or three days I have had my computer back up and running, I have had two comments on the subject of being alone already.

One was a comment Frock Magazine received on my article in their last publication:

Hi,  
My name is Nancy Wilhelm. I am transitioning at the age of 61. Your article "It's Never Too Late to Change" by Cyrsti Hart really hit me. I can really relate to what she had to say. While I face some of the same things she does I also have other issues. I am retired and on SSDI with no reserve. So, most (99%) of the things we need to do to really transition I can't afford. Also, the city I live in, as far as the transgender community, is really weird. I have met one (1) other TGirl total. The girls here are not interested in getting to know you unless you are young and looking for sex. I'm neither, so I have a total of five friends, 3 that I might see once every other month. In other words I'm a lonely girl here. Loved your magazine. I'm going to bookmark it. Hope you can keep it free. Nice to find something I can enjoy. Looking forward to the next issue.

Hugs, Nancy

The other was from a much younger person just exploring her gender identity, along with a supportive girlfriend but with no other idea of how to go any farther.  Fortunately for her, she lives within an easy driving distance of Columbus, Ohio which is an incredibly diverse city. I recommended that at the least , maybe her girlfriend and her should make the trip to Columbus Pride in June to at the least see how the "other half's" live. I did feel bad I couldn't come up with any better ideas of how to find a trans friend or even a trans group.  Maybe I'm being the bitch again but I agree with Nancy's take on what the majority of the "participant's" are into and it's not me either.

Truthfully, I gave up years ago finding transgender friends on line. I got burnt early when the trans "nazi's" got a hold of me and went my own way.   So, I do have my circle of wonderful friends and yes two of them are transgender and they are local.

It is exceedingly difficult to find a friend but far from impossible.  The "T" is beginning to not be as silent in the G&L Centers and there are some resources, plus there are good folks mixed in with the trans trolls.  It's just a shame we all have to go through yet another super difficult process.

Be sure to follow the link above to Frock Magazine and my "two cents worth" on page 30!

Cross Dressing Battle

This video has been around for awhile and thanks to Lynne for bringing it back to my attention!  Kenny vs Spenny on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

Cyrsti" Condo "Cover Girl" of the Day

Our feature cover today is yet another beautiful androgynous model David Ferran.  At what point in time do the genetic female models feel threatened?

Cyrsti's Condo "Gender Blender"

Androgynous male and female models together:  Kirill Sadovy (left) Alexandrina Til (female-right)

Turmoil!

If you would have told me a couple years ago I would go into panic mode if I lost my computer, I would have said several highly derogatory comments.  Now however I'm literally surrounded by electronic gadgets which hook me up to who knows where and panic me when they don't work.

Now that my "precious puter" seems to be well for awhile, I can catch up with all of you, work on the final stages of my book based on how it looks on my Kindle and continue to learn all the wonderful (and not so wonderful) features of my new Android phone.  To quote Star Trek, "Beam me up Scotty-there is no intelligent life down here!"

Sadly, I'm still catching up and even finding your great comments in the midst of my virtual office mess here in Cyrsti's Condo, like this one from Linda Marie Daniels-which goes back to last Sunday:

Regarding the 50 something women in the restaurant who were so rude: unfortunately, after a certain age, most people don't change their opinions about the world. Although there are older people who are willing to examine long held beliefs, most "dinosaurs" are going to keep their ideas about transgender people. The good news is that younger generations seem to be more able to look at people as people, regardless of whether they don't conform to strict definitions of gender identity. The bad news is, at least for "dinosaurs" like me, that change in attitude as the ideas of a new generation become the mainstream, will be a little late for me. Great post as always. Happy Sunday to you!

Thanks Linda Marie!  You all know I am one of the "dinosaurs" too. As a matter of fact I mentioned it this morning when I was working on a new article for Frock Magazine. I was on my soap box again ranting about how our generation (and me) was notoriously in the closet/ stealth as transgender women and cross dressers.  All of us know we can make a case why that was but the past is just the past and we have left ourselves with what we paid forward-nothing. Now, whatever we can put into the transgender piggy bank is better than nothing!

I do have a spousal checklist in one of my book chapters which may be of interest to this discussion too. It compresses three sample kinds of spouses from accepting to call the divorce lawyer I will have to remember to pass it along to all of you.  The key term is remember! Sorry kids, have to wrap this up now. The dinosaur needs a nap!